If you DC is a Sept baby...

[janine]

Did you hold her/him back before starting K? We have decided to with DD1 who is a late Sept baby. For no reason other than social (on teacher's recomendation). She apparently does not talk at all at school with the other kids. Talks non-stop at home though. I can't help but second guess my decision though as she is already reading/writing short words.

DD2 is a late Oct baby so misses the cutoff sufficiently that it seems the decsion is already made. Our cutoff is late Sept here.

[scrooks]

Ds is a late sept baby. We will hold him. In fact he will be repeating 3s next year in preschool. Redshirting is common in our area and he makes the cutoff by a just a week. The decision with him is easy. We also redshirted our summer bday dd.... Fwiw. The decision was much harder for her.

[kdeunc]

I don't have a Sept. baby but I will be sending my July baby on time this year. My question with your DD would be do you think a year will make a difference in her interacting with her peers or do you think that it is just her personality to be more reserved outside of home? I was a very shy/reserved/quiet kid all through school and staying home another year would have done nothing to change that. Apparantly growing up did as I chose a profession that requires me to be outgoing/talk in front of large groups, etc. :)

[MamaMolly]

Lula missed the Sept 1 cut off by a couple weeks. It means that she's one of the oldest in her class but development wise (social and academic) she is right on target with being a Kinder student. She was born a month early, too, so if she'd arrived on her due date there would have been no question as to it being the right placement. Every parent/teacher conference this year has reinforced that she is a solid kinder student. She started at this school last year, in Pre-K.

We had the option of putting her in another school last year, and she would have been in Kinder then and 1st now. It was admittedly hard seeing the kids from her baby group go to kinder and 1st before she did, but then she had the latest birthday of all of them. That was her first set of peers, so I guess it was natural for me to compare.

[janine]

I don't have a Sept. baby but I will be sending my July baby on time this year. My question with your DD would be do you think a year will make a difference in her interacting with her peers or do you think that it is just her personality to be more reserved outside of home? I was a very shy/reserved/quiet kid all through school and staying home another year would have done nothing to change that. Apparantly growing up did as I chose a profession that requires me to be outgoing/talk in front of large groups, etc. :)

I don't know that it will make any difference. A majority of my decision has to do with the teacher making the recommendation believing she will gain confidence with the extra year. Maybe or maybe not. I am worried that if I don't hold her back though that I might regret it later if she is constantly intimidated by the larger (redshirted) kids as this is also very common in our area. I have a friend holding her July DD back for this reason. But I'm not 100% sold so I admit having some second thoughts.

[Indianamom2]

We did. Dd was a mid-Sept. baby and she had done two years of preschool before she went to K. In our case, DD has other issues (still teasing them out, but major anxiety, possible ADHD, speech delays, etc...) For her, it was absolutely without a single doubt the right decision. However, she wasn't reading/writing much at all before K, so I had a feeling she wasn't ready in that respect either.

Now she is the oldest in her small class (and the tallest) but she is a great reader/student and she can keep up. I don't think I'd be saying that if we had pushed her to got a year earlier.

On the other hand, Ds was born in late July and he will be ready for K on time. He just doesn't have the same issues that DD had.

[AnnieW625]

DH is a September baby and he started school on time, his birthday is the 13th. He didn't go to traditional kindergarten as his Catholic school didn't offer kindergarten (he went to a daycare center with a kindergarten program) so he started 1st grade a week before he turned 6. If he were at DD1's school today he would have started late. No clue if it would have helped him or not and he has never once mentioned feeling like he was behind in school. He ended up getting an engineering degree.

Now if you go back in time to 1955 and if my grandma had been given the option to hold my dad back, he was born in October, 1950 she wishes she would have done so, she thinks he would have been a much better student had that been an option, but it wasn't. I also think that had he been in school today he would probably have some sort of really low ADHD diagnosis as well. He is constantly moving and can't be kept still. His best friends who were both born in November, 1950 graduated at the top or very near the top of their high school classes in 1968 so IMHO it all really depends on the kid.


.....For no reason other than social (on teacher's recomendation). She apparently does not talk at all at school with the other kids. Talks non-stop at home though. I can't help but second guess my decision though as she is already reading/writing short words.

I would send her in your case. I don't think the teacher's reasoning is a valid reason for holding her back at all. My DD1 has an April birthday, but since she was born she has been very shy and reserved. I used to get comments from her preschool teachers, and even her kindergarten teacher at the beginning of the school year about how quiet she was in class and that she must never talk at home. Granted she also had a pretty bad speech delay and needed small group classes from 2/1/2 until 3, but I never felt her language issues were a reason to hold her back. I would send her and I am sure she will blossom out of her shell quite easily. My DD1 has become best friends with the other little girl in the class who is equally shy as she is.

Oh, and other than the few Sandra Boynton books, and Biscuit books she had memorized she had zero interest in reading and the first six weeks of school were absolute hell when they were doing their handwriting worksheets because DD1 had zero interest in writing before that, and honestly I didn't really see the need to push it. She started reading on her own at 5 yrs., 8 mos. on a whim during Christmas vacation. It just clicked for her.

eta: I have a June birthday with a December 1 cut off and I always felt like I was better friends with the kids who were a year older (my two best friends, twins were a year ahead of me in schooL) or a year younger than me. I actually went to the 1st grade class by mistake on the first day of 2nd grade because I was friends with all of those kids. Even though I could have benefited from the social aspects of the grade lower than me for much of my academic k-12 career I would have been completely bored in many aspects. In the 6th grade math started becoming an issue for me so I was in a 5/6 combined class, and had been in a 4/5 combined class the year prior as well and it was huge for me to be able to do supplemental 5th grade math work to help me with 6th grade math, but in every other single subject I would have been bored out of my mind. I was a year or two behind in math for the rest of my academic career, but that was not a huge issue because in 7-12, and then in college there were multiple options.

[Thatchermom]

Two September babies in our house, one early and one late, with two August parents. District cutoff here is Sept. 1.

DS is our early Sept. and was at private school when we made the decision. They allowed us to go either way (mixed age classroom made it easy). We decided to keep him on track with district guideline, so a later K start at 6. It has been a good choice for him.

DD is late Sept. and we had no option for her. She is the oldest and tallest in her pre-K and seems light years ahead of some of the kids. She is a strong personality and ridiculously verbal so the difference really stands out. We'll see how it plays out, but a part of me already wishes she could have been in K this year instead of next year at 6.

Both of us were youngest in our class and from our experiences thought being older would be better. We took a lot more than that into consideration, but it did play a part. In the end, our kids are so very different that I would have made different choices for them (one on time, one early) if I had been able.

[PZMommy]

Did you hold her/him back before starting K? We have decided to with DD1 who is a late Sept baby. For no reason other than social (on teacher's recomendation). She apparently does not talk at all at school with the other kids. Talks non-stop at home though. I can't help but second guess my decision though as she is already reading/writing short words.

DD2 is a late Oct baby so misses the cutoff sufficiently that it seems the decsion is already made. Our cutoff is late Sept here.

As a kindergarten teacher, I would not hold her back. If she is reading and writing I would send her. The social skills will come. Also I have experienced some kids may be super quiet in one class, but put them in a different class, and they can be a chatterbox.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I have a son with a late September birthday. When he started K, the cutoff was December 2 here. He started K at 4 years 10.5 months. He is in 3rd grade now and school has been great for him. In fact, he is in a 3/4 combo class this year and was in a 2/3 class last year, so he is typically around even older kids. He is classified gifted, but no gifted education is provided here, so this has been good for him.

My son not a typical child. He was very shy. He hated change. When we went to library story time, he never would participate in the songs. That sort of thing. A lot of this is just his personality, IMO, and he hasn't grown out of it, but he has gotten better at trying new things (with pushing). He actually really blossomed in kinder. I was a bit surprised as he'd been in daycare since he was a baby.

[BabbyO]

Peanut is a Sept. 8 baby...so he misses the cutoff by 7 days. We've got a while, but we will determine based on his readiness. Thankfully our district does optional testing to determine readiness. We did it with Stachio just after Christmas because he's a July baby.

I went to school with a classmate who is 9 days younger than me (both early-mid Oct Birthdays). She started the year before me, then was held back in 1st grade because socially she wasn't ready.

My biggest concern will be that Peanut may not be socially ready because we use a private sitter. There is 1 other kid and Stachio...but nothing like a school setting. Stachio had about 8 mo in a DC setting when he was 2.5-3 so some school-like setting exposure. Plus when we went to his testing he was SO excited and actually cried because we left after only 45 min (the length of the testing). He thought when we said he was going to school that day he would get to stay for the whole day. We're pretty confident that although he'll be one of the younger kids in his class he'll be ready.

[cvanbrunt]

My DD's birthday is Sept. 2nd and the cutoff was Sept. 1st. I could have pushed to have her start but I didn't. Everyone has an opinion on when is the best time to start. In our case, she was either going to be the youngest or the oldest in her class. I went with oldest and it was the right decision for us. I think social reasons are perfectly valid. My girl was crazy shy at daycare but she's really come out of her shell at school and I think her age has been a big factor in that. She's a very happy first grader now and that is all that matters.

[JBaxter]

At the time when my oldest 2 went to K the cut off was 12/31. I held one Nov boy back bus sent my Oct boy. NOT holding Connor back was one of the biggest regrets of parenting. He did catch up but would have had a much easier time had I held him back < for social reasons academically he was above average. Social immaturity is HUGE and effects many many aspects of their delopment. If the preschool teacher suggests it i would hold them back.

[indigo99]

I have a September birthday and started when I was 4-turning-5. I was totally ready academically and did well throughout school, but I was VERY behind socially. I absolutely think that being a year older would have helped me, but my older sister was in school so sending me too was easier on my parents. Of course I am an introvert and would have still been shy, but not being the smallest and youngest could have helped a lot with my confidence.

[YouAreTheFocus]

My DS is end of Sept. When he was born the cutoff was Dec 2, so we thought we'd be sending him at 4y11m. Now they have changed it, and the year he should have started K the cutoff will be Sept 1.

Honestly I already worry he will be bored, starting at 5y11m. Right now he is 3, and in his first year of full day PS (it is a 3y/4y class). So next year he'll be in the 4y group (and in that group they do K-readiness activities, as some of the kids will be moving right to K). But he'll only be eligible for transitional (pre-) kindergarten the following year. So all in all, he'll have 3 years of prep for K and he'll be one of the oldest. It just seems like way too much to me.

[c914]

I was a September baby. Thirty some years ago the cut off here was November 1.Now it's Sept 1st but those were the days when early childhood education was just starting to become available. I grew up among the youngest in class and it seems that all us youngest hung together.... Many of my friends from childhood have late summer/ early fall birthdays. We were the last to get our drivers licenses, last to reach legal drinking age....
My point is that moving away for college was a huge adjustment.... I did fine academically but I could have used another year to mature. Don't just think of the present day implications.

[Tenasparkl]

My early Sept bday DD will be starting K this year (October cut-off). I can't imagine keeping her out for another year. She'd start now if she could. She's SO excited about it.

My bday is in November and I was 4 when I started K and always did well academically. I know things have changed since then, but I feel fine about our decision.

[janine]

Thanks everyone - from all the responses I can see what it's such a tough decision. I agree with each person, then read the opposite response and agree with them!

My DD is physically smaller and is shy and stays back. But she is very inquisitive academically and wants to learn.

I am trying to think ahead years which is why I want to lean conservative, but it's still a tough call.

[twowhat?]

Ours miss the cut-off by days so they will be among the oldest in their class. They will be moved up into the Private K at their school so essentially they will do a year of private K and then they will repeat K in public school. Academically I wish I could just let them go "early" (but my understanding is that, at least for our ISD, you have to jump through hoops to get a kid started early but holding back is no biggie).

But I think in the end I will be happy sending them on time because they will have large social obstacles to overcome once they do start public K...the biggest one I can think of right now is that they will almost certainly be separated. That will be a HUGE adjustment for them. And the more I think about it, the more I realize they won't be the oldest in their class...all the kids with summer bdays that were redshirted will be older than them. A friend of mine who used to teach in this school district keeps telling me that their september bday will be "perfect" in regards to starting public school (our cutoff is sept 1).

Also, there are plenty of opportunities to "get ahead" academically (skipping grades in later years, taking AP courses, magnet programs that earn you college credits) so those will always be options if my kids need the challenge.

[Dream]

DD's birthday is late Sep, but she'll be 5 and starting Kinder this Sep. There's no cut off, basically if you're born in 2008 you'll be starting Kinder in Sep of 2013. She's shy, but talks wit her friends. She stutters and sometimes have a hard time gathering her thoughts to get the sentence out. This could be because we speak 2 languages at home. Either way she's starting Kinder this September.

[mom2khj]

We have a Sept. 1 cutoff so both of my "fall" babies miss the cutoff anyways.

If I had had a choice, DD1 would've been pushed ahead and would be 1 year ahead of where she is now. DS is my other fall baby and while he's still young, I suspect he will be the same as her.

[ilfaith]

I have an August-born son (as well as two June boys) and a 9/1 cut-off. I had no question about sending my June-born DS1 to K on time. He had been reading since he was three and was more than ready academically. He was still a little socially immature, but he would have been beyond bored had I held him. He's now in third grade, in the gifted program, and still has social issues. He has been screened for ASD and tested for ADHD, but I think it comes down to him just being quirky.

With my August-born DS2, I did debate about whether to redshirt. Although he was on-target academically, I knew he had some attention issues, and he was also small for his age. After some discussion with his pre-K teacher, we decided to move him forward. Kindergarten was a little challenging for him, although I think that was partly because his teacher was a really bad fit. This year he is in second grade (in a new school) and doing fabulously, making friends and reading ahead of grade level. So at this point I have no regrets (although if you had asked me a year ago, I might have felt otherwise.).

DS3 (my third summer baby) is still in preschool. He is currently at a Montessori program. If we keep him there through the Montessori's 5-year-old program, we would then have the option of sending him on to either Kindergarten or first grade, depending on his readiness.

[alootikki]

DD is an August birthday and will turn 5 about three weeks before she starts K. She is ready, both academically and socially - although I do see a "sophistication" difference between her and the kids who are 10+ months older than her in Pre-K. I worry about this a lot - while the research says that the academic gap is made up by second or third grade, I worry that early on, older kids will "get" new concepts more quickly and leave her feeling that she's not one of the smart kids.

But then I remind myself that I was an October birthday (cut-off was 10/31), and never felt that I was at a disadvantage!

[JBaxter]

It took DS2 well into high school to socially catch up.

[queenmama]

I just commented about this on the other thread...

My birthday is the 16th and I started at age 4. Academically, I was advanced, so much that they wanted to move me up a grade when I was in 1st. Emotionally, no way. (Socially, I was fine; I was simply emotionally immature.) My parents knew I couldn't handle it.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't catch up, emotionally, until about middle school, and even then, it was due to an incredible teacher pulling me out of my shell. It definitely depends on the individual child, though.

[Kindra178]

Here the cut off is September 1. So the twins miss the cut off and will be starting k in 2014.

[HannaAddict]

September girl and she misses the cutoff for public and the deadline for her private is June. Used to be May. Having her start at almost age six is so much easier than her super smart older brother. The emotional maturity is huge and she is a rock star at school (and sweet to boot). She would have been "fine" if started last year if it had been an option versus great in starting this year.

[mom_hanna]

dd is a late Sept birthday and missed the cutoff by 2 weeks. We actually pushed her ahead so she is now the youngest in her class. She is tall though and always gravitated towards older kids in preschool. She is doing great, at the top of her class and is socially doing great as well. No regrets.

[pomegranate]

DS has an early Sep birthday and we're in CA where the cutoff is changing to Sep 1 but being phased in over several years. So the cutoff last year was Nov 1 and DS could've gone to K. We decided to hold back on the advice of DS' preschool teachers and pediatrician. He was fine socially but had speech and fine motor issues (still does). So we enrolled him in a "Jr K" class so he wasn't repeating Pre-K. I wasn't set on holding him back but in our case, I'm pretty sure it was the right decision.

[mommyp]

Also CA, where the cut-off is in the midst of changing. DS is a Sept baby and by the time he starts, we'll have a Sept 1 cutoff. I expect he'll start on time, which will have him turning 6 a few weeks into the school year.

[Roleysmom]

DD2's birthday is September 1, which is our cutoff. I have no idea what we will do. I talked to her preschool teachers (she's three) and they say that it's too early to tell if she will be ready for K the September she turns 5. We will have to wait and see. I'm getting the sense that with private schools we'll have a choice (whether we wait a year or not) but with public schools, some have said that they won't want to hold her back.

I am not crazy about the idea that if we hold her back she'll be a full year behind many of her peers. But, she's physically very small and I know that shouldn't factor into my thinking but it does a little bit. (It makes her feel so little to me and not ready.O)

On the other hand, when I was growing up, the cut off was Dec 1 and I had a late November birthday and didn't feel weird at all being one of the younger kids - except of course when I didn't turn 21 until my senior year in college!

[Mom of XX&XY]

I have a late Aug DD cutoff 9/30. I sent her on time. It was recommended because she was reading/writing. She was shy. She had 2 friends she stuck with and played with no one else in preschool. It as thought that pushing her to a school setting would make her come out of her shell. It did but not until halfway through 1st grade. Now in 3rd grade she is so young. She is super bright but still lacking good independent thinking skills. Like problem solving. Especially with math. Some kids in her grade are up to 18 months older from redshirting. There is a big difference between a 8 yo and a almost 10 yo. My DS is a late Sept. I feel he is even more advanced than she was academically. His personality is way different too. He is outgoing, center of attention. However and we are holding him back. He will not turn 5 until after school starts and its just too young IMO. My daughter has lots of difficulty with being the youngest. For instance she loves softball and she is good. However because of her birthday she must play U8 with all the K, 1st and 2nd graders instead of her peers in 3rd grade. She always has to meet new kids. Her friends have all moved up to fast pitch. It stinks because our school does not allow playing up. Eventually I think she will quit because she will be playing with elementary students when she is in middle school:(

[stillplayswithbarbies]

I am not planning to hold back our youngest, who has a late Sept. birthday. She is already reading and writing.

I am concerned to think about what happens in 9th grade when she is 14 and many of her boy classmates are already 16 due to being held back. They are already dating and driving and she won't be doing that.

[mom2binsd]

I think parents often forget that the environment at preschool is much different than that at K. K offers so many more opportunities for "chatting" and socializing, and a much bigger pool of kids to find your friends.

Unless she is showing some real social anxiety I'd send her. She may not have found the right kids to talk and play with in preschool. Most preschool classes are much smaller, they aren't out at recess/lunch like at elementary school where all the socializing takes place.

I don't think that another year in preschool where it sounds like she is totally ready will necessarily make a difference.

I had a June 1st DD, who is one of the youngest in her class so not exactly the same dilemma, but I thought I'd chime in.

[fedoragirl]

We have a Sept. baby and we won't hold him back because kids in Germany don't start school till they're 6 anyway. There is no K in school. It's 1st grade only. The requirements for 1st grade there are the same as for K here.

[indigo99]

I just started reading a really good book about reading (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143037390/ref=oh_details_o05_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1), and it says that one of the best predictors of how well a child will do in school is their vocabulary when they start. It suggests that one reason the lower income children don't do as well overall is because they just aren't exposed to as many different/new words at home (especially in families that don't read to the kids).
I wonder how that relates to giving a child an extra year before starting school. If you read a lot to the child and expand their vocabulary in that year then I bet it makes a much bigger difference. If the child spends the year hearing the same, limited vocabulary then they're probably better off being in school.

[MontrealMum]

DS is an Aug. baby, we have a Sept. cutoff. He started kindy on time last fall. I was a little worried as he is somewhat immature socially, but his preschool teachers said he'd be bored out of his mind with another year of preschool. And they were right. Apparently, he's bored in kindy at times too but having met his classmates, and observed their interactions, I'm convinced he's right where he needs to be.

Like your DD, he didn't talk much at preschool. Ever. And he still doesn't talk much at kindy. He's just a shy kid in public. However he never stops chattering at home or with people he knows. I was the same so it's no surprise that DS is like this as well. His teachers all say that he's a pleasure to have in class because he's so compliant with rules, and never a discipline problem. I read between the lines there that this means that he's not the most immature one in the bunch. If being quiet/shy is the only reason your DD's teachers are saying to hold her back, I don't think it's a valid one in the absence of other issues. Some kids are quiet, that's their nature. Mind you, I think it depends on the child, and you know your child best. But IIWY I'd push the teacher to be more specific if possible before deciding.

Another bonus of being in kindy now is that DS goes to aftercare (at school) with mixed ages (through age 12). Being around the bigger kids has really made him come out of his shell a bit, and be more inquisitive about things. The older kids do their homework in aftercare and DS is insanely curious about what they're learning. I think that if he were around younger kids he'd settle to their level, rather than grow more socially. DS looks up to the older kids and it pushes him a bit, which I think can be a good thing. Mind you, I'm in an area where redshirting is very rare, so you should take this with a grain of salt.

[Green_Tea]

We sent our September DD on time. We have a 12/31 cutoff. Had we had a 9/30 cutoff I might have chosen differently (though I am generally not in favor of redshirting and DD is doing remarkably well.)

Because cutoffs vary so widely, perhaps a better question to ask would be "Did you redshirt you child if they were born with a month of the K cutoff?"

[westwoodmom04]

Wow, this thread is pretty much the polar opposite if the holding back thread starting at the same time. Ihave a fall birthday and so does my dh, neither of us particularly liked being the a lot younger than our classmates. We red shirted our july bday ds, who will now start public k this year. It was an easy decision because I Could tell he wasn't quite ready and his preschool teacher agreed. If I were you, I would hold back if it wasn't too inconvenient for your family.

[daniele_ut]

In your case, I would not hold back. When I was a child the cutoff in NJ was December 31st and my birthday is 12/16. I started K when I was 4.5 and was already reading and writing well. I didn't have issues until they had me also skip 4th grade (starting 5th grade when I was 8 turning 9). I ended up repeating 5th grade as the social gap was just too wide when I was more than 2 years younger than some of my classmates. I was still always the youngest in my class, but I graduated #8 in my class in HS and Magna Cum Laude from college.

My kids are October, December and February birthdays. My October boy would have been fine either way, but our cutoff is September 1st so he is one of the oldest in his class. My February girl will start K on time in the fall and in all honesty, she was ready this past fall despite being too young and very small. She's a very social kid and her vocabulary is gigantic. She likes preschool but she's bored.

[mom3boys]

DS has a late Sept. B-day and we have an Oct. 1 cutoff. We sent him on time. He struggled a bit in PreK and K. He was behind in fine motor skills and barely reading, even in K. He is also quirky and has been evaluated (no diagnosis) by a dev. Ped. If the K teacher had recommended repeating K we would have (the K teacher was also a poor fit, though). However at the end of K he was doing better and basically figured out how to read over the summer (it just clicked)- he kind of blossomed and in first grade he was doing really well--in the highest reading group at school and no problems socially. We moved to a new district mid-year so he is now in first in a new district. The curriculum is more challenging and I wonder if part of it is due to ramping up the academics to account for the fact that red shirting is more common here; it was very uncommon in our previous district. (However, when I registered him at his new school they said it was definitely their preference to send kids on time). His quirkiness is not going to go away regardless of grade, IMO.

DS2 has a June Bd and we will send him on time to K in the fall. DS 3 is July and I plan to send him on time unless there is some overwhelming reason not to.

Eta: my sister was a Nov. birthday and it did not benefit her in being older. She was bored, developed behavior problems, and started hanging out with seniors in high school when she was in 8th grade. I think she would have been better off being the younger kid in a higher grade rather than the older kid in a lower grade.

[squimp]

Gosh I don't know - it is a decision with long-term implications, so we all do struggle with it. Our cutoff is Sept 1 and DD was mid-October, so we talked with the school about moving her forward since most of her friends were older and she was advanced socially and academically. There is little to no flexibility in moving kids forward here so she is one of the oldest kids in her class. It has been good for her to be one of the leaders in the class and one of the strongest academically and socially. I work in her class a lot and you can definitely tell the younger kids in the class (summer birthdays), for better or worse, either from their academics or socially. I also am not sad to have her leave home a year early. She will be one of the first to drive in her class, and right now she is really cautious and responsible so I am hoping that will be a good thing. I really think you have to listen to the advice of the current teachers too. So I might consider holding her back, especially since she is so close to the cutoff.

That said, DH was the youngest in his class, but he was the tallest and valdictorian. So it depends so much on the individual kid.

[waver]

This was a very difficult decision for us and must be for you, too!

We have a late Sept bday DS. We could go either way in our 12/31/ cutoff scohol district.

My DS was academically ahead, teaching himself to read, was reading chapter books at age 4, picking up math quickly. He was a little shy, very slow to warm up.

We could have gone either way. We worried so much that starting him in K at age 4 would have kept him socially shy. We worried that starting him the year later would bore him at school.

In the end, we decided to hold him back. It was a great decision for us and for him. He blossomed after K. In K he was still hesitant and quiet. By 1st G, he was a class leader! I think he would have done okay in early K, but I have also heard that that in middle school, the being younger is harder. We have a friend who is a child psychologist (specializing in early childhood education) who recommended starting our DS later. His own son (who graduated from an Ivy League college as a younger student), told his dad frankly that he wished he hadn't been put ahead in kinder.

FWIW, I am one of the oldest, and my DH one of the youngest of our grades. We both liked our positions.

Janine, you also mention that red-shirting in your community is common, as it is in our town. That definitely influenced our decision. I think my son would have done OK in the older class, but he is doing exceptionally well waiting a year.

(Entirely separate from our decision, I realize that I get to have my DS at home one more year before college!)

Good luck, it is tough!

[stillplayswithbarbies]

(Entirely separate from our decision, I realize that I get to have my DS at home one more year before college!)


this is not directed at you specifically, I just used your statement as a jumping-off point.

One thing to consider is that if your kid turns 18 while still in high school, you have lost some rights and control. The school communicates with him, not you. If you had any kind of IEP or 504 plan, he has the right to end it without your consent. He can skip school and they don't notify you. If you want to know how he is doing in school, ask him, because the school won't tell you. He can even drop out of school without your consent.

This is future stuff, but even though the child is just five now as the hold back decision is being made, you don't know what will happen down the road. Sometimes a child who is held back for social reasons ends up having an IEP or some type of accomodations or at least needs some extra help and influence. And the kid's senior year can go all to heck because they become a legal adult while still in high school. We all hope our kids will be the mature responsible one who makes good decisions for themself as they turn 18, but the truth is that some of them won't. And yes, they do have to turn 18 and start running their own life sometime, but it can really complicate things when that happens in high school.

just something to keep in mind.

[jenmcadams]

My DD is 8/29, so pretty close to Sept :)

She started K a few weeks before she turned 5 ... while she's only 10 now, we're not seeing the dreaded maturity differences. Most of her teachers have said that they wouldn't know she was younger if we hadn't told them. She's a top performer academically, does well in sports (plays on competitive club soccer team and "plays up" to play with her friends) and has tons of friends. We just found out she was admitted to two different very competitive private (independent) schools for middle schools and again were told over and over how mature she seems.

She was quiet back in K, but able to handle the social stuff just fine...I'm so glad we sent her on time.

[westwoodmom04]

this is not directed at you specifically, I just used your statement as a jumping-off point.

One thing to consider is that if your kid turns 18 while still in high school, you have lost some rights and control. The school communicates with him, not you. If you had any kind of IEP or 504 plan, he has the right to end it without your consent. He can skip school and they don't notify you. If you want to know how he is doing in school, ask him, because the school won't tell you. He can even drop out of school without your consent.

This is future stuff, but even though the child is just five now as the hold back decision is being made, you don't know what will happen down the road. Sometimes a child who is held back for social reasons ends up having an IEP or some type of accomodations or at least needs some extra help and influence. And the kid's senior year can go all to heck because they become a legal adult while still in high school. We all hope our kids will be the mature responsible one who makes good decisions for themself as they turn 18, but the truth is that some of them won't. And yes, they do have to turn 18 and start running their own life sometime, but it can really complicate things when that happens in high school.

just something to keep in mind.

We went through this on the other thread. Most kids turn 18 in high school, turning 18 a month or two earlier than other kids in the class isn't likely to make much difference.

[Kindra178]

this is not directed at you specifically, I just used your statement as a jumping-off point.

One thing to consider is that if your kid turns 18 while still in high school, you have lost some rights and control. The school communicates with him, not you. If you had any kind of IEP or 504 plan, he has the right to end it without your consent. He can skip school and they don't notify you. If you want to know how he is doing in school, ask him, because the school won't tell you. He can even drop out of school without your consent.

This is future stuff, but even though the child is just five now as the hold back decision is being made, you don't know what will happen down the road. Sometimes a child who is held back for social reasons ends up having an IEP or some type of accomodations or at least needs some extra help and influence. And the kid's senior year can go all to heck because they become a legal adult while still in high school. We all hope our kids will be the mature responsible one who makes good decisions for themself as they turn 18, but the truth is that some of them won't. And yes, they do have to turn 18 and start running their own life sometime, but it can really complicate things when that happens in high school.

just something to keep in mind.

Granted I graduated high school in the dark ages (1991), but it was pretty common for kids to turn 18 early into their senior year. My bday is in December and no, I couldn't sign myself out and stop going to school. At our school you had to be declared financially independent in order to do that. So turning 18 in and of itself was not enough for me to sign myself out.

[AngB]

Granted I graduated high school in the dark ages (1991), but it was pretty common for kids to turn 18 early into their senior year. My bday is in December and no, I couldn't sign myself out and stop going to school. At our school you had to be declared financially independent in order to do that. So turning 18 in and of itself was not enough for me to sign myself out.

:yeahthat: I graduated in 2002, also turned 18 in Dec., I think this was the case then as well. (I had enough credits that I only had to go half days my senior year, with school and parent permission.)

[Melbel]

DD1 has a late September birthday with a September 1 cut off (she misses it by a few weeks). Early on, we were bummed that she missed the cut off. Time and experience taught us otherwise. She is much more confident, social and a leader as one of the older children (by far not the oldest due to heavy redshirting here). She was with the older grade girls in preschool, and it showed (she was very quiet, shy and reserved).

DD2 has an early June birthday (same Sept 1 cut off). We will in all likelihood send her on time (barring any surprises), so she will probably be one of the very youngest in her grade (again due to redshirting). She is very social, confident and self assured, as well as academically prepared. Hopefully, she will be ready and navigate the the middle/high school years (which scares me much more than elementary school issues).

[SASM]

DD2 is late Sept. We did not hold her back. She definitely was borderline, however, we knew that we would be bored if we held her back. It was the right decision as she is doing quite well in K. Now...if DS was Sept, I would have held him back in a heartbeat. He has struggled throughout his elementary career. :(

[daisyd]

this is not directed at you specifically, I just used your statement as a jumping-off point.

One thing to consider is that if your kid turns 18 while still in high school, you have lost some rights and control. The school communicates with him, not you. If you had any kind of IEP or 504 plan, he has the right to end it without your consent. He can skip school and they don't notify you. If you want to know how he is doing in school, ask him, because the school won't tell you. He can even drop out of school without your consent.

This is future stuff, but even though the child is just five now as the hold back decision is being made, you don't know what will happen down the road. Sometimes a child who is held back for social reasons ends up having an IEP or some type of accomodations or at least needs some extra help and influence. And the kid's senior year can go all to heck because they become a legal adult while still in high school. We all hope our kids will be the mature responsible one who makes good decisions for themself as they turn 18, but the truth is that some of them won't. And yes, they do have to turn 18 and start running their own life sometime, but it can really complicate things when that happens in high school.

just something to keep in mind.

That's such an important and interesting point. I've a late b'day DS and I've been following this thread with much interest. I hadnt considered this before. Thanks for posting!

[sste]

We have a sept 14 girl who misses a Sept 1 cut-off. Our district is not flexible about accelerating but *if our district kindy was appropriately play-based* and I had the choice I wouldn't have hesitated to push her ahead. DD has an extremely rapid development curve and was post-date and would be more than fine a year ahead. However, I haven't pushed that because I feel like given the way kindy and the rest of elementary is trending I am trying to protect her childhood over here!

I guess I also think about success differently. Most of the childhood "leaders" I knew went into sales. Nothing wrong with sales but contrary to the elementary hype they are not leading delegations, manning spacecraft, or running for Senate. I am fine with the kids not being leaders! I want mavericks. :)

[stillplayswithbarbies]

We went through this on the other thread. Most kids turn 18 in high school, turning 18 a month or two earlier than other kids in the class isn't likely to make much difference.

It's not about turning 18 before their peers. My post was about losing control of the school experience to the child once they turn 18. I went through this with my son just a few years ago. It was a very nerve-wracking time, getting through those last four months of his senior year. It would have been a lost cause had I held him back a year and had him turn 18 in his junior year.

I am just saying, you don't know what your child will be like when he/she is 18, no matter how good of a parent you are now.

[westwoodmom04]

It's not about turning 18 before their peers. My post was about losing control of the school experience to the child once they turn 18. I went through this with my son just a few years ago. It was a very nerve-wracking time, getting through those last four months of his senior year. It would have been a lost cause had I held him back a year and had him turn 18 in his junior year.

I am just saying, you don't know what your child will be like when he/she is 18, no matter how good of a parent you are now.

But your son doesn't have a September birthday, not even close, right?

[janine]

We have a sept 14 girl who misses a Sept 1 cut-off. Our district is not flexible about accelerating but *if our district kindy was appropriately play-based* and I had the choice I wouldn't have hesitated to push her ahead. DD has an extremely rapid development curve and was post-date and would be more than fine a year ahead. However, I haven't pushed that because I feel like given the way kindy and the rest of elementary is trending I am trying to protect her childhood over here!

I guess I also think about success differently. Most of the childhood "leaders" I knew went into sales. Nothing wrong with sales but contrary to the elementary hype they are not leading delegations, manning spacecraft, or running for Senate. I am fine with the kids not being leaders! I want mavericks. :)

I agree with this. On principle I do not want to hold her back, especially since cut off dates used to be in December when I was a kid! But with the way things are trending, redshirting and average age now beingf 6 in kindy, I have to consider the added pressure that might add. It definitely isn't a black and white decision though, ugh. My DD2's bday is 3weeks later so she will miss the cut off by weeks but no choice there so in a way I feel they will be on same track at least. I have a teacher conference in a few weeks, I'll see if they still are pushing for holding her back (since they told me this way back in what, October?) - I have a feeling I'll hear the same spiel. Thanks everyone

[stillplayswithbarbies]

But your son doesn't have a September birthday, not even close, right?

Right. But the cut off is not September everywhere. It's December 31 here. It was December 31 where I grew up.

My point is that if you hold a kid back and he/she turns 18 before graduation you will need to think about the issues I outlined. Even kids who are not held back can have those issues depending on when their birthday is. Holding back can make it even more risky because you have more school time where the kid is in charge of decisions, not the parent. For typical kids that is probably not an issue. But I would venture to guess that a higher percentage of non-typical kids are the ones being held back.

I am just trying to give another perspective on this. Making the decision based on what is best for a four or five year old is only part of the picture. What is best for the middle-school kid who hits puberty first, and for the junior high kid who isn't allowed to date their peers because their peers are two years younger, and for the high school senior who has "senior-itis" and might not feel like going to school and staying on their IEP or 504 Plan and even staying on medication. Look at the big picture, not just the next year.

[egoldber]

But I would venture to guess that a higher percentage of non-typical kids are the ones being held back.

I mentioned this in another thread, but some studies show this is the case. And that depending on the need, it is often not to the advantage of these kids to delay their entry into the system so that they can be identified and start receiving services and support.

And like I said in another thread, the kids of people on a board like this (that skews heavily involved and well educated) it is less likely that these kids are not being identified or receiving intervention of some sort. But for many kids, especially lower income kids and rural kids (with less access to services not based at the school), "the gift of time" is another year they don't get help.

[klwa]

Our cutoff is September 1, so DS is one of the older kids in his class. I probably would have held him back even if the cut off had stayed October 15. (Changed a year before he started school.) DD1 is a late August baby, and we're planning on sending her on, even though she'll be one of the youngest in her grade. She's just more mature than he was.

[sste]

I mentioned this in another thread, but some studies show this is the case. And that depending on the need, it is often not to the advantage of these kids to delay their entry into the system so that they can be identified and start receiving services and support.

And like I said in another thread, the kids of people on a board like this (that skews heavily involved and well educated) it is less likely that these kids are not being identified or receiving intervention of some sort. But for many kids, especially lower income kids and rural kids (with less access to services not based at the school), "the gift of time" is another year they don't get help.

I know this isn't the case for your DD Janine, but in general I completely agree with this. Esp. given that early intervention/greater brain plasticity seem so important for making strides. The other thing I will add is that while I agree people on this board are exception and very proactive . . . I have recently seen first-hand just a staggering amount of parental denial among upper middle class, highly educated friends whose kids are obviously even to me not developing typically. In more than one case, delaying school or even homeschooling (the latter of which I am not globally opposed to) became a way to avoid or deny the diagnosis. Subconsciously. I have been sympathetic and sad over here with some things friends are going through and I wish there was some great book or resource aimed at helping parents get over denial. Instead, the focus of alot of parents is on changing the environment - - that might be OK if it was a viable long-term strategy but it is not.