Are other parents here dealing with grade school social drama?

[gatorsmom]

Everyday my kids come home telling me they had a terrible day because some friend of theirs didn't play with them that day. The next day it's some other friend that didn't want to play with them. I remember vaguely going through this and it was really upsetting at that age. My mother was really no help at all. So I want to soothe my kids but I don't know how.

None of this is very serious stuff, btw. Their teachers say they are happy at school but there is just some typical kid drama sometimes. And I suspect they are just turning on the whine for me to get some sympathy from
mom. Which makes me think it's not so serious but I still don't want to just brush off their concerns. I want to be able to help them work through it if something is bothering them.

Anyone here feel like they are good at dealing with this stuff? Any advice on what works for you?

[squimp]

My DD is very hungry when she gets in the car. I hand her a snack and try to distract her and try to not talk about school for a bit of time. Otherwise she launches into the litany of issues and slights that she felt that day. It's OK to vent sometimes, but I feel like she is just being really negative because she's on edge with hunger. It's not a conversation at that point, so I don't feel it's productive.

Also, I think they hold in lots of stuff and just release it on mom when they can finally relax and are safe. So I wait until later to talk about school. You have to find your golden hour, but I find the best conversations we have about this stuff occur when I tuck her into bed.

[hillview]

Yup. DS2 for sure says that he had a bad day because "no one played with him on the playground" DS1 is more focused on issues that arise.

[niccig]

I haven't with DS, but he has his dad's ability to get along with everyone. Or it's something that hasn't come up as an issue for him yet. That's so not me.

I will say that DS's teachers in K spent a lot of time on going and playing with someone else if oen kid doesn't want to play with you. He stressed kids having more than 1 friend, so they can always join a group.

Maybe you can talk them through not everyone wants to play same thing and that they can go play with someone else.

[trales]

HELL YES.

I just got told about how the girls have BFF lists and whose she is on and whose she is not.
We had a long talk about how that was awful and mean, and not friend like at all. And how we are nice and friendly with everyone even if we don't play with them outside of school, b/c we are kind and compassionate. Steam was coming out my ears as I was trying to very calmly address this.

[scrooks]

Omg... So timely. Dd just came home upset that some boy pushed her and said he didn't want to play with her. This is the first time this has happened and my heart is breaking for her. She is very sensitive and a bit of a Tom Boy so she favors the boys....I was hoping we would have a few more years until they started rejecting her. I don't even know what to tell her but to to tell the teacher when someone pushes her....

[infomama]

Non stop....you aren't alone.

[Nooknookmom]

Everyday my kids come home telling me they had a terrible day because some friend of theirs didn't play with them that day. The next day it's some other friend that didn't want to play with them. I remember vaguely going through this and it was really upsetting at that age. My mother was really no help at all. So I want to soothe my kids but I don't know how.

None of this is very serious stuff, btw. Their teachers say they are happy at school but there is just some typical kid drama sometimes. And I suspect they are just turning on the whine for me to get some sympathy from
mom. Which makes me think it's not so serious but I still don't want to just brush off their concerns. I want to be able to help them work through it if something is bothering them.

Anyone here feel like they are good at dealing with this stuff? Any advice on what works for you?

We didn't deal with this until middle school with DD1. My general playground rule is "work it out" unless there is bullying involved. We dealt with it in HS with DD1 (ended up moving HS's) and had some boys saying VERY improper things to DD2 and some other girls when kindy started...all worked out now but I have learned some lessons.

I tell DD2 to find another friend to play with if someone doesn't want to play with her. Its their loss bc DD is a great friend, not to worry about it. There are tons of kids to play with and go find one!

We had a HARD time with DD1 socially in middle school, crying, drama, someone was "mad" everyday. I'm not going through that again and am prepping DD2 prior to.

[robinsmommy]

YES.

I wonder if perhaps it would be useful to discuss what is "normal" and what is the point where you take action as a parent?

Writing this as the issue has escalated to the point that DD1 has written a letter to the school counselor as she is once again being shunned by some of the girls in her crowd. It's hard, as I am not there to see what is happening and being said, and therefore have little means of knowing when playground politics have become backstabbing. Ick.

[lalasmama]

"What'd you do at recess?"

"I climbed on the playground."

"Who'd you climb with? Carter? Rosie? Leah? Paulina?"

"No one. Rosie was playing with Leah, and Paulina wasn't at school today. I don't have any friends to play with."

Then, at confrences, I ask the teacher, who tells me DD is a social butterfly, plays with just about every kid in class, and is always great in large and small playgroups. She and Joseph are buddies, and Paulina and DD are always together. Aftercare tells me the same thing! And yet, DD says she doesn't have friends. I think she thinks she "loses" friends if they are playing with someone else.

In my DD's case, I just say, "Oh, maybe tomorrow," because if we chat too much about it, she becomes anxious.