Parents of chatty kids...

[Momit]

Do you ever ask your DCs to stop talking? DS could literally talk all.day.long - between narrating what he's doing, asking questions (then often interrupting the answer to ask the next one!), and just general chatting - it pretty much never stops. He's quiet when I read to him or tell him a story but that's about it. He's friendly and talks to other people too, but not at the non-stop level he does with me and DH. For example, he talks and answers questions at preschool but doesn't get in trouble for talking too much or when he isn't supposed to.

Anyway...I was reading a 70's era parenting book at my in laws' place a few weeks ago and I came across a section about talkative kids. It said you should never ask a talkative kid to be quiet because you are squelching their personality or something. I didn't get to finish it and have been thinking about it in the back of my mind since then, especially as I hear myself say to DS "OK, now it's your turn to be a listener" or "Mommy needs a few minutes of quiet" or even "Let's see if we can go a whole minute without talking!" etc.

Am I wrong to ask him to be quiet occasionally? Should I just let him talk and talk? What do you do?

[hillview]

I sometimes have quiet time in the car.

[mytwosons]

I think your phrasing is fine. He does need to be a listener sometimes and there is nothing wrong with hearing mom needs some quiet.

[sarahsthreads]

I think what you're asking is perfectly reasonable. I don't think asking a talkative kid to be quiet is going to lead to long-term issues, as long as you're not doing it so often that they never get to talk, kwim?

I've actually used the phrase "quiet your mouth" a few times, which I'm sure is not ideal. (Though better than the "shut up" that I *really* want to say.) :bag To be fair, this is usually after several minutes of non-stop whining from my 8 year old DD1 who thinks nothing could ever possibly be her fault and will argue any punishment or consequences until you want to poke your eardrums out.

Sarah :)

[lhafer]

Yes I ask my 7 yr old to be quiet sometimes. Sometimes I say she needs to not talk for 5 minutes. She gets in trouble for talking in school all the time...pretty much on a daily basis. We discuss that when she's talking, its rude to her teacher and the other students because they can't hear what to do. I try to teach her that being able to listen to others is just as important as being able to speak your mind.

[edurnemk]

OMG are our kids clones? I always kid that DS starts taliking/ singing / making some srt of noise as the sun comes up and just.won't.stop unil he falls asleep. His volume is also a problem. Sometime he talks just for the sake of talking, it's like he has nothing to say bu he starts rambling finding a subject to talk about. I actually said this morning " no need to talk of you have nothing to say".

I think your phrasing is fine, you are respectful and making him aware of other people's needs. It would be quite different to say "DS, be quiet!" or "shut up". As an aside I think the writer of that book has no idea what it's like to live with a kid like that 24/7. I often find myself zoning out from all the chatter, I just stop listening when it's too much and then feel bad that I have no idea what he's talking about, it just becomes background noise until I feel frazzled and just have to ask him to be quiet for a while. DH and I have really tried to make him understand that he needs to listen to other people, be quiet for a few minutes, etc. This is an issue at school, too, they need to learn come self control IMO, nothin wrong in asking them for consideration of others.

[Momit]

OMG are our kids clones? I always kid that DS starts taliking/ singing / making some srt of noise as the sun comes up and just.won't.stop unil he falls asleep. His volume is also a problem. Sometime he talks just for the sake of talking, it's like he has nothing to say bu he starts rambling finding a subject to talk about. ...

Yes, they must be clones! :)

[elephantmeg]

DD is like that. We've been working on being a listener and at saying excuse me if you are interrupting an adult conversation. IMHO I want to create employable and likeable adults. Which means in her case that she needs to be a listener and in DS' case that he needs to talk with adults! lol, I have the 2 extremes!

[cilantromapuche]

Yes, I do ask for 5 minutes so I can actually think. DS is shy, so he saves it all up for me. And he has to tell me everything he just read. In minute detail. This is how, when he was an early reader, we really knew he read.
Just to throw him off I bring up puberty. We talk about all that stuff but he does find something else to do really quickly.

[wellyes]

Today I have used:
"Could you be quiet for a few minutes, just until I drink this coffee."
"No more questions right now, it's trafficy and I need to concentrate"

[Binkandabee]

OMG are our kids clones? I always kid that DS starts taliking/ singing / making some srt of noise as the sun comes up and just.won't.stop unil he falls asleep. His volume is also a problem. Sometime he talks just for the sake of talking, it's like he has nothing to say bu he starts rambling finding a subject to talk about. I actually said this morning " no need to talk of you have nothing to say".

I think your phrasing is fine, you are respectful and making him aware of other people's needs. It would be quite different to say "DS, be quiet!" or "shut up". As an aside I think the writer of that book has no idea what it's like to live with a kid like that 24/7. I often find myself zoning out from all the chatter, I just stop listening when it's too much and then feel bad that I have no idea what he's talking about, it just becomes background noise until I feel frazzled and just have to ask him to be quiet for a while. DH and I have really tried to make him understand that he needs to listen to other people, be quiet for a few minutes, etc. This is an issue at school, too, they need to learn come self control IMO, nothin wrong in asking them for consideration of others.

This is generally what I do. Unless she is interrupting a phone call or a discussion with someone else, I generally don't specifically ask her to be quiet, but I definitely zone out. She will start first thing in the morning and my brain sometimes just doesn't work as fast as she talks!

[melwe]

Out of desperation, I have asked for 1 minute of not talking. There are some days that the only time my child isn't talking is when she is watching tv. After a while, my brain starts to hurt. I am, by nature, a very quiet, introverted person.

One time, I asked her if we could have a silent moment so our brains could rest. She was about 4 at the time. I guess she thought she was in trouble because she started apologizing. "Mommy, I'm so sorry. I promise I'll be quieter next time.". I felt bad and explained that she wasn't in trouble, but sometimes we just need some quiet time. On the inside, all I could think was "you are still talking...aahhh!"

As far as it is stifling their personality, I think it is how it is handled. I don't think they should be made to feel bad for who they are, but I think it's an important concept for them to learn to respect other people's needs and feelings.

[cvanbrunt]

Oh lord. My 7 yo DD just said ""Hey, guess what mom? I can say the word "croissant" over and over, all day. "Croissant, croissant, croissant....."".

Heck yeah, I'm asking her to stop. And I feel no guilt.

[sarahsthreads]

Oh lord. My 7 yo DD just said ""Hey, guess what mom? I can say the word "croissant" over and over, all day. "Croissant, croissant, croissant....."".

Heck yeah, I'm asking her to stop. And I feel no guilt.

:rotflmao:

I'm glad I had put down my tea before I read this!

Sarah :)

[California]

Yes, I have three chatty children (two much more so than the other, the third goes in waves and then it just rolls out of him) and they don't really seem to care if anyone is listening. They will talk, and talk, and talk. Often at the same time. With my littlest it works to say, "My ears are full, I'm going to need a few minutes of quiet before I can listen again."

For my older two, "I'd really like to listen to what you have to say, but now is not a good time for me to listen, so let's plan a time to talk later." Repeat, repeat, repeat. (Like I said, sometimes I don't think this matters to them- they have so much to say it's just bursting to get out!)

Part of parenting is socializing them to successfully live with others. This is just part of that. We're not trying to squelch them. We're trying to maintain our sanity!

[edurnemk]

. After a while, my brain starts to hurt.
.

Yes! It does! Sometimes I say I need to go to the bathroom just to get 2 minutes of quiet and I just hang out in there rejoicing in the silence. Of course sometimes even that doesn't work and he's at the door "mommy, mommy, blah blah blah.... " dear Lord.

[anonomom]

Yeah. My kids never.stop.talking. None of 'em, not even the toddler. I try very hard to stay tuned in and answer their questions but sometimes it's just too much, especially when all three are talking at the same time. I ask them to stop. I am usually gentle about it, but I once earned some very dirty looks at Target when I blurted out to my then-2.5yo DD1 "For the love of pete, DD, please just stop talking for a minute!!" :bag

Generally, I say "Mommy just needs a minute," or "We can talk about this when I finish doing X."

[rin]

I tell my DD that I'm not in a talking mood, and that I need a few minutes to be quiet. I don't see how that's squelching her personality, IMO that's just providing an example of other people having needs/feelings too! (She is always welcome to talk to herself/to her stuffed animals/etc, unless I need the room to be quiet because I'm, say, making a phone call.)

[Momit]

OK, I feel better hearing I'm not the only one. Obviously there is plenty of lousy parenting advice from the 70s but for some reason this particular item planted just a little seed of doubt.

Love the stories and new ways to phrase "please stop talking!"

[maestramommy]

DD3 is my chatty one:)

When we're in the car, if she keeps asking questions I turn off the radio (CD). If she asks me to turn it back on, I say you can't listen to music AND talk at the same time, because I can't hear you, and you never hear my answers.

About a year ago I did this, so she said, "I'll stop talking." 30 seconds later I hear, "Mommy, what....oh." And she didn't say another word, until the CD was over. Then she said, "Can I ask a question now?" I was shaking internally with giggles.

When we walk Shep I just try to either answer her questions without using too much energy. By that time of day my ears are already sooooo TIRED, but she is not someone you can tune out, because if you do, she'll get pissed and yell at you," I just ASKED you the question! Why didn't you hear me?? You have to LISTEN!" Just can't win.

And I totally relate to all the pps. My head is buzzing by days end! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[Corie]

Yes, I do. I need a break from the constant chatter.

[Minnifer]

Timely thread for me and good to see others in the same boat! Hoping someone can help me feel less guilty about the fact that I recently used the word (once!) "chatterbox" w/my DD and now whenever I ask her for a minute or two of not talking, she announces "I'm a real chatterbox!". I feel terrible but I have been absolutely pushed to the limit with her incessant talking lately - no one can get a word in, including her little brother, and I can't concentrate on anything b/c seriously, she just.doesn't.stop. Ever! And I know I haven't been as patient with her as I should be, and then I tossed out "chatterbox" at some point, not in a mean way just more saying she was a little chatterbox or something, but I wish I hadn't said it since it has stuck with her and I certainly don't want her to feel bad or that something is wrong with her. At least she doesn't get that it's not the greatest thing to be, but I still feel terrible :bag

[Clarity]

Imagine your child as an adult if you never taught him to "turn-off" the constant chatter. You are not squashing his personality, you are teaching him self-control. It's all about the perspective! ;) truly, I think it sounds as if you are modeling respectfully requesting something YOU need, which also teaches him to focus on needs beyond his own. So, i think what you are doing is really fine.

[sunshine873]

I'm so there!!! DD NEVER stops talking, unless she's asleep. Even when we read books she likes to pipe in with parts she knows or questions she has. Sometimes it gets so frustrating, but I know she's absorbing and learning a lot, so I try not to get upset, but sometimes I just can't take it anymore! Sometimes I just have to tune her out a little, then I get the "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" broken record. That about drives me through the roof!!! Of course, DH took her shopping tonight and it was so nice to hear her voice again when they got back home. :)

[edurnemk]

Imagine your child as an adult if you never taught him to "turn-off" the constant chatter.

That would be my MIL :hysterical: Sooooo many people find her annoying, that, yes, I want to teach DS to speak more moderately.

[baymom]

I'm the mother of two chatty kids and I absolutely ask them for quiet once in a while. I'd loose my mind if I didn't!

[crayonblue]

Imagine your child as an adult if you never taught him to "turn-off" the constant chatter. You are not squashing his personality, you are teaching him self-control. It's all about the perspective! ;) truly, I think it sounds as if you are modeling respectfully requesting something YOU need, which also teaches him to focus on needs beyond his own. So, i think what you are doing is really fine.

AMEN. I have some family members who will not shut up.

[blue]

Do you ever ask your DCs to stop talking?
........
Am I wrong to ask him to be quiet occasionally? Should I just let him talk and talk? What do you do?

I ask DS1 to stop talking multiply times a day. I am an introvert and he is the complete opposite of me. Only two things quiet DS1 up, reading him books and tv. He is not just talkative, but very loud too (we even took him to the doctor worried he had hearing problems he is so loud).

I see nothing wrong with asking a kid to stop talking. We all need to be quiet and listen sometimes in life and he may as well start practicing that skill now (if only for my own sanity at this point :30:). A phrase I use with DS1 is 'shut your mouth and open your ears'. I started saying this to him to help explain that part of having a conversation is being quiet and listening when the other person is talking.

DS1 is a whirl wind of chatter, and even talks himself to sleep, but he is a sweet heart and kind kid too.

[DietCokeLover]

I have two talkers. Sometimes when they both get going at the same time, and about two different things I feel like my head is caught in a tornado! I will sometimes say to them that Mommy's ears are very tired of listening right now and I need to go let them rest for a while so I can listen again.

Mine also ask more questions than I thought humanly possible, so I will tell them that mommy is no longer taking questions today and they should direct all further questions to their daddy. ;)

[doberbrat]

I ask DS1 to stop talking multiply times a day. I am an introvert and he is the complete opposite of me. Only two things quiet DS1 up, reading him books and tv. He is not just talkative, but very loud too

:ROTFLMAO:I do as well. I will say that I do feel guilty often times. I cant even count the number of times I've had to say PLEASE STOP TALKING AND EAT. All of my friends have commented that they'd loose their minds eating in our house on a daily basis b/c it takes so freakin long to eat b/c they wont stop talking.


I have two talkers. Sometimes when they both get going at the same time, and about two different things I feel like my head is caught in a tornado! I will sometimes say to them that Mommy's ears are very tired of listening right now and I need to go let them rest for a while so I can listen again.

Mine also ask more questions than I thought humanly possible, so I will tell them that mommy is no longer taking questions today and they should direct all further questions to their daddy. ;)

Totally agree with the tornado feeling. I will have to try that line with my girls

[fedoragirl]

I have two talkers. Sometimes when they both get going at the same time, and about two different things I feel like my head is caught in a tornado! I will sometimes say to them that Mommy's ears are very tired of listening right now and I need to go let them rest for a while so I can listen again.

Mine also ask more questions than I thought humanly possible, so I will tell them that mommy is no longer taking questions today and they should direct all further questions to their daddy. ;)

This is so cute. I need to use that. DD doesn't say a word when she's at preschool. But boy, at home, we need something for her mouth. When no one is listening, she "reads" books out loud. She can't read but she recites the stories from memory.

[Nooknookmom]

Do you ever ask your DCs to stop talking? DS could literally talk all.day.long - between narrating what he's doing, asking questions (then often interrupting the answer to ask the next one!), and just general chatting - it pretty much never stops. He's quiet when I read to him or tell him a story but that's about it. He's friendly and talks to other people too, but not at the non-stop level he does with me and DH. For example, he talks and answers questions at preschool but doesn't get in trouble for talking too much or when he isn't supposed to.

Anyway...I was reading a 70's era parenting book at my in laws' place a few weeks ago and I came across a section about talkative kids. It said you should never ask a talkative kid to be quiet because you are squelching their personality or something. I didn't get to finish it and have been thinking about it in the back of my mind since then, especially as I hear myself say to DS "OK, now it's your turn to be a listener" or "Mommy needs a few minutes of quiet" or even "Let's see if we can go a whole minute without talking!" etc.

Am I wrong to ask him to be quiet occasionally? Should I just let him talk and talk? What do you do?

Lol at the 70's parenting mag that said that - apparently my parents didn't subscribe!!!!

I was CHATTY....yakyakyakyak. I knew when i got the "look" to zip it. I'm very talkative now-social and not squelched one bit.

Some quiet time is good. My youngest says "I know i know I talk a lot-deal with it"....she's 5 ;)

I do ask her for some quiet time to hear the radio or just so I can read or whatever...she's old enough to get it & gives me the occasional break (ok not often!)

That said, last week she was SO sick with a super high fever she was not talking at all. We all missed it and it would so not be the same if she were quiet. It's NOT her personality!

[Twoboos]

Imagine your child as an adult if you never taught him to "turn-off" the constant chatter.


That would be my MIL :hysterical:

:yeahthat: HA!! I was just going to post this!! From the narrating what she's doing ("Let's go look in the bedroom for my glasses!") to berating herself ("Oh MIL! You are just the stupidest person EVER!") and everything in between, it's mind-numbing.

[egoldber]

You all are way nicer than me. I routinely tell younger DD that it is time to stop talking NOW. And her sister is WAY harsher than I am with her. Her non-stop chatter drives us crazy. It was also getting her in a LOT of trouble at school.

Just something to bear in mind, constant talking is one of the symptoms of hyperactive ADHD.

[Gena]

DS has developed into quite the talker, much to my surprise. We waited so long hear him to talk and he has worked so hard to develop verbal language skills that there are times I hate to tell him to be quiet. So a lot of times I just let him chatter away just to hear his voice. We do have some rules though, like no talking when Mom or Dad are on the phone, no talking when the fire pager is going off (DH is a volunteer firefighter and gets dispatched via the pager), no talking when it is someone else's turn to talk, etc.

It's actually more common for DS to tell us to be quiet. He says to us things like, "I'm all done talking to you now" and "I'm not taking questions at this time" (my personal favorite). Then he continues to chatter away to himself.

[Gracemom]

This was an issue on Sunday for me. We had a 6 hour drive and my DD just wanted to chat the whole way. I am an introvert and we had just spent the whole day before at a family wedding, where I had to make small talk all day and I just wanted quiet! I put music on, which helped for a while. I encouraged her to read her book. I have explained to her that I have a different personality from her and that I need quiet sometimes. I think it's good to help them understand that different people have different needs. I try to say it nicely. :D

[Mopey]

So I am a loud chatter all grown up, and I love my tangents and details. I know it can be annoying to some but it remains as true now as it was when I was five that what I am saying is important to me.

I have learned to control volume, when to shut it and all that but it did come at an expense in some ways. Not SO tragic or fatal but still...... I will never "shush" anyone. Ever. It is so rude imho and just makes me bristle.

Asking for quiet is entirely polite, explaining why is great; I had to learn to listen too. My mom was pretty nice but the rest of the world was pretty harsh; and it did sometimes feel like it wasn't okay being yourself. If it's okay to be an introvert then why not an extrovert? I will also share that most of the most social and chatty people I know can also be quiet and still and love to be alone (yes, me) too.

Just another perspective for you. :)

[Tenasparkl]

When my DD just keeps talking and talking I like to ask her to draw a picture of what she's explaining/asking about. It works about half the time. I feel like she still gets to express what she wanted, but we get (a little) quiet.

[edurnemk]

.

Just something to bear in mind, constant talking is one of the symptoms of hyperactive ADHD.

Thanks for the info, something to add to the list. Sometimes I do wonder if he has ADHD for a bunch of other reasons. I'll talk it over with his Ped, see what he thinks and maybe get a referral for an evaluation.

[Momit]

Everyone's comments also remind me of the other side of the coin. We have friends with a boy who is shy and quiet around adults he doesn't know well. Every time we're with them they point at our DS and say "look! He's talking! He ordered his own dinner ! Why won't you do that?" and I feel so bad for the boy. I guess the grass is always greener to some extent.

I don't think DS's talking is obsessive or out of control. He's just talkative. I was that way too so my mom finds it hilarious. My dad said he used to come home and find my mom with a kind of shell shocked expression - she said "it's like spending the day with a talking shadow."

Since talking too much does have social consequences we are working on things like interrupting, taking turns in a conversation etc. DH is also working on it - every time DS interrupts us DH can't seem to help himself - he cuts off our conversation to talk to DS. So we're getting there.

[bisous]

My DS2 is a chatter box. My sister was just like this. Once my Dad said to her, "You know, I just really can't listen to you right now" and she replied, "That's okay, I just want to talk", lol.