WWYD? DDs destroying large $$ plants in the yard.

[MamaMolly]

Final Update: So this afternoon I asked her to tell me about the plants. She explained that she and her sister were playing Pocahantas, picking corn. It makes sense in a 6yo way. The plants have long stalks with big leaves and the flowers could look like a big (albeit red) corn cob. Sort of. ;) This morning when I posted I thought she was just being destructive and I was angry and concerned. Truthfully you guys were right, she was just being a little kid. I'm so glad that you all helped me walk through this to get from a place of anger to one of actually PARENTING. Thank you!!


UPDATING FOR CLARIFICATION: I'm sure the plants will grow back on their own. It is the stems and blossoms that were broken off, the plants weren't uprooted or anything. It isn't something I'd go to the LL about, because if anything the damn things will grow back fuller in a month of two. It could be looked at as trimming back or thinning out of a plant bed. I'm asking for advice on a *parenting* level. I don't see this as a 'kids will be kids' thing, because Lula knows she did wrong, and did it anyway. I want other's thoughts and opinions about how you handle that side of it.


On the way to the car this morning I noticed that several large ornamental red ginger plants in our yard are broken off. As in twigs are left, so essentially they are destroyed. These are big plants, between 4-6 feet tall, and over 20 of them are broken off. I asked my DDs if they knew what happened to the plants and immediately Lula (6) starts rather desperately apologizing, saying it was an accident, they won't do it again. :irked:

Apologizing when Mama asks if they know anything is a SURE sign that my DD knew she was doing wrong *when* she was doing it.

I told her I was really upset, because she broke the plants and also because they don't belong to us. I plan to talk to DH about it this evening, but I want to know what you would do.

I'm really pi$$ed because we are renting, and I take pride in how well we care for the homes we rent. We try really hard to be great renters. Out LLs have been super nice, very responsive, and yard maintenance is in our contract. We have someone come out every 3-4 weeks to clean up, maintain the bushes and plants, and clean off the roof (as per our lease). I know that the way the house/ yard looks MATTERS to the LLs. And their daughter lives two houses down from us.

My DDs have picked flowers or leaves before, but nothing that would make a difference in the appearance of the yard. This escapade is willful, large scale destruction of property.

So WWYD?

[egoldber]

I don't think kids that age know the different between a high $ valuable landscaping plant and a weed. In their mind it's a plant and grows back, right? Especially if they have picked leaves and flowers before and were not told it is not OK, I think it is hard for them to know the difference. I can easily see my kids doing something like that.

I feel your pain though. We have a lamp post in our yard (all houses in our neighborhood have them) with a very enticing set of pins that stick out on each side. We tell them not to, but it's almost irresistible for kids to swing from those pins. And almost every time, they snap right off and we have to replace them to the tune of $50 each. Sigh. I think this stuff just happens with kids.

I would consult a gardener and see what can be done. If you decide to replant, I would make them help by doing some of the hard work of digging, etc. If they have an allowance, I would have them put money towards it as well.

[sariana]

If you have a good relationship with the LLs, you should contact them and ask them what they would like for you to do. Maybe they hated those plants and were looking for an excuse to get rid of them. I doubt it, but why spend money to replace until you know for certain that is what they want?

Kids will be kids. Hopefully your LLs will understand that and will appreciate your integrity.

[rin]

If you have a good relationship with the LLs, you should contact them and ask them what they would like for you to do. Maybe they hated those plants and were looking for an excuse to get rid of them. I doubt it, but why spend money to replace until you know for certain that is what they want?

:yeahthat:



Kids will be kids. Hopefully your LLs will understand that and will appreciate your integrity.

Yes and no. We have rental properties; of course I'd understand if someone said their kids had damaged something, what did we want to do about it, but I wouldn't just write it off (depending on how pricey it was). We have in our leases a clause about how the yard/plantings are part of the tenant's responsibility to maintain, so unless we'd been planning to remove something I would probably ask tenants to either (a) remove and replace the plants, or (b) cover the cost of having landscapers do it. In the last house we rented, our dogs destroyed the front lawn, and we paid to resod the area.

[sariana]

I didn't mean that the OP shouldn't be expected to pay for the repair/replacement. I just meant hopefully the LLs will work with them and not be angry about it (beyond the understandable disappointment).

[hillview]

some thoughts
- did DD explain HOW is happened -- was it really more of an accident or unintended consquences (ball went into the bush -- she charged into bush to get ball out withouth being careful) or was it more trying to hurt the bush? Depending on the answer, I might do all of the below or just one.

Things I have done
- have DS write an apology note -- he did this when 6. Not great handwriting but the NOTION of writing a letter of apology did a lot for him. I didn't send it but he doesn't really know that (I left it vague).
- anti up some of her allowance to pay for it (small token would be ok) this would impact my DS1
- do something NICE for the property. maybe some extra clean up to make up for the damage

HTH

[123LuckyMom]

I read your update. I would enforce the lesson that these plants belong to someone else. They were not your DD's to break. They are objects AND living things in her care, and, accident or not, she had a responsibility to protect those plants on behalf of the LL to whom they belong. We talk about stewardship in our house. Whether you use that language or not, I would explain the concept to her. I would tell her that you feel the LL should know that she is sorry and that the LL should be able to have confidence that nothing similar will happen again. The LL needs to know that your DD will join the rest of the family in exercising good stewardship over his or her property. Ask your DD how she can restore the LL's confidence in her. Some ideas might be to write a note or make a call or a visit. I would clue the LL in, though, so that it's a positive experience for your DD. The idea is to enable her to make a new or renewed commitment to doing right, not to shame her for doing wrong. Does that make sense?

[sariana]

Ah, I see now.

I would not focus TOO much on the "they belong to someone else" because we need to take care of our own belongings, too.

The "plants are living things that need our care" is a good tactic. Some very specific gardening chores might be an appropriate consequence. I phrase it that way because you will want to make sure they are recognized as chores, not "playing in the yard."

Having her write an apology to the LLs is not a bad idea (whether you choose to send it or not), but you do want to make sure she realizes the act was wrong in and of itself, not just because you are renting the property. Does that make sense?

[MamaMolly]

Ah, I see now.

I would not focus TOO much on the "they belong to someone else" because we need to take care of our own belongings, too.

The "plants are living things that need our care" is a good tactic. Some very specific gardening chores might be an appropriate consequence. I phrase it that way because you will want to make sure they are recognized as chores, not "playing in the yard."

Having her write an apology to the LLs is not a bad idea (whether you choose to send it or not), but you do want to make sure she realizes the act was wrong in and of itself, not just because you are renting the property. Does that make sense?

Thanks, this has really helped a lot! :)