How do I get my almost three year old not to run?

[crl]

Dd turns three next month. She is going through a phase where she runs from me. For example, when it is time to leave the park I give her a ten minute warning and then when times up, I tell her it is time to go and she runs from me. Same thing when we drop my son off at school. And just now the lawn guys came and started mowing so I told her we needed to go inside and she ran from me--toward the lawn mower and the street.

So far I have tried explaining that she should not run from mama. At school drop off on Thursday I told her when I let her out of the stroller that if she ran from me then the next day she would not be allowed out of the stroller. She ran. So Friday I did not let her out. She screamed and cried. But I'm not sure she is getting the message.

On Friday I took her to the park. When it was time to leave I told her that if she ran, we would not go back the next day. She ran. So no park today. When she asked for the park, I reminded her that there is no park today because she ran yesterday. But again, I am not sure she is getting the message.

My oldest was a runner, but he understood consequences, even ones that were remote in time, much better than dd seems to. I feel ill prepared to deal with this.

Anyone have any ideas for me? I think more immediate consequences might help, but I can't think of anything that works in the moment--there isn't really anything I can take away right then and there and getting straped in the stroller is happening already. Bribes, like a crusher or fruit leather have stopped working. I know it is a phase, but it is a safety issue and I really want to curb this behavior.

Thanks,
Catherine

[BunnyBee]

I would stop giving her warnings and sneak attack grab her for the time being. Make sure she is secure before saying anything about going. At school, will she wear one of the animal backpacks (aka toddler leash)? Those were great for my middle kid who hated strollers before his arms were long enough to hold hands comfortably.

[hillview]

I agree with pp you may have to go the no warning route. I might try a positive reward immediately first. Like have a small bag of M&Ms or a juice box or something like that. I used to tell DS2 that we'd have time to stop for a slush if we leave now but if he ran away we'd be out of time for slush (natural consequence).

[crl]

Ds had such a hard time with transitions that I am just used to warnings. Maybe sneak attacks would be better for now with dd. At least I wouldn't have to chase her.

Bribes aren't working anymore. Candy might, but I'm not good with candy two or three times a day.

A leash might work at an airport or something, but at school drop off, I am pretty sure she would just insist on going where she wanted to and screaming if I tried to stop her. I think my choices there are to somehow convince her not to run, chase her, or leave her strapped in (screaming) to begin with.

Anyone think she will understand the consequences of running if we repeat the no park tomorrow, etc a few times, or are these consequences too remote for her age? Ds was really good at understanding consequences so it has skewed my perception for this age group. . . . .

Thanks!
Catherine

[rin]

Ds had such a hard time with transitions that I am just used to warnings. Maybe sneak attacks would be better for now with dd. At least I wouldn't have to chase her.

Bribes aren't working anymore. Candy might, but I'm not good with candy two or three times a day.

A leash might work at an airport or something, but at school drop off, I am pretty sure she would just insist on going where she wanted to and screaming if I tried to stop her. I think my choices there are to somehow convince her not to run, chase her, or leave her strapped in (screaming) to begin with.

Anyone think she will understand the consequences of running if we repeat the no park tomorrow, etc a few times, or are these consequences too remote for her age? Ds was really good at understanding consequences so it has skewed my perception for this age group. . . . .

Thanks!
Catherine

I think our DDs are the same age, and mine would not understand remote consequences like that at all. We've had more success with just not responding to the running off behavior. Obviously this doesn't work if there's an immediate danger (road, lawnmower, etc) but we started just not chasing her when she ran off, and just turning and walking away. It's helped some . . .

[sunshine873]

Obviously this doesn't work if there's an immediate danger (road, lawnmower, etc) but we started just not chasing her when she ran off, and just turning and walking away. It's helped some . . .

We did this sometimes too. Once DD would realize we were leaving she would tear after us. :)

Another thing to try is to periodically call her over to you. You don't want to only do it whe it's a negative thing, like time to leave, or she'll quickly figure that out and never come. But call her over a few times while playing, "That was an awesome slide down the slide!" I love how you shared the swing with that little boy, great job!" "I've been having so much fun watching you, but now it's time to go, come on!"

We did go through this phase for a while. Now DD is much more like your DS and responds well to time warnings. Hopefully it's just a phase for your DD too!

[YouAreTheFocus]

Have you tried racing? It works like a charm on my 3.5 yo. "Time to go home--race you to the xyz!" As soon as he hears the words, everything else disappears and all he cares about is being the winner (especially if we throw in "this time, I'M going to be the winner!"). We can usually find a way to work it in to our comings & goings.

[crl]

I tried racing at the park yesterday. It used to work, but has not been lately. This time she ran with me until we were about two feet from the stroller, stopped dead in her tracks and said no and ran away. Maybe if I didn't tell her it was time to leave first?

She doesn't follow when we walk away from her. She will just start walking in the other direction and keep going until we are so far apart I give up because it is a safety issue again (too close to a street or whatever). She is very stubborn.

Maybe practicing coming to me would work though. I had not thought of that.

Thanks,
Catherine