Sleep training tonight any advice? Update she slept through the night!! And no cries!

[ExcitedMamma]

Updated in last post: she slept through the night and not a cry!!

I always said that we would only co-sleep as long as DH was comfortable with it but he wants DD sleeping in her crib so tonight's the night she gets Ferber by Daddy while I flee the house. I'm very worried its not going to go well because she is much much clingier than DS was. Any advice?

[nfowife]

My advice is give it a week and do not deviate from your plan. Leave the house if you can't bear the crying. If after 3-4 days its not much better reevaluate. She's still very young so it's okay to still feed her during the night 1-2 times.

[BabyBearsMom]

My advice is to stay strong. I had to sit in the basement, two floors away, when we were sleep training DD1 because I hated the crying. But once it happens it is worth it. Just be aware that even if you are fleeing the house tonight you both need to be committed to the training for it to work.

[JBaxter]

Wait is this the same baby that was sick and had the vaccine reaction you posted about or another child?

[AngB]

Honestly, for a baby that just turned 6 months and just had a tough time with shots a few days ago, I would wait a bit longer.

[mikala]

Wait is this the same baby that was sick and had the vaccine reaction you posted about or another child?

I was wondering the same thing. If so I would wait until you know she's feeling better, especially since she's only six months old. I would also consider some baby steps between cosleeping and crib intervals.

[megs4413]

Honestly it doesn't seem like great timing, OP. also, I think you both have to be committed and happy with your parenting choices to really make them work.
It doesn't sound like you are just based on your OP. I would be tempted to tell DH to find a couch or let it to for now....

[MamaInMarch]

Honestly, for a baby that just turned 6 months and just had a tough time with shots a few days ago, I would wait a bit longer.

:yeahthat:

6 months is pretty early, IMO (fully admitting that I am more to the attachment parenting side) and especially if she was just not doing so great.

[ExcitedMamma]

Yes this is for my DD who was miserable on Wed after her vaccinations and now I think has a little cold. DH wanted to move her out at 5 months but agreed we could wait until 6 months because I think that's supposed to be the earliest age to start? I really don't want to but again I understand where DH is coming from so he's in charge of trying. I'm definitely feeding her as needed during the night as she's EBF. Is it obvious I'm terrified of this?!

[Multimama]

Yes this is for my DD who was miserable on Wed after her vaccinations and now I think has a little cold. DH wanted to move her out at 5 months but agreed we could wait until 6 months because I think that's supposed to be the earliest age to start? I really don't want to but again I understand where DH is coming from so he's in charge of trying. I'm definitely feeding her as needed during the night as she's EBF. Is it obvious I'm terrified of this?!

If you're willing to feed her during the night would you be willing to move her to a crib without sleep training? If your DH just wants to stop co-sleeping there are certainly gentler ways to do that than Ferber.

[daisymommy]

Personally, considering that she may have just had a vaccine reaction that caused brain swelling--based on your reports--no way in heck I would be sleep training right now! Even if that wasn't the case, if a child is sick, they need your comfort and support, not to be left to CIO. They don't have their wits about them to learn to self soothe under those circumstances.

Please wait.


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[ExcitedMamma]

DaisyMommy Ok really going to freak out--brain swelling?! Why would you think that? Tell me more please!!

MultiMama what do you suggest? Putting her down asleep? I tried that once when DH was working late and I had to get DS to bed and she woke up hysterical about 45 min later which is one of the reasons I'm so worried about this! What do you suggest?

[JBaxter]

Yes this is for my DD who was miserable on Wed after her vaccinations and now I think has a little cold. DH wanted to move her out at 5 months but agreed we could wait until 6 months because I think that's supposed to be the earliest age to start? I really don't want to but again I understand where DH is coming from so he's in charge of trying. I'm definitely feeding her as needed during the night as she's EBF. Is it obvious I'm terrified of this?!

He needs to let up. Sorry. She has been sick had a vaccine reaction you posted about her intestinal issues your starting solids and she is only 6 months old. ANY ONE of those would be reason for me to push ferberizing back 2 weeks but all of them? How will you know why she is crying? Hungry feels bad tummy hurts? Simply ask him how he is going to know why she is crying. Now is a bad time.

[wellyes]

He needs to let up. Sorry. She has been sick had a vaccine reaction you posted about her intestinal issues your starting solids and she is only 6 months old. ANY ONE of those would be reason for me to push ferberizing back 2 weeks but all of them? How will you know why she is crying? Hungry feels bad tummy hurts? Simply ask him how he is going to know why she is crying. Now is a bad time.
:yeahthat:

[Kymberley]

I agree with pp; there is so much going on in her life, many changes and recovering from illness and vaccinations, I would wait. Give her time to adjust to everything.

[JBaxter]

DaisyMommy Ok really going to freak out--brain swelling?! Why would you think that? Tell me more please!!

MultiMama what do you suggest? Putting her down asleep? I tried that once when DH was working late and I had to get DS to bed and she woke up hysterical about 45 min later which is one of the reasons I'm so worried about this! What do you suggest?

Its one of the side effects with certain vaccines. The 'scream" is from their head hurting. Its documented as a side effect if you read up on them. You didn't post which or how many vaccines she had. I don't have the links handy anymore maybe DaisyMommy does

[mikala]

DaisyMommy Ok really going to freak out--brain swelling?! Why would you think that? Tell me more please!!

MultiMama what do you suggest? Putting her down asleep? I tried that once when DH was working late and I had to get DS to bed and she woke up hysterical about 45 min later which is one of the reasons I'm so worried about this! What do you suggest?

One option is to soothe her with her bedtime routine, put her in the crib asleep or drowsy but awake and rub her back or tummy, sing lullabies. Whenever she wakes up try to soothe her again - feeding if needed, pacifier, rocking, diaper change, whatever. She may continue to wake up often or she might surprise you. Either way she will slowly adjust to crib.

[jlynn32]

If the issue with DH is the co sleeping, could you put her in a pack and play in your room? That way she is still close to you and you can soothe easier if needed. Then, once she is on the mend you can slowly move her to the crib? Just a thought.

[amom526]

There are many many options between co-sleeping and ferberizing. I can't co-sleep (literally can't fall asleep) but I also don't feel Ferber is right for me. I soothe my kids in the crib or whenever they happen to be sleeping. This is not a quick fix method, and I am up and down a lot during the night, but my kids do sleep in their own spaces. I do baby whisperer if you want to read up on it.

[TxCat]

I'm generally pro-Ferber, and think it gets misunderstood and mislabeled at times on this board, but since you think your DD might be getting sick and might have recently had a poor reaction, either physical or emotional to vaccinations in the last week (didn't follow that thread, so don't know exactly what the story is there), I would NOT start sleep training tonight. Even authors that advocate sleep training, including Ferber and Weissbluth, do not recommend starting if a baby is unwell, or carrying it out if a baby is unwell, period. You need to be able to tell the difference in why your baby is crying, and if the baby is sick, you can't do that. So, do yourself a favor and wait. Explain to your DH that it's less likely to be successful if you try it while the baby is sick and hopefully you can revisit the topic in a week or two.

Sorry this is stressing you out so much. :hug:

[Multimama]

MultiMama what do you suggest? Putting her down asleep? I tried that once when DH was working late and I had to get DS to bed and she woke up hysterical about 45 min later which is one of the reasons I'm so worried about this! What do you suggest?

Well, as others have said there are lots of different ways to approach this. But I personally would not go from co-sleeping to you being out of the house while she cries for you, even if she wasn't sick, which is obviously a complicating factor. If it were me, I would probably rock/sing/nurse my baby to sleep, or whatever your normal bedtime routine is, and put them in the crib asleep. If they woke up hysterical, I would do it all over again. (If I was putting DS1 to bed at the time I would wrap DS2 up and keep him with me until I could put him back in his crib.) I would want to teach my baby that being in a crib does not mean that he's all alone in the world. Being in a crib is just another way of sleeping and it doesn't mean that his parents don't hear him and want to comfort him. (You can practice attachment parenting and have crib-sleeping babies.) I'd try some of the methods in the No Cry Sleep Solution, which has its flaws for sure, but gives lots of suggestions for how to change sleep patterns without CIO.

If you are co-sleeping then your baby is very attached to being close to you at night. Even if you eventually decide to Ferberize I would first commit to getting her use to sleeping in a crib and being comforted while doing so. That's enough of a change already. But like others have said, I wouldn't even do that unless my baby was healthy.

ETA: I realized that I answered this as if you co-slept because you wanted to co-sleep. If you co-slept because other solutions were not workable (like you wanted to crib sleep, but baby woke up too often) then what I've said above may be totally unappealing. And that's totally fine. :) I'd still recommend reading a book on sleep training before you do it, if you haven't already. (Or making DH read one if he's going to be the one doing it.) I liked Weissbluth. He talks about picking the right time to sleep train, the dos and don'ts, etc.

[daisymommy]

Excitedmama: prolonged crying after vaccinations, usually from the Dtap and/or MMR, and especially if it has a high pitched sound to the cry is called "encephalopathic crying" and it is due to brain swelling from the vaccine. There is no way to know for sure that's what is going on unless you have your child checked out by a doctor when it is happening, but research literature talks about this happening quite often. Anytime there is prolonged (many hours in a row) of crying after vaccines, you can guess that is the cause.
I would have a note made in your child's chart, because I would be on the watch for further reaction from that vaccine.


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[scriptkitten]

Get a copy of Elizabeth Pantley's "no cry sleep solution"

Sleep training doesn't have to mean ferberization. I transitioned my twins to cribs at 4 months without a single moment of CIO so her methods can work.

[edurnemk]

I was wondering the same thing. If so I would wait until you know she's feeling better, especially since she's only six months old. I would also consider some baby steps between cosleeping and crib intervals.

Going from cosleeping one day to a crib in another room the next is a bit harsh, IMO. How about breaking it into a few steps, i.e. put her in a crib next to your bed, then after a few nights move it a bit further and so on, until you move it to the other room, and then you may need to sleep in her room part of the night for a few nights. Also have her nap in her crib during the day, as well as playing in there with you close to her so she has positive associations with the room and crib. This is how we are doing it. We planned to do it at 6 months but she had an EI, then a few weeks later had a cold, and I decided to wait. DH asked when I would move her out so we could have more privacy and I said "when she's better, and we're doing it slowly".


If you're willing to feed her during the night would you be willing to move her to a crib without sleep training? If your DH just wants to stop co-sleeping there are certainly gentler ways to do that than Ferber.

I recommend the No-cry Sleep Solution, it has a gentler approach, especially for cosleeping babies. I also read Ferber, I don't think he's a demon or anything, but I toned his progressive wait approach quite a bit for DS, I kind of merged both techniques.


If the issue with DH is the co sleeping, could you put her in a pack and play in your room? That way she is still close to you and you can soothe easier if needed. Then, once she is on the mend you can slowly move her to the crib? Just a thought.

:yeahthat:

[edurnemk]

If it were me, I would probably rock/sing/nurse my baby to sleep, or whatever your normal bedtime routine is, and put them in the crib asleep. If they woke up hysterical, I would do it all over again. (If I was putting DS1 to bed at the time I would wrap DS2 up and keep him with me until I could put him back in his crib.) I would want to teach my baby that being in a crib does not mean that he's all alone in the world. Being in a crib is just another way of sleeping and it doesn't mean that his parents don't hear him and want to comfort him. (You can practice attachment parenting and have crib-sleeping babies.) I'd try some of the methods in the No Cry Sleep Solution, which has its flaws for sure, but gives lots of suggestions for how to change sleep patterns without CIO.


Yes, to all of this. I specifically planned to transition DD to her room during Spring Break, knowing that I would have to get up and soothe her back to sleep many times, and that way I could nap during the mornings if the night was too rough. The first 2 nights I actually climbed into her crib (I'm not a tall person and it's a sturdy crib, so it was doable) and laid down beside her, nursed her and then climbed out after she was asleep (OK, I'll 'fess up, I dozed off in there for a while, too). I don't want her to associate sleeping in her room with stress and anxiety, and I'm willing to do this as slowly as necessary. Also I decided that I would do the "get up to soother her" until a certain hour, after 3 am, I'm OK with bringing her back to our bed.

With DS we went from partially cosleeping (he'd sleep in his PnP in our room, but after the 3 am wake-up I'd bring him into our bed) to sleeping in his crib in a single night, I thought it would take much longer, but it was surprisingly easy. DD is a more sensitive child and is needing a lot more "help". I've used tips from the No-cry Sleep Solution and Ferber with both.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm generally pro-Ferber, and think it gets misunderstood and mislabeled at times on this board, but since you think your DD might be getting sick and might have recently had a poor reaction, either physical or emotional to vaccinations in the last week (didn't follow that thread, so don't know exactly what the story is there), I would NOT start sleep training tonight. Even authors that advocate sleep training, including Ferber and Weissbluth, do not recommend starting if a baby is unwell, or carrying it out if a baby is unwell, period. You need to be able to tell the difference in why your baby is crying, and if the baby is sick, you can't do that. So, do yourself a favor and wait. Explain to your DH that it's less likely to be successful if you try it while the baby is sick and hopefully you can revisit the topic in a week or two.

Sorry this is stressing you out so much. :hug:

This exactly! Wait until she's feeling better! I also modify Ferber. I nurse down to sleep and transfer to the crib. When the baby wakes, I use the timed checking Ferber recommends, but I do pick her up and snuggle her to calm her if she cries long enough to require a check. She really lets loose when I put her back down but has usually calmed by the time I get to the door or very soon after. Even with these modifications, she's doing very well-- but my DD is almost one. I didn't start Ferberizing until 10 months. With DS it was 8 months. I don't know if I'd feel great about starting at 6 months. I'd always worry the issue was hunger. I'd wait until she's feeling better and then try putting her to sleep in the crib and comfort/nurse her when she wakes. After she's gotten used to being in the crib, then I'd Ferberize.

[ExcitedMamma]

Thank you so much everyone! Babies are funny creatures, my DD has never slept except in my arms and therefore has never had a chance to find herself hungry and yet she slept through the night!! We agreed I would nurse her to sleep and DH would stay with her as long as she was awake. I handed her off to DH at 8 and she woke up but let Daddy rock her to sleep and put her down in the crib. She fussed three more times but never cried and let Daddy rock her back to sleep. Not a peep from 11:30-5:30! DH went right to sleep but of course I was awake much of the night staring at the monitor worried she would wake up upset. At 5 I was listening to her breathing outside her room. She rolled around and fussed when she started waking up but never cried and I sent DH to bring her to bed with me and she never woke up and she slept another two hours!

Of course I am wondering how that timing is going to work M-F when DH needs to go to work. So far she is not being as cooperative with letting Daddy put her down for her nap so we will see how that goes. Hopefully it will work out so I can have more quality one on one time with DS.