Do you ever just want to run away?

[hillview]

DS2 is killing me (and yes we are working on it and getting therapists involved but the constant hitting and name calling and spitting takes the life out of me) and on top of that DH and I have some issues to resolve. Days like today make me want to just go to Kenya or on some major trip for a month. Before kids, I would do this ... with kids it is not possible. None the less it is how I am feeling. What do you do if you feel like you need to run away?

[babyonbrain]

Just wanted to send you a hug.
Yes, some days I want to hide from my kid, and mine doesn't sound nearly as trying as yours. Can you have someone watch the kids while you take some time for yourself?

[Seitvonzu]

i spent whole months telling everyone i was running away to segovia....so yes. i get this. i can't say it was a great thing to go broadcasting for me, and i can't even say that my child was hitting me...but yes, i've wanted this. and yes, i get you *hugs*

no advice, just *hugs*

[daisyd]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Is there a friend or trusted family member you can talk to IRL? It helps to have support - just having a sympathetic ear can work wonders. Needless to say, issues with DC and DH can be hard and everyone has down moments. Exercise, getting out of the house (child free, work free) say for a walk, listening to music, watching TV, reading a book (choosing a suitable book/ TV program is important, any random one wont do) can be helpful in giving you a mini vacation. Then you have the strength to carry on even though the actual circumstances haven't changed. At a very basic level examining the good things that you have and looking ahead to goals/dreams you have for yourself and your family can also give you the strength to weather the now.

I hope you feel better soon. Hugs.

[gatorsmom]

Yes, I want to run away right now. Book us 2 flights to anywhere and count me in!

I have been packing and unpacking for our move for over two week with zero help from DH. He tried to lift a TV last week while we were moving out without asking for help from the movers who were 5 feet away from him (don't even get me started on how angry I am with him for doing something so stupid). He pulled something in his back, of course when he did this. Since then he has been laying down complaining about how the house isn't getting unpacked fast enough and how much pain he is in. Grrrr... He could at least be supervising the kids while he is sitting around and preventing them from killing each other. But they come up to me every 10 minutes wanting something to drink or to complain about their sibling. So I'm getting very little accomplished.

To answer your question what do I do when I feel like I want to run away? Well, if I can't, I listen to music from my carefree years. Right now I'm listening to French music from my time as an au pair. But I love to listen to 80's music too. It revives me. If I CAN get away, I go to a book shop and snuggle into a cushy chair with a latte and a book.

I'm dreaming of a trip to Houston, Texas in the next few months. I still have friends there from when I was a single working gal and I'd love to visit them, hang out at the Galleria, have some margaritas at Pappacitos, and to race around on the free way without worrying about snow and slush. But I've been dreaming about that for awhile and it just hasn't happened.

[gatorsmom]

Oops double post

[MommyofAmaya]

YES! The best I can do today is send the kids to the backyard and plant myself into a chair in the kitchen while DH watches TV in the living room, but if it was up to me I'd be miles away. If a play date hadn't run way too long, I would have dropped the kids at our hourly child care place and gone to the movies.

[mommy111]

Yes, I've felt like running away. Not from my kids in particular but from things in general. Much more when I was still in a troubled marriage.
At times like that, I'd get a babysitter to do the bedtime routine with the kids, go out for a drive. A dinner out with friends is great, but even a trip to the CVS to pick up sundry nail polish colors and then (max indulgence) stopping at the McD drive in to get some regular coke would help. The best is coming home to sleeping kids.....you've avoided the bedtime work and, as a mom here has said in her siggie....I love my kids best when they're sleeping :)

[California]

My kids are out of the toddler stage and so things have calmed down A LOT, but yes-- there were days when I'd tell DH I wanted a divorce just so I could send the kids over to his place on the weekends. Fortunately he didn't take me up on that. I think the hardest part about full time parenting is you don't really get a planning time. With most jobs you get some down time to plan your strategy and prepare for the next step. Parenthood is one thing that needs attention after another, all day long.

[KLD313]

OMG yes! I almost posted this exact same thing a few days ago. I felt like walking right out of the house and I almost did. If my BF doesn't start helping more I'm going to do it.

[Kindra178]

Yes, I totally understand. My life was definitely not supposed to be this complicated. I think what you are feeling is totally normal. Give yourself a break. You had a bad week with your dh in the hospital. The weather is pretty bad and the lack of outside time for all kids makes them crazy.

My dh has been working nonstop, including full weekend days. I am having minor surgery on Monday and my dh can't take me or pick me up. I am dropping my kids at gym daycare tomorrow so I can workout. We never do that on the weekends, but since I will be alone all day with them I think it will help me manage better. Can you do that tomorrow too?

[gatorsmom]

Oops triple post. Not sure how that happened.

[JMS]

Yes- right now. Overwhelmed which is made worse by the fact that my rationale side doesn't see it as justifiable. :grouphug:

[crl]

Totally. I usually hire a sitter when I hit that point. Even if I just sit in my bedroom and read while the sitter is here, it helps.

Catherine

[lmh2402]

Yes, more often than I care to admit...including today. DD has not napped in three days. DS has spent all day whining and yelling that only I can do anything with/for him. This has given DH license to take a nap. And I've been dealing with two unhappy kids all day. As there was no school last week, this is day eight (since last Sat) of basically the same. Feel like I'm living in groundhog day hell.

[hellokitty]

:hug: No big advice, but to try to get away from the house and kids ASAP on your own if you can get a chance. I found this the best way to cope with those days where I felt like running away.

[brittone2]

Hell yes!

I hope better days are ahead. :hug:

[VClute]

YES. I told dh that I wanted to pull a Marie Osmond and just drive to a hotel somewhere and disappear for a couple of days. Make that a couple of weeks.

[Kira's Mommy]

YES!

My gym has mommy-and-me classes where moms work out while babies are entertained by a trainer/nanny. Every class has a short outside jog component. One day the moms went for a jog around the building. All of them came back to continue the class except for one. They waited 40 minutes for that one mom - no sign of her. Her baby was still with the trainer. The trainer freaked out, ran out to look for the mom everywhere. The mom came back AN HOUR later looking very happy and said that she just could. not. stop. running. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

I totally know how that feels.

[georgiegirl]

Yes!!! Right now I want to run away to a tropical island (like Fiji) and sleep for hours at night with no coughing child to wake me at 5 am and then spend the day getting spa treatments and swimming in the clear tropical waters.

[wifecat]

My kids are out of the toddler stage and so things have calmed down A LOT, but yes-- there were days when I'd tell DH I wanted a divorce just so I could send the kids over to his place on the weekends. Fortunately he didn't take me up on that. I think the hardest part about full time parenting is you don't really get a planning time. With most jobs you get some down time to plan your strategy and prepare for the next step. Parenthood is one thing that needs attention after another, all day long.

Ohmgoodness, I've had this EXACT thought, especially when the kids and dh are all being pills.

[sste]

Stay strong! Or count me in. I am not sure which!

I think having a child with behavioral challenges can be very isolating. My brother had terrible behavior issues -- organic. I won the best behaved award in sunday school so many years running they had to retire it so it certainly wasn't my parents' fault! Yet, my parents felt very blamed and isolated. It was hard to unload on friends without getting alot of unsolicited advice and implicit blame. I wonder if there is a special needs community IRL you can network with a bit or maybe if your son ends up in a group therapy situation at some point you can meet some other parents. I think support from parents who have been there would help alot.

[doberbrat]

Yeah, I dont even want to go somewhere exciting like Kenya.... I just want a little shack in Montana and live off the grid so to speak!

What do I do? Read a trashy romance novel after the kids are asleep. Go to Target late at night for 'alone' time, or I take the dog for a walk in the woods. Its SO QUIET in the woods..... its awesome!

:hug: I hope things improve for you

[StantonHyde]

Oh yes--like right now with my father sitting at the dining room table for his monthly visit "to see the grandchildren" :banghead:
More wine anyone??

[2babes4us]

Hi, I could have almost written the same post today! Just wanted to let you know you're not alone! My 9 yr old DS has some of those same behaviors, mostly at home but at times out in public, and it just makes me want to cry, not just from embarrassment, but sadness that other people just don't understand. He's on medication (for seizures) that can affect his mood and make him very impulsive at times.

Having a child with behavioral/special needs definitely puts a lot of strain on couples- my DH and I often argue (in front of the kids, unfortunately) on how to handle the situation / how to discipline. And disciplining is that much harder when you realize that something just isn't clicking right in your child's brain and they can't always control their behavior. Of course you want to be consistent, but understanding, too. We need to start seeing a therapist again , since the help he gets at school is based more on his social/ learning difficulties. When we saw a therapist, she gave us advice that helped us to come together as parents and work as a team to help our son.

Add a very temperamental 3 yr old in my case to all this, and the past couple of days have just been rough. The constant sibling fighting just makes me sick. I literally "ran away" from home- not far, just to the building lobby where we live, but found that after taking some time to just "vent internally" for a good hour (I didn't have anyone IRL to vent to at the time), I was able to take some deep breaths, and then return. Other times I do "shopping therapy", where I run off to TJMaxx and just have fun shopping for myself, even if it's just window shopping/ trying on clothes for fun...I'm terrible about giving myself the much needed "me time". I tend to do it only once I've exploded....I think if I treated it as a high priority right up there with work to do, I'd probably explode less often.

Take care of yourself- and remember your needs are just as important...it's okay to run away for a while...even if you can't go as far as you'd like. If you have it in your budget, go get a haircut/ massage/ spa treatment...I wish i could do that more often. It's the little things that count.

[citymama]

Hillview, sending hugs. :hug: You are dealing with a lot. I hope your next work trip involves a nice hotel with a spa where you can treat yourself to a massage and some down time after the work day. (Is this just a fantasy? I know I rush right back after any work travel, but you owe yourself some time to recharge.) If you hit a wall at home, I hope your DH can provide backup so you can regroup. Take good care.

ETA it's amazing how much happier I am after a visit from the housecleaners or ordering in good Thai takeout. Sometimes, retail therapy is not such a bad thing either. Or a mindless rom-com on Netflix when the kids are in bed. When you can't actually run away, the small escapes can be lifesavers.

[trales]

Yes, I have gone so far as to look up flight costs and times to southern Spain and other places.

[emily_gracesmama]

So glad to see I'm not the only one who gets this way!!

[elektra]

Hugs hillview! I feel that way at times too. Right now I want to run away and come back to a secure/fulfilling job situation and all my childcare/school decisions made. Oh and my taxes done. ;) none of this is on DH's radar, which frustrates me too- I feel like its all on me.
Africa sounds great- maybe we should really plan some kind of safari for the runaway mom crowd one of these days. :) :grouphug:

[SnuggleBuggles]

I plan a weekend getaway when that happens. And it has! Luckily not for a long time but I can very much relate. (((((hugs)))))

[anamika]

Haha - it is the running joke in our house (excuse the bad pun). I will declare that I want to run away after dealing with DD, DH will step into the breach, then join me after 10 mins to ask if he can go with me. Then DD will come over and declare that she is running away with us. So at least, it breaks the bad mood cycle!
I go the bathroom and take a long shower. I love long hot showers so for me it is the perfect way to deal with stress.
Or play a mindless game on the phone. I have CandyCrush or something and I attribute my recent zen-ness to just spending 10-15 mins playing this game!
Hugs and good luck!

[Sweetum]

Several times a day ...and I have a hitter/biter too...hugs...
But then I realize immediately that it's not an option so that means I have got to deal with it. that helps.
sometimes, I just tell DS I need to watch tv. that helps.
sometimes, I just ignore everything and let things take care of themselves (magically, nobody starves during my 1 hour time out). that helps.
sometimes I'll just pick up the phone and b!tch to DH about how my life sucks and ask him to come home early. he says yes, while he may or may not. but guess what, that helps too!

[Sweetum]

Africa sounds great- maybe we should really plan some kind of safari for the runaway mom crowd one of these days. :) :grouphug:
I'm in!