goldenpig
02-26-2013, 07:43 PM
I'm due in three days! I am so excited about this baby coming and have been this whole pregnancy. And yet there's this small, buried undercurrent of worrying that something is going to go horribly wrong at the last minute. It isn't preventing me from doing anything or making me depressed or obsessive (like I don't think I have clinical level anxiety), but it does make me cautious about being too outwardly excited/happy, just in case things don't go well...maybe that's just being too superstitious? Or is it normal to be worried about the upcoming L&D?
I think it started when I was pregnant with DD. I would always hear stories from other people about miscarriages/stillbirths/SIDS deaths (either their own, or more commonly about people they knew). I don't know why people feel compelled to share these stories with pregnant women! Sometimes (not often) I would get in these weird jags where I would look up "stillbirth stories" on the internet, read about all these women who lost their babies and get so sad for them. But then I would think it's really bad luck to be obsessing about something like that and stop.
But then I've also had several instances of "near misses" or survivor guilt. When DD was born, a work colleague of DH's had a baby at the same time, same hospital as us but the baby ended up dying unexpectedly at 1 week old from an enterovirus infection that caused sepsis. That freaked me out, especially as a first time parent of a newborn. I remember being so worried about SIDS that we bought one of those Angelcare breathing monitor alarms (which did nothing but scare us every time she rolled off the sensor, so we got rid of it). When DS was born, he had a few decels at the end and turns out had a double nuchal cord, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. Fortunately he was the 2nd baby and came fast, but if he had been our first he would have likely had fetal distress (I had a long labor and pushed for 3 hours the first time) and might have had birth problems or required a C-section. And a few months ago one of my good friends had a stillbirth at 35 weeks (our daughters go to school together and we hang out together a lot and have kids the same age and were both pregnant at the same time with boys) and that really affected me and still does. I am so sad that they lost the baby and that we won't have a chance to have our babies grow up together (and worried that my baby will be a constant reminder to her of the one she lost). I had a mini-baby shower yesterday and she came to it, but I know it's got to be tough on her. I am worried about how she'll cope if/when this baby arrives. Yesterday she told me she is so excited for me and it will be healing for her to hold my baby, but I'm worried it'll just make her feel worse. And I know her experience is making me worried about my own baby (like I had to add the "if" in the previous sentence). I'm not worried about dealing with taking care of the newborn or any of that stuff since it's our third, but I just am worried that something will go wrong with the baby (or, less likely, me) during delivery. I feel like I can't totally relax until the baby's here and survives the first week. Anyone else get last minute jitters? Is this totally normal from all the emotions/hormones swirling around? How do you deal with it?
I think it started when I was pregnant with DD. I would always hear stories from other people about miscarriages/stillbirths/SIDS deaths (either their own, or more commonly about people they knew). I don't know why people feel compelled to share these stories with pregnant women! Sometimes (not often) I would get in these weird jags where I would look up "stillbirth stories" on the internet, read about all these women who lost their babies and get so sad for them. But then I would think it's really bad luck to be obsessing about something like that and stop.
But then I've also had several instances of "near misses" or survivor guilt. When DD was born, a work colleague of DH's had a baby at the same time, same hospital as us but the baby ended up dying unexpectedly at 1 week old from an enterovirus infection that caused sepsis. That freaked me out, especially as a first time parent of a newborn. I remember being so worried about SIDS that we bought one of those Angelcare breathing monitor alarms (which did nothing but scare us every time she rolled off the sensor, so we got rid of it). When DS was born, he had a few decels at the end and turns out had a double nuchal cord, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. Fortunately he was the 2nd baby and came fast, but if he had been our first he would have likely had fetal distress (I had a long labor and pushed for 3 hours the first time) and might have had birth problems or required a C-section. And a few months ago one of my good friends had a stillbirth at 35 weeks (our daughters go to school together and we hang out together a lot and have kids the same age and were both pregnant at the same time with boys) and that really affected me and still does. I am so sad that they lost the baby and that we won't have a chance to have our babies grow up together (and worried that my baby will be a constant reminder to her of the one she lost). I had a mini-baby shower yesterday and she came to it, but I know it's got to be tough on her. I am worried about how she'll cope if/when this baby arrives. Yesterday she told me she is so excited for me and it will be healing for her to hold my baby, but I'm worried it'll just make her feel worse. And I know her experience is making me worried about my own baby (like I had to add the "if" in the previous sentence). I'm not worried about dealing with taking care of the newborn or any of that stuff since it's our third, but I just am worried that something will go wrong with the baby (or, less likely, me) during delivery. I feel like I can't totally relax until the baby's here and survives the first week. Anyone else get last minute jitters? Is this totally normal from all the emotions/hormones swirling around? How do you deal with it?