Wedding Season! What do you give as a gift?

[Twoboos]

My cousin is getting married soon. Shower is this weekend, I bought off the registry. I figured I would buy again from the registry for the wedding, but my SIL says "cash is king" as a wedding gift. (They have been to dozens of weddings in the NYC/NJ area in the past 5 years or so. I've never known people who have gone to more weddings!!)

So - for the wedding gift. Registry, Cash (and amount), Other?

<poll coming>

[AnnieW625]

This very very regional or cultural IME. I have never given cash as a wedding or shower gift. I think we got about $1500 total of cash, checks or gift cards to Macy's, and $1000 of that was from the ILs. If i gave cash I would give $100 especially if i had to travel and stay in a hotel to attend. Maybe if it was local wedding I would give more, but I like giving a physical gift vs. knowing I could just be paying for someone's groceries. I usually always buy something off of the registry or something closely related to it style and color wise. For a close friend or close family member I will spend between $50 and $100 for a shower gift, and about $100-$150 for a wedding gift. For other friends and acquaintances I will spend up to $50 for a shower and around $50 to $75 for a wedding gift. I think this is a very west coast thing though and this would be thought of as cheap on the east coast.

[lizzywednesday]

If invited to the shower, I give a registry gift then.

At the wedding, it's always money in varying amounts depending on relationship to DH & I, or, if they were a guest at our wedding, how much they gave us (we have a spreadsheet) so we can shoot for the same ballpark amount.

For me, it's easier to slip an envelope with a sweet card & enclosed check into my purse than it is to work out the logistics of lugging a wrapped gift with us, especially if DD isn't invited!

[emily]

Around here (NY/NJ), cash. I think 90% of our wedding guests gave us cash. We generally try to cover the cost of our plate. I have a spreadsheet like PP too.

[ray7694]

I live in the Midwest. Showers are gifts from registry and weddings are both gifts and money.

For those that do all money for the wedding does the couple register? I don't see the point if it is all money gifts.

[BabbyO]

I live in the Midwest. Showers are gifts from registry and weddings are both gifts and money.


Ditto to that - another Midwesterner here. For quite a while everyone I knew was registering at Bed Bath & Beyond. So when that was the case, for their wedding gift I would get them 2 gift cards to BB&B using my Discover Cash back bonus. I could get a $50 GC using $40 bonus points...so I'd save myself $20 and they would have GC to get anything remaining on their registry that they wanted. It seemed to work well.

I haven't been to a wedding in almost 2 yrs though.

[boolady]

I live in the Midwest. Showers are gifts from registry and weddings are both gifts and money.

For those that do all money for the wedding does the couple register? I don't see the point if it is all money gifts.

I am also an East Coaster, in the metro-NYC and Philadelphia areas all my life, and have always done registry gifts for showers and cash for weddings. We got at least 90% cash for our wedding. OP, I would give cash.

To answer your question, people register because they know that they will get many, many of the items from their shower/s. After our shower, there weren't too many items left on the registries at the two places we registered.
And I'm sure that some people buy more expensive or formal items as wedding gifts, like place settings, crystal, etc. The gifts we got at our wedding were these items-- the Waterford wine glasses and other glassware we had registered for. We also got a mixed gift or two, like from my parents' close friends, who got us a Lenox frame we registered for and money.

Also, I think people register knowing that at many places, if the bride and groom purchase items they had registered for but didn't receive after the wedding, they can get a discount on purchasing those items.

[KLD313]

Around here (NY/NJ), cash. I think 90% of our wedding guests gave us cash. We generally try to cover the cost of our plate. I have a spreadsheet like PP too.

:yeahthat: I've never given an actual gift at a wedding.

[brittone2]

I buy off the registry for showers and then usually gift cash for the wedding. I've lived on the east coast my whole life.

[wendibird22]

WNY'er here and it's always cash. I buy off the registry for a shower but only give cash for the wedding with amount dependent upon our relationship to the couple. Almost 9yr ago when we got married we got 95% cash and a few sentimental gifts of vases, crystal, etc. If I were to ever give an actual gift it would be fine china, crystal, etc and not a standard housewares item. What I have found in my region is that a person giving an actual gift is doing so because they can't or don't wish to give a lot. So instead of feeling like they'd be embarrassed to give say $40, they give a $40 item, if that makes sense.

[ZeeBaby]

Gift off the registry for shower and cash for wedding. I do anywhere from $150-500 depending on relationship.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I buy something off the registry and then usually give $50 at the wedding. We aren't big spenders nor are the people in our circle.

[boilermakermom]

Gift off the registry for shower and cash for wedding. I do anywhere from $150-500 depending on relationship.

This. I have lived in a Midwest suburbs all my life. Gift for the wedding is cover your meal expense and the $100-$500 on top of of it.

We weren't married in 2007 and probably received 10-15 gifts of picture frames, etc. the rest cash. Our wedding had around 275 people.

[klwa]

Most people where I'm from give one gift, either at the shower OR at the wedding, & it's usually from the registry.

[speo]

This is all very interesting! I am a California girl and so are all of my family members. We give gifts off registry for the shower and wedding. For our own wedding, I think the only cash gift we received was from our parents. I don't remember even receiving gift cards. Most gifts were from our registry.

[bisous]

This is all very interesting! I am a California girl and so are all of my family members. We give gifts off registry for the shower and wedding. For our own wedding, I think the only cash gift we received was from our parents. I don't remember even receiving gift cards. Most gifts were from our registry.

Also a Cali girl. We got some money but mostly from relatives. We received lots of registry gifts.

The gifts we received were definitely not on the level of "paying for your plate". I've never heard that sentiment except here. I'm not judging it, if that is the norm in your area. But to me it is a little odd because the things I did for my wedding and the people I invited were solely for my own enjoyment. I'd hate for people to try to anticipate my spending and "match" it, especially if it was a financial hardship.

[div_0305]

I voted $100-200, but I think we give much more than that at other times. It really depends on the relationship. My cousin is also getting married soon, and her and her fiance's family are both crazy, crazy wealthy. I am not close to her AT all, but will go as it's not too much of a burden. We will be paying for our travel there, plus an expensive hotel stay of 2-3 nights. I doubt any amount of $$ I could afford would please her, shameful as it is for me to say it. At this point, I don't know how much to give. She did not send any invite for a bridal shower, though I'm sure she had several.

There is no registry--the invite says "no box gifts" which translates into "give us cash only". It's sadly becoming way too common on the invites I've been seeing from the most wealthy of my "circle" of marrying folk. This is more a BP, but the last lavish wedding we were invited to, I declined. It would have required no travel on my part, BUT the mother of the groom called me before mailing the invite to shamelessy make sure I understood that it was ONLY DH and I being invited. I'm not stupid, and can understand from the invite wording as to who is invited. Then the "no boxed gifts" language really put the icing on it for me. So I skipped the wedding---they must've thought, how incomprehensible that we didn't attend their talk of the town wedding :tongue5::p:tongue5::p:tongue5: !

[boolady]

There is no registry--the invite says "no box gifts" which translates into "give us cash only". It's sadly becoming way too common on the invites I've been seeing from the most wealthy of my "circle" of marrying folk. This is more a BP, but the last lavish wedding we were invited to, I declined. It would have required no travel on my part, BUT the mother of the groom called me before mailing the invite to shamelessy make sure I understood that it was ONLY DH and I being invited. I'm not stupid, and can understand from the invite wording as to who is invited. Then the "no boxed gifts" language really put the icing on it for me. So I skipped the wedding---they must've thought, how incomprehensible that we didn't attend their talk of the town wedding :tongue5::p:tongue5::p:tongue5: !

Wow. Although "box gifts" are pretty uncommon at actual weddings in my area, I cannot imagine putting that on a wedding invitation, and I certainly wasn't upset to receive a few (nor would I have been upset to receive a bunch-- it just isn't common). Just another example of how money can't buy class. That's one of the tackiest things I've ever heard.

[hellokitty]

We usually give cash and we have had no complaints so far. However, we're asian and it's acceptable, but even with non-asian friends, we give them cash as wedding gifts (they think it is awesome). We got enough cash for a downpayment on a house when we got married... except that ALL of it went toward paying off the massive amount of dh's cc debt. :irked: Almost all of the $ gifts were from my side of the family. So, yeah, I think that it is both regional and cultural. My favorite gift is to frame the invitation nicely for the couple, along with a generous check. So, that way it is personalized, but cash too.

[div_0305]

Just another example of how money can't buy class. That's one of the tackiest things I've ever heard.

It's odd that it's becoming so common. Plus, I would never give a boxed gift if it wasn't from the registry and I'd put a gift receipt. At my wedding, though I had a registry, I received a mix of cash and boxed gifts not from the registry. It was a bit cumbersome to figure out what to do with all the boxed gifts I had no desire to keep or use, and I couldn't understand why so few people bought from my registry. Although, eating my words a a bit, if I knew in advance of the guests who gave us a set of scissors from Costco as a gift, maybe I would have put no boxed gifts on their invite (ETA: both the husband and wife are doctors!)??? Just kidding!

[BayGirl2]

Wow. Although "box gifts" are pretty uncommon at actual weddings in my area, I cannot imagine putting that on a wedding invitation, and I certainly wasn't upset to receive a few (nor would I have been upset to receive a bunch-- it just isn't common). Just another example of how money can't buy class. That's one of the tackiest things I've ever heard.

I would read "no box gifts" as meaning not to bring packaged gifts TO the wedding itself. In other words they aren't going to have a big gift table sitting there and don't want to deal with the logistics and security of receiving boxed gifts on that day. Most of what we got from our registry was sent in advance, much easier. By that interpretation I wouldn't see the request as rude at all, just a logistical clarification of the setting, like writing Black Tie.

I typically try to buy off the registry unless its someone I know closely and want to get something special for. The times I've done a gift card or cash card have been when I'm behind and running out of the "1 year after the wedding" clock. Most of my weddings have been east coast.

However for the Chinese weddings that we attend its always cash, and the concept of paying for your plate is fairly prominent (at least amongst DH's family). Ironically, at our Chinese wedding reception we got a bunch of cash but also some of the most cheesy, regifted/bought from the corner store in chinatown/pulled of the wall on the way to the event type gifts I've ever seen.

[wellyes]

I generally do registry for shower, cash for wedding, Boston area. Bringing a gift to the wedding is fine too - not inappropriate.


There is no registry--the invite says "no box gifts" which translates into "give us cash only". It's sadly becoming way too common on the invites I've been seeing from the most wealthy of my "circle" of marrying folk.

Mega tacky.

[boolady]

I would read "no box gifts" as meaning not to bring packaged gifts TO the wedding itself. In other words they aren't going to have a big gift table sitting there and don't want to deal with the logistics and security of receiving boxed gifts on that day. Most of what we got from our registry was sent in advance, much easier. By that interpretation I wouldn't see the request as rude at all, just a logistical clarification of the setting, like writing Black Tie.

Ok. I was simply commenting on the interpretation of that phrase based upon the poster who posted the story and her understanding of what they meant. Either way, I think the gracious thing to do is accept any gift without condition and without letting someone know that you won't have the right setup and suggesting that their planned gift will be a hassle.

[div_0305]

I would read "no box gifts" as meaning not to bring packaged gifts TO the wedding itself.

I might have given it that kind of charitable reading IF there was a registry. With these folks, there is no registry.

[div_0305]

Ok. I was simply commenting on the interpretation of that phrase based upon the poster who posted the story and her understanding of what they meant. Either way, I think the gracious thing to do is accept any gift without condition and without letting someone know that you won't have the right setup and suggesting that their planned gift will be a hassle.

:yeahthat: I mean it's not like it's a destination wedding where most people would have the common sense of not bringing a boxed gift TO the wedding.

[momof2girls]

Not to hijack but I was wondering if someone could steer me in the right direction for a wedding gift for DHs second cousins wedding in upstate NY. The only other wedding we went to up there (in the sticks) was very casual. I believe We gave cash but cant remember how much. I'm not sure what the appropriate gift would be. We will have to stay overnight and travel 6 hours by car to get there. They did they same for ours 13 years ago and while we received cash from pretty much everyone else attending (we are in NJ, it's the norm here), they gave us a birdhouse. I'm not complaining because I realize they did have to drive down and spend $ on the hotel. I'm just wondering if gifts instead of $ was the norm in upstate NY. Thanks!

[BayGirl2]

Ok. I was simply commenting on the interpretation of that phrase based upon the poster who posted the story and her understanding of what they meant. Either way, I think the gracious thing to do is accept any gift without condition and without letting someone know that you won't have the right setup and suggesting that their planned gift will be a hassle.

Yeah, I know. I just didn't multi-quote, didn't mean to target you specifically. :-)

I guess with no registry that makes the interpretation clearer! But I can totally see requesting gifts be mailed as a fair request, I kinda wish we did that for ours and its something I never realized was an issue until I got married myself. Especially if its a far from home wedding.

[TwinFoxes]

It depends on the people. A lot of my friends got married in their 30s, and weren't worried about cash. I bought off the registry. When DH's younger sis got married, we gave cash. Same for some of our junior colleagues who got married. All the weddings I've been to have gotten cash and gifts. At our wedding, we mostly got gifts (thankfully sent beforehand and not brought to the ceremony) except from some of DH's relatives who gave us cash.

ETA: i wrote my comment about our gifts not being brought to the wedding without reading prior comments about "boxed gifts". :)

[ckso]

Also a Cali girl. We got some money but mostly from relatives. We received lots of registry gifts.

The gifts we received were definitely not on the level of "paying for your plate". I've never heard that sentiment except here. I'm not judging it, if that is the norm in your area. But to me it is a little odd because the things I did for my wedding and the people I invited were solely for my own enjoyment. I'd hate for people to try to anticipate my spending and "match" it, especially if it was a financial hardship.

California here too. For us it was cultural. Most everyone on my side including friends and family gave money although my closer friends gave us both money and a gift. Everyone on DH side got us gifts, some on the registry some not.

As far as "paying for the plate", I think some people just use it as a consideration in deciding on how much to give but it's not expected. I for example will consider our relationship to the couple as well as whether my kids were invited. If they were, I tend to give more to help cover the cost. But that's what I do but didn't expect people who attended our wedding to do. We got some nice cash and nice registry item gifts, but also some cheaper items that weren't on the registry.

DH coworker brought 5 people with them to the wedding and gave us a $20 off the registry gift that we can't use. While I appreciate their attendance, I do wish some considerations were made you know?

[new_mommy25]

I'm from Hawaii. Always, always cash. Cash is also given for first birthday parties.

[TxCat]

There is no registry--the invite says "no box gifts" which translates into "give us cash only". It's sadly becoming way too common on the invites I've been seeing from the most wealthy of my "circle" of marrying folk. This is more a BP, but the last lavish wedding we were invited to, I declined. It would have required no travel on my part, BUT the mother of the groom called me before mailing the invite to shamelessy make sure I understood that it was ONLY DH and I being invited. I'm not stupid, and can understand from the invite wording as to who is invited. Then the "no boxed gifts" language really put the icing on it for me. So I skipped the wedding---they must've thought, how incomprehensible that we didn't attend their talk of the town wedding :tongue5::p:tongue5::p:tongue5: !

Super, super tacky.

[TxCat]

I'm from California, and DH is Southern/Texan. We got married in Texas, but in the part of the state that is more like the traditional South. It was a very traditional, very Southern, very Emily Post country club wedding. A lot of our friends locally have similar style weddings. Here, it is gifts, either registry or off the registry, all the way for showers and the wedding gift. Bringing gifts to the reception is usually frowned upon, so most gifts are mailed to the home before or after the wedding. Most of my California guests followed the same protocol. Very, very few people gave us cash as gifts. Gifts were generally in line with what people could afford - my single friends, newly out of graduate school typically gave gifts in the range of $100 or less; married friends and friends of family were typically more generous. Most popular gifts by far were traditional china, silver, or crystal.

[MelissaTC]

We try to cover the plate cost plus extra, depending on our expenses and how generous we are feeling. Since most of our family and friends are in NY/NJ/PA, we give cash but send a gift off the registry for the shower.

We got married in the NYC area and received 3 or gifts, rest was cash.

[AnnieW625]

When I got married in Nor Cal (2003) a lot of the gifts were mailed to us, but a few were brought to the wedding. I was actually glad we got so many gifts mailed because I saw what a cheapo job Macy's did with their gift wrap (silver box with silver ribbon) and it really turned me off to having things sent from the store. Crate & Barrel wasn't much better IMHO, iirc. Now if I have to mail something I just wrap and mail it myself, and bringing a gift to a wedding has become much more acceptable.

[vludmilla]

NYC area here as well. We received cash from nearly everyone. As PP pointed out, it seemed that the few gifts we received were from people who probably felt that they could not give cash as the gifts were relatively inexpensive.

[Twoboos]

It kinda funny that most people are saying cash but the poll shows registry in the lead by a lot!

Must be a lot of secret gift-givers around here. :wink2:

[pb&j]

Stomp rockets!!!

Oh, wait....

;)

[wellyes]

It kinda funny that most people are saying cash but the poll shows registry in the lead by a lot!

Must be a lot of secret gift-givers around here. :wink2:

I voted cash AND registry. Not that I give both, but, either is fine.
Being able to pick more than one skews things!

[Twoboos]

Being able to pick more than one skews things!

Shoot, did I do that?? Didn't mean to! I need to pay better attention to what I'm doing, LOL.

[lizzywednesday]

Wow. Although "box gifts" are pretty uncommon at actual weddings in my area, I cannot imagine putting that on a wedding invitation, and I certainly wasn't upset to receive a few (nor would I have been upset to receive a bunch-- it just isn't common). Just another example of how money can't buy class. That's one of the tackiest things I've ever heard.

:yeahthat:

I would have died from embarrassment before I put something like that on my wedding invitation.

[pinkmomagain]

There have been many threads on this in the past. Lifelong NYer here. Cash is king, absolutely no question about it. I voted for $200-$300+.