Advice 10 year old DS fussing about hair in am

[marchmommy]

My 10 year old fourth grader (DS) has slightly curly hair. He has been wasting a lot of time in the morning fussing with his hair, getting very upset that it is sticking up on top and not flat against his head, probably because most of the other boys have the kind of hair that lies perfectly straight and is very short. This morning he was particularly upset, even though he had a haircut a few weeks ago. I actually had to take a scissor out, which I have never done, and snip a few hairs which were sticking out. He was actually crying and getting really upset when looking in the mirror. It really makes me upset. I tried to get him to talk to me, asking if anyone is making fun of him, and he wouldn't tell me anything. He is a good-looking boy! It upsets me that he is feeling bad, and that he is wasting time and energy on this. Any suggestions for how to get him to open up to me, or is that a lost cause. I've made a haircut appointment for him so that it can be cut down shorter which makes it easier for him (it's already short, just not a crew cut because that doesn't work for his hair.) Any suggestions! TIA!

[o_mom]

Does he have any kind of gel or 'product' for his hair?

Mine are the opposite - their hair is stick straight and flat - even when buzzed. They use 'hair glue' to make it stick up.

[Indianamom2]

Aww...I'm not there yet with my son, but my daughter worries every time she gets her hair cut that people won't like it. She was in tears today because she didn't want to see her speech therapist because she had her hair cut over the weekend (she's really pretty and the hair cut looks great, but we can't convince her).

I wonder if a styling product might help (gel or some sort of paste) his hair work for him better? Maybe that would give him some hope!

[MelissaTC]

M has wavy to curly hair. We recently lucked out with a great stylist that talked to him about his hair texture, what style will work (he has several cowlicks that make his hair stand right up in the weirdest spots) and she also showed him how to use some leave in conditioner that also acts as a gel. His hair is very easy to deal with when it is in a crew cut but apparently crew cuts are not cool in 5th grade.

[marchmommy]

I think a gel probably would work - I didn't think I'd have to deal with this so early, and with my son. I will ask the hair stylist. He does have a definite cowlick on the top, always his. His hair is too curly for a crewcut, which is what most boys have. Do you think this is too young to be so concerned?

[kdeunc]

My 10 year old is very into his hair right now. Unfortnately I don't think it is too early! Heaven help me when he is a teenager! :)

[misshollygolightly]

Maybe call ahead of time to let his hairdresser know what's going on. Can you give your son some celebrity/men's hairstyle magazines to flip through (or look online) before his appointment and see if he can choose some photos of what he *wants* his hair to look like? You could also pull some photos of good-looking/famous young men with curly hair styled in different ways so he has some inspiration or models that are realistic for his hair type. After you and your son have some pictures to work with, you can show them to the stylist and have her help your soon choose a cut and style that comes closer to the look your son wants without being too complicated to style.

It may be that he just doesn't see a lot of attractive/popular guys with curly hair, but I bet when you help him start really looking the two of you (with a hairdresser's help) can find some styles that work with his hair type rather than against it. The hairdresser should also be able to talk him through a simple styling routine so you don't have to deal with so much stress in the mornings!

ETA: No BTDT obviously, but I don't think 10 is too young to be concerned about this at all. I think a lot of tweens/young teens start freaking out about their more unique or unusual features and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the fact that they are increasingly responsible for their own appearance.

[ECMom]

My DS has had buzz cuts since he was 3 yrs old. When he got into 4th grade last year, he wanted to start growing out his hair. He has a cowlick on the crown of his head that has been a source of woe for him (& therefore us!) since growing out his hair. I can't tell you how many times I have put silicone spray, gel, sculpting spray, or hairspray on this cowlick.

We bounced around stylists at these Hair Cuttery type places until one of them finally told us he was going to have to grow his hair longer on top to make the cowlick manageable. Much to the chagrin of my husband & I, we let him grow his hair into longer lengths (which is what he wanted anyway) and the cowlick problem is gone.

His hair is straight, thick, & wirey, which means his hair can be puffy after it's washed. He doesn't like this & was constantly complaining. Low & behold over the winter he found a solution - wearing a fleeced lined knit cap made his hair flat! I drive him to school & practically every morning he wears one of these hats (apparently it solves the occasional sticking up hair too). I chuckle to myself that he is so concerned with his hair. He has this "skater" look going on. There is one other boy who has "longer" hair in his class while all the others have buzz cuts. Leave it to my son to help blaze the way early into middle school!

So, you are not alone and your son is not the only one. More than likely he has become self conscious about his hair for style reasons versus someone making fun of him. Maybe try the fleece lined hat to see if it works for him.

[Globetrotter]

My DS sometimes wakes up with a cowlick and dh flattens it with a wet brush, but I think gel may work better. At one point I found hair in the bathroom trashcans and it finally came out that he was chopping off his cowlicks!!

[hillview]

DS1 is 7.5 and spends time working on his hair to make it stay flat. I don't think 10 is too early.

[JBaxter]

They have "mens" products Axe, Crue and a few others. Will stick it up or down. I've had both one with wild curls who wanted straight one with stick straight who spiked it..

[larig]

M has wavy to curly hair. We recently lucked out with a great stylist that talked to him about his hair texture, what style will work (he has several cowlicks that make his hair stand right up in the weirdest spots) and she also showed him how to use some leave in conditioner that also acts as a gel. His hair is very easy to deal with when it is in a crew cut but apparently crew cuts are not cool in 5th grade.

:yeahthat: Finding someone who specializes in curly hair would be a great idea. And, someone who would take the time to teach him how to manage it himself would help. I was cursed with unruly hair in the era of feathered hair, and it really impacted my self esteem in jr. high.

[gatorsmom]

:yeahthat: Finding someone who specializes in curly hair would be a great idea. And, someone who would take the time to teach him how to manage it himself would help. I was cursed with unruly hair in the era of feathered hair, and it really impacted my self esteem in jr. high.

My hair wouldn't feather either. :crying: and yeah, with all my other friends looking like Charlie's Angels, I felt less than cool.

My 9yo plays with his hair when his cowlicks are sticking up but most of the kids at our school keep their hair just slightly longer than a crew cut so keeping it short keeps him looking cool and like the other kids. Or so he tells me. :)

[kboyle]

ds1 is in 4th grade and refuses to get a haircut...apparently he wants to have long hair which looks great on him, but we've been dealing with the in between stage since fall and its driving me nuts. i know girls have commented to him that they love his hair, lol.