Help me be ok with not breast feeding

[Jupiter]

My baby is 3 weeks old, I have not been able to make enough milk for her. The first week she lost weight and I had to start supplementing. I started to pump in hopes of increasing supply. But I have begun to feel overwhelmed. Like all I did was pump and feed. Then this week I noticed she seemed to fart a lot so I started giving her similac sensitive.

I feel overwhelmed and like I'm just guessing what is best. Does she really need the sensitive? Is breast feeding worth the stress and anxiety? (Which I already struggle with).

Partly I feel like a failure...

[sariana]

I noticed your sig--how early was she? Has she hit her due date yet? Could she have an underdeveloped digestive system?

You should donwhatnis best for you and your baby. That may be breast feeding. It may not.

It is okay not to breast feed if it is not working for you.

Check with your ped about the gas issues. I don't know much about that. DC both were early, but we were fortunate not to have feeding issues (once DS was out of the NICU).

[wellyes]

Love your baby, that's all that matters. I hope it gets easier for her. And you!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Would you be willing to try a few solid days of no pumping, no supplementing and just nursing round the clock? At 3 weeks, it could be a whole lot of nursing but that's a good thing as it could help to build your supply to where it needs to go. Pumping and formula are a slippery slope if you are dealing with supply issues. If you feel better just being done, you don't need anyone's ok. :) But, if it were me, I'd probably give it one last really good go before making the decision to stop.

[Philly Mom]

I had some of the same issues. At 6 weeks, I was having a breakdown. DD couldn't latch, I was bleeding and in horrible pain and the pumping was horrible. DD was not gaining weight. I had a LC who i kept seeing and she was not helping to make anything better for more than a day. I am a very stable person and was losing it. My ped made things worse. Lots of pressure for DD to gain weight and for me to breast feed. I then saw my OB. My OB said to me, "you shouldn't need drugs to feel stable to be able to breast feed." She grabbed another OB in the practice who I liked a lot and I spoke with both of them. After that, I tried to pump for a bit but also give formula. Once she was on formula, just normal formula, she became so much happier and started gaining weight. I became happier too and stopped pumping. I do not regret my decision and don't feel like I need to defend my decision because it was the best one for me and DD. that said, if we have a second kid, I will try again. Good luck. Do what is best for you because that is what is best for DC. A happy mommy is important.

[Jupiter]

My baby was 3 weeks early and her due date was Saturday.

When I try to breast feeds her she will feed on both sides but still appear hungry. She gets fussy and roots. No matter how long she's on there. Do I just literally feed nonstop? How do you sleep? I'm willing to try bf again but I not sure what to do when she's hungry but not getting anything.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I would try handing her off to dh after you have nursed her for a while and see if she's really, really hungry or just wanting to chill with you as her pacifier. I remember so clearly when ds1 was 3w old and FIL was visiting. I was saying that ds1 wanted to eat all the time and he could see I was overwhelmed. FIL took ds1 and walked with him and just cared for him. Turns out, ds1 didn't need to nurse as much as I thought. He was perfectly content with FIL and dh. I think if he was with mom, he just wanted to eat. But, he could be happy doing other stuff. So, it's worth trying that. Nurse then go take a bath, a nap, anything and see what happens.

I usually look for what kind of milk is coming out to gauge whether a session could be ended- skim milk/ watery= foremilk= keep going. Cream= hind milk= ok to take a break.

[edurnemk]

I would try handing her off to dh after you have nursed her for a while and see if she's really, really hungry or just wanting to chill with you as her pacifier. I remember so clearly when ds1 was 3w old and FIL was visiting. I was saying that ds1 wanted to eat all the time and he could see I was overwhelmed. FIL took ds1 and walked with him and just cared for him. Turns out, ds1 didn't need to nurse as much as I thought. He was perfectly content with FIL and dh. I think if he was with mom, he just wanted to eat. But, he could be happy doing other stuff. So, it's worth trying that. Nurse then go take a bath, a nap, anything and see what happens.

I usually look for what kind of milk is coming out to gauge whether a session could be ended- skim milk/ watery= foremilk= keep going. Cream= hind milk= ok to take a break.

I agree with this. I introduced a pacifier with both my kids around 4 weeks because they'd use me as a pacifier (BF was well established, they were gaining weight). In your case, Id try having someone else hold her, and old off on the paci until her weight gain is on track.

[mikala]

Would you be willing to try a few solid days of no pumping, no supplementing and just nursing round the clock? At 3 weeks, it could be a whole lot of nursing but that's a good thing as it could help to build your supply to where it needs to go. Pumping and formula are a slippery slope if you are dealing with supply issues. If you feel better just being done, you don't need anyone's ok. :) But, if it were me, I'd probably give it one last really good go before making the decision to stop.

This is a great suggestion. I'd drink tons of water to stay hydrated and do lots of skin to skin with baby. I can't remember if you've already seen an LC but if not I'd do that, or possibly find a new one if you didn't click with the first. You might see if it's possible for the LC to weigh baby before and after a feeding to help determine how much baby is actually taking in.

That said, only you know what will bring you the most peace. :hug:

I wish you the best of luck whatever you choose. The first few weeks of nursing are rough with all babies and I think they're especially hard with early babes because of their development and the increased focus on weight gain.

ETA: Logistically speaking I prepped for a weekend of skin to skin with baby by loading up my Kindle and Netflix queue, grabbing a nursing pillow and some lanolin, some snacks and a big bottle of water and just snuggled with a baby in a diaper against my bare chest. I handed baby off occasionally when baby wasn't nursing so I could pee, shower, stretch, nap a little.

[Jupiter]

I usually look for what kind of milk is coming out to gauge whether a session could be ended- skim milk/ watery= foremilk= keep going. Cream= hind milk= ok to take a break.

When I have pumped, the milk doesn't look any different.. I looked up pictures, it does look more like hind milk..

I will give it another go.

[larig]

I had some of the same issues. At 6 weeks, I was having a breakdown. DD couldn't latch, I was bleeding and in horrible pain and the pumping was horrible. DD was not gaining weight. I had a LC who i kept seeing and she was not helping to make anything better for more than a day. I am a very stable person and was losing it. My ped made things worse. Lots of pressure for DD to gain weight and for me to breast feed. I then saw my OB. My OB said to me, "you shouldn't need drugs to feel stable to be able to breast feed." She grabbed another OB in the practice who I liked a lot and I spoke with both of them. After that, I tried to pump for a bit but also give formula. Once she was on formula, just normal formula, she became so much happier and started gaining weight. I became happier too and stopped pumping. I do not regret my decision and don't feel like I need to defend my decision because it was the best one for me and DD. that said, if we have a second kid, I will try again. Good luck. Do what is best for you because that is what is best for DC. A happy mommy is important.

:yeahthat: (bolding mine) I had a sort of similar experience. DS failed to thrive. I wasn't producing enough. I was exhausted and miserable taking drugs to try to get production up, and it just seemed insane to me to be working so hard that I wasn't enjoying the time with my boy. Supplementing with formula was a relief. He was happier, because he wasn't hungry. I was happier, because he wasn't crying all the time. And, Ds stopped looking like some alien child and started looking like a plump little baby. I continued breast feeding, but supplementing made all the difference in his weight gain and our enjoyment of our child's infancy.

[Nooknookmom]

Would you be willing to try a few solid days of no pumping, no supplementing and just nursing round the clock? At 3 weeks, it could be a whole lot of nursing but that's a good thing as it could help to build your supply to where it needs to go. Pumping and formula are a slippery slope if you are dealing with supply issues. If you feel better just being done, you don't need anyone's ok. :) But, if it were me, I'd probably give it one last really good go before making the decision to stop.

This! The lactation consultant tried to shame me at two weeks PP - told me I wasn't making enough milk...baby was losing weight, implied it was my fault.

I went and got on Fenugreek STAT & dumped ANY supplemtntion. Every time you push a finial bottle you misses a chance to make milk. At the hospital the night nurse would shove a bottle of ore made formula in my hand and say "here she will sleep longer". I'm like uhhhhh- I don't mind getting up to feed her she's my baby!

Don't feel bad! Lot of us have been there and almost gve up-keep going you can do it!!!! Ew extra oatmeal, drink tons of water and look at your baby each and every time you nurse. Let him nurse in demand ALL day if that's what it takes.

Also as pp said it could be that he was early and the digestive kinks haven't worked out yet.

You are really early in the bfing game...keep it up.

[Mali]

:hug: No advice or suggestions since I'm wrestling with breast feeding myself (DD is 4 weeks). I don't have to deal with the same things you're going through, but even so, trying to stay stubborn enough to keep breast feeding until the magical day when "things get better" sometimes feels like a losing proposition when she won't stop screaming anytime she's not on the boob.

:hug: Good luck with whatever you decide!

[lalasmama]

My baby was 3 weeks early and her due date was Saturday.

When I try to breast feeds her she will feed on both sides but still appear hungry. She gets fussy and roots. No matter how long she's on there. Do I just literally feed nonstop? How do you sleep? I'm willing to try bf again but I not sure what to do when she's hungry but not getting anything.

(I'm a lactation consultant student at the moment.)

A few things caught me with this, and your earlier, post.

Babies that come early--even at 37 weeks!--often take a little while longer to get the idea of nursing. Many babies practice sucking a lot in those last weeks of pregnancy, and babies that are in a rush to get here miss out on all that sucking practice in utero!

Also, there's a growth spurt that normally happens at 2-3 weeks, and again around 6 weeks. At that point, its normal to seem like baby is nursing f.o.r.e.v.e.r. Remember, breastfeeding is all about supply and demand. They are trying to grow, so they are going to demand more from your breasts. Once the breasts figure out the demand is there, they will supply! (Interesting fact: Only 4% of women have truly insufficient milk production. The rest can usually be attributed to other causes! The 4% includes things like insufficient glandular tissue, hormone issues causing lowered milk supply, etc.)

Newborns are often gassy. Think about what we (as adults) need to toot--usually we need to be able to be somewhat private. We need to be able to contract our abdominal muscles to push the toot down, while relaxing our rectal sphincter to let the toot escape. Similarly, think about how we poop-we need to be sitting, close to squatting, contracting abdominal muscles while relaxing our booty... and we wonder why our babies, laying on their backs, have such a hard time pooping! They aren't given time in anatomically-appropriate positions to allow for easier gas and poop movements! I guess my point is that many newborns are gassy no matter what they are fed, and most babies don't need sensitive formula. Some babies are more sensitive, yes, and require special formula, or are intolerant to what their mom may eat. But, overall, I have yet to meet a newborn who isn't a toot-toot-tootin' away worse than a train ;)

If you are sad about the idea of ending the nursing relationship, it sounds like you would be willing to work on it. As others have suggested, trying a "nursing weekend" (whether done on a weekend or not) is always a good start. Lots of access to the breast, offering before late hunger cues are exhibited (smacking lips, sucking fingers are early signs, crying is a late sign!), you staying relaxed and hydrated. If you want, you can try things like lactation cookies (yummy! they worked like a charm for me), or fenugreek, but really, nursing is often enough at this stage of the game, assuming its on-demand.

All that being said, if the idea of continuing to try sends you "over the edge", then it sounds like you gave it a good try, and are doing what's needed for a happy mama, which is just as important as a happy baby. Yes, "breast is best" but its worse if "breast" means a stressed out mama!

[wendibird22]

I remember when DD1 was that age feeling like I totally didn't know what I was doing, that DD wasn't satisfied, like I couldn't put her down and get up off the couch for even a few minutes, and really, like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I visited with an LC who assured me everything looked fine. I had a ped who wanted DD to be putting on more weight and sent me home with a can of formula. I was stubborn and refused and just kept at breastfeeding. Sure enough by ~6-8wks things finally felt like they fell into a routine and that DD1 was satisfied. It was a rough, emotional start for sure. After that I'd always tell my friends to give it until 8wks before deciding whether to stop or not because the first 8wks you just feel like a lunatic. Many have told me after they totally agreed with that. So if you do want to stick with it I think you'll find it'll get easier very soon.

That said, there is no medal or prize or badge of honor for breast feeding or formula feeding. Each mom choses her own journey that is right for her and her DC and that is all that matters in the end.

[BunnyBee]

You asked if breast feeding is worth stress and anxiety? Yes, I think it is! I have 3 kids and I had to use LCs with each. It can be hard and painful. The first 3 months SUCK for me. My last was the hardest. I had to supplement, which I'd never done before. I decided I wasn't going to give up without trying everything first.

List in order of increasing craziness :) :
Nurse-fests (stay in bed, snuggle, nurse ALL day)
Milk cookies (lots of recipes on google)
Mother's Milk supplements, tea
Pumping 10-15 mins after nursing
Ordering domperidone from Vanuatu (check Kellymom)

The domperidone is what finally worked for me. I was able to produce enough to end supplements when DD was about 10 weeks old.

Also, I used Alimentum to supplement as it was less likely to throw off gut flora (per advice of my ped and a neonatologist friend). And it tastes like crap so no chance of her preferring the taste... ;) We also found Dr. Brown's preemie nipples to have the slowest flow.

Have you seen an LC? Checked for tongue tie?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Like pp, I agree that bf'ing is worth it. It took to 7 weeks for things to really turn around and have any way of understanding why people breastfed. After that, and after having worked so hard to get to that point, I became really passionate about breastfeeding. My original goal was 6 months and I was going to get there no matter what (I'm super stubborn!). I got to 6m and kept going- I was feeding my baby for free, food was always available, I lost plenty of weight and really was just satisfied with my ability to breastfeed. I revised my goal to a year. Got there and saw the benefits of breastmilk and kept going till he self weaned at 19m. Anyway, long story short, if I went back in time and talked to myself with a 3wo baby, I'd have thought I was a bit nuts that it really was going to get better and that I would actually enjoy it! So, that's why I get a bit gung ho in my support to stick with it. :)

[pastrygirl]

My baby was 3 weeks early and her due date was Saturday.

When I try to breast feeds her she will feed on both sides but still appear hungry. She gets fussy and roots. No matter how long she's on there. Do I just literally feed nonstop? How do you sleep? I'm willing to try bf again but I not sure what to do when she's hungry but not getting anything.

FWIW, yes, I fed nonstop, with maybe 10 minutes of not nursing every hour while snoozing still on my lap. Both my kids were like that (3 wks early and 4 wks early). I slept feeding them. They slept with me. It was the only way to get any sleep. It was really hard but I really wanted to do it. It's OKAY if that's not what you want to do!

[jennilynn]

First off: :hug: I was going to suggest several days of solid nursing but I see several people already have. It's great advice if you're up for it. My midwives also recommended three foods to make breastmilk extra creamy and delicious: avocados, oatmeal and cream (like in full fat Haagen Daz ice cream - yum!) Also, drinking lots of water can help. I do believe it's worth it even though the first couple of weeks are difficult. Good luck!

[cvanbrunt]

There will always be people who tell you that you haven't tried hard enough, wanted it enough, or suggest that if you just knew more about the benefits of breast feeding you would continue. That is their experience and what worked for them. But this is your life, your baby, your decision. As long as your baby is fed and loved, she will be fine.
Good luck and take care.

[lizzywednesday]

FWIW, yes, I fed nonstop, with maybe 10 minutes of not nursing every hour while snoozing still on my lap. ... I slept feeding them. They slept with me. It was the only way to get any sleep. It was really hard but I really wanted to do it. It's OKAY if that's not what you want to do!

:yeahthat:

I didn't have a preemie, but my DD had/has medical issues that impacted her weight gain (heart defect babies are actually more prone to losing weight at first, for example, but neither I nor her pediatrician really understood that) and supplementing actually hurt my supply.

I fell asleep nursing more times than I could count - I used to prop myself up on 3 pillows in bed & prop DD on the Boppy across my lap with my knees bent up. I would wake in the middle of the night with DD sacked out on my tummy and I'd freak ... but I couldn't have done it any other way.

But ... I tend to describe my "dedication" to sticking with nursing as a control issue - we saw an LC (look for one with an IBLC certification) and did nothing but snuggle & nurse until DD and I clicked.

I needed to feel like I was in control of something in the middle of an out-of-control situation; being kind of compulsive about nursing was my way of ordering the rest of my life. All I'm trying to say is that I found breastfeeding a child with special considerations to be especially rough for me and I had a lot of pressure to just throw in the towel.



HOWEVER, if you feel like you're going to go out of your ever-loving mind, there is NOTHING wrong with saying you've had it and it's time to stop. One of the PPs said it best - a happy mama is really important.

[KLD313]

I had difficulty breastfeeding both my kids. I saw am LC with DD and she encouraged me to supplement because she was not getting enough. Sometime in month 3 she self weaned. I kept trying to pump but got almost nothing so I stopped and formula fed.

The exact same thing happened with DS except I didn't see an LC.

I just refused to feel guilty about it. I was in a ton of pain, wincing, dreading going through the pain. It just wasn't worth it to me.

If you're not happy your baby will sense that. Any BM is better than nothing so even if you supplement your baby is still getting antibodies.

[3blackcats]

Do not feel like a failure. This feeling was my biggest regret after Dd1 was born. I couldn't produce milk no matter what homeopathic,modern medicine insane amount of pumping I took or did. People made me feel horrible. Especially when they said "have you tried this such thing?" Yes, I've tried it and then some. And then I cried because it didn't work.

I missed so many of the early weeks of her life because I was caught up in the "I must breast feed" hype. I hate this.

With Dd#2 I fed her formula as soon as they would let me, yes let me - they made me go at least 24 hours before I could feed her formula at the hospital. The nurses and lc's scolded me for saying the evil formula word.

You have two choices for feeding your baby: breast milk or formula. If you can't make option a then formula it is.

I hear moms say how they have all this pressure to formula feed their baby. I had the exact opposite: I had extreme pressure that I was a horrible mom if I didn't breast feed my child.

Every friend I have that is going to have a baby I try to convey how deeply I was hurt by people and their bf'ing propaganda. It's not fair to those who are just physically unable to produce milk due to no fault of our own. I'm just glad they have such quality and so many options for formula. How the heck would I find a wet nurse in 2013??!?

Best of luck. Please don't make my mistake and waste those early weeks.

[Jupiter]

Thanks 3blackcats for your wisdom and everyone's support. I did give bf another shot but she was just not getting enough. She would stop nursing and refuse the breast but continued rooting. I ended up giving her a bottle. I don't think the stress is worth it.

Thank you all.

[Cam&Clay]

Hated breast feeding. Yup, I said it. I lasted 5 days with DS1 and 4 weeks with DS2. I don't regret giving up at all. I admire those who do it. It was not for me or my babies.

[HonoluluMom]

:hug:

Whatever you decide is best for mama and baby is the way to go. Formula versus breastfeeding is very much a personal and situation-specific decision.

[Simon]

I am glad you gave it one last try but I think that is more for peace of mind than anything. To feel like you are comfortable with your decision. I have done both-breastfeeding and formula feeding. Preemies are really, really different. Even near term babies (36 and 37 weekers), can need more support, coaxing, etc. to learn to nurse. Don't let anyone, especially people who have never had a preemie, give you any trouble!

I EP'd for Ds2 for a long time but gave up on nursing him when he was still quite young (after nursing Ds1 for a few years). I just sensed that it was the right decision and sure enough, it became clear as he grew older that he had complications that would have likely kept him ever learning to nurse, no matter how hard we tried. I would have done more damage to keep trying, in fact. I am very glad I followed my instincts and stopped trying sooner than later. Happy baby = happy Mom.

[okinawama]

I too ended up formula feeding DS1 ( but for what it's worth, I went on breastfeed DS2 very very easily well past 1yr old...). I don't regret a drop of formula I gave him. What I do regret was the hours of stress and tears over the decision. Good luck in the coming weeks! You're doing a great job!

[Tinochka]

At the end of the day what matters is that a mom is happy and a baby is thriving. I ended up supplementing with DS1, because of his reflux, slow eating, I could not put him down, didn’t have that much help, I have no idea how my breast were not bleeding, because I had him at breasts for hours, I was broke...Then I did my best: BF him at the beginning and tap with formula, which helped with sleeping and my rest. I do not regret, because it helped me to enjoy my baby and kept.
I prepared myself with DS2 (reading a lot, going to LLC meetings), could not put him down for a month (glad that DH was around, we were sleeping in shifts), thanks to LLC friend, found out that I had a strong let down on one side and small thing as feeding a baby in football position saved my life, and he was a good eater.
You feel too much stress, it will effect your milk supply. I liked a lot
http://kellymom.com/ and LLC ppl.
Hugs to you and whatever decision you ended up what matters is that you as a family is happy.

[mmommy]

Please just allow yourself to let it go and feed your baby in whatever way is best for you. Formula is not poison.
I have watched friends turn themselves upside down over these issues. Looking back now that the kids are 3-5 you can't tell who was breastfed and who got formula. They're all healthy and have mommas that love them.

[Tondi G]

Don't feel guilty. If you need to formula feed your baby then so be it! I BF DS1 for over 2 years. I BF DS2 for 2 weeks. I had to take a medication that required me to pump and dump (which was heartbreaking at the time). When I was finally able to try to BF him again he was OVER IT! My milk supply had dwindled and he was just not into all the work involved on his part .... those bottles sure are easy! I beat myself up about it ... I cried. In the end DS2 was happy, well fed and it actually made my life a little easier cause he could be left with Grandma or Daddy and there was no stress rushing back to feed the baby or pumping for days on end to try to get enough milk to fill bottles (like I dealt with, with DS1).

Someone told me something when I was going through all the craziness and it really helped me feel better about it all. When all these babies are toddling around the playground after they hit a year ... you will see sippy cups of cows milk, and soy milk and juice and baggies of goldfish and cheerios. No one will know which of those kids was breast fed or formula fed and honestly .... it doesn't really make a difference. What makes a difference is that baby is happily fed and growing ... and Mommy is happy. She was absolutely right!

Do what you need to do .... and don't ever look back and regret! (((HUGS))) Every little bit of breast milk counts so kudos to you for sticking it out these few weeks! Enjoy your little one!

[AnnieW625]

There will always be people who tell you that you haven't tried hard enough, wanted it enough, or suggest that if you just knew more about the benefits of breast feeding you would continue. That is their experience and what worked for them. But this is your life, your baby, your decision. As long as your baby is fed and loved, she will be fine.
Good luck and take care.

:yeahthat: x infinity. You have to do what is best for you and if breast feeding with bottle supplementation is that then it is okay as well.

I ended up only breastfeeding my girls until they were just shy of 4 months old (I went back to work and was not pumping enough to make pumping worth it to me) so I am no where close to experienced as some of the moms here and maybe that makes me a not a good source, but your own mental health is very important. IMHO doing what is best for you is just as important as it is for your babies. I would have gone nutso had a dr. or lactation consultant told me to stay in bed and nurse all day.

[Jupiter]

Thanks again everyone, I've been pumping and giving her some breastmilk every day. She is growing and healthy, that's the important part.