If you regularly go to house of worship...

[niccig]

how would you react about a social gathering that is at conflicting time?

A friend is trying to get a group of moms together and suggested we meet either on a Saturday or Sunday at 9am for a private party. It's at a store so 9am is their set time for private parties before they open to the public. She gave 2 dates the store can host us. 7 of us replied saying the Sunday date works best. The last person to reply is upset with the time as she goes to church on Sundays and wants it to be on a Saturday. If it's changed to Saturday than over half the group can't go.

I'm not the organizer, so I'm not in control of this, but I know the organizer is conflicted about what to do. I do understand our friend wanting to go to church, but if the time is changed so 1 person can make it, there will be more people that can't make the new time. I think the whole idea is going to fizzle out actually as there's no time that suits everyone.

[klwa]

I probably wouldn't go, but I wouldn't say anything other than that the time didn't work for me & hope to see you all next time. She's being a bit snowflakey to expect it to be changed for her when it would mean dropping other people.

[Simon]

The organizer should not change it for just 1 person. That last person should have responded, I'm sorry I can't make it but I hope you all have a nice time. 1 out of 8 shouldn't sway the date.

We go to services fairly often but are very flexible. I would attend the social event instead and then take care of my religion at home or at a service at a different time.

[gatorsmom]

Well, all churches are different but all the church's I know of have different mass times. So if you can't make it to the Sunday morning service, you could make it to the Saturday afternoon service maybe instead.

But if I absolutely had to go to the conflicting mass time, I would bow out of the event so the majority could go. That would be the kind thing to do, IMHO.

And, I'm trying not to judge, but how serious about her faith (if she's Christian) could she be if she's insisting the time be changed to accommodate her at the expense of others?

[Melaine]

I wouldn't go. The exception is for an out of town family event. With DH's family we were trying to get together at SIL's house a couple hours away and there were four families with 12 kids between us. We just could not figure out a time to do it. We ended up having it on a Sunday. Of course, we wound up having our own little church service together which was neat.

ETA: ITA that she should just have responded that she'd have to miss and not had an attitude.

[wellyes]

The organizer should not change it for just 1 person. That last person should have responded, I'm sorry I can't make it but I hope you all have a nice time. 1 out of 8 shouldn't sway the dateI agree with this.

A church obligation isn't more pressing than reasons people can't come on Saturday, such as kids sport obligations.

To answer the OP, I have skipped events to go to church. And I've done the opposite too. My choice. I've never gotten into a huff about it.

[queenmama]

A church obligation isn't more pressing than reasons people can't come on Saturday, such as kids sport obligations.


I very strongly disagree with this! But I do not think the group should switch to Sunday to suit just one.

From the OP, it doesn't sound like she's being ugly about it, she said "upset," which is exactly how I'd feel if I was going to miss getting together with my friends. Hopefully it'll work out so that she can be there next time.

Lara

[ett]

I probably wouldn't go, but I wouldn't say anything other than that the time didn't work for me & hope to see you all next time. She's being a bit snowflakey to expect it to be changed for her when it would mean dropping other people.

:yeahthat:

[Minnifer]

A church obligation isn't more pressing than reasons people can't come on Saturday, such as kids sport obligations.


I very strongly disagree with this!

I agree with wellyes in the sense that a church obligation isn't/should be expected to be more pressing to anyone else than any other obligation. It may be more pressing to the person who wants to attend church, but that person should just be gracious and not make a big deal about WHY she can't make it or act like it's rude or whatever for anyone to try to make plans for that time.

[Ceepa]

She may not be able to move her schedule with regards to church attendance but then she should decline gracefully and try to meet up next time.

[123LuckyMom]

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with this person expressing a preference for Saturday when you all were specifically asked to express a preference. Insisting that the group accommodate her is not appropriate, however.

We run into this situation all the time with kid birthday parties. If we can, we come late. otherwise we decline. I do disagree that church is no more important an obligation than a sports or other sort of commitment. I might not insist DS go to a practice (he's 4), but I will insist he go to church. Church going, to me, is a discipline. like any discipline, if you treat it as optional, you will soon find yourself skipping all the time. Our church is also Sunday morning or bust, as we do not have alternate service times.

If the host chooses the Saturday date, the churchgoer should graciously decline or skip church happily. If the host chooses Saturday, those who can't come on Saturday should also graciously decline or skip their other commitments happily. If I were the host, I would choose the date the most people had requested, but if I were the host, I would not have asked for preferences, because something like this always happens, and someone's always bound to be miffed.

[belovedgandp]

As the organizer, I go with majority. If you are going to be miffed that you can't come than organize next time.

I have friends that I know will not do anything on Sundays. Their religious obligations fill 80% of the day. But there are times that day is the best for other family related events and I still hold them then. If they can't come they politely decline; except one who feels the need to point out her choice is better than the rest of us. I don't do guilt trips and it does bug me.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Well, all churches are different but all the church's I know of have different mass times. So if you can't make it to the Sunday morning service, you could make it to the Saturday afternoon service maybe instead.

But if I absolutely had to go to the conflicting mass time, I would bow out of the event so the majority could go. That would be the kind thing to do, IMHO.

And, I'm trying not to judge, but how serious about her faith (if she's Christian) could she be if she's insisting the time be changed to accommodate her at the expense of others?

:yeahthat: YES, this, to all of it!!!

Our church has mass times at 8am, 10am and noon, along with Saturday evening masses. I think that's a tad selfish and presumptous of her to think that her obligations are more important than others, and I agree, doesn't seem very Christianlike.

Nicci i seem to recall you've had issues in the past with people in this mom's group always changing trying to change date of events just so they can attend, even it's at the expense of several others not being able to come?? (Am i remembering right, or was that someone else?) So it doesn't seem to be an issue of religious obligations, it sounds like people in the group are just acting a little self-centered, not to mention childish./..

[Pyrodjm]

I attend services on Sunday and one night a week. On Sundays i have the option of attending at a different time if the conflicting event is important and a one time thing.

I always just politely bow out if I cannot make something that conflicts with my meetings. It's my priority and my sacrifice to make for what is important to my family. I don't expect To have group events changed for me alone though I will make it clear that if the majority decides on a day and time I would be at a religious servious, I won't be able to attend.

[buddyleebaby]

[QUOTE=123LuckyMom;3728260]I don't think there's anything at all wrong with this person expressing a preference for Saturday when you all were specifically asked to express a preference. Insisting that the group accommodate her is not appropriate. [\QUOTE]

This. People were asked if the date worked for them. She may have mentioned the fact that it was because of religious obligations because (I assume) she wanted to let everyone know that this was not a one time thing where she already had plans. Presumably she will never be available on a Sunday morning.

[crl]

Catholic churches tend to have more mass times than other Christian churches have service times. Most Protestant churches have two service times, but some have just one. (Also, often choir and or children's choir performs at just one service even if there are two and Sunday school is before or after services at some churches so she may have those additional obligations.) So she may not have an option for a different service time.

I do think that church services are a different kind of obligation for many people and respect that. However, we do not let ds miss sports practices for parties--he has an obligation to his team.

I think it is fine to express a preference for a Saturday but if the majority can make Sunday, then I think she should graciously decline and not make a deal out of how she is upset.

[wellyes]

Catholic churches tend to have more mass times than other Christian churches have service times. Most Protestant churches have two service times, but some have just one.I am guessing the OP's friend isn't Catholic. Catholic churches typically have 1-2 masses on Saturday and 2-4 masses on Sunday. If you can't go to mass at your own church, you can find a different but equivalent mass in a nearby town. It's one of the most delightful parts about Catholicism, that you are part of a national and international community that performs the same rites every week.

In my area at least, non-Catholic churches offer one service every Sunday. I wouldn't go to a different church if I missed my own (I'm sure it varies among different protestant faiths).



I do think that church services are a different kind of obligation for many people and respect that. However, we do not let ds miss sports practices for parties--he has an obligation to his team.Right. I didn't mean to say religion is not more important than sports. Just, every family has its rules. If her rule is Church on Sunday is not optional, that is fine, but it is not morally superior to or more important than another family's rule about what is important to them. One family's priorities don't trump another's.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Just, every family has its rules. If her rule is Church on Sunday is not optional, that is fine, but it is not morally superior to or more important than another family's rule about what is important to them.

Totally agree with this, very well said.

i sometimes turn down invitations to go to events, bday paties on Saturdays just because I want to just spend some relaxing time at home as a family. especially when DH has traveled all week and most evenings i don't really get to play with the kids as i'm scrambling to get diner ready, clean up, etc. now that i work, weekends after dh travels have become sacred family time for us. i would never ask others to move things to another day/time because of that..if i don't want to cut out the time for it i just say i can't make it. i think it's presumptous to assume your time/priorities are above those of others, whatever the reason is.

[BabbyO]

IMHO it depends on how she *got upset*. Did she say, "I really wish we could change it to Saturday because I can't go Sunday because of church." Or did she say, "Gee I can't go Sunday because of church, in the future can we try for Saturday AM get togethers?"

The first is a bit presumptuous and frankly if she can't make it, she should politely decline.

If it is the second, it is a bit more acceptable. She's letting you know that Sunday's in general don't work for her, so for future dates if Saturday is an option she's prefer it.

I grew up Catholic and am now a practicing Lutheran. In both churches there have been at least 3 options for mass/service. And in both cases a Saturday afternoon/evening option was available. Now if her kids are in Sunday School or something like that, I understand not having as much of an option. In general that is only offered at a specific time, so maybe she doesn't have flexibility because she needs to drop off/pick up from Sunday school? Or perhaps she is a lector or in the choir?

[vonfirmath]

Let's get this off of church.

Our small group wanted to join with another small group because we'd gotten small.The other small group meets on Sunday afternoons. I'm sad I can't meet with them anymore, but we have an every week commitment on Sunday afternoons so I just blessed them and stepped out. That was what was good for everyone else and I didn't want them making a decision on just us.

Hopefully in this case it won't turn into an every week thing. But yes, if there is a get together on Sunday, we would just not go. Previous commitments.

[new_mommy25]

The church I go to only has services on Sunday at 9. So that's when we go, and if something conflicts, we decline the invitation. I don't know where your friend goes but it is quite possible there is only one service. I would, however, never insist that the entire party date be shifted to accommodate me, if majority prefers another time. She should just wish everyone a good time and say that she hopes to see you all soon/make the next one/whatevah.

[Globetrotter]

Right. I didn't mean to say religion is not more important than sports. Just, every family has its rules. If her rule is Church on Sunday is not optional, that is fine, but it is not morally superior to or more important than another family's rule about what is important to them. One family's priorities don't trump another's.


:yeahthat:
The organizer shouldn't feel bad about having it on Sunday since most people cannot go on Saturday, and the mom should realize that and move on.

[AnnieW625]

The organizer should not change it for just 1 person. That last person should have responded, I'm sorry I can't make it but I hope you all have a nice time. 1 out of 8 shouldn't sway the date.

We go to services fairly often but are very flexible. I would attend the social event instead and then take care of my religion at home or at a service at a different time.

:yeahthat:

[niccig]

Nicci i seem to recall you've had issues in the past with people in this mom's group always changing trying to change date of events just so they can attend, even it's at the expense of several others not being able to come?? (Am i remembering right, or was that someone else?) So it doesn't seem to be an issue of religious obligations, it sounds like people in the group are just acting a little self-centered, not to mention childish./..

You do have a good memory. This mom actually is the main culprit to want to change things/cancel last minute so she can attend. It actually killed off our book club - last minute change of location to her house as her DH was working and no one realized that the woman that was supposed to host as had chosen the book, now couldn't make it. You're right it is self-centered.

I will admit this is colouring my feelings on changing the day. I know church is important to her, but it doesn't seem right to once again change something to suit her but in the meantime prevent more people from attending. It's why I posted to get feedback.

[megs4413]

In this particular case, I think the churchgoer should have gracefully declined.

HOWEVER, I personally consider it in poor taste to schedule things on sunday mornings. I'm in the South, though, and I can't imagine what people would think of you if you tried. Yikes.

[niccig]

In this particular case, I think the churchgoer should have gracefully declined.

HOWEVER, I personally consider it in poor taste to schedule things on sunday mornings. I'm in the South, though, and I can't imagine what people would think of you if you tried. Yikes.

Meg, it's a multi-faith group. Out of this group of 10 moms only 2 go to church regularly and 1 is out of town that weekend, so she bowed out completely. The other 8 are either not regular attendees at church, never go to church or different religion.

We don't live in the South, so Sunday mornings aren't reserved for church, many things are scheduled for Sunday mornings. I can see it would be easier for my friend if she did live where everyone goes to church, so there wouldn't be conflicts.

[Globetrotter]

Meg, it's a multi-faith group. Out of this group of 10 moms only 2 go to church regularly and 1 is out of town that weekend, so she bowed out completely. The other 8 are either not regular attendees at church, never go to church or different religion.

We don't live in the South, so Sunday mornings aren't reserved for church, many things are scheduled for Sunday mornings. I can see it would be easier for my friend if she did live where everyone goes to church, so there wouldn't be conflicts.


It is VERY much a regional thing. In our very diverse area, most folks are not practicing Christians. I do consider that factor if I'm inviting people who attend church services, but I still think in this case, given the very limited options, Saturday makes more sense.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

HOWEVER, I personally consider it in poor taste to schedule things on sunday mornings. I'm in the South, though, and I can't imagine what people would think of you if you tried. Yikes.

I have few friends that attend church. Sunday is usually a good day for a get together as most youth sports have games on Saturday.

[BunnyBee]

In this particular case, I think the churchgoer should have gracefully declined.

HOWEVER, I personally consider it in poor taste to schedule things on sunday mornings. I'm in the South, though, and I can't imagine what people would think of you if you tried. Yikes.

Saturdays could exclude Jewish (among other religious groups) people. Would that be in poor taste?

It doesn't matter what the conflict is. It's a fun outing and you schedule it when the most people can attend.

[crl]

Saturdays could exclude Jewish (among other religious groups) people. Would that be in poor taste?

It doesn't matter what the conflict is. It's a fun outing and you schedule it when the most people can attend.

Right. Not all religious obligations are on Sundays.

Catherine

[megs4413]

Meg, it's a multi-faith group. Out of this group of 10 moms only 2 go to church regularly and 1 is out of town that weekend, so she bowed out completely. The other 8 are either not regular attendees at church, never go to church or different religion.

We don't live in the South, so Sunday mornings aren't reserved for church, many things are scheduled for Sunday mornings. I can see it would be easier for my friend if she did live where everyone goes to church, so there wouldn't be conflicts.


You're ignoring the first part of what I said. In the instance you are posting about, I agree that she should have bowed out gracefully. The second part of my post is merely pointing out the regional difference and how this would play out of it were happening to me personally, which it isn't.

[megs4413]

Saturdays could exclude Jewish (among other religious groups) people. Would that be in poor taste?

It doesn't matter what the conflict is. It's a fun outing and you schedule it when the most people can attend.

Yes, I would consider it rude if you are in a small group to schedule things that conflict with religious observation. We're not talking about a large group. Presumably, you would know if members of the group observed particular holy days. It would be in super poor taste, IMO, to regularly disregard the religious customs of any group member. HOWEVER, in this instance, this seems like a one off and the churchgoer should have bowed out graciously, as I previously stated.

[crl]

In this particular case, I think the churchgoer should have gracefully declined.

HOWEVER, I personally consider it in poor taste to schedule things on sunday mornings. I'm in the South, though, and I can't imagine what people would think of you if you tried. Yikes.


You're ignoring the first part of what I said. In the instance you are posting about, I agree that she should have bowed out gracefully. The second part of my post is merely pointing out the regional difference and how this would play out of it were happening to me personally, which it isn't.

You didn't say it is in bad taste in the South, you said you personally consider it poor taste. And I bet that even in the South there are people with religious obligations on Saturdays.

Catherine

[megs4413]

You didn't say it is in bad taste in the South, you said you personally consider it poor taste. And I bet that even in the South there are people with religious obligations on Saturdays.

Catherine

Re-read what I wrote. I qualified my opinion saying I was in the South. I also posted that any religious day of observance would apply to this opinion, including Saturdays, Fridays, Wednesdays, ANY holy days that invitees were known to observe.

[Globetrotter]

You do have a good memory. This mom actually is the main culprit to want to change things/cancel last minute so she can attend. It actually killed off our book club - last minute change of location to her house as her DH was working and no one realized that the woman that was supposed to host as had chosen the book, now couldn't make it. You're right it is self-centered.

I will admit this is colouring my feelings on changing the day. I know church is important to her, but it doesn't seem right to once again change something to suit her but in the meantime prevent more people from attending. It's why I posted to get feedback.


In that case, there should be ZERO remorse. She sounds like a character!!

Having lived in the Bible Belt, I can tell you the culture is very very different here in CA. Here we have people observing religious services at different times. In some of my groups, the kids attend Hindu school on Saturday afternoon, so I do consider that when I am planning events since it's a majority of the kids. If I lived in my old town, I would avoid Sunday AM since it's possible that a majority of the kids there would have a conflict. Yes, it's very much a regional thing.

[niccig]

You're ignoring the first part of what I said. In the instance you are posting about, I agree that she should have bowed out gracefully. The second part of my post is merely pointing out the regional difference and how this would play out of it were happening to me personally, which it isn't.

I didn't ignore the first part. I was just explaining that for this particular group it isn't in poor taste to have something on a Sunday as the majority don't go to church. If you did take any religious day into consideration then where I live, you couldn't have anything on a Friday afternoon, Saturday or Sunday. The whole weekend would be out.

The host asked for preferences knowing that there's going to be conflicts and is trying to find the time that works for the majority of people. The main problem is that for most of the group, there isn't similar schedules. Some of the people that can't do Saturday is because they work on Saturdays. Many people here have different schedules so there is never a time that works for everyone. I'm actually surprised that 8 out of 10 can make it on the Sunday.

[niccig]

Having lived in the Bible Belt, I can tell you the culture is very very different here in CA. Here we have people observing religious services at different times. In some of my groups, the kids attend Hindu school on Saturday afternoon, so I do consider that when I am planning events since it's a majority of the kids. If I lived in my old town, I would avoid Sunday AM since it's possible that a majority of the kids there would have a conflict. Yes, it's very much a regional thing.

Here there is no one time that majority of people have a conflict. It's spread out with a few people can't do Friday or Saturday or Sunday for religious reasons. Then throw in varying work schedules as no one has a 9-5 Mon-Fri job, so regardless of the time, someone can't attend. I love that we live in a diverse area, but scheduling is a nightmare.

[RedSuedeShoes]

If 8/10 people can make it on Sunday, it should be then, obviously!

And for any social event, the role of the host is to plan where/when/how the event will take place. The role of the invitees is to say whether they will participate (and express gratitude for the invitation either way). That's it! This host took the thoughtful extra step of trying to solicit input from the group before scheduling, but she should feel no guilt for not being able to accommodate any single guest. For church or any other reason.

I lived the first 26 years of my life where "good" people generally go to church (in the South). I've lived the last 12 years where most people don't attend church and religious/spiritual choices are entirely your own business. I much prefer the latter. And it makes me realize how religion makes so many things unnecessarily weird!

[crl]

Re-read what I wrote. I qualified my opinion saying I was in the South. I also posted that any religious day of observance would apply to this opinion, including Saturdays, Fridays, Wednesdays, ANY holy days that invitees were known to observe.

Umm, I quoted exactly what you wrote. You said you think it is in bad taste. Then you added that it was also unthinkable in the South. You did not say that it was unthinkable to you because you live in the South. Maybe that's what you meant, but it is not what you said.

And I'm not seeing where you previously mentioned other days with religious obligations. But if that's how you feel, I often don't know the religious obligations of other people, sometimes because I don't know anything about their religion and sometimes because I don't know what their obligations are (Saints Days, Wednesday observances, Jewish holidays, etc.). It would be difficult to never suggest a day on which someone might have a religious conflict. Guess I get to choose to never plan anything or to be in poor taste.

Catherine

[TwinFoxes]

I would have stated my opinion, since it was asked for, and then just gracefully declined. What exactly was your "friend's" reaction.

As for Megs, I assumed she wasn't just mentioning she's from the south as random trivia :) I got that she was saying in her region it would be in poor taste. In Brooklyn Saturdays might be in bad taste, and in Dearborn Fridays might not be acceptable.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

As for Megs, I assumed she wasn't just mentioning she's from the south as random trivia :) I got that she was saying in her region it would be in poor taste. In Brooklyn Saturdays might be in bad taste, and in Dearborn Fridays might not be acceptable.

:yeahthat:

i'm in the South too, and with my moms group i would never even bother scheduling a playdate or an event on Sunday morning..most everyone here is Christian (protestant) and attends church regularly. we only do things on Sundays with friends we know aren't churchgoers. it was so different when i lived in Boston.

[crl]

I would have stated my opinion, since it was asked for, and then just gracefully declined. What exactly was your "friend's" reaction.

As for Megs, I assumed she wasn't just mentioning she's from the south as random trivia :) I got that she was saying in her region it would be in poor taste. In Brooklyn Saturdays might be in bad taste, and in Dearborn Fridays might not be acceptable.

But then why say I personally think it is in bad taste? I guess I am just having a hard time not taking the words as they were written.

Catherine

[bisous]

You know, I think to some people religious obligations might be more important than other plans so perhaps that is a legitimate gripe. But in your friend's case, it is more likely that this is just her narcissism at work again.

I truly hope your friends find something that works for all--even if that means that your "friend" has to take one for the team! It is too bad that in the past they've tried so hard to cater to one person that everyone misses out.

FWIW, I go to church Sunday mornings. Because there is some distaste expressed in this thread for religious people, I just want to say that I love my friends that go to church or temple and think they can be great people too.

[megs4413]

Umm, I quoted exactly what you wrote. You said you think it is in bad taste. Then you added that it was also unthinkable in the South. You did not say that it was unthinkable to you because you live in the South. Maybe that's what you meant, but it is not what you said.

And I'm not seeing where you previously mentioned other days with religious obligations. But if that's how you feel, I often don't know the religious obligations of other people, sometimes because I don't know anything about their religion and sometimes because I don't know what their obligations are (Saints Days, Wednesday observances, Jewish holidays, etc.). It would be difficult to never suggest a day on which someone might have a religious conflict. Guess I get to choose to never plan anything or to be in poor taste.

Catherine

Yeesh. I don't know why you are taking this so personally. Let me say it like this: where I live, and for me, it would be in poor taste to schedule a social gathering on a Sunday morning. YMMV. However, in THIS instance, it was not in poor taste because most of the group was fine with it.

And I did mention other possible days of religious conflict in a reply above. I don't know why you aren't seeing it.

[crl]

Yeesh. I don't know why you are taking this so personally. Let me say it like this: where I live, and for me, it would be in poor taste to schedule a social gathering on a Sunday morning. YMMV. However, in THIS instance, it was not in poor taste because most of the group was fine with it.

And I did mention other possible days of religious conflict in a reply above. I don't know why you aren't seeing it.

It is not personal, but that response sure seems like you want it to be? And our replies crossed in cyberspace so that I did not see that prior to my reply.

Catherine

[niccig]

Yeesh. I don't know why you are taking this so personally. Let me say it like this: where I live, and for me, it would be in poor taste to schedule a social gathering on a Sunday morning. YMMV. However, in THIS instance, it was not in poor taste because most of the group was fine with it.
.


Meg, I did ask people for their opinion if there was a conflict with when they went to worship. You answered by telling me it would be in poor taste and I think my friend might agree with you on that. So thanks for pointing that out. No one wants her to be offended and that's not anyone's intention.

Where we live, Sunday morning is an acceptable time for a gathering and the majority can make that time, so I don't think the timing will change for 1 person. And I do hope she's not offended by it. I don't think there's anything that can be done though, as changing the time, will offend more people as they can't come then. It really isn't a win-win situation.

[kara97210]

She may not be able to move her schedule with regards to church attendance but then she should decline gracefully and try to meet up next time.

:yeahthat: We go to church and this would have been my response.

Based on the bookclub story your friend sounds pretty self focused. We had someone in our bookclub who was like this. She asked us to move dates because of her monthly PTA meeting (ok, no problem), then her HOA meeting (fine), then because she and her DH hadn't had a date night in a while and that was the night they wanted to do it (seriously?). We actually bent over backwards to accomodate her. Then at one point someone asked nicely if we could move from Tuesday to Wednesdays nights (1/month) because she was going through a divorce and her child custody arrangement made her available one night, but not the other. This friend was really harsh about not changing it. She sent a message that started "We are all really busy, we can't just change our standing time to accomodate one person". I thought it was a joke, but nope she was just that self focused. She has since left the bookclub because she's too busy, which is fine, it makes scheduling a lot easier.

[megs4413]

It is not personal, but that response sure seems like you want it to be? And our replies crossed in cyberspace so that I did not see that prior to my reply.

Catherine

Maybe I'm having trouble reading your tone through the internet. I don't know.

OP, I think it sounds like there's a lot of history with this particular group member, and I'm not up on it, so I really can't speak to it. In my area, though, it would be considered (by me) to be in poor taste to schedule events on sunday mornings. I can see (based on the fact that 8 of the 10 members of your group CAN attend) that it is NOT that way where you live, so I don't see that you (or the group organizer if that's not you) has done anything rude in this instance. I do think it's possible that the churchgoing groupmember is taking it a little personally since it has to do with her religion, but I don't know her, so take that with a grain of salt. She might just be ticked that she's missing an activity she really wants to participate in.

[Cam&Clay]

I deal with this all the time with XH and it bugs me to no end. He believes that absolutely nothing should be scheduled on Sundays until mid afternoon to accomodate church. DS1 plays travel soccer and all of his regular season games are on Sundays, usually in the morning. It makes me crazy that he wants DS1 to skip those games when he has him. He has an obligation to his team so I pick him up and take him to those Sunday games myself.

I tried to use the argument that for some, Saturday is the day of worship and for others, like DH and me, there is no day, but he is so Christian-centered that he is appalled that anyone schedules anything during "church" time.

[squimp]

For the OP's question a Sunday morning event is obviously not an issue with most of the moms. I'm not sure why talking about the south is even relevant. My BFF was Jewish and I grew up in the south, I know how prevalent the culture is but thankfully it is not completely homogeneous.

It depends on the people you are inviting. One of DD's best friends is not at all available on Sundays so I really really try not to schedule parties on Sundays out of respect for her friend and their family. But in this case there were two options, and the long majority picked one so it seems pretty straightforward.

[TxCat]

The organizer should not change it for just 1 person. That last person should have responded, I'm sorry I can't make it but I hope you all have a nice time. 1 out of 8 shouldn't sway the date.

We go to services fairly often but are very flexible. I would attend the social event instead and then take care of my religion at home or at a service at a different time.

:yeahthat:

[khm]

OP, this situation has been going on for a loooooooooong time with this woman. If you all keep catering to her, you are going to have to keep catering to her.

I think I'd advise the organizer to breezily say, "Oh I'm sorry this one isn't going to work out for you. I know I am bummed when I have to miss things. We'll make sure you can make the next one, mmm-k?" End of. Don't let her bulldoze things.

[niccig]

OP, this situation has been going on for a loooooooooong time with this woman. If you all keep catering to her, you are going to have to keep catering to her.

I think I'd advise the organizer to breezily say, "Oh I'm sorry this one isn't going to work out for you. I know I am bummed when I have to miss things. We'll make sure you can make the next one, mmm-k?" End of. Don't let her bulldoze things.

Yes it has been a looooooong time. I agree with not catering to 1 person over everyone else. We'll see if it goes ahead. It's for a skin care place and I really need to get some eye cream and it would just be fun to hang out together.