Disciplining friends child here for 3 days? Updated

[lalasmama]

Ahhhh, it's over. Good news, his mom reports he said he had a GREAT time (and he thinks my SO is his new best friend). I told mom he had a "rough" time; mom shared that he's been a challenge at home with the testing, too. He's been into the "not fair" about everything, apparently as well, which we heard too. Next time, we're keeping things consistent, doing time outs next to the front door for "minor" offensives, and my bedroom (away from things) for those bigger times. We took them to McDonald's each day at lunch (mom agreed to the plan) for large motor time; I don't trust taking the 3yo to the park, because he's a runner. So, 45-60 minutes of large motor movement there (which did nothing to curb behavior for longer the drive home). Thanks for the thoughts/commiseration. SO and I were at such a loss when I posted last night.

Good news, we won't have them over for longer than 8 hours for at least a few weeks! I can handle 8 hours!
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Babysitting a 3yo and 5yo for the weekend. 5yo is newly 5.

Looking for some guidance on a better way to deal with this 5yo. Over the course of the last 48 hours, he has:

Punched his little brother in the stomach
Punched DD in the stomach (both complained of stomach aches afterward)
Taken toys away from brother, then thrown them back at him when brother cried
Thrown pillows at the TV (and hit it)
Knocked down blocks when his brother was building (on purpose)
Told me brother was lying about being hurt (nope, I saw the kick! No fake tears!)
Thrown toys at windows
Stomped on toys
Broken toys on purpose
Swung toys at DD's and brother's heads repeatedly

He's currently in time out for the 3rd time today. Yesterday, I lost count!

I only have 4 hours to go, but I'm at a loss. Obviously time out isn't working. Time in isn't working. Cuddle time isn't working. Redirection isn't working. I'm at a complete loss.

Suggestions? Thoughts? While its only 4 more hours today, we've talked with the parents about doing this every other month or so (trading child care a parents' weekend), so I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it next time too.

[hillview]

I'd ask his parents what they do. Hard to say without being there, it sounds like some behavior issues that are not typical (from a mom with a 5 year old who has not typical behavior issues). Do you have clear house rules? Could you maybe review them with the kids and the parents when they come over? 3 and 5 were tough ages with 2 boys. Is it worse with his little brother around (sib issue)? can you separate them to some extent? Sorry that sounds rough

[sarahsthreads]

That sounds really tough. I haven't had to deal with (repeated) behavior like that even with my own kids, so I don't know how I'd deal with someone else's kids that I was in charge of doing things like that.

It seems like a lot of attention-seeking behavior. I mean, I know it's negative attention, but he's getting the focus of your attention when he does these things, right? For right now I'd try to focus entirely on the victim or the toy (make a big fuss over putting it away so it won't get hurt anymore) and only give him attention when he's *not* doing something bad? (Hard to say without being there if that would even help, I'm sort of grasping at straws.)

I wonder if he's stressed about being away from his parents (is this the first time he's stayed with someone else?) and just acting really inappropriately to see what will happen.

I'd definitely talk to the parents about it and ask how they want things like that handled for next time!

Sarah :)

[lalasmama]

Our rules are clear and simple: no hitting/kicking/punching, look at the grown up when they are talking to you, and treat toys nicely. Same rules that they have followed here every month (more or less) for the year we've been trading babysitting. This is the first time here all weekend, but in the past they have stayed with other friends for up to a week.

Mom says they do timeouts. That being said, she's usually more of a "marshmallow" mom--"I won't do it again!" is like a get-out-of-jail-free card. Dad disciplines more, doing timeouts, but it's pretty hit or miss.

[JBaxter]

My house My rules. I do time outs for the neighbor boy same as Jack. I have taken his ( and my Jack's) pirate swords for 24 hrs as punishment. They are both 4 and we do time out on the stairs. 4 minutes by the clock. They stand up we start the timer over. Neighbor is the same way with Jack.

[o_mom]

I think he is probably just testing, especially if you haven't had problems when he is there other times. He may be testing to see if they stay the same for a long visit or he may be testing to see if you will send him home. He also could be a bit out of sorts with the first long visit.

Just be consistent - clear rules, clear consequences and lather, rinse, repeat the consequences. If there is nothing else going on, he should get through the testing sooner or later. At the same time, praise him as much as possible - specific positive praise that tells him why what he is doing is good. It really helps to reinforce what he should be doing rather than only commenting on things he does wrong. As a PP said, he may be attention-seeking and if the only way to get it is negative, he'll take it.

[BunnyBee]

Ugh, other people's kids...

How much exercise has he gotten? My son needs a bunch of large muscle activity or he gets obnoxious. Totally different from my daughter!

I think I'd keep him on an invisible leash, not out of an adult's reach. Not fun for you, but it doesn't sound like he's controlling himself well and needs the help. Aim for 10 positive comments for every 1 negative.

[niccig]

Well....3 days is a LONG time for a kid. We have a regular sleep over swap with friends, but we've learned to keep it short. 3pm to 11am next day. Any longer and the kids start to get on each other's nerves. 2 gang up against the other one and it ends in tears. And they're 10, 8 and 7. They get into sibling bickering, the 2 girls vie to get my DS on their side and it devolves from their.

To keep it fun for all, so that we keep having the sleep overs, we've shortened the duration.

[dogmom]

With play dates I tend to start by saying, "I don't think your Mom/Dad would like you doing that." Or, "what would your Mom/Dad do it you did this at home?" I just had to watch two other kids for a weekend and there was an incident and the younger sister volunteered, "Dad sends him to his room when he does that." Well, he got sent to my son's room. I think basic time outs in another room is something that only the vast majority of parents will understand as behavior management when there are multiple kids and things gong down. It's not like you are doing corporal punishment, you are removing the child from the situation for a period of time.

[wellyes]

I agree about short sleepovers, but this is babysitting, right? Can't exactly send them home for misbehaving.

Sounds like it's over... home the ending was more fun than the middle!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd get out of the house as much as possible. Stir crazy, perhaps? Run in the playground, get ice cream,kids' museum...

[ShanaMama]

All I can say is you are a nice friend. Really. I have a nephew that sounds similar & I am not sure I'd watch him for 3 days.