Tell me not to send the email. (work related)

[infocrazy]

I hate my boss. She lives up to every stereotype of female bosses. We have to rank our preference for which session of a 2 week training class out of town we want. They are all terrible times for me...really awful. 5 choices, 2 conflict with our booked vaction, 1 is DS2s birthday week and I have three scheduled days off for 9 months, and the last 2 conflict with a training class that I teach. The one I teach is only tentively scheduled, I am one of three instructors, and after a restructure may not even be in my job assingment anymore. I rated the two class conflicts first, then the birthday week, then our 2 vacation weeks. Did I mention that the training is for something that I don't do now and am 90% sure I won't be doing after the restructure. I am hoping I will not have to go at all and all this stress is for nothing but I don't like this.

In any case, she CHANGED my rankings so the birthday vacation is first. She sent an email after som minor back and forth that she switched MY rankings.


I can't call her (out of state) because I am uncharacteristically over emotional right now. She already submitted them yesterday. I have an email written that restates that I want my rankings to stay with a footnote ( that she already has) noting the teaching conflict and why I don't even think it will be an issue.

So send the email? With my position, I work with her counterparts a lot, including the head of the training I teach. Do I ask them to help me get assigned the training I want? Give me permission to not teach the training? I do think she is done talking because she literally does not care.

[doberbrat]

just wanted to say I'm sorry you work for a horrible boss.

idk what I'd do though.....

[TwinFoxes]

What does the email you wrote say?

[BayGirl2]

Ugh - first of all that sounds so frustrating.
Don't send the email to her, it doesn't sound like it will do anything if its already submitted.

Does she truly just not care? If so can you reach out directly to the person coordinating to explain there was some "confusion" in your rankings so you want to check on them. I'd suggest calling not emailing so it can't be forwarded and so you can express yourself directly. If you need to wait to get past the emotions you should, a few hours likely won't make a difference.

Good luck. Whether its work or personal conflicts shouldn't matter. Some people just don't get it.
ETA: Also wanted to say that IME these huge looking conflicts do tend to work themselves out over time. If there's a reorg in the future that may make this a moot point then maybe you don't want to fight to visibly.

[infocrazy]

I'm on my phone so I can't cutpaste but paraphrasing:

You tell us to let you know when we have an issue so I am bringing this up since it is important to me. I know you have already submitted but I feel like I have to say something.

I am very upset that my rankings were changed without any consideration of my concerns. I would have appreciated if you had talked to x about whether it was an issue. All I am asking is to keep my rankings as requested. You have a footnote noting the conflict. Now instead of seeing if there is still a conflict, I will be slotted in the class that I currently have days off since it appears it is my first choice.

If I need to attend the class, then I will make peace with it. I just needed to be heard.

I can't talk about it today-I am too close to the issue. I am off until Tuesday and can talk then if you want.

[infocrazy]

The problem is that my personal conflict will not change-vacation and DS2 birthday. The work conflict will likely change-already been postponed once. However, that is what she is basing the rankings on. I did not tell her it was a birthday, just that I had vacation scheduled. I have shared personal info with her before and had her use it against me. I have thought of trying to ask x myself since we have a really good relationship, but she would not take kindly to that and is the type to punish. Plus I think it would make things worse if he confirmed he didn't care as I suspect and he can't do anything about it since it appears my choice is not a conflict-so he'd have to out me as going to him.

Does she really not care...? I don't know, but she has a very bad rep among my peers...and hers... I will say the current unknown of the restructure makes for a difficult environment for even her, but at least PRETEND to care.

[boolady]

I don't know that I wouldn't send her an email, but I don't think I'd send her that email. I know you're paraphrasing, and I know you're upset. I would be too. I think I would consider an email, without the "I'm very upset," "very important to me," etc., because she sounds like she'll hold it against you for being emotional. If anything, I think I would consider a short, succinctly worded email asking her to reconsider her changing you in the rankings for the following reasons (1), (2), (3).

If she ignores you or refuses, then I might consider speaking to someone else, but I feel like you have to give her the opportunity to change it first, or if you go to someone else, she'll claim she would have changed your ranking even though you know darn well she wouldn't have just to make you look bad.

:grouphug: Sorry she's a nut.

[BayGirl2]

Hmmm, I still think the email is probably too emotional to send. But maybe reworded it could address the issue from a business perspective without the emotion? I do think saying it in an email will better get your points across if you are emotional. Agree to limit sharing personal info, she sounds untrustworthy. Here's a suggestion:

I am surprised to hear that my training rankings were changed. As I mentioned I have a conflict that cannot be changed on the dates that are now listed first. I know you have already submitted but I feel like I have to say something. What can we do to change my rankings back to what I requested? We can still footnote the potential conflict and address it as necessary. ETA: I can call X directly to discuss if you would prefer I work it out on my own.

You've asked us to come to you if we have an issue so I wanted to go directly to you right away to work this out. Let's talk about this on Tuesday when I am back in the office.

[boolady]

I am surprised to hear that my training rankings were changed. As I mentioned I have a conflict that cannot be changed on the dates that are now listed first. I know you have already submitted but I feel like I have to say something. What can we do to change my rankings back to what I requested? We can still footnote the potential conflict and address it as necessary.

You've asked us to come to you if we have an issue so I wanted to go directly to you right away to work this out. Let's talk about this on Tuesday when I am back in the office.

This is exactly the type of email I was envisioning but couldn't quite put together the way BayGirl2 did.

[BayGirl2]

This is exactly the type of email I was envisioning but couldn't quite put together the way BayGirl2 did.

That's because I'm on the BBB right now instead of writing those kinds of emails for my own job. :bag

[boolady]

That's because I'm on the BBB right now instead of writing those kinds of emails for my own job. :bag

I'm pleading the Fifth. :)

[mmsmom]

I would do something passive agressive like email the head of training and cc your boss saying something like: Dear Head of Training, I just noticed the rankings of time preferences I submitted were somehow changed by mistake. I just wanted to clarify that my rankings are....

But I don't know how that would go over in your environment.

However if you decide to email your boss I would leave the details out. I would just email and say something like I'm not sure why my rankings were changed but I wanted to clarify my preferences remain the same and are as follows...

[TwinFoxes]

Hmmm, I still think the email is probably too emotional to send. But maybe reworded it could address the issue from a business perspective without the emotion? I do think saying it in an email will better get your points across if you are emotional. Agree to limit sharing personal info, she sounds untrustworthy. Here's a suggestion:

I am surprised to hear that my training rankings were changed. As I mentioned I have a conflict that cannot be changed on the dates that are now listed first. I know you have already submitted but I feel like I have to say something. What can we do to change my rankings back to what I requested? We can still footnote the potential conflict and address it as necessary. ETA: I can call X directly to discuss if you would prefer I work it out on my own.

You've asked us to come to you if we have an issue so I wanted to go directly to you right away to work this out. Let's talk about this on Tuesday when I am back in the office.

:yeahthat: Nice wording. I think emailing is fine, and I'd do it, but this wording is less emotional and I think has a better chance at success. Your boss sounds awful.

[infocrazy]

We are a very big company, but all the training is internal to our group. I think her boss is likely the person slotting it so I certainly can't go over her head. Unfortunately she told me she was changing it to her choice (last night after I left) so I can't be surprised that it was different since she

****
If at all possible, I still would like to see my rankings stand as requested with the footnote already listed. Since the teaching class is still in planning stages, I would really like my actual preferences known so that a slot assignment can be made using all the info. My concern is that it appears that my first choice is a week I have had vacation scheduled since june. The footnote currently solidifies that week as the choice v highlighting a conflict for the other weeks. If you'd like, I can talk to x to get an update on the class and to see if he has an issue with proceeding with2 instructors in the event I am required to attend the training.

I am off until tue and we can talk then if necessary.