Impossible at restaurants!!

[flashy09]

So I know my DD is really young (15 months) and I truly don't expect her to sit through a long grown up meal, but I can't get even 10 minutes out of her! Before the food comes she is a tornado of activity and wants everything on the table - not new toys I bring or the non breakable sugar packets, but full glasses, silverware, plates...all which end up on the floor. Not fooled by her own boring sippy cup. I try to prolong putting her in the highchair until her food comes so she ends up crawling all over me, the table, and wanting to run around the place. So we go for a walk...come back, get in the high chair and she ignores/throws most of her food on the ground and then wants my food (even if same thing) and to use my fork. Fine, except if I get another fork for myself she then wants my new one and screams for it. Or if I decide she is going to poke her eye out with the big fork she screams when it's taken away. Or she grabs the plate of food with her hands and makes a gigantic mess. I absolutely can't spoon feed her myself - she only wants to do everything herself (including hair brushing, teeth brushing, getting dressed).

Maybe she is not hungry enough to be interested in her foodbecause I feed her snacks throughout the day and let her have bread or snacks while waiting, but being hungry is not a happy place for her and she would be super cranky.

Any advice? My friends babies seem to have fun with toys and sit placidly in the high chair the whole time so I must be doing something wrong!

[Philly Mom]

Personally, I find that I do best if DD is hungry. If I want to eat, I want to make sure she wants to eat at the same time. I also know that there are times when she just won't cooperate and times when she will be great. It helps if we are not near nap time so I prefer breakfast or early lunch. It also helps if I go in knowing what I am going to order for both of us. Finally, I find sitting in a booth works the best. She can move around more and sit like a big person.

[crl]

You aren't doing anything wrong. Some kids just aren't good at restaurants. Ds was much harder than dd is.

We used to go to restaurants near parks and one of us would order while the other took ds to the park. The person who ordered would call (yay cell phones) when the food arrived and go ahead and start eating. Ds would eat and be done so we would trade and the other parent would go back to the playground, while the bill was being paid. Not much fun, but it got us through dinner out occasionally.

Dd can be entertained with food and toys and attention and we have only rarely even had to take her for a walk.

Catherine

[MontrealMum]

Honestly, some kids are just like that. It won't matter what you do or don't do, they're just not ready. And it's extra hard when all your friends seem to have those mellow, easily distracted kids. It makes you think that there's something wrong with you, or your kid...and there's not. Trust me, I've been there! I gave up on eating at restaurants and cafes with DS when he was little. It was exhausting.

On a trip back home when he was nearly 3 I had to eat out with him a few times and it was OK, not great, but significantly better than he had been. We started "practicing" at that point, and when I did the same trip again when he was nearly 5 it was MUCH better.

It may be that you have to wait a few more years to have lunch out with your DD. It sucks, but with some kids that's how it is.

[KrystalS]

My DS was the same way at that age. We would just order to go and eat at home. It wasn't worth the hassle, DH & I would both be frustrated and usually someone didn't get to eat! It was a change for us because DD was always so great at restaurants! It does get better. DS is now 2.5 and he loves going out to eat!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I was super lucky to have 2 great kids at restaurants from the get go...and we eat out about once/ week (maybe twice). I don't know if I had anything to do with our success though. :) We never made walking around an option b/c once they got a taste of freedom, we were doomed. I was not opposed to electronics either. ;) I tried to keep a bag of stuff that we only got to play with at restaurants so they were novel. They could both last 1.5 hours then a magic timer would go off and all done. (we rarely did the 1.5 hour thing but things like weddings...) GL!

[TwinFoxes]

Why do you avoid putting her in the highchair? We always kept DDs in the stroller, or popped them in the highchair as soon as we got to the table. They didn't mind, they could see all around, and they couldn't grab stuff. :)

ETA: if they want to play with silverware, we gave them spoons. I'm lucky they've been pretty good in restaurants, with a couple of notorious exceptions.

[ezcc]

I can relate- my ds, also 15 mos, is a similar problem. My older children were both dreams in restaurants and would sit happily for an hour or longer. I think it's just luck of the draw. I do think food is your best bet for distraction, at least it is for us- if he is hungry I can usually keep him interested for a bit in eating. Practice helps too- we just got back from vacation and he was better by the end of the trip.

[Momit]

I remember a period around that age when DS was the same way. It didn't last long but I do remember a few rough restaurant trips. We would sometimes call ahead so our food would be almost ready when we got there. Or know the menu in advance and order as soon as we sat down. Or just get take out :).

Agree that skipping the afternoon snack may help too, if you can time the restaurant outing for when she's hungry but not yet cranky!

[div_0305]

I agree that some kids just aren't restaurant agreeable! My DS had the 10minute timer thing, and DD has been an agreeable little patron. We did nothing different between the 2. On the bright side, we save SO much $$$ as we realized it was so stressful to eat out, and I'm a pretty good cook after all :).

[maydaymommy]

I was under the impression that any kid could be a restaurant kid, as long as you did it right ---- until DS2 came along.

We simply had to stop going to restaurants with him. For just about 2 years.
It was a necessary lifestyle adjustment b/c dining out with him was so unenjoyable for everyone involved.

Good news - it passes.
We can eat out with him now & it's pleasant.

[Tondi G]

Both of my boys were kind of terrors in restaurants too. It was get in... entertain till we could order food ... then DH or I taking DS for a walk. when the food came we would attempt to feed him and ourselves .... eventually one of us would have to get up and take another walk ... then we would switch so the other could finish their meal. We worked in shifts. We kept at it and eventually the boys would sit happily for longer and longer times. You might consider having specific toys that are fun ... but they she only gets when you go out to eat. Travel magna doodle? little matchbox cars, soft board books that won't make a huge racket being tossed on the floor, stacking cups.

I had a niece who would sit in fine dining restaurants for HOURS at a time .... at one year of age. I told her Mommy she didn't know how lucky she had it. Their 2nd was a screecher and their restaurant choices changed or they got a baby sitter when they were going out for nice meals! BUT now all of our kids are excellent in restaurants!

[JamiMac]

Oh, aren't restaurants fun with toddlers! ;) I agree though with another poster about getting her in the highchair sooner. With all 3 of mine I put them in the highchair from the beginning and just did the "entertaining" from there. I know when mine were set free and allowed to roam, they wanted to do that more and more. When they were contained, they did much better. It will get easier!

[flashy09]

I don't put her in the high chair earlier because she gets antsy sitting in it very quickly. If I put her in it first thing she starts squirming or screaming before the food arrives. Is that something I am being too soft on her about? The problem is I worry about other diners and just try to keep her quiet rather than enforce she must sit for 30-40 minutes.

She also is soooo tough to get into the high chair ( and carseat and stroller). I try to wear her out a little before putting her in because she has just come from a carseat or stroller.

Hope I am not making her out to be a monster! She is also super sweet and loving- when not restrained, lol.

[Simon]

Think of it this way. From the age of 1-2, kids have this incredibly strong internal drive to master new gross motor skills-walking, climbing, kicking, etc. Sitting still at a restaurant (or sitting still anywhere, for that matter) goes against their every natural instinct. Its a phase. Your Dd just happens to have an especially strong drive to be up and moving. Its not her will or even her temperament so much as something biological.

That said, I had one of those miracle toddlers who, at the age of 18 months, could be taken to fancy restaurants where he would quietly sit and practice buttering bread for hours while the adults talked. Yes, we gave him those little butter knives to use. I swear, it was nothing we did. He just lacked that drive. Don't hate us, Ds2 and Ds3 have it plenty strong! We did switch to take out for a while.

We deal with Ds2 and Ds3 like you; we keep them up and walking/moving until its time to eat and then go through the meal quickly or eat in shifts. We don't give them snacks or food until we are eating our meal though. We also favor restaurants that have distractions (i.e. give out balloons, have games/toys in the lobby, play areas outside, etc). We do insist that they come to the table and sit until we order. That's the deal and how we "practice.". Ds all know the rule and sits more or less patiently, but we also tend to order quickly so its not more than 10 minutes up front. We don't have electronics to use as a distraction so those aren't an option for our kids.

[Simon]

I don't put her in the high chair earlier because she gets antsy sitting in it very quickly. If I put her in it first thing she starts squirming or screaming before the food arrives. Is that something I am being too soft on her about? The problem is I worry about other diners and just try to keep her quiet rather than enforce she must sit for 30-40 minutes.

She also is soooo tough to get into the high chair ( and carseat and stroller). I try to wear her out a little before putting her in because she has just come from a carseat or stroller.

Hope I am not making her out to be a monster! She is also super sweet and loving- when not restrained, lol.

No, you're not being too soft. You are being considerate of other restaurant patrons. Honestly, its not worth the fight when they're going to outgrow it.

[joonbug]

DD was not a good restarant baby till after 2, probably closer to 3 even... Even as a small baby, she just was not content there, I saw lots of people with infants sleeping in the carseats for the duration of the meal, not my kid lol. Once the carseat stopped moving, she wanted out and explore! As a toddler, she would not sit still, no matter what, wanted just to run around, so we just made quick in-and-outs, usually a drink and an appetizer and that was her limit. Add to the fact that she was NOT interested in any food, ongoing feeding issues and we just tried to avoid the restaurants at all costs.. She got much better, around the age 3, she is sitting still and drawing with crayons, trying new foods, eating as well, I can say it's definitely doable to enjoy a 45 minutes meal, so there is hope at the end of the tunnel!

[ArizonaGirl]

I found with DS and even a bit now with DD that time of the day hugely matters when it comes to behavior in public and this still holds true of DS and he is 4. The more tired they are (i.e. dinner) the worse the whole experience is...Brunch is an ideal meal to be out an about.

[MamaMolly]

Ugggggg both my girls went through that 'cat in a bath' phase where they are all arms, legs, and screaming. I **HATED** taking them to restaurants for a while. It passes, and now I actually have gotten a compliment on how well behaved my kids are. (not often, but I'm thrilled when it happens!!)

[TwinFoxes]

I don't put her in the high chair earlier because she gets antsy sitting in it very quickly. If I put her in it first thing she starts squirming or screaming before the food arrives.

But isn't she doing the same thing, just on top of you instead of in the highchair? :)

[LizLemon]

My daughter went to through a similar thing at about that age. Until then she had been a delightful restaurant companion for her entire life - very well behaved, no crying, whining, or making a scene. But around 14 months or so...yikes! She got a little fussy at times, particularly when waiting for food, would throw her food on the floor if it wasn't what she wanted, or if she got bored.

I don't have a great solution for you. Our preference is to not want to negatively impact the meals of other diners, so we would avoid going out or only bring her to very casual places (not necessarily fast food, but say casual Mexican) so that if she did act out a bit or make a mess it at least didn't cause a scene. This phase of course occurred during a trip when we had planned to go to some of our favorite restaurants. Not so fast! :p

The good news is that her "acting out phase" didn't last long. What seemed to help her was using learning to eat with a fork and spoon. Looking back, I wonder if part of the fussiness came from being bored at meals, and wanting for a new challenge. Maybe introducing the fork and spoon earlier would have been helpful.

[KpbS]

Why do you avoid putting her in the highchair? We always kept DDs in the stroller, or popped them in the highchair as soon as we got to the table. They didn't mind, they could see all around, and they couldn't grab stuff. :)

ETA: if they want to play with silverware, we gave them spoons. I'm lucky they've been pretty good in restaurants, with a couple of notorious exceptions.

This was the trick for us too. Confinement! I always gave them a spoon to "use" while feeding them. Great distraction and kept their hands busy so they wouldn't grab mine. ;)

[mominma]

Not that is going to make you feel better, but DS2 at 3 still cannot sit in a restaurant. If he is hungry, he might last 10 minutes at the table - but that's it. We just usually try not to go out with him. It just is not enjoyable.

[AngB]

DS1 does much better in a booth, no high chair. We stopped even bothering with high chairs around 15 months. It works for us. He did go through a stage around 15-18 months where eating out with him was tough. Now at 22 months he is obsessed with drawing/coloring so he is a good little diner for the most part. My friend has a "peekaboo barn" app on her phone she gave to her ds when he started getting antsy.

[fedoragirl]

I feel for you. I would currently enjoy getting my hair ripped than take my two toddlers to a restaurant. DD is 3 and has discovered the power of tantrums. Others notice them more especially when I am trying to ignore them. DS is 17 months and he won't sit still for a minute. I usually try to take them as soon as nap is over so they have an early dinner--less patrons, and are calmer.
Before DD turned 3, she wasn't so bad at restaurants but now I need to develop a patent to glue her to her chair. LOL
My advice: Stop the snacking. She has to feel hungry to be interested to eat. And if she's cranky when she's hungry--well, she's learning how to satisfy an unpleasant feeling by eating.

[marymoo86]

At that age I tried to limit restaurants to ones with outside seating. Being in the fresh air seemed to help keep her interested in watching and playing rather than fussing.

[DietCokeLover]

I had one who was difficult like that as well. We discovered things were slightly better if we ate out at lunch, rather than dinner. Night time eating out was a nightmare! You might see if a certain time of day is better and adjust accordingly.

[SnuggleBuggles]

We also found ethnic restaurants to work better in our town. Faster service and the staff usually interacted well with little ones. I also liked get places with loud music as it seemed to lull (overwhelm? ;)) my kid.