Would you make a 10 year old do her own laundry?

[Green_Tea]

Let's say you have a 10 year old who knows how to use the washer and dryer and is fully capable of doing so. The child does not want to do anything to facilitate his/her parents in doing laundry - so, doesn't put dirty clothes in a hamper, reuses to turn used clothes right side out, whines and complains about folding/putting clean clothes away. Would you refuse to do this child's laundry and require that he/ she take responsibility for it independently?

[kristac]

If she is capable of doing the whole process I don't see why not.

[maestramommy]

yup. Actually that's a waste of water and power. I'd assign her a specific load at least once a week. With some significant consequence attached.

[JustMe]

Both of my kids do their laundry independently--they sometimes need help with the more difficult to fold items, but that's it. OTOH, not sure if I understand this right but if what's going on with your dd is that she is refusing to do some of the steps you are already require, I am not sure if requiring her to do all the steps will resolve the problem? Do you think she would be more likely to do it then?

[wendmatt]

I don't do that but I did start charging DD 25cents off her allowance each time she left her clothes on the floor (a friend did it so I got the idea from her) and it worked pretty fast! For the majority of the time clothes go in the hamper, sometimes she puts them away, sometimes not.

[sophiesmom03]

I don't do that but I did start charging DD 25cents off her allowance each time she left her clothes on the floor (a friend did it so I got the idea from her) and it worked pretty fast! For the majority of the time clothes go in the hamper, sometimes she puts them away, sometimes not.

Like.

When we were kids my grandmother would wash, dry, fold and even sometimes iron our clothes inside out. ;) IF we didn't turn them out, she wasn't going to do it.

[gatorsmom]

Gator is 9yo. So far the plan is to increase slowly the amount and difficulty level of his chores. I'm doing the same for all my kids. Gator started by putting his clothes in the different laundry bins which are divided by color (whites, light colors, darks and denim, reds. Then I upped the responsibility by folding and sorting his clean laundry. At dinner time he used to hand out napkins. Then I gave cha cha that job and moved gator up to getting everyone silverware. Then I moved gator up to filling up cups of water to place at the table, moved cha up to silverware and the twins are doing napkins. Now gator is spraying down the table after dinner, cha is doing water glasses and the twins are doing silverware and napkins. Soon I'm moving gator up to sweeping and mopping after dinner. This is working pretty well.

I'm doing it slowly so it just becomes second nature and they do it without thinking about it much. So far it's working for us. If they don't do their chores, I take away their possessions and outings. I'm really consistent about this.

If the kids want to do anything above and beyond their chores, I pay them. In your dd case, I'd explain that if she doesn't do her chores I'm taking away her iPod (or planned playdate). But if she does her chore, she gets all that back. If she does more, she gets rewards. Everyone's family works differently but that is working pretty well for us.

[jbbhb]

Gator is 9yo. So far the plan is to increase slowly the amount and difficulty level of his chores. I'm doing the same for all my kids. Gator started by putting his clothes in the different laundry bins which are divided by color (whites, light colors, darks and denim, reds. Then I upped the responsibility by folding and sorting his clean laundry. At dinner time he used to hand out napkins. Then I gave cha cha that job and moved gator up to getting everyone silverware. Then I moved gator up to filling up cups of water to place at the table, moved cha up to silverware and the twins are doing napkins. Now gator is spraying down the table after dinner, cha is doing water glasses and the twins are doing silverware and napkins. Soon I'm moving gator up to sweeping and mopping after dinner. This is working pretty well.

I'm doing it slowly so it just becomes second nature and they do it without thinking about it much. So far it's working for us. If they don't do their chores, I take away their possessions and outings. I'm really consistent about this.

If the kids want to do anything above and beyond their chores, I pay them. In your dd case, I'd explain that if she doesn't do her chores I'm taking away her iPod (or planned playdate). But if she does her chore, she gets all that back. If she does more, she gets rewards. Everyone's family works differently but that is working pretty well for us.

Don't want to hijack but this is exactly how I *want* my house to run, that being part of a family means you help out, without the allowance motivator. I love that you reward for going above and beyond. I would love to hear more about how you started when your kids were young (my oldest is just getting to where he is capable of helping a bit). Maybe I should start a new thread...

OP, my mom made us do our own laundry at that age. It worked for me and one of my sisters, but my other sister just wore dirty clothes...
As a teenager/young adult I was always grateful that I knew how to do laundry, I had a friend in college that was at a total loss of what to do.

[Green_Tea]

OTOH, not sure if I understand this right but if what's going on with your dd is that she is refusing to do some of the steps you are already require, I am not sure if requiring her to do all the steps will resolve the problem? Do you think she would be more likely to do it then?

If she didn't do her laundry, she'd have to wear dirty clothes. This is a child who doesn't want to re-wear a pair of jeans she wore for an hour while watching TV, so I am assuming that she's be pretty reluctant to wear clothes that aren't clean.

[s7714]

Under those circumstances, yes I would. One exception would be if I needed them to wear a certain thing on a certain day (like a scout uniform), then I would make sure that was clean and presentable at least.

[Green_Tea]

To answer a few other questions/comments:

We don't do allowances for many reasons, and have no plans to start.

My kids have not ever responded in a meaningful way to incentives or loss of privileges. They prefer to, say, not do chores and lose privilege as a result. Likewise, they frequently will turn down treats if it means doing something they don't enjoy.

I have very, very hard headed, stubborn kids.

DD would be appalled at having to wear dirty clothes, though, which is why having her do her own laundry might actually work. Or, she'll choose to wear a pair of too small, very short shorts and a tank in 32 degree weather. That was today's choice.

My own mother did my laundry until I went to college - because she wanted to, not because I didn't know how. In fact, when she babysits, she still sometimes sneaks in a load! I just wasn't sure how age appropriate expecting a 10 year old to do her own laundry might be.

Thanks for the input!

[hillview]

um yes. DSs both do laundry every day (I assist them right now). DS1 is pretty self sufficient in terms of knowing what to do except for taking out the stuff I don't want put in the dryer. I'd expect by age 8 he'd be doing it totally solo (maybe even just his own stuff).

[KrisM]

I think I would. I remember your posts about trying to motivate them and if you think this would motivate her, I'd do it.

[crl]

Yes. I would.

Of course I made ds pack his own lunch when he was six because he complained one too many times about what I packed. So I might be a mean mom. He did just fine and never complained again about his lunch.

Catherine

[edurnemk]

Yes I would. Her having to wear dirty clothes if she doesn't put them in the hamper or washes them herself is a natural consequence of her actions. Loosing privileges also doesn't work with DS and I avoid rewards / bribes for stuff they're supposed to do anyway.

My rule is I only wash clothes in the hamper and mommy doesn't clean up other people's messes, I enforce it for DS and my DH. He was the worst, he'd leave his clothes on the floor beside his side of the bed for.ever. I refsued to pick up after him and would even vacuum around the ever growing pile of clothes. When he asked if a certain piece had been washed I'd just say "if it was in the hamper, the yeah". He's gotten better, but still needs to be reminded to pick them up occasionally. I once even moved the hamper to the spot where he dropped his dirty clothes, guess what he did? Yeah, he'd drop them beside the hamper. I did everything I could to resit the urge to pick them up 'cause I couldn't stand looking at the mess. But I'd remember the advice I got from a friend's mom: never clean up after him, you'll get sick of it one day but he'll be too used to it by then.

As far as the folding and putting them away I think it's perfectly acceptable to give each family member his laundry basket with his clean clothes to fold and put away. If days go by and she hasn't done it, she'll get to wear wrinkly clothes.

[hillview]

I would remove any clothes that don't fit or not in season.

[alexsmommy]

I plan on teaching DS1 this summer. I had DSD fully independent for similar reasons to yours by age 11. It took a few months, but someone told her she smelled and another friend said she could see a mustard stain on her pants that she knew DSD had gotten earlier that week. Best natual consequences ever... after that she got it done, even washing mid-week if she wanted something for the next day.
DS1 is generally more responsible, puts his clothes in his hamper, carries his hamper to the basement on Friday mornings (needs a reminder, but does it no complaints), and puts away his folded clothes. I don't mind doing whatever laundry he has on laundry day because of his positive attitude, but he's heavily into sports and can need uniforms on back to back days. I've told him he will be taking over the responsibility of washing any/all items of clothing he needs outside of regular washing times.

[JustMe]

If she didn't do her laundry, she'd have to wear dirty clothes. This is a child who doesn't want to re-wear a pair of jeans she wore for an hour while watching TV, so I am assuming that she's be pretty reluctant to wear clothes that aren't clean.

Well, in that case, yes I would have her do her own laundry. My kids don't do any sorting, they just do their laundry as one load. I keep an eye on what they wear during the week to make sure there's not anything that shouldn't be washed with anything else of that should not be dried.

[o_mom]

If she didn't do her laundry, she'd have to wear dirty clothes. This is a child who doesn't want to re-wear a pair of jeans she wore for an hour while watching TV, so I am assuming that she's be pretty reluctant to wear clothes that aren't clean.


Sounds like a perfect solution. Very age-appropriate. It probably wouldn't work here because mine will wear something until it crawls away on its own, lol. I have to make sure they change underwear...or that they are wearing it!

[AngelaS]

My ten year old does laundry but we do the whole family's together. I agree that if she leaves her clothes on floor she either wears them dirty or you take them and she has to wear the other clothes in her closet until she earns back the ones she left on the floor.

[Nooknookmom]

Like.

When we were kids my grandmother would wash, dry, fold and even sometimes iron our clothes inside out. ;) IF we didn't turn them out, she wasn't going to do it.

Most of my family's clothes get washed, dried and folded inside out. I have asked repeatedly to please turn them the correct way. I refuse to do it, between work, bein sick and shuffling kids I am not staring there and reversing clothes.

They must not care bc they still do it!