Heapin' Helpin' of Drama-Rama

[lizzywednesday]

OK, so over the past year or so, my Dad has lost his 2nd house (don't ask; I don't want to go into it), his mother has been hospitalized & committed to a medical long-term care facility, my sister and her boyfriend have moved back in with my dad after realizing they couldn't rent an apartment on her salary, my sister's boyfriend was questioned at the hospital following my sister's C-section (during the recovery for which she was DENIED Percosets due to said questioning) ...

Yeah, OK, it's been a rather trying several months.

Dad's house is in foreclosure; he's shoveling it out. (And about damn time, too.)

While shoveling out, he found a box of what appeared to be drug paraphernalia.

Neither of my brothers have lived at home in over a year (brother Joe moved out almost a year ago) so the only person whose drugs they could have been would be ... my sister's boyfriend, who has been unemployed since sometime last year for undisclosed reasons. (He drives big-rigs.)

In addition to finding said drugs, it was discovered that my grandmother's jewelry (wedding rings & cross pendant) was missing, as well as my dad's coin collection (which was in his BEDROOM in a lock-box.)

Dad kicked sister's boyfriend out after finding drugs, with "strong words."

Dad didn't want to believe it of my sister's boyfriend, but ... he finally went to the town PD to report the theft and turn in the drugs.

Sister's boyfriend has multiple warrants, mug shot, etc., and Dad opened process to press new charges.

Sister's boyfriend had court date recently, failed to appear. Judge issued bench warrant.

Fuuuuudge.

Seriously?

I genuinely like(d) this kid & thought he had his head on straight.

I guess not.

Worst part about this? Dad's house is in foreclosure & he is moving in with his new wife. I don't know where my sister & her sons (3.5 yrs old & 7 months old) will live from now on - she didn't have a plan on a place to go last I heard.

There's one plus about living so far from "home" though - I can't take them in, despite how delighted DD would be, because we live waaaay too far away.

But, really? I do not need more drama in my life. Suddenly, I'm on frigging Montel.

[crl]

That's a lot. Really a lot. I hope your sister can work out appropriate housing. :hug:

Catherine

[lizzywednesday]

Thanks.

Wanna know what happened on Tuesday?

Tuesday, the boyfriend got picked up while driving my sister's car in another county.

The boyfriend got booked in the township's lockup.
The car was impounded.

Need I mention that my sister has a JOB and two children to get to daycare?

As of today, the car has been released (at my sister's expense) from impound, and my dad managed to get the kids to daycare OK. Car seats and all.

And the boyfriend is posting on his Facebook about people "talking sh!t" about him ... well, you know, if your mug shot & warrants weren't pulled up in the police dep'ts' computers, maybe I'd back you up. But it's kind of weird that there are the mug shots, a previous arrest, and warrants - you know, where there's smoke, there's fire?

In addition to the "stop talking sh!t about me; I work hard" posts, he's also posted a couple things that trigger my "stalker warning" bells, but that could just be my own issue. (I was stalked by 2 ex boyfriends.)

[crl]

Oh dear. That must be so difficult to watch. :hug:

Catherine

[mommylamb]

Your poor sister. I am so sorry.

[MamaMolly]

Have mercy! Yuck.

[OKKiddo]

Thanks.

Wanna know what happened on Tuesday?

Tuesday, the boyfriend got picked up while driving my sister's car in another county.

The boyfriend got booked in the township's lockup.
The car was impounded.

Need I mention that my sister has a JOB and two children to get to daycare?

As of today, the car has been released (at my sister's expense) from impound, and my dad managed to get the kids to daycare OK. Car seats and all.

And the boyfriend is posting on his Facebook about people "talking sh!t" about him ... well, you know, if your mug shot & warrants weren't pulled up in the police dep'ts' computers, maybe I'd back you up. But it's kind of weird that there are the mug shots, a previous arrest, and warrants - you know, where there's smoke, there's fire?

In addition to the "stop talking sh!t about me; I work hard" posts, he's also posted a couple things that trigger my "stalker warning" bells, but that could just be my own issue. (I was stalked by 2 ex boyfriends.)


That sounds pretty difficult, I'm sorry. I wanted to say if your alarm bells are going off you probably have good reason to feel that way. I'm all for trusting ones instincts.

[elizabethkott]

Uggggg.
(((((hugs)))))

[lizzywednesday]

I should really stop Facebook.

BUT ... there's one positive out of all of this baloney:

My sister's boyfriend admitted to having a drug problem on FB today.

What kind?

A painkiller addiction.

He starts inpatient treatment on Monday.

So, I guess, the arrest, warrants, and all the drama were worth it because it gave him a slap upside the head that he was in some serious sh!t ... but DAMN!

The kid is a generally nice kid and I do like him. A lot. He loves my sister and her sons, which is great, but ... DAMN.

I really hope he's able to stay clean. Really. Really. Really. With all my heart.

[crl]

I hope this is a positive first step. And I wish your sister and her kids all the best in dealing with this situation.

Catherine

[hillview]

good grief that is a full plate. I hope your sister gets through this well and that the boyfriend either moves on or gets better fast!

[lizzywednesday]

But wait! There's more!

So, apparently, Dad & my brother Joe have been texting my sister about moving out. She claimed that neither of them told her ANYTHING about having to move out, so I went back to my brother and told him he could do his own dirty work.

Then I gave them her latest number, which I wasn't sure they had, and told them if they weren't contacting her at that number, they were wasting their time.

However, I would like to know what exactly ran through her head after Dad got (re-)married in March. I mean, it's customary for married people to live together, correct? And if one of them owns their house outright (or is very close to it) and the other is in foreclosure, it would make sense to move into the home with more security, correct? And if your adult child living at home with her two children doesn't realize that married people live together, maybe you had better enlighten her a lot earlier than 2 weeks out from the drop-dead, final, move-out date? (So, what I'm saying is, both my sister and my father are at fault in this situation.)

My dad spent most of last week (group) texting my brothers, sister-in-law, and me asking what he should do about our sister.

We all told him the same thing.

He continued to report that she refused to treat either him or his new wife with respect. (Which is probably true considering the fact that my sister is a real b!tch sometimes, especially when she doesn't like someone. She doesn't like Dad's new wife. Of course, she never liked anyone Dad went out with, making the rest of us think that she was still holding out hope that Mom and Dad would get back together. She has been downright hostile to all SO/step-whatevers since both of our parents re-entered the dating pool in 1994.)

THEN he talks about how he's so worried for the babies.

We ALL (brothers, sister-in-law, and I) told him if he's so worried about the babies he should stop coddling their mother. If it bothers him that she'll be homeless, then he should get an order of custody from the county and she can sort out the legal stuff on her own.

He kept trying to talk it out with her.

She's supposed to have moved fully out of the house by tonight.

So far, no texts, which may mean it's going well ... or it may mean he's too exhausted and saddened by the fallout to do anything.

On top of my blood-family drama, my BFF's family is going through a rough patch with her sister. Who should be committed to a psychiatric facility for evaluation, medication, therapy, and other treatment ... rather than allowing her to self-check-into a state facility and talk her way out of it. (They sent her home, without meds or a plan for treatment, to her codependent and rose-coloured glasses mama. This is NOT a good thing.)

FOLLOWING A SUICIDE ATTEMPT.

The sole bright spot this week?

My BFF & her BF got engaged, so at least there's some fun to look forward to. (They may remain engaged indefinitely or they may actually go through with a wedding. It's still early yet & we'll see. I've volunteered DD as a flower girl if BFF is so inclined.)

[elizabethkott]

Oh good lord.
I was hoping an update would be better news...
But YAY for your BFF!!! :)

[lizzywednesday]

Thanks.

It's gone from a lame episode of Montel to problems of Maury-proportions. Or Springer. Or ... "reality" TV.

Only I am not getting any product endorsements or fun tabloid photos out of it.

[ShanaMama]

Oh my it really has gone from bad to worse. But I don't get it. Sis lives in dads house & he texted her that she needs to move out? Why not just tell her?

[crl]

I'm speechless.

:hug:

Catherine

[lizzywednesday]

Oh my it really has gone from bad to worse. But I don't get it. Sis lives in dads house & he texted her that she needs to move out? Why not just tell her?

Once my grandmother was settled in the nursing home in February, dad moved in with his new wife, hence my sister still living in the house without Dad and needing to be texted or called.

[BabyBearsMom]

:hug:That is a lot. Sorry you are going through all of that.

[gatorsmom]

Oh yah, that is a lot of stress that you have no control
over. That always makes me feel more stressed. I hope you sister moves out ok and to a nice long term place for her and her kids.

[jacksmomtobe]

Oh my it really has gone from bad to worse. But I don't get it. Sis lives in dads house & he texted her that she needs to move out? Why not just tell her?

Even though they are not living in the same house I think your Dad should have called her or dropped by to tell your sis in person that she needed to move out rather than texting her. Texting her is a bit gutless and by having a conversation with her he would have known she got the message. I'm guessing though that either he is not good at setting limits with her or doesn't like confrontation in general or both. Your sister is taking advantage of the situation and should have expected to have to move out at some point. The more direct approach may have saved some drama when sis claims that it is unreasonable for her to find somewhere to live on such short notice.

Sorry this is your family drama not a TV show.

[lizzywednesday]

Even though they are not living in the same house I think your Dad should have called her or dropped by to tell your sis in person that she needed to move out rather than texting her. Texting her is a bit gutless and by having a conversation with her he would have known she got the message. I'm guessing though that either he is not good at setting limits with her or doesn't like confrontation in general or both. Your sister is taking advantage of the situation and should have expected to have to move out at some point. The more direct approach may have saved some drama when sis claims that it is unreasonable for her to find somewhere to live on such short notice.

Sorry this is your family drama not a TV show.

He actually had the wrong number so neither calls nor texts were going through.

Sending a text may be gutless, but it gives him a concrete way to prove he sent it on x, y, or z date, something he learned during the divorce. Having things in writing is also better when she tries to pull the "oh, nobody ever told me" baloney she's pulled in the past.

He's HORRIBLE at communication in general and has never really been able to communicate properly with my sister, oftentimes treating her as if he expected her to be me, which is totally unfair.

My sister is confrontational and combative even when Dad tries to communicate better.

She wants everything on HER terms and Dad has NEVER set limits for any of them.

She has never claimed it's "unreasonable" to find somewhere to live on short notice (because, ultimately, the notice wasn't short) but she has pitched fits about Dad not following the script in her head ... and Dad just pitched a hissy about HER not following the script in HIS head.

So, now they're both done and my sister has nowhere to live.

What's more, DYFS is looking for her & her boyfriend as part of his recovery. If she's not more careful, she'll lose her kids.

[ShanaMama]

I get that sending a text give you the assurance that you sent it, but there's no guarantee the other party received or read it. It happens all the time when I send someone a text they just don't see it until I mention it to them. Occasionally DH gets my texts hours later or not at all.
I get that this is a minor part of the big picture, & texting is just a symptom of communication problems in this relationship. In my earlier post I didn't realize your dad had already moved out.

[lizzywednesday]

I get that sending a text give you the assurance that you sent it, but there's no guarantee the other party received or read it. It happens all the time when I send someone a text they just don't see it until I mention it to them. Occasionally DH gets my texts hours later or not at all.
I get that this is a minor part of the big picture, & texting is just a symptom of communication problems in this relationship. In my earlier post I didn't realize your dad had already moved out.

I totally understand - I wasn't completely clear about Dad moving out (mostly because he didn't out-and-out tell ME when he started moving out, either, but that's not the first time he's been an idiot about moving)

And, honestly, text is often the only way he can get what he needs to say OUT before my sister shuts down.

Remember, this is the same person who told us about her 1st pregnancy via a group-text message, so it kind of feels like she's easiest to get hold of by text.