(UPDATE in OP!!) procedure for finding back-up nanny/sitter?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

UPDATE: okay, thank you so much guys.thanks to westwoodmom04 for mentioning a nanny agency...i googled one in our area and found one that finds nannies for temporary, emergency care (as well as fulltime/live-in nannies). For temporary/backup use the fee was only $100 for the year, and it is $25 each time, and then you just pay the nanny directly. They have someone answering their phones 24/7, which I thought was pretty darn awesome. I called the other day and put in a request for someone to watch my DD from 9am-5pm on Thursday (yesterday). Within hours they called and gave description of nanny, etc...and then the nanny herself called to confirm. She showed up at our door the next day, few minutes early. I showed her around a bit, introduced her to DD. and while DD was SUPER shy at first, SHE DID NOT CRY when i left!! I was shocked. DH was working from home and said DD was fine with her the whole time, and she even did the dishes and rocked with DD for an hour. Anyway overall it was a very good experience and i will definitely be using them again. i like how i can just call at anytime, and then someone will show up at our door when needed.

DD finally stopped having a fever (even went to swim class last night), and both of them went to the school today. Anyway, i feel so much better now that we have this backup plan in place. For sure if kids are really sick (puking, etc) one of us will stay home and take a sick day but this seems so helpful for the times when they just need a day to recover from illness/fever the night before.

------------------------------------------------



could use advice from those of you who work FT and have hired backup sitters for the cases when your regular childcare is not available.

do you just interview a bunch of them, then find 2 or 3 sitters you like? is 2 or 3 enough or do find you have to have more to increase the likelihood they will be available? I just signed up for care.com (got the premium or whatever it's called) in a panic while at work when DH told me that DD had spiked a fever (again, for 3rd day in a row). Argh.

Am also wondering, are people pretty responsive to messages on there? Would it be too much to hope to find someone to possibly watch DD on Wednesday? I'm not too worried about the whole "stranger" issue as DH works from home and so he'll be there the whole time. DH already took a sick day today and now i will have to stay home with dd tomorrow until 1pm (her nap time) so DH can get work done. I will have to stay at work until 9pm so make up the hours, and then after I get home DH will have to work few hours at night. Ok, we will survive. But If DD gets a fever again tomorrow, we are pretty screwed. :(

It's so frustrating bc she's not even that sick. She's been getting a fever every night since Saturday night . During the day she is totally fine, just a bit sniffly. But around 7pm she starts running a temp. Ped checked it out this morning (her temp was of course 98.6 there, lol) and she has no ear infections, throat is fine, dr. just says another virus. Blech.

ugh. i swear, i really love this whole working gig. except for when a kid gets sick. then it's like the world comes crashing down. at least i should be glad that dh is here this week.

[PZMommy]

We have no one, so when one of the kids is sick, we alternate who stays home. Both DH and I are teachers, so we can't trade hours or things like that.

[westwoodmom04]

We used a local nanny agency that had on-demand care in addition to placing nannies. There was a reasonable upfront fee (maybe $250) and then the nanny was paid their usual hourly rate directly. They would send over resumes and written references for available nannies (they had already conducted full background checks on all of them). We used the service a few times (we really liked the nanny that we picked the first time, and asked for her specifically thereafter), and it worked well. They would call afterwards to make sure I was happy with the nanny.

[AnnieW625]

We have no one, so when one of the kids is sick, we alternate who stays home...

:yeahthat: We get 12 sick days a yr. though. If you don't have that I would look for an agency like WestwoodMom said.

[mommy111]

We rely on a friend's occasional babysitter. I've always found that having a circle of friends that use occasional babysitters, and using the same couple of babysitters between people really helps for when we need back up

[sunnyside]

I haven't used one in a while, but normally I post a job on sittercity (same as care.com) and talk to the ones that sound promising. Generally when I post a job, I get a lot of responses. I work from home, and the sitter will just be watching my child while I'm there, so I am not as concerned as if I wouldn't be there. In the past, the sitters have been great, and I've stuck with one for a while and then gotten a new one when that one moved away or got a full time job.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thank you for the responses. it's 9pm, and i'm still at work (because i couldn't get to 1pm, so dh could work in the morning), and still haven't eaten dinner. i was with dd and she was totally fine all day (i took her to the store, even). but dh texted me that dd spiked a temperature AGAIN. just went to care.com and posted a job seeking backup sitters for tomorrow. at least dh will be home.

except for a few minutes in the morning i have not seen ds at all today, and probably won't see him again tomorow. poor dh is at home trying to wrangle kids into bed. i want to cry. :( i hate not having family around. this sucks.

[twowhat?]

Can you not take sick days? If you have sick days I'd use them even though it sucks that you're relatively new to the job, etc...but that is what they are there for. I blew through all my sick days the first year the girls were in daycare because we never used sitters/family for sick kids (mom undergoing chemo, and grandma is older so we just didn't want her to get sick). Between my sick days and DH's, we blew through all of them, plus I used a couple of vacation days even. Though we are lucky in that since we do have family in town, I didn't need a whole lot of vacation days over the holidays because we don't have to go anywhere. Still, I'd use the sick days and if you run out of sick days/vacation days, you can tell your family that they'll have to come visit you this year for the holidays:) It won't last forever...it gets better, I promise!

Hopefully you can nail down a sitter as well. Good luck. That first year SUCKS:(

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Can you not take sick days? If you have sick days I'd use them even though it sucks that you're relatively new to the job, etc...but that is what they are there for. I blew through all my sick days the first year the girls were in daycare because we never used sitters/family for sick kids (mom undergoing chemo, and grandma is older so we just didn't want her to get sick). Between my sick days and DH's, we blew through all of them, plus I used a couple of vacation days even. Though we are lucky in that since we do have family in town, I didn't need a whole lot of vacation days over the holidays because we don't have to go anywhere. Still, I'd use the sick days and if you run out of sick days/vacation days, you can tell your family that they'll have to come visit you this year for the holidays:) It won't last forever...it gets better, I promise!

Hopefully you can nail down a sitter as well. Good luck. That first year SUCKS:(

no, i don't get sick days..they are combined into vacation days (just labeled PTO days). i am still low on PTO since i just started and i had to borrow days for holiday vacation plus iv'e had to take 2 sick days already to take care of sick DS when DH was OOT. DH luckily gets 12 sick days a year (in add'n to vacation days). he has taken 6 so far since i started wokring almost 4 months ago. he took one on Monday already to watch DD. however despite the sick day that doens't stop him from having to meet deadlines, answer emails etc which is why i had to stay with DD this morning so he could at least get some work in. today neither of us could really miss work so we split our schedules so i ended up working 1pm-10pm. ugh. i would take a sick day but i think i have only like 2 days left right now, and i want to save them up for the summer so i can have at least a week to see my family out of state. i haven't traveled to see my family in over a year :( luckily i did get to see my parents over the holidays as they came to visit us, unfortunately dh & i were sick and run down most of the time thanks to all the bugs from kids and daycare.

this is seriously one of the worst experiences of all time. nothing makes you feel like a rotten parent more than dealing with a sick kid plus scrambling having to work late and not being able to be there for them & help them. :( i felt so bad for dh having to wrangle both kiddos at bedtime, especially with dd sick.

[JustMe]

r. i was with dd and she was totally fine all day (i took her to the store, even). but dh texted me that dd spiked a temperature AGAIN. ju.


I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't have any advice about the back up childcare. I was wondering if you had contacted your pedicatrian for advice/input around the continual spiking a fever only at night. I have had this happen for 1-2 days, but it would seem like you are on day 4 of that which seems long to me.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I haven't used one in a while, but normally I post a job on sittercity (same as care.com) and talk to the ones that sound promising. Generally when I post a job, I get a lot of responses. I work from home, and the sitter will just be watching my child while I'm there, so I am not as concerned as if I wouldn't be there. In the past, the sitters have been great, and I've stuck with one for a while and then gotten a new one when that one moved away or got a full time job.

hmm, i must be doing something wrong. i barely get any responses when i post jobs. :(

two nights ago i posted a job for a occasional/backup sitter for when my dc can't go to daycare. TWO people replied, one lady saying she is only available nights/weekends because she has a day job M-F (I guess she didn't read my description). then last night, around 8pm i posted a job to care.com (to watch my dd TODAY). i mentioned my DH would be at home the whole time. i had it message 12 sitters i had put in my "favorites" list (we had combed through the list, finding ones that are available last minute, to watch sick kids, nonsmoker, etc). I got TWO replies, one saying thanks for contacting her but she was busy that day. The other was from a girl not in my favorites list (i guess she just happened to find the job i posted) saying she'd be happy to watch my DD, as she was off that week from her regular nanny job. She replied like an hour after i posted it. She was really young (19), had no reviews yet at all or no references but we figured worth a shot. i had my DH reply to her right away (i was busy doing at something at work) saying thanks for the message, sounds like it will work out and to reply to the message and he would send our info (address, phone number, etc). It's 7am now and NO REPLY. What the frack.

Anyway, do you think I have to interview/meet a slew of sitters first before they take me seriously? Do you think people are scared that DH will be home, and they are uncomfortable with a male in the house?? Do you think people just dont' want to take care of a sick kid (though ALL the sitters i sent the message to said they are willing to take care of sick kids and are available at short notice). I feel so defeated.

SOrry if i sound desperate but I just don't know what i'm supposed to flippin do in this situation. I feel like we're the only family having to deal with this and I am failing miserably on trying to deal with it. I don't have any female coworkers to talk to or to commiserate. Most of my friends in town are SAHMs.

I guess it sounds like i have to find a nanny agency like westwoodmom mentioned. Seems like it would be worth the money if they find someone for you and guarantee someone. i don't know how to search for that around here.

[egoldber]

We have tried sittercity and care.com and never had any luck. Plus, the people I found for temporary stuff really wanted full time work and would flake at a moment's notice. So I don't think it's just you.

[TxCat]

We used a local nanny agency that had on-demand care in addition to placing nannies. There was a reasonable upfront fee (maybe $250) and then the nanny was paid their usual hourly rate directly. They would send over resumes and written references for available nannies (they had already conducted full background checks on all of them). We used the service a few times (we really liked the nanny that we picked the first time, and asked for her specifically thereafter), and it worked well. They would call afterwards to make sure I was happy with the nanny.

:yeahthat:

We also have my in-laws in town so that helps. I have taken a PTO day twice (like the OP, no designated sick days) to take care of DD if she was sick or our nanny couldn't come that day. It sucks, but it is what it is. But if I can't take off, DH can't take off and the ILs are unavailable, nanny agency over care.com or sittercity for me. I find it takes too much time to screen and interview candidates from those sites for just the occasional back-up emergency.

[pomegranate]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but you're definitely not alone! DH and I usually either take turns taking days off work (I get 10 sick days per year) or we both work at home and then alternate caring for DS. DS is also 5 so a little older than your DC and he can play and entertain himself for pretty long stretches. For extended illness, my mom who loves 1.5 hours away and is retired could come and help. Also, DH's work participates in Bright Horizons' back-up advantage care program. BH is a national daycare chain. Their backup care program allows you to drop off your kids on occasion if your regular care provider is not available. In the case of sick kids, they will find a prescreened sitter to come by and look after your kids. If you have a BH near you, maybe you can see if you can participate even if your employers don't. Good luck! I know this can be totally stressful.

[twowhat?]

no, i don't get sick days..they are combined into vacation days (just labeled PTO days). i am still low on PTO since i just started and i had to borrow days for holiday vacation plus iv'e had to take 2 sick days already to take care of sick DS when DH was OOT. DH luckily gets 12 sick days a year (in add'n to vacation days). he has taken 6 so far since i started wokring almost 4 months ago. he took one on Monday already to watch DD. however despite the sick day that doens't stop him from having to meet deadlines, answer emails etc which is why i had to stay with DD this morning so he could at least get some work in. today neither of us could really miss work so we split our schedules so i ended up working 1pm-10pm. ugh. i would take a sick day but i think i have only like 2 days left right now, and i want to save them up for the summer so i can have at least a week to see my family out of state. i haven't traveled to see my family in over a year :( luckily i did get to see my parents over the holidays as they came to visit us, unfortunately dh & i were sick and run down most of the time thanks to all the bugs from kids and daycare.

this is seriously one of the worst experiences of all time. nothing makes you feel like a rotten parent more than dealing with a sick kid plus scrambling having to work late and not being able to be there for them & help them. :( i felt so bad for dh having to wrangle both kiddos at bedtime, especially with dd sick.

Ugh you are bringing back memories that I must have blocked out!!! I also have the same "PTO bank" (which you split up as sick days/vacay however you want) and also cannot techincally use them until I accrue them but fortunately my bosses are fine with people borrowing against their PTO allowance for the year so I could use up a lot of it at the beginning of the year when everyone is sick and then simply just not have much left over for the holidays. So one option is to ask whether you can borrow against your PTO bank for the year (if you get really desperate). The whole "you must accrue it before you can use it" is such a stupid rule and I know a lot of companies are more lax about it so long as you don't go over the amount you would accrue in a year.

And yeah, I am remembering the whole deadlines problem. DH and I did what you're doing - split up the day so that neither falls too far behind. But when you have a deadline, it does suck and I remember lots and lots of late nights where there was no choice but to work because deadlines don't move for sick kids.

Yeah, it really just all around sucks when you have kids who are new to daycare + new job on top of all that. A PP mentioned a nanny agency and that's a great idea - costwise it would be much more expensive but if you can afford it it sounds like it would be totally and completely worth it, esp if you don't want to have to go through the trouble of posting on CL or screening a bunch of people. I have no idea where you would start though...hopefully someone can chime in with some websites!

[chottumommy]

I never have luck posting for temp or backup care and I truly don't think my kids would be comfortable with someone they don't see on a regular basis when they are sick.

DH travels and is a professor, so he can absolutely not take days off. I am at a very senior technical position so for me to take off would be impossible too (maybe half a day but never a full day). I even went to work when I was in labour and that resulted in a athome birth since I didn't have time to pack up and get to the hospital in time :) So you're not alone but its not easy.

My solution is to have a dedicated sitter/housekeeper combination. The lady does general housekeeping things on a regular basis (3 hours) and if the kids are sick she takes care of them. Her kids are in college so she doesn't mind doing some extra hours in the evening if needed. I think the only way to have backup care is to have regular care. If you have someone for 20 hours a week they will most likely be willing to add a few more hours but to find someone on a completely backup basis is very difficult and they ususally donot end up being dependable.

My sitter/housekeeper picks up the kids from daycare when DH travels, and on non-travel weeks she picks up the kids early from daycare atleast twice a week, so they get to play with her and are comfortable with her. The rest of the time she does laundry, runs errands and some food prep and sometimes groceries.

That is quite a bit extra but its the price we pay for not having family in the country. It also gives me peace of mind when DH travels or is late (pretty much everyday) since there is one more person who knows where we and the kids are. My nightmares were always about getting sick and fainting or falling and nobody would even know.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

A PP mentioned a nanny agency and that's a great idea - costwise it would be much more expensive but if you can afford it it sounds like it would be totally and completely worth it, esp if you don't want to have to go through the trouble of posting on CL or screening a bunch of people. I have no idea where you would start though...hopefully someone can chime in with some websites!

yes, it does sound like a great idea and i wish i had done that first instead of wasting my time with care.com. we can definitely afford it. i'd pay $200+ a day for not having to go though the hell that was the past few days!!

i finally found a local nanny agency. i called them and they had someone answering their phones, which is good (i hate it when i call and it's all automated, no one ever answers or gets back to you). membership fee is $100/year, then $25 each time you request a temporary/emergency care..they send nanny to your house and you pay the nanny directly. sounds pretty good to me. i am going to try to sign up.

thing is, i'd be ok with DH or I taking a sick day here and there. but i think this thing with DD is really killing us...she's had a fever for 4 days straight and i don't know when it will end. we have no family in town so we literally have no backup if i kid is sick for say, a week.

[twowhat?]

i finally found a local nanny agency. i called them and they had someone answering their phones, which is good (i hate it when i call and it's all automated, no one ever answers or gets back to you). membership fee is $100/year, then $25 each time you request a temporary/emergency care..they send nanny to your house and you pay the nanny directly. sounds pretty good to me. i am going to try to sign up.


Wow - that's a lot less expensive than I was imagining!!! I was imagining a membership fee of at least twice that. That sounds really awesome! Hope it works out!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Wow - that's a lot less expensive than I was imagining!!! I was imagining a membership fee of at least twice that. That sounds really awesome! Hope it works out!

thanks, i hope it works out too. i guess its not that $$ bc it's a low COL area.

in my searching i saw that Bright Horizons and other programs provide many companies with this services for their employees. i remember a friend in Boston, had this service provided through her company..in case her kids got sick and coudlnt' go to daycare, you'd just call this agency would find a sitter for you at the last minute. WOW. though it seems like this sort of thing are only common in companies in Boston, NYC, San Francisco.

[westwoodmom04]

thanks, i hope it works out too. i guess its not that $$ bc it's a low COL area.

in my searching i saw that Bright Horizons and other programs provide many companies with this services for their employees. i remember a friend in Boston, had this service provided through her company..in case her kids got sick and coudlnt' go to daycare, you'd just call this agency would find a sitter for you at the last minute. WOW. though it seems like this sort of thing are only common in companies in Boston, NYC, San Francisco.

I had this when I worked in Boston, but that was pre-kids. I think these areas tend to have good childcare benefits because they are high COL and likely to a lot of dual income families.

[sunnyside]

thank you for the responses. it's 9pm, and i'm still at work (because i couldn't get to 1pm, so dh could work in the morning), and still haven't eaten dinner. i was with dd and she was totally fine all day (i took her to the store, even). but dh texted me that dd spiked a temperature AGAIN. just went to care.com and posted a job seeking backup sitters for tomorrow. at least dh will be home.

except for a few minutes in the morning i have not seen ds at all today, and probably won't see him again tomorow. poor dh is at home trying to wrangle kids into bed. i want to cry. :( i hate not having family around. this sucks.


You know I can relate, being a full time working single mom with no family around either.

Honestly, if one of you can telecommute, getting a sitter from care.com will make your lives so much easier. I do it ALL the time, when my DD has a fever. There are so many times they are too "sick" for day care, but they're not really feeling that bad. Those are the days to just get a sitter.

You really have to just do it. I'm going to be frank, I have seen you looking for solutions to these issues several times. I know exactly how stressful it can be. I have been exhausted and desperate and dejected over working hard, not seeing my kid, etc. This stress can be relieved so much by getting an extra pair of hands on those days.

When I post a job on sitter city, I get a TON of responses from experienced, educated, sweet college age (and other) girls that love children and just need some extra cash to buy their textbooks, or buy a new outfit. Trust me. You will be glad you did.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

bumping for update in OP!

[niccig]

I'm so glad you were able to find a solution for the emergency care. And this could be a way to get extra help when your DH is travelling.

It'll take a lot of stress of both of you knowing that you can have a last minute back-up.

[twowhat?]

AWESOME update, yay!

[joonbug]

Glad it worked out for you so smoothly! It is tough with small kids and no family help nearby.

[westwoodmom04]

Glad it worked out so well for you,