Boy refuses to poop in potty - help!

[Sidney]

My son turned 3 last month and we've been potty training since November. He has not worn a diaper during the day since the day we starting the training. The only time he wears one is at night. We're doing good with the peeing and have a rare accident.

My problem is that he has only pooped in the potty 3 times. He waits until he's in is room for nap time and poops in his underwear within 5 minutes of being in his room. This happens on pretty much a daily basis. I've tried bribes, keeping him on the potty for a while. One day he sat there for 45 minutes and immediately went in his underwear once they were back on and he was in his room.

I just don't know what to do to have success with this on the potty. He uses the regular toilet that has a regular seat but has a little piece that flips down to make it a smaller area for him to sit.

Any ideas??

[hillview]

I had to put DS2 on the toilet when he "usually" goes poop and unwrap a snickers bar and put it down so he could see it and not reach it and tell him once he went poop in the toilet he could have it. I read him 2 books and eventually he went. Then it was ok. GOOD LUCK!

[123LuckyMom]

My pediatrician said the only thing to do was make it impossible for him to hold it and make him sit on the potty at scheduled times (as well as when he would say he had to go). We tried diet changes first, which didn't work for us. Then we did Miralax (.5 to a full cap per day) and mineral oil twice a day (We mixed it with orange juice.) Once he got used to pooping, and his poops were less hard (the hardness happened because of the withholding), we weaned off the oil first and then the Miralax. I would say he took the Miralax daily (.5 capful) for maybe three or four months.

[rin]

So gross! First off, I have so much sympathy. We went through a horrible phase of underwear-pooping with DD. We found that getting a box of latex gloves made the cleanup much less revolting.

Have you tried giving him a diaper for naptime? We did that for DD for a while; while we didn't want to have her regress, we also were sick of cleaning poop out of her clothes.

We did a similar thing to Hillview; we taped a bag of M&Ms to the bathroom wall right over the potty and told her that she could have some when she went poop in the potty. We then stopped pushing her to poop in the potty, we'd just give her a diaper for naptime and occasionally talk about how awesome those M&Ms were. We had a bit of two-steps-forward-one-step-back, but it did work in the end. Is there some kind of treat your son loves, that you can place visibly in the bathroom so he sees the incentive near the potty, and thinks about the two of them together?

[Smillow]

Peter Pan pooped trained my DS. He was is a BIG pirate phase (right around Halloween, he was a pirate for Halloween) and had never seen the movie. I kept telling him, "poop in the potty & you can watch Peter Pan; poop in your pants, no Peter Pan" (It was my mantra!) He had almost NEVER pooped on the potty before this. He would hide to poop in his underwear. He had been pee trained for months! I tried cookies, poopy prizes all to no avail. Peter Pan did the trick. He REALLY wanted to watch it. Within one week he was pretty much done. Maybe one accident after that.

[brittone2]

I'd try the ideas upthread. DS1 went through a looooong cycle of withholding and constipation, and believe me, you do NOT want to go there. His was not triggered by PTing, but started after a long distance move when I think he didn't want to poop in the new house. He was 15 mo, still in dipes, but withheld for several days and then had a huge painful poop. But a common trigger for a withholding cycle can be PTing. I'd do whatever it takes to keep him pooping. Offer a diaper for naptime if you have to, bribe, talk to your doc about Miralax and have him sitting frequently to try. But don't let it get into a long cycle, whatever you do. A lot of people don't realize their kid is constipated because they see them produce a daily poop. That can still happen even with constipation.

We used Miralax to get through the withholding. Diet changes didn't really work, but we did find too much dairy and bananas both made it worse for him.

During the withholding phase, his bowels just kept holding more and more poop. Things keep stretching to hold more and more. He would go almost daily, but he was still backed up in there. When he was about 3 he was going almost every day, but was having "skiddies" in his underwear in between. At some point they can get so backed up they have leakage around the backup. So just keep that in mind in case you see any of that.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Ugh- we are going through exactly what Beth described, and it is no fun. I need to go mix more miralax now.

[Sidney]

Wow! Thanks for all the replies! Just now I tried bribing him with a movie, pizza (which he LOVES) and even go underwear-less. He kept telling me had to go and I'd play up my excitement and then he'd refuse to go. We did this several times. We did this for 45 minutes. I finally put underwear on him and put him down for his nap. Sure enough, a few minutes after I left the room, he pooped in his underwear.

I'd really prefer to not go back to diapers during nap. If the underwear is super gross it gets wrapped up in a bag and tossed into the diaper genie.

I like the idea of taping a treat to the wall. I will try that. DH will come home one day and find M&M's taped to the wall! :rotflmao:

[Simon]

You've gotten good advice. I think its important to keep in mind you really do want to avoid him getting into the habit of holding back when he needs to poop. I can cause all kinds of long term problems.

Does he have foot support when he is on the toilet? Having feet supported on the floor or a step stool is important for helping them push correctly. Some kids do better with a feeling of privacy. We had friends whose son would sit on the potty and wrap the (cloth) shower curtain around himself so he felt comfortable. Another idea is to cut a hole in a diaper and have him wear the diaper (so he has the feeling of something around his waist) and have him get used to the sensation of pooping into the toilet that way. I don't know anyone IRL who used that technique but I've seen it in several threads online.

[brittone2]

Some people allow the diaper for the poop and then wean off of it (leave it on and cut the back out eventually while the child sits on the toilet). Sounds crazy, but I would seriously do whatever it takes to keep him going and not withholding. There are some pretty bad board stories from those of us with kids who have withheld poop.

Agree with maybe privacy being the issue since he's going at naptime when he probably has quiet, no pressure, etc. Also agree with offering a stool to use while going. After our adventures with DS1 we started using one with him, and we've used one with all of the subsequent kids.

[mommylamb]

DS1 was a late potty trainer. He pee trained at 3.5 but still wouldn't poop in the toilet for a few more months. He would beg for a diaper, and I obliged because we had dealt with withholding before and I wanted to avoid it. Finally, I just told him "in April you will poop on the potty" and this was decided in February. We talked about it a lot. And on April 1st he started pooping on the potty. FTR, once he pee trained, he never had accidents and slept in underpants immediately. Maybe your son just isn't ready yet to poop train.

[Sidney]

I obviously do not want to have constipation issues with him. I have heard from several sources that it is not pleasant for them (well anyone), kids this young don't know how to verbalize this situation.

I've read a bit about Mirilax but am not sure if I need to give this to DS yet.

[edurnemk]

DS was daytime pee-trained at 2.5 but refused to poop in the potty, so I decided not to pressure him (because of all the stories about kids withholding poop). He would ask for a diaper when he needed to poop. I let him do this for about 6 months, and as his 3rd bday approached we began talking about how he was going to be a big boy so no more diapers. I told him there would be no more diapers in the house after Xmas. And after that he finally tried to go in the potty, and he did. We did use rewards, a.k.a bribes, for pee we had used an m&m for each time he went (only did that for 3 weeks), so for poop we did 2 m&m's (also weaned him off them after 2-3 weeks)

[Tinochka]

Hugs, from what I heard, this is very typical for boys (I have 2). I had withholding problem with DS1, but with DS2 didn’t have that much of the problem. From my observations, what can be helpful are:
1) put on potty right after meal, sit with him and read stories, but not to pressure;
2) having a potty book, which is describing what is happening with a body;
3) is there any chance that he can see other cousin, friend (close in age) doing it?
4) give a choice of a diaper or a potty for some time (personally, I rather deal with a diaper, than with soiled undies). HTH!

[Simon]

His poop should come out looking a little like soft serve ice cream. Not in a solid shape but kind of loose and blobish. That's how our ped GI describes it. There should also be no discomfort when pushing and, I think IIRC, most kids should have a BM every day or every other day but no less frequently than that.

If the poop is hard, dry, or firm, if it is formed (shaped like a log or a ball), then he would probably benefit from Miralax or other gentle laxatives.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

just want to say i'm subscribing to this thread as i'm going through something similar with my DS (same age). this week he wore underwear all day at school and stayed dry, except for when he had to poop...he just will.not.poop on the potty, he'll just do it in his underwear and then asked to be changed right away. got a lot of poopy underwear in his bag to take home. bleh. No throwing it out as they're Hannas. The good thing though is that hanna training underwear are AWESOME for holding poop accidents in..ds pooped in one at school right when i went to pick him up yesterday.. and it totally contained it...i didnt' even have to change the pants!! it wasn't a "solid" poop either.

dh ordered a few books from amazon, one called "Super Pooper" - boy who wears a cape, gets a party, deemed superhero for pooping on potty..and then another one about a boy refuses to poop. read those tonight and ds seemed very interested. still refused to poop on the potty tonight though. i have several bribes (new thomas trains) out in full display up on a shelf in the playroom and he's been told several times that if he poops on the potty he can get one. He still doesn't want to. Sigh.

[ellies mom]

I would put him back in diapers at nap time and give him more time to become ready to go in the toilet. Apparently, I used to bring a diaper to my mom when I needed to have BM and she'd put me in the diaper, I'd go, she'd clean me up and put my back in me panties. My niece did the same thing until she was at least four years old except she handled everything herself. Both of us are completely potty trained now.

I would probably start with putting him back into the diaper at nap time and then try and progress to him asking for the diaper when he needs to go and then weaning him off the diaper as he matures. Yes, it seems like a step back but in my mind it is a lot easier to clean up a BM in a diaper than it is to clean up a BM in underwear. Trust me though, he will get the hang of it. He may just not be ready quite yet. :hug: