How do you handle sassing back in your home?

[chozen]

This has become a problem in the last 6mo. Or so. I mean she did sass back before at times but in the last 6mo. It has increased! I get so worked up over it at times I don't handle it very well. So for 4-5yr. Olds what has worked for you? I really need some wisdom here, PLEASE!

[barkley1]

I say to my 3.5 yr old in a stern voice, "try that again." Most of the time he says it nicely. For stuff like screaming NO! At us or or similar, usually a time out in the room. I can't say it has worked that great, but it's all I got right now! Will be following this thread.

[chozen]

Any good books dealing with this? The sassing back has been the # 1 thing we have been dealing with. Any other suggestions.

[truly scrumptious]

I will be watching this thread because it is starting to happen with us too.

Part of it is just us becoming more aware of our own tone when talking to DS - because when he mirrors it we realize how rude we might sound.

For the rest, I don't know. So far we have been trying to defuse the situation by saying mildly "Gentle voice, please." or just telling him "Let me know when you're ready to talk nicely and we can discuss it."

But this won't help for long with the talking back. So I am also curious to hear what others with BTDT experience might know!

[Sweetsunshine]

I also say "try that again" and it works about half the time. For the other times it generally depends on why DD is talking back. If it' when she's cranky or tired I just say "sorry you're so tired" and that might snap her out of it. If she's just being bratty I send her to her room to count to 30. Usually she gets distracted by something in the room and comes back in a better mood.

If none of that works she slowly escalates until she ends up losing tv show before bed. But I give her one warning before taking it away and it usually does the trick. I try to keep that as my last resort for being really naughty because if I do have to follow through and take it away it isn't pretty! I'd love to,hear from,others what works for them.

[icunurse]

I look at them and say in an even voice,"Is that how you are supposed to talk to someone?" Usually that works and they correct themselves and apologize. If they are having a meltdown and it is out of control (ie. whining that I'm unfair), I will ask them if they think the way that they are acting is the right way to act to get what they want (they usually answer no), then, if needed, I tell them to go to their room, calm down, and come back out when they can talk nicely to me. They know that door slamming gets punishment and anything thrown in anger gets taken away. Fortunately for me, DS is pretty easygoing and DD has been able to rationalize things from a young age.

[hillview]

With DS1 a look is usually enough. Sometimes I will tell him that was rude or sassy and why (sometimes I think he doesn't know why -- tone or a word choice). DS2 needs me to script it for him more often. If I tell him that was rude etc he just gets mad. If I say "PLEASE may I have a juice" he will parrot that in the exact same tone I use.

[janine]

Guess sass starts around 4!

What about when they are taking an action, like climbing on table, grabbing food. Or not listening in general. My stern voice does not always work.

[wendibird22]

We either ignore something said sassy or whining and that causes them to ask the correct way. Or like PPs, we say "try again." For behaviors or not listening we calmly count to 3 and if they don't change the behavior or listen by 3 we physically remove them or physically help them to do what we have asked (like guide their hand in putting a toy away for example). For whining that accompanies a repeated question that they don't like our answer to we respond with "asked and answered." (see here for the strategy: http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/end-child-nagging-negotiating-with-just-three-simple-words). It works with both my 5yo and 3yo.

[maestramommy]

Screaming back ,"no!" sticking out the tongue, or calling someone stupid gets an automatic timeout. For anything else it's case by case. Continued sassing or arguing also gets a timeout.

[hellokitty]

Screaming back ,"no!" sticking out the tongue, or calling someone stupid gets an automatic timeout. For anything else it's case by case. Continued sassing or arguing also gets a timeout.

:yeahthat:

[Wondermom]

I, too, must also follow this thread.

Yesterday, Dad cancelled ice cream for desert because DS1 (age 5) threw a wadded-up napkin in a restaurant. DS1 begged to be given another chance, and when Dad said "no, you're learning a tough lesson here," DS1 said in his most calm voice: "If you give me another chance, I'll do everything you say the rest of the night. But if you don't give me another chance, I'll just scream and fuss until you un-cancel the ice cream."

Not the first time he has reverse-threatened us. Dad said, as he has before, "do you think screaming and fussing is going to get you what you want?" It worked last night, and we left with no desert and no screaming. But that same approach has ended with plenty of screaming and fussing on other occasions.

My husband and I have also thought maybe we threaten to take away treats/privileges too much, and that's why we're getting it thrown back at us?