Globetrotter
02-14-2013, 05:04 PM
DD has a friend who struggles with behavior issues. I have posted about her in the past when it affected us. At one point, she was bullying the other girls in their group, but I talked to the mom (boy that was tough, but I have seen positive changes since then). Since KG, the teachers have pointed out her behavior, but she still has a variety of behaviors that don't seem appropriate for a teenager.
When she was little, on more than one occasion, STRANGERS have come up to the mom at parties and complained that her kid was bossing around others. I know because I was there so who knows what else went on.
She is a bright child and great with mechanical problems and building, but she doesn't do well in team situations. It's her way or the highway, and she will argue with others and mope if things don't go her way. her mom sort of encourages her "leadership" skills, thinking she has great leadership qualities. I think she probably would if she was kept in check, but her enthusiasm to run the show and unwillingness to listen make her a terrible leader, IMHO. unfortunately, the mom is in charge of many joint activities (GS). I have encouraged dd to speak up against her if needed, and she does, but i think they have just decided that's how she is. IN a way, I suppose it's good real world training ;)
She struggles with math, but I do realize that math doesn't come easily to everyone. I think she does work hard, and she does set goals and is driven when it's important to her, which is a great trait. I think academics doesn't come AS easily for her as her high-achieving peers, although she is bright.
She has a habit of coming into a house and touching things/breaking things, even after you tell her not to. I mean, it was okay when she was six, but 13?? really? DD told me the other day, "Next time she comes over I will have to put away my markers." why? she was writing on her dry erase board and made a mark on the wall. We had just painted it but had to touch up that area. She always plays with things even if dd or I say not to, so this is not a one time thing.
The other day we were in a classroom doing volunteer work and she would not stop writing on the board, even after several warnings that it was past time to leave. My friend was the chaperone that time and got very flustered with her. I think she is obsessed with markers and dry erase boards as she spends every possible minute using them. In this project, the girls take turns leading but this kid will do her own thing, give answers to her group, talk out of turn, try to take over.. it's a job to keep her in line, and my timid dd is not good at it.
The kid gets into school detention for not listening, talking in class, fidgeting.
*I* personally feel she has some issues and have said this before, but now that she is older and it's still going on, I have to wonder. could it be something like ADHD?? I know that is overdiagnosed so I hesitate to say that, but it does come to mind. It is hard because we have to deal with her a lot due to joint activities. I have curtailed it where possible, but we are in GS together and my dd just loves the troop and has no desire to move to another one (And honestly, another troop may be worse for other reasons - a bunch of girls together=drama). The other friend who supervised the classroom sent out a lengthy email saying that everyone has to learn how to LEAD when it's their turn and FOLLOW when it's not, both equally important skills. The mom did not get the hint and goes on about how everything is working out great.
Kid behaves much better when the mom is there, something I pointed out before but it had to be said. Perhaps she has forgotten.
The girls get along pretty well now (outside of these formal group activities) and this is NOT a bad kid, which is why I want to give her a chance. They stand up for each other and do care about each other. I feel like she is struggling with some impulse control issues and also just is a bossy person on top of that. I don't know if the teachers have pointed it out - it's quite possible that parents are in denial if that is the case. I feel sad for her because she has lost friends because of it - the only reason we stayed on is because we are in so many things together and the moms get along very well socially. I also know her dad is quite something, hard to live with, and i think mom has OCD issues. I'm wondering how I can direct the child when i am in charge.
When she was little, on more than one occasion, STRANGERS have come up to the mom at parties and complained that her kid was bossing around others. I know because I was there so who knows what else went on.
She is a bright child and great with mechanical problems and building, but she doesn't do well in team situations. It's her way or the highway, and she will argue with others and mope if things don't go her way. her mom sort of encourages her "leadership" skills, thinking she has great leadership qualities. I think she probably would if she was kept in check, but her enthusiasm to run the show and unwillingness to listen make her a terrible leader, IMHO. unfortunately, the mom is in charge of many joint activities (GS). I have encouraged dd to speak up against her if needed, and she does, but i think they have just decided that's how she is. IN a way, I suppose it's good real world training ;)
She struggles with math, but I do realize that math doesn't come easily to everyone. I think she does work hard, and she does set goals and is driven when it's important to her, which is a great trait. I think academics doesn't come AS easily for her as her high-achieving peers, although she is bright.
She has a habit of coming into a house and touching things/breaking things, even after you tell her not to. I mean, it was okay when she was six, but 13?? really? DD told me the other day, "Next time she comes over I will have to put away my markers." why? she was writing on her dry erase board and made a mark on the wall. We had just painted it but had to touch up that area. She always plays with things even if dd or I say not to, so this is not a one time thing.
The other day we were in a classroom doing volunteer work and she would not stop writing on the board, even after several warnings that it was past time to leave. My friend was the chaperone that time and got very flustered with her. I think she is obsessed with markers and dry erase boards as she spends every possible minute using them. In this project, the girls take turns leading but this kid will do her own thing, give answers to her group, talk out of turn, try to take over.. it's a job to keep her in line, and my timid dd is not good at it.
The kid gets into school detention for not listening, talking in class, fidgeting.
*I* personally feel she has some issues and have said this before, but now that she is older and it's still going on, I have to wonder. could it be something like ADHD?? I know that is overdiagnosed so I hesitate to say that, but it does come to mind. It is hard because we have to deal with her a lot due to joint activities. I have curtailed it where possible, but we are in GS together and my dd just loves the troop and has no desire to move to another one (And honestly, another troop may be worse for other reasons - a bunch of girls together=drama). The other friend who supervised the classroom sent out a lengthy email saying that everyone has to learn how to LEAD when it's their turn and FOLLOW when it's not, both equally important skills. The mom did not get the hint and goes on about how everything is working out great.
Kid behaves much better when the mom is there, something I pointed out before but it had to be said. Perhaps she has forgotten.
The girls get along pretty well now (outside of these formal group activities) and this is NOT a bad kid, which is why I want to give her a chance. They stand up for each other and do care about each other. I feel like she is struggling with some impulse control issues and also just is a bossy person on top of that. I don't know if the teachers have pointed it out - it's quite possible that parents are in denial if that is the case. I feel sad for her because she has lost friends because of it - the only reason we stayed on is because we are in so many things together and the moms get along very well socially. I also know her dad is quite something, hard to live with, and i think mom has OCD issues. I'm wondering how I can direct the child when i am in charge.