Do you buy your parents (or guardian) or grandparents $$$ gifts?

[AnnieW625]

The vacuum thread made me think about this. My parents need a new vacuum. If my dad had his way he'd go out and buy a $500 Miele from the local vacuum shop or a Dyson both of which my mom says they don't need. About 12 yrs. ago my dad bought a Miele stick vacuum* and gave it to my mom for Christmas. It was a Christmas morning we all want to forget;). I told my mom about the Shark, but then I was thinking maybe I should just get it for them but we never buy our parents expensive gifts (we usually spend a max of $50 for birthdays and we all do a $20 limit for Christmas) so I don't know how it would be receptive or we'd end up with another Christmas vacuum disaster.

*the stick vacuum sucks. I don't like it, it is a worthless piece of cr@p. My dad is the only one who says it works. My mom has said that two Eureka stick brooms she had prior from 81-00 worked better. I do not rec. that product!

[pastrygirl]

Generally, no, we don't get my parents anything, ever. But a situation like yours would get us talking about it. Especially a $500 gift -- I have several siblings, so we'd be able to split that amount pretty easily.

[teresah00]

We've bought my parents group gifts w my siblings. Tv 3 yrs ago, vitamix this Christmas. There are five of us so it makes it more affordable.


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[o_mom]

Generally no, because my parents have the means to buy whatever they want. However, a $200 vacuum is something I might go in with siblings on. We usually spend about $50 each on b-days and Christmas, but we are scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas these days (see the part about being able to get whatever they want) so if something came up we would run with it.

[vludmilla]

Not often. My IL's can buy whatever they want but they are extremely frugal. I think my FIL would prefer that we just save the money rather than spend it on him. We occasionally get MIL some nice jewelry and this last Christmas we got them a gift certificate to a very nice restaurant but usually we get them simpler, less expensive gifts, at their request. I don't get my father or mother expensive gifts. My dad buys himself whatever he wants and my mother can and does too.

[gatorsmom]

We always spent $100-$200 on Christmas gifts for my parents and ILs but we don't buy them anything else that I can think of.

[blisstwins]

Yes. We don't always buy expensive gifts for our families, but our families have been so so good to us, especially when we were starting out so it is a pleasure to be able to be generous. We gave everyone ipads for Christmas. We usually spend 200-300 on parents. My mom is a single mom who helps more than you know so spending on her really feels right. My inlaws are very comfortable, but they are the kindest, most generous people. Also the are Asian and though they never hold us to their traditions, when we spoil them they always get this little pleasure and say, "We have good children." These are people who gave us a car when we were first marries and in graduate school so we could afford to come home to visit my dying father and they react with as much pleasure when given a framed photo as they do something expensive. We are very lucky in this regard.

[Liziz]

Not usually, but we tend to go more with what it makes sense to give than how much it costs. When it's something more expensive my brothers and I usually split it.

[StantonHyde]

The usual budget is $100 for xmas and $50 for bday and fathers/mothers day. My brother and I went in on a nice gold/lapis ring for my mom once. She didn't like it really. When she died, I took it and have worn it every day since.

[bigpassport]

I don't get my mother gifts because every time I buy her something she makes me take it back because it's too expensive, she doesn't really need it, etc. She is not a gracious recipient, so I've stopped giving her things.

I get my dad fun gifts for Christmas...usually something St. Louis Cardinals related.

[sntm]

I do but not every time. My mother sacrificed a lot for us when I was young and now I'm a physician and she is in disability so it feels selfish not to. I bought her a tv a few Christmases ago I may get her roku for mother's day.

[Giantbear]

I'll get my folks a gift if i see something i know they would like and wouldn't think to get for themselves, but i do not get them gifts for events. My folks are financial better off than us and generally buy whatever they want/need

[hellokitty]

This is an interesting thread. We try to be generous to our parents, but it is a bit of a sore point for us. My parents are more well off than we are and honestly, they would rather we not spend the $ on them. We have been frustrated and hurt (my siblings and I), several times pooling $ together for very nice gifts to our parents, only for them to turn around and give them away or give them back to us, saying that we should use it, not them. It is actually kind of rude in some ways, they are well off, but are too cheap to buy themselves nicer items. So, we thought that if we paid for it, it would be ok, but then they are too cheap to USE those items. It's frustrating. We have even tried to do something like buy them snow plow service for the winter months and they find ways to make that difficult too. As my brother says, "Why is it so hard to try to be nice to mom and dad?" To some extent, it's similar to some of the rejection (never being good enough) that we grew up with. I really wish that they would just graciously accept the gifts. Last Christmas, my dad had just retired. They like to golf, so we just gave them a hunk of cash to use for golf. My brother wanted to get them a pass at a golf course, but my parents try to take advantage of senior discounts, so they hop all over the place to whichever golf course has the best deal. I felt that there was not really any way for us to, "give" something that they would use, other than the hunk of cash that could be used toward golf. It seems like a really thoughtless gift, but after struggling with this for decades, I just want them to USE whatever gift we give them. Literally, as a kid, my dad would reject our gifts. We once got him a bottle of cologne for xmas, he never opened it, it sat in his bedroom for almost 20 yrs, still in the wrapping, until the ribbon and wrapping paper got so brittle that it started to fall off. I got angry seeing it 10 yrs ago when visiting my parents when I saw it and just threw it in the trash, we were so excited to get him a gift and he wouldn't even open it and we were just little kids. To say that they are difficult to buy for, is an understatement.

On the flip side, my mil is NEVER satisfied with the gifts that we give her. She is the type who literally expects her sons to buy her a car, house or expensive jewelry. Something, that normal ppl wouldn't do (or expect). So, I deal with my parents, who are too humble to use the nice things we buy them, and then I deal with my mil, who always has a sour face when we give her what we think is a nice gift. I finally got tired of her insulting our gifts when we gave it to her, that I just don't get her anything at all anymore. We will take them out to dinner for bday/mother's/father's day, and mil always wants us to take her to uber expensive restaurants, so I feel that it is more appropriate than buying her something and then having to see her be unhappy and upset over a frickin' gift!!! I actually feel like she can't be satisfied and part of it is that she wants bragging rights, so she can brag to her friends that her sons (forget that her dils are much more thoughtful than her sons have ever been) gave her XYZ as a gift, and how awesome they are. This is the mil who asked bil/sil and us to pay for an all expense trip to europe for she and fil over 10 yrs ago. At that time, we had just bought a house and we were still paying off dh's student loans. Bil's career was still gaining momentum, neither of us could afford to send her (and to be honest, it would still be stretch for us to give her a gift like that). I know it is mil's doing, my fil is a low maint person and doesn't care about gifts. Anyway, mil got really upset with us for not giving her that gift. She's also demanded things like fur coats from my bil/sil. Who the hell even WEARS fur coats anymore? My mil actually already has one, so I don't understand why she wants another one, other than for her own ego. It's been very weird for me to deal with two totally opposite situations for both sets of parents. FWIW, my parents are taiwanese and my in laws are korean, and from what I have seen/heard it does seem like asian parents fall to both extremes. Some expect lavish gifts, while others would rather you save the $. Is it too much to ask for, "normal" parents who happily accept gifts that their children and then later, adult children try to give them?