Do competitive activities for kids make for more successful adults?

[gatorsmom]

Do you think it's important for the future success and/or happiness of a child to enroll him or her in competitive activities? I had never really thought of it until a friend of mine commented that her son hates swim team but she keeps him in it because it's good for him to be competitive. I can see keeping your child in team swimming because it's great exercise but Im not sure how I feel about forcing a child to be in an activity for the sole purpose of being in a competitive activity. I'm inclined not to agree with her but maybe it's because I don't have a competitive bone in my body. I guess I don't see the value in the long run. But I'd be happy to hear others' opinions.

This friend also keeps her son competing in downhill ski races. Gator competes when he feels like it but mainly he is in it for fun. If he didn't want to compete, I wouldn't force him. She does. I just don't see the value if he's not enjoying it.

Thoughts?

[sste]

I think this is silly. It also seems oddly limited to sports and it looks like individual rather than team sports? I agree with you it is a personality trait not something you can reliably produce with competitive individual sports.

In my experience, many adults hellbent on inculcating the competitive spirit are not terribly successful or happy themselves. Most successful people in the work world understand the tremendous value of balancing a drive to succeed with cooperation. I have seen way too many people "compete" against the coworkers and colleagues and alienate them thereby destroying the personal ties and connections that are probably the single biggest predictor of success in a corporate or institutional workplace.

[KpbS]

Well, if I truly believed competitive sports would help my DC become more competitive, develop drive, endurance, focus, etc. then I would certainly enroll them in something they liked and NOT force them to continue something they really and truly didn't want to do. That is just grounds for resentment and ruins the entire experience.

[StantonHyde]

There was something recently on NPR that said that learning/knowing how to compete is good for people. Learning how to lose, etc.

I have never been competitive with other people--just against myself. Like I never pushed harder in athletics to beat somebody--just want to get a better time than I had last time.

I think keeping a kid in any activity beyond competency level when they don't want to do it is silly. I make my kids take skiing lessons almost every year because I want to make sure they can keep up with their friends but they aren't on ski team. With swimming--they need to keep learning so they can swim a few laps, but they don't have to do swim races.

[Mommy_Again]

Happiness? Probably not. Future success? Might depend on the line of work. I know that many sales organizations (medical sales is the one I have direct knowledge of) place high priority on recruiting high school and college athletes. They think those individuals have a natural drive to compete which translates to better job performance.

[brittone2]

I think fostering "grit" and resilience is of great importance. Sports can do that for some kids, but I think there are a lot of non athletic ways to do that as well.

NPR (LOL, seems to be our source ;) ) had a story on about the importance of fostering "grit" in children not too long ago. It was a rebroadcast I think.

http://www.npr.org/2012/09/04/160258240/children-succeed-with-character-not-test-scores

[crl]

I think being competitive can be an advantage. I also think sports provide a lot of opportunities to learn life lessons (keep trying even when things aren't going your way, there are times when you shouldn't argue with the arbiter, be a good winner, etc, etc). But I don't think a kid who doesn't want to be there is learning much.

The only sport we require is swim for safety reasons.

Catherine

[blisstwins]

Our children are in a competative sport. Last year my daughter did poorly at a competition (we compete twice a year) and wanted to quit. It was really hard for me because if she truly disliked competing there was no way I would make her continue, but I did not want her to quit because of disappointment or giving up. I asked her if she disliked the sport or just compeition and she said she did not like competition, so I left her in it. Six months later and she wanted to compete, did well, said it was the best day of her life, and so we had a long follow up conversation comparing the two experiences and I think that was in invaluable life lesson. I don't think I would make my kids do sports so they learn how to compete, but rather I think competative sports are important to learn about overcoming fear, disappointment, learning hard work, etc.

[maestramommy]

It's probably very individual, but on the whole I don't think so. And sometimes I think at the younger ages (like, below 10?) I think it can do more harm than good. Our elementary school PE teacher sends home a back to school letter each year. In it he clearly states (like in bolded letters) that school PE is all about getting kids to be and stay active, and building some skill and coordination. It is NOT competitive team sports. I think he put that in at least twice in different ways, lol. When I talked to him about it (cause I was GLAD) he rolled his eyes and said, you wouldn't believe how many parents do not get this.

[Moneypenny]

No, I don't. I think learning how to be part of a team is extremely important and there are many ways to learn that, be it through sports, band, acting, etc.

I honestly think the world would be a much better place if we weren't all convinced that we had to be better than everyone else in everything we do. That isn't to say competition is always bad, but it's not always good, either.

[westwoodmom04]

We encourage our kids to do teams sports to learn cooperation, working with others, etc. . . but I agree that other group activities could teach children these skills as well. The only individual type sport my kids have done is swim team and we chose that mainly to improve swimming skills. My kids definitely prefer the more group sports which I think is fine.

[arivecchi]

I think it is very important that kids do sports - not to be competitive (although I don't think that is a bad side effect) - but so that they are athletic and well balanced individuals. Sports also offer a great opportunity to hone social skills and have additional groups of friends which will help kids fit in during their school years.

Maybe the mom mentioned by OP is worried about her child not having any drive or quitting all the time? I obviously do not know anything about the situation, but I would not be so quick to jump and make the assumption that she is being silly. Sometimes parents make their kids do things that they do not want for their own good and we all have different visions as to what those goals should be. I also think that many kids who excel do get that drive or competitive spirit from the environment they grow up in - whether that is sports or academics. Just think of all the threads here about early reading or gifted kids.

[buttercup]

I don't think competitiveness in itself is a skill. How about just being good at what one does. I think that would go a long way towards success.

[georgiegirl]

I don't think competition in itself is necessary. BUT I think many sports (whether competitive or not) encourage kids to push themselves to reach a goal. The only sport DD does is swimming. As she's gotten better, it's been harder for her emotionally. When she moves up a level, she gets very nervous and hates feeling like she is the worst in the class. I have not let her quit because I think it's important for her to realize that she needs to work hard to get better at something. And when you are learning a new skill, you aren't very good at first. But the more you practice, the easier it gets. Most likely the better kids aren't judging you. They've been there too. So, I've kept her in lessons and she really feels a sense of satisfaction every time she is able to do something that was previously difficult for her. That's why I think sports are important. (Other than the obvious health benefits.). When she joins the team in the fall, I will emphasis to her that she's competing with herself (trying to better her own times) rather than competing with the other kids. I know she's not going to be a star, but I want her to work hard and challenge herself.

[boolady]

There are too many snippets from previous posts that I'd like to quote, so I'll just say that I think there are many positives that come from playing sports, including learning to win and lose gracefully, learning how to be part of a team and colloborate to achieve a desired result, learning that determination and persistence are important to achieve that result, and that gratification is often not immediate, but worth working and fighting for, learning that practice and repetition can help you improve, etc.

I'm not for forcing a kid to play a sport he or she really feels uncomfortable with or outright dislikes, but I do think that participation in sports has the potential to make a kid a more resilient, determined, focused adult.

[hellokitty]

I think that your friend is really off base. I think that my parents also felt the same way as her and trust me, it backfired big time. My parents kept pushing my brothers and I into team sports. Well, none of us were athletic, my parents are nerdy and brought us up as nerdy kids, so we were HORRIBLE at those sports, but my parents would keep pushing us to do it, even though we hated it and weren't good at it. I didn't want to be on those teams, since I knew I was not a good player and I knew that EVERYONE knew that, all it did was make me feel bad about myself. What is the point of pushing a child to do a competitive sport if they KNOW that they are not good at it, if anything it will just make the child feel more insecure.

Why not help your child figure out an activity/sport that they are GOOD at, and enjoy and nurture them in that particular activity instead? Even non-sports are competitive, including academics. For example, piano, violin, I did both, and both are extremely competitive. I thrived in music, but anyone who has had to compete to be first chair in orchestra knows how cut throat it is. You are constantly being challenged by other violinists for that spot, so it can be very hard to hold that coveted first chair spot. The same goes with piano and violin recitals, where it's often not uncommon for, "rank" of the the most advanced student to be the final performance. It is a achievement and honor to be that final student to perform. Other instrumental perfomances where you are judged for your skills (I did this every yr in high school for both piano and violin and it was really stressful) are common too and it is very competitive and the judges can be harsh, even more harsh than sports coaches.

So, it's not just sports that are competitive. I actually think that individual sports (ie: golf, tennis, running, martial arts) are more motivating toward building your own competitive spirit and self motivation. You can try to lower your golf score, you can try to win matches and beat more advanced players, for running, there is always the goal of running a mile/race in a certain time goal, etc.. If you are on a team, and you are not a top player, it often doesn't matter how hard you try, some ppl will just not be top players, it's not really an attainable goal, esp if you have a parent who expects you to be, "the top" all of the time, being in a team sport makes that very frustrating for kids who don't have that natural gift in that particular sport. So, I don't really feel that team sports are necessary for a child to learn how to be competitive. There are plenty of other ways. In fact, I think that team sports can be damaging to kids who already suffer from low self esteem and they discover that they are also not a good player at the team sport either. Find what your child is good at and enjoys and support them at that activity.

[smilequeen]

I think it's somewhat important. Not in the "I have to be the best" sense, but in the sense that in general things get accomplished when someone is trying to do better. Competition can be healthy in that way, as long as winning and losing gracefully goes along with it. I know this has veered towards sports, but there are a lot of things that are competitive that kids can get into. My boys are really into sports, but they also love chess club and that gets pretty competitive :) My son won a trophy last week in chess and he cherishes that thing as much as his hockey trophies.

My kids have to participate in sports (team, individual, select, recreational...I don't care, just get out there, get active, and have fun). Overall, I think it's good for them in so many ways. Primarily in physical fitness, then add in teamwork, winning/losing skills, social skills, and yeah...a little competition. I wouldn't force them to play a sport they hated. I would force them to try things and find their niche to keep them active. I haven't had to yet though. Both of my older boys enjoy playing sports.

[Kindra178]

I agree with previous posters who stated that sports teach teamwork, winning and losing gracefully and other benefits like competition and aggressiveness. Perhaps equally important, I also think sports teaches a person to push him or herself beyond what is comfortable (end of the soccer game, you are exhausted, it's 88 degrees outside and you still need to force yourself to compete at a high level). Generally, that's a good thing when you are in college or grad school and you are staying up studying or writing a paper. Sports can also teach that even if you work as hard as you can, you still might not win or even make the team. That's a certain kind of resilience.

I think these benefits can be learned in any kind of sport, martial arts or to a certain extent theater or even academics. Teaching a kid to push himself absent outside forces is hard, maybe even impossible. From my three, I notice that some have that ability more than others.

[flashy09]

I didn't play a sport, but showed horses. It was very intense, I travelled every month and would spend up to 6 weeks away from school (most kids end up getting home schooled/show tutored, but I just fed ex'ed my homework and used tutors). I think it was the best thing in the world to happen to me at that time. It was a much more effective way of teaching discipline, hard work, organization, good attitude, etc than school was for me. It made mean girls, boys, parties, alcohol, totally unimportant as I had a separate life where I was successful.

But as far as an adult....the discipline, organization, and work ethnic definitely carried over into college, early jobs, and starting my own business. But since having the baby I feel like all those skills are out the window as a SAHM! I have discovered I love bad TV, the internet, don't care if my house is messy, can't be bothered to cook real meals for adults. Feel pretty lazy when not dealing with DD - she takes a 2 hr nap and goes to bed at 645 so I really could have time to be a better homemaker. I guess the lack of structure when not involved in a sport is something I never learned to deal with.

[AnnieW625]

No I do not think so. I am not athletically gifted at all and in fact I am a bit of a klutz. I played tennis from the time I was 8 until I was 20 on a pretty regular basis. I played on a team in high school. I never actually started a varsity match, but I played exhibition doubles tennis and I had fun. It kept me in shape, and I learned a lot of valuable skills. I spent 8 yrs. in 4-H and was a leader of our group in more ways than one although I never served as president. I won awards for my work in our group. I sang in choir in high school and college, and my senior year I even sang in a trio for our youth mass at church, that was completely out of the box for me and a great experience.

I had a job four days after I graduated from college in December, 1999 that paid me $10 an hour and was a gauranteed 40 hrs. per week. I didn't know many people that had that and if they had anything close to the flexibility I had they worked at Starbucks (I think Starbucks is great for college age students BTW, it got a couple of cousins and close friends through college and grad. school) or retail (and retail never sounded fun to me). Even though I didn't graduate cum laude, have the title of sorority board member or editor of the college newspaper on my resume, or was a champion tennis player I had some qualities that my college employer liked enough to tell me that I had a 40 hr. a week higher than min. wage job waiting for me as soon as I was done with college. Sure I would have liked the other things, but in the end I still was able to make a life for myself and I enjoyed making that life for myself. It did take me 10 months to get hired on for the full time benefited position, but in the end it didn't matter. Having stable employment right out of college did and 13 yrs. later I am still damn proud of that!

I do think that some sports or some form of competition is healthy, but I don't think that you will only be a star if you are the star on the team. We really need to work on this with DD1, but I know she is only 7 and she has a life time of experiences ahead of her and she'll find the opportunity she excels at at some point in her life.

[sste]

Interesting points! To be clear I have nothing against sports and do think they are valuable social and learning experiences for some children (and that physical activity is important for all kids). I am referring strictly to the situation mentioned where the friend of OP is making her child participate in individual sports that he is not interested in on the theory that racing someone else down a swim lane will produce "competitiveness" which will then yield adult success. This is an extremely frail chain of assumptions!

It probably matters greatly how she is defining competitiveness but it sounded to me like the goal was to "beat" someone else in a 1:1 race. I guess I just see the world differently (and am not a sporty person myself) but this seems to me like a zero-sum game. Someone wins. Someone loses. It is just redistribution not adding value *unless* you are focusing on the character building and social lessons as value added, which it sounds like friend of OP is not. I see so much of a career sucess and social progress as creating value, increasing the pie, whatever terminology you want to use it. Strictly racing someone else for a trophy that only one of you can win doesn't increase the pie, it just splits it. It seems so primitive! The type of competitiveness I see as valuable and for that matter career advancing is when people are racing toward innovation. Or when they just innovate without the race -- there is alot of evidence that innovation and cooperation go hand in hand.

For us, I am not sure I see benefits of a particular sport unless my kids enjoy it. I am sure this depends on the child. But, my kids are INTENSE! Their concentration and willingness to complete tasks, work hard, excel are not areas I see in their particular personalities as needing development . . . to the contrary I am hoping they will mellow out! I think some sort of team activity -- whether it is sports or another type of club or team - - will be important for them.

[123LuckyMom]

There are too many snippets from previous posts that I'd like to quote, so I'll just say that I think there are many positives that come from playing sports, including learning to win and lose gracefully, learning how to be part of a team and colloborate to achieve a desired result, learning that determination and persistence are important to achieve that result, and that gratification is often not immediate, but worth working and fighting for, learning that practice and repetition can help you improve, etc.

I'm not for forcing a kid to play a sport he or she really feels uncomfortable with or outright dislikes, but I do think that participation in sports has the potential to make a kid a more resilient, determined, focused adult.

I agree with this, but I think you can learn these lessons in many different settings, not only in sports. Sports do have the value of being physical exercise, and I feel that children should develop a love of and facility with physical exercise for health reasons, but thats really a different issue.

Competitiveness is not a value I think is important. In fact, I dislike it, because it's about besting someone else. Hard work; determination; goal setting and achieving; perseverance; working towards a common goal with others-- yes to all of these, but not to the drive to be better than someone else. I find people who value that quality tend not to be my kind of people.

As for forcing a kid to do anything he hates, um, no. If sports are important to you, find a sport your child likes. There are a ton of them out there!

[bisous]

I agree with this, but I think you can learn these lessons in many different settings, not only in sports. Sports do have the value of being physical exercise, and I feel that children should develop a love of and facility with physical exercise for health reasons, but thats really a different issue.

Competitiveness is not a value I think is important. In fact, I dislike it, because it's about besting someone else. Hard work; determination; goal setting and achieving; perseverance; working towards a common goal with others-- yes to all of these, but not to the drive to be better than someone else. I find people who value that quality tend not to be my kind of people.

As for forcing a kid to do anything he hates, um, no. If sports are important to you, find a sport your child likes. There are a ton of them out there!

ITA with the whole post but particularly the middle paragraph.

[Globetrotter]

DD has no interest so I said she can do dance instead, but she recently quit that, too :shrug: I made her pay the non-refundable costume fee, but she still insisted.

DS, OTOH, is a sports fanatic. I think it's great for him to be challenged in something non-academic and have to work HARD to achieve something since school comes easily to him.

BOTH my kids are very competitive in academics/academic competitions, so I don't think competitive sports is a must for one to be competitive. Frankly, I think it's their nature to be driven and competitive.

Sports are great for teaching cooperation, sportsmanship, athletic ability and goal-setting, but frankly DD gets most of those things from scouting and other things that she is very actively involved in.

She loves to climb rocks, so I'm wondering about rock climbing, though I don't know how much you can accomplish in a class?

ETA: DD is fit despite not being in sports. She also plays tennis for fun with dh but hated lessons. She swims for fun but would HATE swim team so no way would I do that to her.

[MelissaTC]

As others have posted, there are lots of "teams" and competitions for kids to try. While M has done team rec sports, he now solely competes in Taekwondo. He has gone to tournaments and has experienced winning and losing. It's been a great experience for him. He has also done piano competition, Science Olympiad and has participated in an annual chess tournament since kindergarten. I think participating in these kinds of "meets" have been wonderful. He has met all kinds of kids, learned his strengths and weaknesses and has been exposed to different ways of doing things, etc...

I will say that I have a naturally competitive kid. He doesn't like to lose. Grades are important to him. But I like that there are avenues for him to achieve other goals. He knows that there is more to life than just getting good grades. I just want him involved in something and to be well rounded. My parents never encouraged us to participate in activities. I managed to do all kinds of things, especially in high school and college, despite their lack of support. I enjoyed the competition and the activities themselves.

[codex57]

I think fostering "grit" and resilience is of great importance. Sports can do that for some kids, but I think there are a lot of non athletic ways to do that as well.

NPR (LOL, seems to be our source ;) ) had a story on about the importance of fostering "grit" in children not too long ago. It was a rebroadcast I think.

http://www.npr.org/2012/09/04/160258240/children-succeed-with-character-not-test-scores

This, but yeah, sports isn't the only way to go about developing "grit". That said, it's a perfectly fine place to start. But I certainly wouldn't force it on a kid who hated it. That kind of defeats the purpose. You gotta find a competitive activity they like (could even be piano where you aren't necessarily competing against another person, but an abstract challenge of mastering a piece) and then help them push through when the going gets tough.

[sophiesmom03]

I think team sports are great for certain interpersonal skills and learning to be, well, part of a team. We do soccer and horseback riding here. Compete in both but yet are totally different in that it's travel soccer but individual riding.

I don't care if DC do horse shows but I think riding builds some really great skills in terms of calmness, determination and confidence. Not to mention balance and bravery and (eta) humility LOL.

So I guess I think DC should be active and have fun, and team/individual sports have different benefits, but is never force competition beyond Dc's comfort level.