Should I just let this go?

[Binkandabee]

This is a bit odd and the fact I'm still dwelling on it is getting to the point of being ridiculous....I know all this, but can't help it.

Back in December I sent my surgeon (who I simply adore) some special Christmas CDs along with a heartfelt letter that literally took me hours to write. I sent them overnight and I know they were delivered. When I returned for my second round of surgery last month, I asked his nurse if she could just check to make sure he'd received them. She said if he got them, he would have sent a thank you of some sort. The next day, just before my surgery, he comes in to re-mark me, and opens my chart and says "I just remembered you sent me a letter and some cds...thanks for that". It was awkward because I could tell he didn't have a clue what those items were.

I'm considering emailing him the letter just in case it never got to him. It's incredibly important to me that he read the letter because I'm truly grateful for all he has done for me. The cds, while still important, are less so.

I don't know what to do. I'm way overthinking it, I know this. Hoping if I'm headed for embarrassment by emailing the letter....that you all will stop me!

[icunurse]

I would not email the letter again. As both a healthcare worker who has received kind letters and the rare gift and someone who is uncomfortable receiving them, I don't gush about stuff. If i try, it seems even more fake. I say thank you, it meant so much, but wasnt necessary and leave it at that. He also might have been embarrassed that he didn't send a card or whatever.

If anything, the next time you see him, you can say," I know that I already said it in the letter that I sent you at Christmas, but your care and skills have meant more to me than you will ever know and I can't thank you enough." Or something like that. Kinda covers both bases.

[truly scrumptious]

If anything, the next time you see him, you can say," I know that I already said it in the letter that I sent you at Christmas, but your care and skills have meant more to me than you will ever know and I can't thank you enough." Or something like that. Kinda covers both bases.

:yeahthat:

Also, if you do send it again (and he got it the first time) you risk embarrassing him or making him think you're looking for some kind of acknowledgment of your gift or something in return, which defeats the purpose IYKWIM.
DH gets thank-you's from his patients and they are always very appreciated.

[westwoodmom04]

:yeahthat:

Also, if you do send it again (and he got it the first time) you risk embarrassing him or making him think you're looking for some kind of acknowledgment of your gift or something in return, which defeats the purpose IYKWIM.
DH gets thank-you's from his patients and they are always very appreciated.

Yes, this. My dh gets lots of notes and presents from presents; he really does appreciate all of them, but I have yet to see him write a thank you note back.

[lhafer]

I would not email the letter again. As both a healthcare worker who has received kind letters and the rare gift and someone who is uncomfortable receiving them, I don't gush about stuff. If i try, it seems even more fake. I say thank you, it meant so much, but wasnt necessary and leave it at that. He also might have been embarrassed that he didn't send a card or whatever.

If anything, the next time you see him, you can say," I know that I already said it in the letter that I sent you at Christmas, but your care and skills have meant more to me than you will ever know and I can't thank you enough." Or something like that. Kinda covers both bases.

:yeahthat: exactly this. Speaking as another healthcare professional, personal notes and thanks you's are always appreciated.

[Binkandabee]

Thank you! I will let it go. Going to write him another letter when I'm 100% finished and I will email it next time so I am sure he received it.

That's my issue here...I really don't think it ever made it's way to him.

[georgiegirl]

Agree with everyone else. DH is a physician and really appreciates notes/letters. He always brings them home to show me with great pride. However, he's never written a thank you note after receiving a note/gift from a patient.

[StantonHyde]

Another DH is an MD here. While these gifts are appreciated--what is the etiquette for thanking people for a thank you gift??? On the one hand, I think we need to educate our DH's to write them. On the other hand, it is a little odd to say thank you for the thankyou????

[truly scrumptious]

BTW OP I wanted to add that I do think it was incredibly nice of you to take all that trouble to thank your doc. Not many patients do that much. Even if he didn't get the letter and CDs, he now knows that you sent them (even if he found out through his staff) and that means a lot. I think your plan to email him when your treatment is complete is a good one. You can reiterate many of the sentiments from your original letter, and it would be a natural thing to thank him when it is all complete.
I am so glad you found a doctor you trust and are so happy with. That is a wonderful feeling. I hope your treatment goes smoothly.

[sntm]

I always wonder this as the mD! I usually get notes/gifts in person an thank the patient personally but don't send a note. I just don't have time :bag

I will tell you - I have a slightly hidden wall in my personal office where I post all my note from patients. On a bad day, it is what keeps me going!

[hellokitty]

Another DH is an MD here. While these gifts are appreciated--what is the etiquette for thanking people for a thank you gift??? On the one hand, I think we need to educate our DH's to write them. On the other hand, it is a little odd to say thank you for the thankyou????

:yeahthat: Except, that it was my dad who was a MD. He would get so many gifts, esp around the holidays, that he didn't know what to do with them. Often, he gave them to his receptionists or the nurses. As an RN, we got a lot of re-gifted gifts from patients, esp food gifts, that they basically didn't know what to do with. That's not to say that he did not appreciate them, but they get a lot of gifts and notes, it is hard to keep track of all of them, to personally use/eat all of the gifts and it is a thank you gift/note from the patient, so it seems odd that you would expect a thank you from him. While there are doctors who have really good bedside manner and make you feel like the most important patient, the reality is that they have hundreds to thousands of patients to manage, that's a lot of ppl to keep a 1-1 personal rapport with, esp when it comes to keeping track of gifts, etc.. I would give him a break about the note and CDs. However, it was very kind and thoughtful of you to write the note and send the gift.

[zukeypur]

Thank you

No, thank YOU.

No, no, thank you!

Where does it end? I think a simple thank you was enough and it should end with him receiving it. I don't think I've ever heard of sending a thank you for a thank you.

[wendibird22]

I remember your other post about wanting to do something extra special and creating the CD of music that was meaningful to you. I think this project just has so much personal meaning for you, more than just a simple "thank you," that you were hoping for an acknowledgement that would show you that not only was it received but that the doc understood the sentiment and was moved/touched by it. I'm sensing that is your disappointment. Am I wrong? Maybe I'm reading into it too much into it but I feel like you are wondering if he never received it because you feel like if he did that it would have been so meaningful to him that he'd surely have said something to you and since he didn't that must mean he didn't get it. Again, I apologize if I'm wrong in that assumption. Maybe you and he have a different "love language" and "words of affirmation" aren't his thing? IDK.

I agree with others that you did a wonderful thing and you are so fortunate to have received such good care and to take the time to express your appreciation. I'm sure docs receive far more criticism than they do thank you's.

[Binkandabee]

I'm actually not even sure what it is that is bugging me so much about this, other than I'm not sure he ever received it. I truly believe it never made its way to him. I realize its way more meaningful to me than it would be to anyone else...I just want to know that he got it. What he does with it afterwards, is his business.

It wasn't so much a thank you gift as it was a Christmas gift...it was Christmas music. The letter to him started out thanking him, but the rest and majority of it was explaining the music, the history and meaning behind it, and wishing him a Merry Christmas. I don't intend to send a thank you gift (my insurance and co-pays are MORE than enough lol), apart from another letter, when I am all done.

I really need to come to peace with this!

[khm]

The next day, just before my surgery, he comes in to re-mark me, and opens my chart and says "I just remembered you sent me a letter and some cds...thanks for that". It was awkward because I could tell he didn't have a clue what those items were.


I don't understand why you think he didn't get the letter and the CDs, when he mentioned the letter and the CD and gave a verbal thanks?

I think you poured your heart into this, and it is very sweet and very thoughtful.

But, whether he got them or he didn't, you need to let it go. I think the time is past for you to get the response you envisioned, no matter what it may have been.

[Momit]

I remember your other post about wanting to do something extra special and creating the CD of music that was meaningful to you. I think this project just has so much personal meaning for you, more than just a simple "thank you," that you were hoping for an acknowledgement that would show you that not only was it received but that the doc understood the sentiment and was moved/touched by it. I'm sensing that is your disappointment. Am I wrong? Maybe I'm reading into it too much into it but I feel like you are wondering if he never received it because you feel like if he did that it would have been so meaningful to him that he'd surely have said something to you and since he didn't that must mean he didn't get it. Again, I apologize if I'm wrong in that assumption. Maybe you and he have a different "love language" and "words of affirmation" aren't his thing? IDK.

I agree with others that you did a wonderful thing and you are so fortunate to have received such good care and to take the time to express your appreciation. I'm sure docs receive far more criticism than they do thank you's.

:yeahthat: I know how frustrating it is so pour your heart and soul into a gift, only to have the recipient say a rather unenthusiastic "oh, thanks." It's likely he opened them, thought to himself "that's nice, a letter and a mix CD" then got distracted with patients, life, the holidays or whatever. At this point it's been several months and he has probably all but forgotten. Sure, there's a chance the gift was lost - and if there's an office manager or nurse you're especially close with you may be able to ask again if that person remembers the gift, but really I think I would just let it go. Sorry you didn't get a response that matched the level of enthusiasm you put into the gift.

[Globetrotter]

:yeahthat:

I think he's just too busy to acknowledge it and might feel a little awkward doing so, but those letters are very meaningful, nevertheless.

[TwinFoxes]

I guess I don't understand why you think he didn't get them? Why wouldn't he just say "my nurse mentioned you sent me a CD, I'm so sorry, but I never got it!"

[ett]

I guess I don't understand why you think he didn't get them? Why wouldn't he just say "my nurse mentioned you sent me a CD, I'm so sorry, but I never got it!"

:yeahthat: Since you got delivery confirmation that the package was delivered, he most likely got it. As for his terse response about the cds, some people are not very good at giving gushing thank you's. That doesn't mean they appreciate the gift any less than someone else who is more eloquent.