Books about anger for young kids?

[RedSuedeShoes]

I need new ideas for helping my nearly 4 y.o. DS learn how to deal with anger. He is very different from my two older kids and I've done all the same talking/redirecting/timeouts I did with them, but he still seems to need a physical outlet for strong emotion, especially anger. Recent events have made me feel the urgency of helping him with this while he's young because he may never just grow out of it (see other thread about "paying someone's bail" for details!).

Basically, so far I just tell him what he can't do (hit, kick, push, throw heavy things) but I'd like to also tell him what he could do instead. He is a kid who is wired for physicality in every way, and he seems to need somewhere physical to go with that energy. We don't have a big outdoor space or I'd tell him to go run around like my mom used to tell us to do. (We have the book "When Sophie Gets Angry," which I love but stopped reading it to my kids when I realized running into the forest by themselves for a long time was not an actual option for them like it used to be for me, and was for Sophie in the book).

In the past, I have told him he could jump really hard, punch a pillow, blow bubbles. But so far, he hasn't had enough impulse control to think about those options and go do them rather than just hitting or whatever. I have also thought about getting him a punching bag, but figured it wouldn't help until he can think about getting himself to the punching bag before he hits something else. Lately, he seems to be getting more intentional about throwing things when he's mad, though - he'll look around for something to throw - and I think he may also like the reaction he gets from us.

Any suggestions of books or other ideas are appreciated.

[lil_acorn]

The Angry Octopus has been recommended here. I've tried it but it is so difficult for them to handle any of these concepts in he heat of the moment. Good luck and update back if you find anything good!

[bostonsmama]

DD and I recently got this book, Brown Bear, White Bear http://www.amazon.com/Brown-Bear-White-Young-Reader/dp/0802853536/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365102160&sr=8-1&keywords=brown+bear+white+bear

It's a story about how the squabbling of two grandmothers leads to fighting between two bears, and how angry they get at each other. When the little girl puts them in a sticky situation, they have to use teamwork/encouragement to solve the problem, and by the end they're best of friends and calm. It's a really roundabout book about anger/resentment, but we laughed and liked it.

Have you tried a discipline like Karate or marshal arts? That helped my oldest brother A LOT with his anger issues. Is he verbal? Does he feel like adults listen to him? Is his world a world of no's? Is he around mentors who model appropriate venting of frustration? He might need a big kid role model who takes him under his wing and shows him how to enact self-discipline when irritated. I could read DD a million books on anger, but when she sees me blowing up at DH for something, I undermine everything I say or read to her. Karate might be a great alternative to even a counselor if it doesn't improve.

[BayGirl2]

I haven't read them all but our daycare has all the "hands are not for hitting" series for that age group. Maybe check out if those are appropriate?

I just want to say that the fact that you are thinking about this tells me your DS is unlikely to end up like BIL mentioned in the other post. I think awareness and talking about this stuff is most of the battle. Its when things are pushed under the rug and accepted that problems arise in adulthood.

[hillview]

DS2 was like this. He is 5.5 and has recently started to self regulate a lot better. He was WAY later than DS1 with this. He has some other issues (likely ADHD or NLD) that cause some of the poor impulse control. All that is a long winded way of saying that we tried everything with DS2 but time was really required. I did find that POSITIVE reenforcement works SUPER well for him. If he doesn't lose his temper I reward him. Sometimes even with chocolate chips.

[RedSuedeShoes]

I love all these ideas - thank you!

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like our library has any of these titles, but maybe I can get to a bookstore to read them first before buying. Not sure he is old enough for the Angry Octopus book, but it looks good for the future, and maybe for my older kids as well. The Brown Bear book looks entertaining and helpful. And Hands Are Not For Hitting looks good, too.

bostonsmama, thanks for the reminder about martial arts! Six months ago, I decided that's what he needed but no studios (dojos?) around here would take kids under 4. So now that he's approaching his 4th bday, I can look at that option again. And thanks for your other thoughts, too. I do feel like we've covered those other bases pretty well - his world is definitely not all no's, we do listen to him (although he's not as good at expressing himself verbally as my other two were/are, but that has gotten a lot better over time), I don't think he's around any negative role models as far as anger management goes (BIL doesn't come around much! and actually, that was out of character even for BIL). I will think about the positive big kid role model idea - that may be really helpful to him.

BayGirl2, thanks for your encouraging words. I do hope and believe that's true, but I also know that I don't "get" this child in many ways. With my older two, I intuitively knew what they needed, or could easily figure it out with some thought/discussion with them. Not so with this child! He is just wired differently.

hillview, great point about positive reinforcement! With three kids, I feel busy enough that it's hard to remember to "catch them doing things right" and let them know you noticed. I think it would work well for him at this stage. Especially if it came with chocolate chips!

[mom2khj]

This may be too "old" for him, but we have several versions of these books (anxiety and OCD) and they have been immensely helpful for DD1.

http://www.amazon.com/What-When-Your-Temper-Flares/dp/1433801345/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365107427&sr=8-1&keywords=what+to+do+when+your+temper+flares

[edurnemk]

Basically, so far I just tell him what he can't do (hit, kick, push, throw heavy things) but I'd like to also tell him what he could do instead. .....
In the past, I have told him he could jump really hard, punch a pillow, blow bubbles. But so far, he hasn't had enough impulse control to think about those options and go do them rather than just hitting or whatever. I have also thought about getting him a punching bag, but figured it wouldn't help until he can think about getting himself to the punching bag before he hits something else. Lately, he seems to be getting more intentional about throwing things when he's mad, though - he'll look around for something to throw - and I think he may also like the reaction he gets from us.

Any suggestions of books or other ideas are appreciated.

No book suggestions, but I can share some tips based on how we've handled things with my "intense" 5 yo. This is a tip I got from the book "how to talk so children will listen and how to listen so children will talk": give him a creative outlet, for example, when he's very angry calmly say "wow you look really angry, here draw how angry you are" while handing him paper and a crayon, you may even draw some "angry" lines yourself to show him how, then just let him go at it. He will be calmer by the end. But the key here, at this age is that you have to give him the paper and direct him to do this every time, at least at first, he won't think to go get a piece of paper on his own yet. So keep paper and crayons on hand if you want to try this, or give him a small pad and a crayon he can carry in his pocket. It's worked really well with DS.

The other one, is don't give him a big reaction, our rule is that if you're being disruptive you cannot be with other people, so loss of control = isolation. He gets locked in his room if he gets too crazy (screaming, etc) (yes, locked, we had to turn the locks so it doesn't turn into a power struggle just to keep him there, with the added bonus that he can't lock himself in his room). So now he calms don pretty quickly and comes out of his room within a couple of minutes, because he doesn't want to be alone, he wants to be with people and he now understands that you have to be respectful of others and we shouldn't have to put up with the racket.


HTH

[sidmand]

DS is a little older and I don't know how we'll these would work (they still don't work with him in the moment often!).

We have the book "Soda Pop Head" which we like. And similar to your son we have told DS to go punch a mattress (and I bought him a punching bag). He also made an "ice box" with things in it to help him calm down--for him it was Legos, books, stuffed animals, and his iTouch. It's definitely still a work in progress and very much easier to accomplish when it's not the heat of the moment. :(

We've been trying to have him join karate for years and are going to insist on a trial anyway soon.

Good luck. It's difficult, especially when it's not in your wheelhouse.

[Snow mom]

We have the book when I feel angry. I'm not wild about reading the book but it does cover appropriate an inappropriate outlets for anger in an age appropriate way.

[sntm]

I love "when Sophie gets angry"

[essnce629]

Sounds exactly like my DS2 who is almost 4 years old. DS1 was never like him! Whenever he gets mad he immediately looks to kick, pinch, bite, or throw something. When I put him in time out he's destroyed his whole room before. He started Tae Kwon Do a few weeks ago and I'm hoping it helps.



We have the book when I feel angry. I'm not wild about reading the book but it does cover appropriate an inappropriate outlets for anger in an age appropriate way.

We also have this book and I like it but have only read it once or twice to DS2. I should read it daily to him!

http://www.amazon.com/When-Feel-Angry-Way-Books/dp/0807588970


This book looks good too and gets great reviews:

Cool Down and Work Through Anger
http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464

[Momit]

We also have an angry 4-year-old. He doesn't hit or bite too often, but he does throw things and scream mean words ("bad mama! I'm going to throw you in a chipper shredder! I want a new family!" Etc.) We don't do time outs, however a toy may go in time out for the rest of the day if he throws it. Or I may tell him that if he is not able to behave at home we will not be able to go to be zoo, park or whatever. I have gotten much better about seeing it coming and deflecting it with humor or distraction.

The obvious thing I noticed is that less sleep = very cranky boy. He has much better days when he gets a good night's sleep and he still takes a long afternoon nap.

We have recently started karate and I am hoping this is a brief stage in his development. He has always been pretty mellow and until recently never would have had what I would describe as a temper. But now, holy cow! I've read love and logic, playful parenting, positive parenting, how to talk... and many more - I need to check out one of the titles we can read to him.