Pls help with picky eater!!!

[babyfiorina1]

I used to be a "Short-order cook" and I think my 2-year old DD is picky is nobody's fault but mine :( I cook everyday and we do eat variety, but when DD refused whatever I cooked that day, I would fix something else that I know she would like because I worried she wouldn't eat anything at all and went hungry. So this pattern went on and on since she was one year and she pretty much never ate what we ate because I always prepared something else for her and trust me, they were always those same few things: chicken, noodles, spinach. These are the only three things she would eat. Going out to eat with her is also a big challenge because she wouldn't eat anything else.

I'm getting REALLY tired of this and I think I'm raising a picky eater :( I want to break this pattern and haven't been a short-order cook for the past two days. So, she completely just not eat anything at all. I tried to tell myself not to worry about her not eating and stick to this routine.

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right: If she refuses the meal, I tell her that she is not going to get anything else until it's time for her to eat again. I know she's hungry and keep on asking for snacks, but I know if I give her snacks i'm not making things any better because she knows she doesn't have to eat her meal and she can have snacks!!! Please help, what would you do ? Sorry it's kinda long! TIA.

[rin]

Unless she has special medical conditions, she won't starve through missing a few days of meals. She will get hungry enough to eat what is offered.

Just make the snacks things you are fine with her eating, and only give her limited quantities. Mealtimes are when she can have however much she wants, but only of things that have been offered.

Try to plan meals so that there's something at each meal she is *likely* to eat.

FWIW, here's what we do. In our house, you only get a set amount of a snack, but you have essentially unlimited access to mealtime food. (We limit the amount of some mealtime foods either because we don't want her gorging herself of because the food is limited in quantity and everyone needs to have some, so only 1 slice of bread at a meal, or only 1 serving of salmon, and then unlimited amounts of vegetables.) For example, for snacks, our 3 year old DD has choices of things like the following for her snack: 1 cheese stick and a piece of fruit, or an apple and some peanut butter, or about 1 oz of cheese and a handful of crackers. We also don't allow any beverages between meals except for water. Yes, she does basically skip some meals, and at some she only eats a handful of corn, or a few bites of bread, but she's growing fine (95% for height) and she tends to just eat better at the next meal.

ETA: We also don't offer snacks whenever they're requested; snacks are offered at set times, kind of like a meal, so kids get one morning snack somewhere between 9 & 11 (depending on timing of breakfast & lunch) and then another around 3 or 4 (depending on timing of lunch/dinner). Occasionally, if DD seems ravenous before dinner/lunch but I'm still cooking, I'll let her snack on the vegetables that are being served for that meal, so if I'm making a salad she can snack on the cucumber slices, or if I'm serving broccoli or cauliflower I'll set out a few florets w/a small bowl of salad dressing for dipping.

[mikala]

I agree with rin's advice and we follow the same rules. I try hard to make sure snacks consist of real food and aren't really sugary so they aren't so tempting compared to lunch and dinner. I've also had good luck with dips and with ice cube tray or muffin tin lunch with small portions of different foods in each compartment. In the summer we grow our own vegetables in the garden and go to the farmers market often.

I really like Ellyn Satters division of responsibility for feeding. Her Child of Mine book goes into more detail. http://www.ellynsatter.com/how-to-feed-i-24.html

Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood has a great episode about trying new foods.

[babyfiorina1]

Thank you so so much for your advice, rin and mikala. I offer her snacks at set time (usually between meals) so she doesn't just get snacks whenever she wants and she knows that too.

I made some brown rice, green beans, and pork stew for lunch today. DD as expected, immediately, rejected the first sight of all the food presented in front of her. I told her that mommy and daddy were eating the same food and they were so yummy. She had that skeptical look at her face, but after a while, she picked up the pork and finally gave it a try and she actually finished the pork. She had one bite of the brown rice and didn't want it anymore and no luck in getting her to try the green beans. So, that's all she had for lunch and I offered some strawberries after lunch and she did have few bites and that's it.

I told myself and DH that we can't expect her to finish everything and like everything at first try, but we gonna be consistent in offering her different variety and yes..I agree with Ellyn Satter about the responsibility in feeding and it's her job to eat the food that we provide.

I'll definitely check out the Daniel's Tiger neighborhood show. I've never heard of it before. We don't watch much T.V. lol! but DH and I were wondering if there's such show about trying new food for her age :)

[BabbyO]

Our pediatrician always told us if the kids got 3-4 good meals a WEEK not to worry.

I would also consider offering portions of her meal at snack time. My kids will fill up on even healthy snacks (fruit) and not get as balanced nutritional intake if I'm not careful.

The one thing that we do that I have NO problem with is we cook several meals at the beginning of the week with the intention of having leftovers throughout the week. I have NO problem if Stachio doesn't want Spaghetti - or whatever the rest of us may be eating...but he HAS to eat something that is already made in the house (one of the other leftovers). Often all 4 of us will eat different things at a given meal...but DH and I didn't have to cook different things. I'm ok with this. Sometimes I don't feel like having X...but if we have Y and Z already in the fridge one will sound good to me.

This allows the kids to have a say in what they are eating, without causing DH and I a ton more work. Win-win!

ETA: We ask the kids what they want when there are choices. Do you want X or Y. They choose. Once they choose, we don't offer a second option.

[LizLemon]

I have also read that it can take over 10 tries before a toddler accepts a new food. So especially if you have a child who is used to rejecting foods on sight, you might need several offerings of the food - just because she declines something once, twice, or even four times doesn't mean it's off limits for her. My daughter is younger than yours and has a fairly adventurous palate in some respects (some of her favorites are hummus and capers), but she will still turn down foods, even foods she really likes, sometimes. I think it's just part of being a toddler! However, when she rejects a food I now don't offer her a second meal. I was doing that when she was younger, around one, and then realized I was running myself ragged and probably teaching her the wrong things while doing so. Like you, I used to worry about her going hungry if she had a skimpy meal, but that's never been the case - and she has become much less imperious at mealtimes!

[babyfiorina1]

It's been a week that I graduated from being a short-order cook lol, and life is definitely easier for us. DD will still reject certain things we offer her most of the time,but we've been telling her " you need to at least try it, have a bite" so, now when we offer her something she will say "at least try it" and sometimes she did. She finally tried some broccoli and green beans the other day and I was so happy that she did. I'm okay with her not finishing her meal now, but she needs to at least try it and I don't offer her other alternatives anymore if she reject her meal. I'm planning meals to make sure there are things that she will like for sure. I think the challenges now is just getting her to try new things and we just have to stick to this routine.

[amom526]

Sounds like awesome progress!!

All you can do is expect her to keep it on her plate. Either she will try it or she won't. I guess you could insist she try it, but my toddler does better if we just ignore it. Sometimes he will try it and sometimes he won't, but once we make an issue of trying it, it often turns into a battle.

I need to get better at this myself, you have given me hope

[babyfiorina1]

Sounds like awesome progress!!

All you can do is expect her to keep it on her plate. Either she will try it or she won't. I guess you could insist she try it, but my toddler does better if we just ignore it. Sometimes he will try it and sometimes he won't, but once we make an issue of trying it, it often turns into a battle.

I need to get better at this myself, you have given me hope

You are so right, when we ignore her, she will pick up the food and sometimes she'll try it. But if I keep on reminding her, she seems annoyed lol. Good luck to us.

[hillview]

I don't make food a battle/discussion. I have healthy snacks available at any time (nuts, some fruit and larabars sometimes apple sauce squirters). Kids get a say for weekly menu planning. If they don't eat I don't care (or try not to). I usually make them sit with us for at least 10-15 (see the thread on family games). If they are full they can be done (that is the language I use "do you feel full") I will encourage them to have some more bites but if they refuse I say ok. I REALLY try hard NOT to get into a power struggle over food. We are lucky (I do think some if it is really luck) that both kids will try most things. I usually tell them about it (last night we had some olives that were spicy to me but not DH so we said that and after a while DS2 licked one and decided it was good). Also we let them spit things out if they don't like it (into a napkin or the sink). This helps them try things without feeling like they have to swallow it.