When do you RSVP?

[BabyBearsMom]

I sent DD1's birthday party invitations for her class party on Thursday and no one has RSVP'd yet. This got me thinking, when do most people RSVP? I am a right away RSVPer, usually as soon as DH and I have a chance to check our calendars. If I don't do it right away I either forget or we get double booked. What do you do? Poll coming...

[hillview]

If it is evite and I am right in front of my computer, I do it right away. Otherwise I am usually late.

[wellyes]

I do it right away, but, for DD's parties, I typically get 75% of RSVPs right on the "RSVP by...." date.

Always always always put a deadline on RSVPs, is the lesson I take from that!

[AnnieW625]

:yeahthat:

I try to do right away, but most of the time I do it right in the middle of the period.

[Tenasparkl]

Right away so I don't forget.

[SnuggleBuggles]

ASAP otherwise I forget or lose the invite.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Usually right away. The only reason I may not RSVP right away is if DH is out of town and i want to check with him first. usually when he travels he works crazy hours so sometimes i don't get to really talk with him for a day or two. This is when occasionally i forget. but if another email is sent out i try to respond right away.

i get annoyed with people who habitually never RSVP. if they live out of town and i never see them (but we invite them bc they're family) and/or they're of an older generation that doesn't really text or email, then yeah, i give them a pass. but i get so annoyed when people who live in town just do not RSVP for things, ever. these are people with iphones/smartphones who are on FB a lot so i do not get the excuse at all. this year for dd's party i started cutting people from our general invite list who had not bothered to RSVP for the past several parties we've had. to me it sends the message that they can't be bothered and are just not interested in coming unless they have nothing better to do, i don't know.

[lizzywednesday]

Typically, I RSVP as soon as I check my schedule because otherwise I will space out on it at all.

Speaking of which, I need to RSVP for my SIL's sprinkle ...

[minnie-zb]

I try to do it as soon as possible -- but I find most folks tend to wait until the very last minute to RSVP. Drives me nuts. :)

This probably is not what those folks intend, but I can't help but feel they wait for the last moment on the off-chance a better invitation comes along.

[janine]

I sent DD1's birthday party invitations for her class party on Thursday and no one has RSVP'd yet. This got me thinking, when do most people RSVP? I am a right away RSVPer, usually as soon as DH and I have a chance to check our calendars. If I don't do it right away I either forget or we get double booked. What do you do? Poll coming...

I think every single person goes through this. It mystifies me why some moms don't rsvp - I mean we all know what it's like, right?

I've come to realize that some just don't do it (at all in my case) but thanks to others' sharing their stories here I know not to take it personally.

Oh and I'm a right away rsvp'er too.

[daisyd]

I RSVP right away (before I forget).

[citymama]

If I know for sure that we can or can't make it, I RSVP right away. If I'm a maybe, I rarely reply right away - waiting to check if I can confirm one way or the other. The problem with not RSVPing right away is that the Evite gets buried in emails and I forget about the party until the reminder email. I wish Evite sent reminders in the middle of the RSVP period as well!

[MommyAllison]

I RSVP right away for parties and showers, but tend to wait until the deadline for weddings. I have no idea why!

[TwinFoxes]

I RSVP the same day. I usually know one way or the other if I can make something, we have a family calendar on google, and I can check it for conflicts with DH's schedule.

[indigo99]

If I know for sure that we can't go then I rsvp quickly. I'm slower to rsvp a yes and usually wait until the last day because I want to be sure that nothing else comes up rather than rsvp and then have to cancel. I did fail to rsvp to one home birthday party for DS and still feel bad about it, but I waited until the last minute to email her and then couldn't read the writing on the invite.

[Momit]

I do it right away but IME most people wait until the end. For DS's party a few months ago I literally had more people RSVP the day after my deadline saying "Is it too late? We want to come!" than I had respond on time.

[Liziz]

Right away so I don't forget.

:yeahthat:

[DualvansMommy]

usually right away, as i tend to put all the newly opened mail for DH to look at in the office...which houses our shared iMac. If it's a date i know that's wide open, i usually text DH and reply right there and then.

If it's a maybe cuz of other plans, i put in a reminder to myself in iCal to respond by the deadline otherwise I'll forget!!

[Simon]

If I know right away we have a conflict, then we'll RSVP "No" right away. Otherwise, I tend to wait until the last minute because my kids (esp. Ds2 who I'm waiting to RSVP for right now) have been sick so frequently. The deadline is tomorrow and Ds2 was up with a stomachache and slept horribly last night; maybe he caught strep from Ds1 or maybe it was nothing. If he's okay tomorrow I'll call/email and say he's coming.

[elephantmeg]

generally ASAP although I'm sitting on one right now that I can't decide on. I'll be at work and it's for DS at a skating rink. So either I need to ask if DD can go too since DH will be by himself, ask the IL's to watch DD or decline. Oh and neither kid has ever skated and DS doesn't really want to go. Sigh. I wish I was off, I'd love to take him!

[egoldber]

I try to do it right away otherwise I usually forget. :o But more than once I have been "reminded" by evite a couple days before the party and RSVP'd then.

[gatorsmom]

I usually RSVP as soon as I know whether we can come or not to a party. Some times that is as soon as I get the invitation.

Eta: We have so many activities happening in our lives that sometimes I have to ask my DH if he will be free to watch one child while I accompany another child to a party. He doesn't always know immediately if that will happen so sometimes I have to wait on him. If he can't do it, then I try to get a babysitter in those situations where not everyone in our family is invited. If I can't get a babysitter, then I have to decline. I always RSVP before the deadline.

I like to think that the majority of the population is kind enough to know I'm trying to make arrangements to get to their party. Isnt that what the grace period is for? I know our friends and family understand that.

Eta: op, I hope you can get some answers soon!

[wellyes]

I am old-fashioned. I view an invite as something I accept or decline, not something where I see if I get a better offer before the deadline.

Things we're obligated to - sports, nonprofit fundraisers, church events, etc - always do give us a month's notice at least. Since birthday invites seem to come 3-4 weeks ahead tops, I can look on my calendar and see if I'm booked.

If I accept, and then get invited to something else, I go with the person who asked first. If I don't want to go, I decline.

[indigo99]

I am old-fashioned. I view an invite as something I accept or decline, not something where I see if I get a better offer before the deadline.

Not replying right away doesn't mean that you're waiting on a "better offer". It usually means that we already have plans, but they aren't definite. For instance, we need to spend the next warm, dry weekend staining the kids' playset. If it's going to rain then we won't have anything to do and would be available to go to a party, but I can't make that decision very far in advance. I would rather wait to reply in case we can go than just say no right off.

[wellyes]

I'd personally still view that the same way.... 'I'll come if I have nothing better to do.'. But, you are definitely within the bounds of etiquette and are obviously approaching this conscientiously. Just not my style.

The only people who really aren't ok are those who don't RSVP at all.

[bisous]

I tend to RSVP late. The reason is that most invites, unless they include the entire family, include significant wrangling with my three kids, DH, etc. Some times I really, really try to make an event and probably should just have declined at the outset, but I really want to go and I'm trying...

A typical scenario might be an invite for DS1. I'll first obsess over whether I should go (he's 9 but has type 1 diabetes and I really prefer to be there), then I need to decide what to do with the two other kids who may or may not have other prior engagements. I might need THREE people (me, DH and someone else) in order to make good on an invite and it can be tricky!

I'm worst at RSVPing for adult functions. I ALWAYS want to go but rarely can.

I feel bad for being discourteous. I don't ever ignore invites but I am definitely guilty of pushing it to the last minute, usually in hopes that I can swing a way to go!

[indigo99]

I'd personally still view that the same way.... 'I'll come if I have nothing better to do.'. But, you are definitely within the bounds of etiquette and are obviously approaching this conscientiously. Just not my style.


Isn't that how everything works? The only people who RSVP yes are those who don't already have plans. So if your child has a game on the party day then you would go ahead and RSVP no. If the game (or whatever prior engagement that made you RSVP no) is canceled and your child is suddenly free then you wouldn't try to take them to the party because doing so is saying that you no longer have something better to do? If you hadn't told them whether you could or couldn't go yet when you found out that the game was cancelled then you could RSVP yes, and it wouldn't matter whether you'd had prior plans.

I think that's why ppl wait to RSVP. We don't all have set schedules and want to be sure that we can/can't go before we reply.

[sarahsthreads]

Apparently, if you're in my circle of friends, never. Oh, wait, that might be too soon. :irked:

I try to RSVP right when I get the invite, but it often has to wait until I can check with DH - most parties are on weekends and I work weekends while he cares for the kids. So I voted middle of the window.

Sarah :)