Did your 4yo go through this phase? What did you do?

[anonomom]

DD2 turned 4 last month. She's always been a sunny, enthusiastic kid and a natural athlete. Over the fall, she begged me to sign her up for soccer classes, so I did and she started in January. She also takes gymnastics once a week (something she's been doing since before she could walk) and goes to preschool 3x a week.

About three weeks ago, DD started saying she didn't like school any more and didn't want to go. When I'd ask her why, she'd mention an array of reasons from "it's boring" to "all the kids want to play with me and I don't want to play" to "I miss my favorite work." I talked to the teacher about it, and she was shocked because recently DD has very much come into her own in the classroom. When she's there, she works happily and gets along well with the other kids.

In the meantime, DD had been loving her soccer class -- she would light up like a Christmas tree when Tuesday morning rolled around. Then suddenly last week, as we got in the car after class, she declared she didn't like soccer and didn't want to go anymore. I told her we need to finish out the session we paid for and then she can quit. As far as I know, there was no incident or problem that precipitated this change. A week later, she still says she wants to quit.

But then yesterday, she declared she also wants to quit gymnastics. She doesn't like that anymore, either.

At this point, I'm not sure what to think. Is this a control issue? It's not like our time at home is that fantastic -- all of her friends are in school so we have a playdate once every few weeks if that. I don't want to force DD to do any given activity, but I think she will really regret it if she quits everything now (quitting school is, of course, not an option).

Has anyone btdt? Any advice?

[MSWR0319]

I think it's the age. DS is also 4 and hasn't done that yet, but I was just at the dentist and his son is in DS's class. He said that his son has been doing the same thing. He doesn't want to go to school because it's "no fun" and has been fighting other activities as well. I think it's probably normal.

[truly scrumptious]

Could it be a social issue? No exact BTDT but DS is 4 and makes sweeping generalizations based on small incidents. "X is not my friend any more because he pushed me." "I cant eat mushrooms because they make me choke." (Because a classmate told him he didn't like mushrooms and choking makes you die. NICE. Sigh.)
I wonder if there is an ancillary issue for your DD (like she is feelin shy, or some particular child she has friction with) and her instinct is to avoid any contact.
I find when DS gets into these situations I first need to understand the problem and then equip him to deal with it.
In your DD's case I would try talking to her about school in general. "What made you happy today?" Or at dinner have everyone share something. "Today I was sad that it was raining and I couldn't walk outside." DS takes cues from us and then gradually feels like it is okay to share his woes.
Or it may just be the changing moods of the 4yo. I'd try to bring it up again at a time when she feels safe and well rested.
I think it is fine to tell her that she needs to finish out the session. And then you can help her process what she liked about it and what she didn't and help her decide whether to continue.
Not sure if this helps. Good luck!

[jennilynn]

Yes! DS has been going through this since around Christmas. First, he didn't want to spend the night with my parents, which he had been doing every Friday since he was 2. Then gymnastics and preschool (all of which he previously loved.) I chalked it up to this very independent "I'll do what I want" attitude he has now. I pretty much let him skip anything but school. But now, he's starting to ask to go places again.

[sunshine873]

We kind of experience the same thing, except with my DD, she still wants to do these things, just "not right now." She never wants to stop what she's doing at the moment, even if its to do something that she typically wants more. I've just been pushing her through it because I know she'll be upset if she misses gymnastics or swimming lessons. I kind of figured it was a phase.

[geophne]

Yes, we have been going through this with DD1 who is almost 4.5 for a while now. She has phases where she loves school and wants to go all the time and doesn't want to go home when I pick her up and other times when she won't go in the classroom when we get there. She also had been asking to quit gymnastics and would just lie on the floor in her class and not do anything, so I finally let her stop. Then, she wanted to take swimming lessons, so we signed her up for that and she has been very excited about it, but 2 weeks in she asks about going back to gymnastics. She also wanted to quit her dance class and I said no to that and now she is back to enjoying it. I just chalk it up to the changing whims of a 4 year old and trying to become her own person. It's frustrating though. I try to make her stick with an activity for a while after she mentions wanting to stop to see if she changes her mind again, but I don't have a problem with her trying different things at this age.

[edurnemk]

Yes, DS wanted to quit swimming lessons, and some days he didn't want to go to school. I explained that both those things are not optional, and he still occasionally whines about not wanting to go to either on a certain day. His reasons are also along the "it's boring / Ms. V won't let me do X work / I'm tired / etc". Well since DD came along I also suspect it has to do with wanting to stay at home to know what's going on during the mornings, he's a tad jealous. But I think it's normal for that age.

[kristenk]

Could it just be an overscheduling issue? When DD was about that age, she started to not want to do anything (even things that she really liked) because she felt overwhelmed with all of the stuff she was doing and her time spent out of the house.

I didn't think it was too much, but as soon as we quit one activity, which was probably the worst offender schedule-wise, she was happy again and liked all of her other activities once again.