Am I allowed to kiss the financial planner?

[niccig]

DH and I don't agree on money. We never have. I'm more conservative, want to save more. He's more optimistic, life will be fine. I've posted before about how we butt heads over this.

Today the newish financial planner comes over as needs DH to sign some papers with his 401K and IRA. DH really likes him and he's been working with us for about 2 years just for retirement savings. DH is out with DS and the planner is 15 mins early. He talks with me and I tell him how refi went through, saving $x a month and we need to save to do work on kitchen and bathrooms (everything is falling apart).

He tells me we really need to put more into retirement and college accounts (something I've been telling DH for years) and he would love to get us on a savings/investment plan to accomodate renovations and more savings. I tell him I've wanted that for ages but DH and I have never been able to agree on how to go about it eg. how much, where to save it etc so nothing gets done and extra savings get spent as it's mixed into checking/savings account.

So DH gets home, planner goes through the 401K changes and then talks about what to do with money saved from refi. Our first new payment is in March, so he sets up a meeting in April telling us that we need to put some money saved into liquid account for renovations and rest into 401K and IRAs as we need more for retirement. He'll have options for us at the April meeting. Now that I'm working part-time and it should cover my tuition with some extra, he said we can see how much extra I have earned by end of year and put more into DS's college account then.

DH is totally onboard. I think it helped for the planner to explain what end goal is for % into savings (a lot more), but said first we'll do these steps (doable steps now) and then increase with time to get to goal.

So far the planner has always prepped for the meeting with different options that he explains, and then he takes care of all the paperwork and meets DH during week for DH to sign things. There's very little legwork for us, so things actually get done and he chases DH to make it happen.

If only I knew the key was a) DH to find someone he liked (always poo-pooed my idea to go see someone) b) planner is on the ball so things get done and c) talk to the guy alone about my concerns.

He's not an indep. financial planner so I know he's getting bonuses etc from where he directs us to invest, but the fact that something is actually getting done, means I don't care for now. Left to our devices, nothing would get done and I'd still be complaining here about it.

[goldenpig]

That's great niccig! Glad your DH is finally on board with saving more! You and I are opposites, my DH is the pessimist and I am the optimist, but I remember you said we had kind of similar situations.

I think we're doing much better financially too (although DH is a pessimist so he doesn't always agree). I've been working a lot harder this last year and my salary has gone up because of that (though it will take a hit when I go on maternity leave, but I'm trying to keep it short). We don't have a financial planner but for the past couple of years DH has taken a much more active role in keeping tabs on our finances and prepares a summary each Jan of all our assets in the various retirement accounts, pensions, 529s, etc...it's great to have all the info in one place. Plus we use Mint and both check it frequently--it keeps us accountable. We've both really reined in our discretionary spending--he on camera/dive equipment and me on clothing. Though he still gets to take a dive trip every year (it keeps him motivated to stay in shape and lose weight) and I still get to buy some clothes for me and the kids, so we don't feel totally deprived.

Was it expensive to hire a financial planner? I've seen some independent planners advertise for doing a financial analysis/overhaul for a couple thousand dollars, but I didn't think it was going to be worth it since we're already saving as much as we can for retirement/college, so it's not like we have a ton of money left over after childcare/tuition/bills to invest in the stock market or whatever. And a lot of the financial planners/wealth managers around here want you to have a certain net worth before they'll even consider talking to you. This is a very weird area...I consider us pretty well off, but we're kind of "poor" compared to others around here. Which is part of the reason DH is always so negative about our financial situation, because he thinks that everyone else is doing better than us. Which may be somewhat true, but I don't think we're doing that badly ourselves.

Glad things are working out for you with DH and the finances!

[123LuckyMom]

That's great! Sometimes it just takes someone other than you to spell it out. I'm so glad your DH is listening!

[egoldber]

That's great!!!! I love our planner. I feel like we have a really good handle on our finances for the first time. We've always been savers, but I never felt like we had a plan or a goal and she has definitely helped with that.

GP, we found ours through our bank. DH went in to talk to them about some accounts to set up. Since he's self employed, he wanted advice about how to set up retirement accounts. They referred us to their financial planning partners at Merrill Lynch. They do work on commission, but I have never, ever felt pressured to place money anywhere that I was not comfortable. They had us take surveys and talked to us to get an idea about how we feel about riskiness of investments so that they could set up funds and investments suitable for us.

We had a mishmash of 401K rollover accounts from past jobs, various IRAs, and investments we had made mainly with with the help of FIL who is very investment savvy, but I always felt weird about taking financial planning advice from him. She helped us get all our old accounts consolidated (did a ton of legwork and paperwork for that), and helped us pick new accounts to invest in based on our short term goals (college for older DD in 6 years!) and long term goals (retirement, housing goals). She also helped us determine how much house we could afford to buy since we were looking to move/build and made me a lot more confident about that process.


This is a very weird area...I consider us pretty well off, but we're kind of "poor" compared to others around here. Which is part of the reason DH is always so negative about our financial situation, because he thinks that everyone else is doing better than us.

My cynical opinion is that you can't really tell from people's discretionary spending how much money they have. People often spend to the max of their incomes/money with no savings. We have friends who have made literally millions at start ups, and most of them have little to show for it years later. They tend to spend all their money as they get it without saving.

[khm]

niccig, are the transfers automatic?

My husband is very good at all this stuff. We're both pretty conservative about discretionary spending, but he's the investment guy and is the one that deals with the financial planner. He's just made certain transfers, etc automatic. It just "goes away" and gets invested. It sounds like that needs to happen with your husband, if his "available money" is too in his face, he'll suddenly need a new _____, right?.

With us, our household checking account always feels a bit "tight" with just the basics going out. We are approaching the need for a new car. It won't come out of our tight checking account, we'll be able to pay cash with the $ that's been squirreled away. We tend to buy very nice cars that are 2-3 years old and drive them into the ground. My husband was recently unemployed, I was a nervous wreck because of the tight checking account situation, but we did always have the other stuff. Its just so out of mind for me that I didn't think about tapping into it.

[belovedgandp]

Good for you. A good financial planner can follow your leads, get you educated and move at a pace you feel comfortable with. It is nice to have an unbiased person put facts on the numbers to explain things.

I have a decent enough understanding and am capable of doing more than I do with our investments. I just don't love it enough to stay on top of it properly. I found our financial planner by taking a continuing ed class through the local community college. It was three or four meetings where the financial planner gave the background of how the industry worked. Yes, I'm sure she was hoping for new clients, but I found her info to be extremely straight forward, she wasn't trying to push anyone towards anything, and I liked her.

She helped us consolidate all of the rollovers from previous employers we'd ignored for years and really ramped up our college savings plans. I still watch things monthly, but check in with her once or twice a year. She gets a percentage cut of what we invest, but it is small and worth it to me to not be doing that research. We've always understood what we put our money into. When we do our yearly check-up to decide what we need to re-balance, she always looks at DH's 401k designations at his employer even though they are not her accounts to keep our entire financial picture balanced.

[Green22]

I wish I could use your Financial planner. Heck, I wish I could find any financial planner - the few we have spoken to or left messages with don't even return calls. DH and I have constant arguments about this. I am pretty sure it will be one of the many causes of a divorce some day.

I will work really hard to come up with a budget, and DH acts all obtuse and idiotic and then consents/agrees, but then doesn't actually put any of the savings plans into effect. I'm lucky in that he doesn't really spend on anything (i am more the spender, which I guess is why I am more the one scared about savings - automatic withdrawls, etc) but it still pisses me off that he doesn't have money going somewhere automatically.

[KrisM]

Yay! I'm glad you found someone good for both of you!

[amldaley]

How did you find him? Is he a fee-for-service or does he make commission on products?

[niccig]

I do feel like finally there is a plan.

The planner comes from an IRA DH opened up years ago with a private brokerage firm. He's been contacted over the years by different people, but never did anything with it. It wasn't a huge amount of money, $20K as DH had stopped contributing to it. This time when Z contacted him, DH had been thinking about doing something with that IRA. Z got him to move it as hadn't been performing well. He didn't like where DH's work had the 401K, but couldn't do anything about that. When DH left old job, Z moved the 401K into better performing funds. This was a lot more money to work with.

The meeting yesterday was to rejig how some of the investments are and to talk about what the allocation is and why it's where it is. Finally feel that the money is being managed and all the accounts are working together. He's not fee based, but we haven't felt pushed into any decision. He presents options and we decide. Sometimes it's a "we'll get back to you on that, we have to talk about it."

Up until now it has just been DH's 401K and our IRAs. But now that we have savings from the refi, Z wants to set up auto deductions to fund savings for house renovations and more into IRAs. We need to have it auto deducted to get it out of the regular bank account or it will be spent. I have wanted to do something like this forever, but it's something I could never get DH to agree on. Z said he'll look at options for keeping what cash we need liquid, and it'll happen as he'll do the paperwork. He noted when I graduate saying "and once you're working full-time, we'll have a lot more options."

Now, if he could get DH to be on a budget, I will die and go to heaven. But syphoning off money that we're used to paying out so it doesn't get spent, is a good start.

[Giantbear]

I don't accept kisses, but i did have a client pinch my butt once

Sounds like you got a good planner that your husband can trust and follow. that is great

[mommy111]

I'm so glad things worked out for you!! Its so stressful to be without a plan for the future...I'm kind of in that land where I took a job overseas and made no money for a couple of years and am just starting to catch up financially but just living paycheck to paycheck. Would love a financial planner but don't know how to find one. If any of you have some tips (giantbear, looking at you :)) or know of a good planner in the Boston area, please let me into the secret!!

[Giantbear]

I'm so glad things worked out for you!! Its so stressful to be without a plan for the future...I'm kind of in that land where I took a job overseas and made no money for a couple of years and am just starting to catch up financially but just living paycheck to paycheck. Would love a financial planner but don't know how to find one. If any of you have some tips (giantbear, looking at you :)) or know of a good planner in the Boston area, please let me into the secret!!First tip, track every penny you spend in a daily diary for two weeks. You will be amazed at where it goes. and i do mean EVERY penny. Unfortunately, i am in the NYC area.

[mommy111]

First tip, track every penny you spend in a daily diary for two weeks. You will be amazed at where it goes. and i do mean EVERY penny. Unfortunately, i am in the NYC area.
Thank you and will do :) Our biggest singl expenditure is childcare but that's necessary and a lot of the drip is not
If anyone else has some info on finding FPs, please, please PM me. OP, sorry about the detour :)

[Swish]

I'm so glad things worked out for you!! Its so stressful to be without a plan for the future...I'm kind of in that land where I took a job overseas and made no money for a couple of years and am just starting to catch up financially but just living paycheck to paycheck. Would love a financial planner but don't know how to find one. If any of you have some tips (giantbear, looking at you :)) or know of a good planner in the Boston area, please let me into the secret!!

We have one in Winchester. Is that close enough to Boston for you?

[niccig]

Thank you and will do :) Our biggest singl expenditure is childcare but that's necessary and a lot of the drip is not
If anyone else has some info on finding FPs, please, please PM me. OP, sorry about the detour :)

No detour. Maybe you could try asking at your bank or asking friends. It may also take a few people to get someone you like.

Like GP, I've known some people who will only work with you if you have a lot to invest - I asked a friend's DH who is a financial planner and his work is $500K + accounts. Not a territory we're in. But this FP was willing to work with us with small account, just 1 IRA, now it's more as DH rolled over his 401K when left job last year, and with refi savings we can now do monthly contributions to the IRAs. When I'm done with school and working, we'll be able to do more again. So he was willing to work with us as small account and now our work with him is expanding.

There has to be people that are willing to work with you as small account and help you grow.

[niccig]

I don't accept kisses, but i did have a client pinch my butt once

Sounds like you got a good planner that your husband can trust and follow. that is great

GB, I feel that with the planner in agreement, but not with "your DW is right" attitude, I can get DH to move more to what we need to do. Eg. come April if DH and planner haven't set up a meeting (he normally calls DH to set up appt. times), I'll call the planner and get us a meeting.

[mommy111]

We have one in Winchester. Is that close enough to Boston for you?
PMing you :)
OP, thank you so much, I felt guilty hijacking but this is such a hot button issue for me since I feel I need to do it but I'm just hesitant about approaching someone who makes a mess of things

[niccig]

PMing you :)
OP, thank you so much, I felt guilty hijacking but this is such a hot button issue for me since I feel I need to do it but I'm just hesitant about approaching someone who makes a mess of things

Not hijacking at all, so no guilt Ok?!

I felt such relief yesterday when the planner outlined what we should do with the refi money and DH was in agreement. Managing money has been a huge issue for us and I can finally see some progress. We need help as we can't work this out by ourselves (tried for last 10 yrs and no success), and while still not perfect, the plan is far better than we were a few years back.

As for making a mess of things, I think starting small and seeing what advice you get, reading up things yourself before deciding etc is a way to start.

[hellokitty]

Niccig, I know that we have had similar issues with our spouses regarding spending. I'm so happy to hear that your dh is coming around! I'm still struggling with dh, most recently he's dropped quite a bit of $ into stereo equipment and needless to say I have been in a rather bad mood over it for the past wk! It helps to see that there is hope! I'm still working on my dh, but I'm still trying to figure out what his wake up call will be.