Names

[klwa]

I guess this isn't really upsetting enough to be a bitching post, but, here goes.

DBIL & his wife are expecting their first child this fall. (They don't yet know the sex, but will soon.) Talking to him the other night, I asked if they have names picked out & he proceeds to tell me. I'm changing the names, but just know it's a similar situation to this. Say, the girl name they want is Christy Cate. DD1 is named Christine and DD2 has the middle name of Cate. They have reasons for the names they've picked but, still, it feels intrusive to me. (I thought the same when my brother named his daughter a name with the same nickname as my other brother's daughter which is the same name as other BIL's oldest daughter.)

So, I know I have no call to be upset over a name & they can name a child whatever they want, but I'm still annoyed.

And I hope they're having a boy. :tongue5:

[boolady]

I can understand, and I had a similar situation with DH's brother and his wife, but have come to realize that because their reason was because of naming after a family member, there really isn't anything I could complain about (well, to anyone other than DH and my BFF of course:)). In our situation, let's say DD's name is Amelia Suzanne. Without any warning, after our niece was born, we get a picture message with her photo and the text, "Say hello to Suzanne Marie!" Now, let's say that Suzanne is my late MIL's name, just for an example. ;) So, that's the sole reason that Suzanne is DD's middle name and DN's name. No matter how much I thought it would have made sense for BIL to have told us ahead of time, we really don't own the name, and it was BIL and DH's mom, so not much to be said or done. I won't deny that it felt weird, especially because it was her first name.

So, this is where it got uncomfortable for us. BIL-- "We just didn't consider naming her anything else under the circumstances." Okay. The circumstances are that she is no longer with us. I wish she was, but it was not something that had happened shortly before DN was born, and kind of made me wonder if they thought we were disrespectful/not appropriately honoring MIL for not naming DD Suzanne.

FIL (who's an a$$), to DH, "Can you believe BIL honored your mother by naming his daughter after her? I can't believe she has a granddaughter named after her." Right. Because it wasn't honoring her to use Suzanne as a middle name, and DD wasn't named after her because it wasn't her first name.

I get it. If there's a reason they like those names, I don't think there's anything to be said or done about it, but I do get it. Right or wrong, it feels weird.

[crl]

I am sorry. :grouphug:


We did more or less duplicate a name. My dd is named for my dad. My nephew (several years older) is also named for my dad. Think Joseph and Josephine type names. I did call my brother (and my dad) first and ask if they were okay with it because I didn't want to upset anyone. My dad said name your kid whatever you want to, you're the parents. My brother said he didn't think they owned the name or anything and it was just fine for us to use it. I'm really grateful because we do love the name. But I am also glad I checked because I'd hate for anyone to have lingering bad feelings over a name.

Catherine

[boolady]

I am sorry. :grouphug:


We did more or less duplicate a name. My dd is named for my dad. My nephew (several years older) is also named for my dad. Think Joseph and Josephine type names. I did call my brother (and my dad) first and ask if they were okay with it because I didn't want to upset anyone. My dad said name your kid whatever you want to, you're the parents. My brother said he didn't think they owned the name or anything and it was just fine for us to use it. I'm really grateful because we do love the name. But I am also glad I checked because I'd hate for anyone to have lingering bad feelings over a name.

Catherine

And all I would have thought would have made sense in our case was exactly what you did-- just a call to say, hey, we're also using MIL's name. We don't think we own the name, by any means, I think it's really just the way it went down (and my FIL, who is a story unto himself, grrrr who really makes things uncomfortable) that felt off. I would never, in a million years, nor would DH, have told BIL that we didn't want them to use the name-- I don't think we have that right, nor would I have wanted to stop them. I really think it was the way we were told and then the ensuing hubbub, as if DD hadn't also been named to honor MIL that made things feel strange.

[crl]

And all I would have thought would have made sense in our case was exactly what you did-- just a call to say, hey, we're also using MIL's name. We don't think we own the name, by any means, I think it's really just the way it went down (and my FIL, who is a story unto himself, grrrr who really makes things uncomfortable) that felt off. I would never, in a million years, nor would DH, have told BIL that we didn't want them to use the name-- I don't think we have that right, nor would I have wanted to stop them. I really think it was the way we were told and then the ensuing hubbub, as if DD hadn't also been named to honor MIL that made things feel strange.

Yeah, that seems really strange to me. Like your dd's name didn't count. I'd be unhappy about that too. In-laws can be so weird.

Catherine

[Blue Hydrangea]

This was nearly an issue for us as well. We had our girl name picked for Baby2, but the boy name was much harder. We both liked a classic boy's name very much, but it was also the name of DH's cousin's child. And they lived 5 states away, and in 7 years of marraige I've met this counsin and her family exactly once.

We really struggled with it. It wasn't a family name, just a classic one. And had all but decided to use the name until the baby arrived and they announced it was a girl! We send the obilgatory Christmas card to them but that's the extent of the relationship, which is why is was so hard. DH argued that we never see them, and it's his side, so it would be ok, but something about it still bothered me.

[scrooks]

Everyone has differing opinions on reusing names. I've always thought SIL was was strange because she didn't use FILs name as dn's middle name because she was "saving" it for my Dh to use (it is his middle name and the name he actually goes by). This was 14 years ago and at the time my Dh was nowhere near getting married let alone close to having kids. We did end up using it as ds's middle name but cousins having the same middle name (that happens to be their grandfather's name) doesn't bother me at all. Even if we had used it for his first name it wouldn't have bothered me that its dn's middle name but I guess it was nice of her to consider it in her decision??? Different things just bother different people....it's a bummer you are bothered and they weren't considerate!

[123LuckyMom]

That stinks, and I would never do it. There were lots of names we struck off our lists because they were the names or middle names of cousins or friends' kids, or whatnot. Still, not everyone shares that compunction. My sister's very good friend named her son the last name of my sister (and our father who had recently passed away and with whom she was quite close.) She didn't name him after my father or anything. She just liked the name. We all thought it was very odd that she didn't say anything about it, even just to remark that it was our last name. Hmm. Each to his own, I guess. Still, I understand it bothering you.

[gatorsmom]

We instigated some of that in our family. We named Gator the same first name as DH's brother. We asked him if he minded us using his name before we did, though. And we asked MIL because it was her son and soon to be grandson. They both were honored ae wanted to reuse that name. Frankly, it has always been a favorite of mine. And it has family meaning for me too (my dad's maternal grandfather).

I didnt ask SIL if we could use her son's name for Greenbean's middle name, however. It happens to be FIL's name and so it never occurred to me that she might feel like she had exclusive rights to it. After I named Greenbean, I asked her if she minded that I used her son's name and her voice was a little too high when she said she didn't care. I got the impression she wasn't thrilled. But we were really just honoring her father the same way she was by naming a child after him. And frankly, after 3 boys DH and I were running out of boys names we agreed on. :D

I'm always reminded of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when this subject comes up. It's that part where Nia is introducing her fiancé to her family and everyone in the family is either named Nick, Nicky or Gina. :)

[niccig]

Names are tough.

DS's first name is MIL's maiden name. We checked with her brother and his family as it's their last name. They didn't mind, so we used it. DH's sister got her nose out of joint. It was never her name (MIL changed her name when married), so all we can think of why is because Grandma (MIL's mom) absolutely loved us using it and DH was Grandma's favorite.

DS's middle name is same as DH's and FIL's middle name. So DS has 3 names from DH's family. A friend got her nose out of joint as none of my family names are there. If DS was a girl, it would have been my family names for first and middle. We chose the names before knowing the sex. And if I don't mind that DS has 3 names from DH's family, why should someone not related to us, care about it.

People should just leave other people's name choices be.

[klwa]

Thanks all. I think my biggest issue with it is just the fact that when you say the two names, they're virtually identical. (As I said, think Christy & Christine. Very little difference.) The middle name wouldn't bother me at all (DS & DD1 share middle names with another niece & nephew. And DD2's first name is the same as another niece's middle name. But we played up the fact that she was "being named after" her big cousin, which made the older cousin happy.) except for the fact that the first name is so close to what we used. *sigh*

[klwa]

*laughs* And I guess with all of that explanation, it makes me seem even more petty. :) Oh, and DS is named "First Middle" and a child of one of my cousins is named "Middle First", but goes by first. However, since we haven't seen that child in close to 10 years, we didn't think they would care.

[catsnkid]

My family has a lot of people with the middle name Louis or Louise.. but that's about the end of it, it is because of my grandfather and great grandmother had those names. My exMIL did not like our initial choice because it was the first name of my FIL her exH, although he wasn't known by that name.. (same name my EXH used).. HOwever my mother did think about using a name that ultimately my cousin was named, so she took it off the table for my sister.

[lizzywednesday]

...
I'm always reminded of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when this subject comes up. It's that part where Nia is introducing her fiancé to her family and everyone in the family is either named Nick, Nicky or Gina. :)

:yeahthat:

Except in my mother's family, everyone is "John" or "Joseph" - I have a brother Joseph, several uncles named John, several uncles Joe, as well as second- and third-cousins with those names!

I do empathize - DH felt this way when his cousin was unexpectedly pregnant with twins and used one of "his" girl-names as a first name for one of her twin girls ... and this came after she'd said (without a baby on the way, mind you!) that she wasn't fond of the name for a girl. (It's a unisex name, honestly, but has a family connection as it honors MIL/Aunt-ILs' parents.)

[klwa]

Well, good news. :) They're having a boy! So, the name is no longer an issue. :bouncy::yay:

[123LuckyMom]

That's great!!! I'm glad it worked out.

[crl]

Oh good!

Catherine