house rules

[hillview]

I am posting here because I want to post house rules for our family. While they are for everyone I think they may be most helpful for DS2. DS2 has poor impulse control and perhaps ADHD.

There are 3 areas I'd like to focus on
1 No hitting
2 No name calling
3 No angry screaming

My question is while usually I'd put these in positive words
1 Kind actions
2 Kind words

I am not sure if DS2 will get that as it is sort of round about wording.

DS2 is 5.5 and learning to read. A simple set of words he would easily "know" or memorize. he is very good at memorizing things.

Thoughts?
TIA

[Sweetum]

How about pictures with the red circle and red line across to indicate "NO".

[Gena]

I know that popular wisdom is that rules for kids are supposed to be written in positive language, using Do's rather than Do Nots. But that method is too subtle for my DS. He needs to see the DO NOTs (in caps). So we try to pair the DO NOT with a DO, like this:

DO NOT hit. DO use gentle touch.
DO NOT scream. DO take 3 deep breathes and use a Number 3 Voice.

The "Number 3 Voice" refers to his voice scale. We have copies posted in multiple locations, as well as pocket versions in our wallets:
5 - Screaming: Emergencies Only
4 - Loud Voice: Playground, Recess
3 - Normal Voice: Home, Store
2 - Whisper: Library, Church
1 - No Talking: Quiet Time, Someone Else Is Talking

If your DS2 is just starting to read, you could use pictures along with the words to help him understand.

We have also recently discovered that DS is more likely to comply with rules if we label them "official". So now we mark everything that way.

[hillview]

I know that popular wisdom is that rules for kids are supposed to be written in positive language, using Do's rather than Do Nots. But that method is too subtle for my DS. He needs to see the DO NOTs (in caps). So we try to pair the DO NOT with a DO, like this:

DO NOT hit. DO use gentle touch.
DO NOT scream. DO take 3 deep breathes and use a Number 3 Voice.

The "Number 3 Voice" refers to his voice scale. We have copies posted in multiple locations, as well as pocket versions in our wallets:
5 - Screaming: Emergencies Only
4 - Loud Voice: Playground, Recess
3 - Normal Voice: Home, Store
2 - Whisper: Library, Church
1 - No Talking: Quiet Time, Someone Else Is Talking

If your DS2 is just starting to read, you could use pictures along with the words to help him understand.

We have also recently discovered that DS is more likely to comply with rules if we label them "official". So now we mark everything that way.

Thanks. This makes sense (do / do not). Also I like the voice levels. We are getting DS2's hearing tested (againx3) to make sure the yelling is a choice he is making vs a hearing issue (he has a history of hearing issues BUT the last 2 tests have been clear). I may borrow this idea if his hearing comes back clear.

[mikeys_mom]

I know that popular wisdom is that rules for kids are supposed to be written in positive language, using Do's rather than Do Nots. But that method is too subtle for my DS. He needs to see the DO NOTs (in caps). So we try to pair the DO NOT with a DO, like this:

DO NOT hit. DO use gentle touch.
DO NOT scream. DO take 3 deep breathes and use a Number 3 Voice.

This is almost exactly what we do. We have one copy hanging in DS's room. He picked where he wanted it to hang. We also have one in the kitchen and one in the family room. DS is self-conscious about people seeing these rules and other lists we have around and thinking he is weird for needing them. So, we make sure to label them as the XYZ Family Rules/Routines, etc... That way they are global rules for the entire family and not specifically for him. I even sometimes tell the kids that I need to leave the room to do some "square breathing" for a few minutes so I can talk to them without yelling when I get upset ;).

Ours are laminated and that seems to make them hold more value with DS. I guess similar to what Gena is saying about them being "official".

[hillview]

Ok here is what I have so far. I agree Mikey's Mom about being official. I am thinking of hitting etsy
DO NOT name call. DO use kind words
DO NOT fight. DO use I statements.
DO NOT yell. DO use inside voices.
DO NOT throw. DO use words.
DO chores.
DO hugs and kisses.
DO tell the truth.
DO say sorry.
DO listen to mommy and daddy.