How to tell 5yr. Old dd that her grandpa has been told by dr. That he has 3-6 mo. Lef

[chozen]

We will be taking a very long trip soon to see my husbands father, he has been told by his dr. That he has 3-6mo. Left (of course dr. Are not God). He has cancer that started in his lung. We are not sure how to tell dd, she does not know he has cancer. I don't want to say he is sick because I don't want her to relate sick to death. Should we wait until the time comes and tell her afterwards or should we some how tell her on the way down there to see him, wait until we are already at there house or what? As far as she knows we are on our way to see her papa for vacation. Iam sure she will be upset about it she loves her papa very much! How do we handle this when do we tell her and what do we tell her.:(:(:(

[TwinFoxes]

I'm sorry. :hug: My DDs are 4 3/4, and they have no concept of time, so I wouldn't mention a timeline. I would probably mention that part of the reason you are visiting is because GP is sick. She's bound to notice a change in his appearance/energy level. I'm sorry you all are going through this.

[123LuckyMom]

I wouldn't say anything about impending death unless your child has a well defined concept of time. Even then, I might not say anything. Let your DD have a lovely time with her Papa without poisoning it. If he wants to talk with her about it, I would not prevent him from doing so, but I'd let him take the lead.

[mmommy]

I wouldn't say anything about impending death unless your child has a well defined concept of time. Even then, I might not say anything. Let your DD have a lovely time with her Papa without poisoning it. If he wants to talk with her about it, I would not prevent him from doing so, but I'd let him take the lead.

:yeahthat: I think the visit and time together are what is important here, not the timeline. :grouphug:

[MSWR0319]

I don't think I'd mention it. I think I'd just let her spend time with her Grandfather and enjoy it. When the time comes and he's either very very sick or has passed away, then you can address his death. If you address it now, she'll have a hard time understanding time and maybe the dr's are wrong. When my Grandpa died, it was easier explaing to DS that Great Grandpa had passed away vs telling him they took him to the hospital and he wasn't going to live long.

[wendibird22]

I wouldn't say anything about impending death unless your child has a well defined concept of time. Even then, I might not say anything. Let your DD have a lovely time with her Papa without poisoning it. If he wants to talk with her about it, I would not prevent him from doing so, but I'd let him take the lead.

Yeah that. When DHs grandpa was in hospice we took DD1 for a visit. She knew instinctively he was sick but didn't ask questions and we didn't offer info. She enjoyed the visit without worrying about him or what was happening or being sad. When he passed away a week later it was easier to explain.

[wendibird22]

Crazy iPad causing duplicates. Sorry.

[wendibird22]

Sorry duplicate post.

[gatorsmom]

I wouldn't say anything about impending death unless your child has a well defined concept of time. Even then, I might not say anything. Let your DD have a lovely time with her Papa without poisoning it. If he wants to talk with her about it, I would not prevent him from doing so, but I'd let him take the lead.

:yeahthat: I wouldn't tell her he was dying but I would tell her he might not be here forever and she should tell him she loves him as much as she can and enjoy him as much as possible.

[hillview]

I wouldn't say anything about nearing end of life. I would start to prepare her for if grandpa looks sick. Also take a ton of photos. I might also start to introduce the idea of death (like a plant dies etc) so she can start to wrap her head around that idea if she doesn't yet. Also depending on what you believe I might also start to talk about what happens after you die. So sorry that is hard.

[dogmom]

I understand that you don't want to link sickness to death. However, the question is do you think no one will say to her, "Grampa was very sick?" It's possible, I don't know how much extended family you have or how often you see them, you can't control everything. It might be work exploring the different kinds of sick with her, so if she does hear something she doesn't think she will die from a cold.

[TwinFoxes]

I understand that you don't want to link sickness to death. However, the question is do you think no one will say to her, "Grampa was very sick?" It's possible, I don't know how much extended family you have or how often you see them, you can't control everything. It might be work exploring the different kinds of sick with her, so if she does hear something she doesn't think she will die from a cold.

I agree. I think at 5, kids hear and see a lot. I think she'll know something is up, and guessing might be worse. Being so sick, I am sure his appearance etc has changed. My FIL passed away from esophageal cancer, and he was very thin and weak when he had only a few months. If you decide not to mention it to her, you might need a plan B once you're there. :(