When do you tell?

[bisous]

I'm 12 weeks today. And I have yet to see a doctor, yikes! My appointment is Friday. I'm figuring if all is well then I'll announce over the weekend. Is this on the early end?

[sarahsthreads]

I told just after 10 weeks, but I'd had two ultrasounds by then (one dating at 7-ish weeks and another at 10 weeks to follow up on a large ovarian cyst). My midwife assured me that if everything looked good at 10 weeks we were statistically past the danger point.

I wouldn't have been able to keep it secret much longer, because at that point I needed to bust out the maternity pants. ;)

Sarah :)

[georgiegirl]

This time around I started telling people at 13 weeks on a need to know basis. No FB announcement. Since it was winter, several people didn't find out until 20ish weeks when we had a nice day and my coat came off. There are still people who don't know.

Previously we told at 12/13 weeks

[TxCat]

Well, to reduce occupational exposures at work, they found out when I was 5 weeks. Then I started showing in some clothes around 10 weeks, plus I had terrible all-day sickness from 6 weeks on and couldn't hide that during the holidays, so people found out on a rolling basis from 5 weeks on.

[Philly Mom]

Well, I seem to have lost a month as I am four weeks further along than I thought. That said, we will tell a select few after our next ultrasound/testing at 12.5 weeks assuming things look ok (so end of next week or the week after). For now, our parents know and one person in my office knows because I have had to leave often. I will probably tell one sibling next time I talk to him but I keep falling asleep when DD falls asleep. I will wait to tell the other brother for a bit because he and his wife are having fertility issues.

With DD, we told one brother at 6 weeks because he and his wife were staying with us and I had to go to the ER. We had already told my parents. We told my ILs when we saw them at 6 weeks. We gave them a grandparents card (first grandchild). I told my other brother and SIL when I was 10 weeks when I saw them in person to celebrate my bday and the bday of DN. I told my boss at 8 weeks because of complications. I told everyone else between 14 and 20 weeks.

[123LuckyMom]

I told everyone (like announced at a church picnic) at 12 weeks and then... I had a lot of support when things didn't work out, but it was VERY hard having to tell everybody. In subsequent pregnancies (both of which resulted in my beautiful children) I told only the people I knew I would definitely want to know if things didn't work out as I had hoped. I told those people earlier, though, and waited until I was showing to tell everyone else. 12 weeks was not the magic bullet I had counted on it to be. Most likely all will be well, but I still cringe every time I see an early pregnancy announcement on Facebook!

[hillview]

woot congrats. We waited to see a doc and for it to be 12 weeks and then told folks on an as needed basis (but we had trouble getting pg in the first place). CONGRATS!

[bisous]

Thanks for weighing in. I'm feeling anxious to "say" something this time around both because I don't feel great (although I think I'm actually starting to feel better!!) and because I'm "showing". I'm not sure if this is a "fourth time around" thing or what but I'm feeling larger and fluffier but only in a more weight around the middle instead of in a cute pregnant way.

I think this is definitely my last go at this!!

[goldenpig]

I was outed at work at 13 weeks, so I went ahead and told everyone then. I think I also made it public around then for the earlier pregnancies. I tell family earlier though, around 6-7 weeks (my husband wanted me to wait longer but I wanted to tell them in person and that is when they were visiting, once was Christmas and the second when we went to my brother's wedding).

[babyfiorina1]

Thanks for weighing in. I'm feeling anxious to "say" something this time around both because I don't feel great (although I think I'm actually starting to feel better!!) and because I'm "showing". I'm not sure if this is a "fourth time around" thing or what but I'm feeling larger and fluffier but only in a more weight around the middle instead of in a cute pregnant way.

I think this is definitely my last go at this!!

Congratulation ! :) I know what you mean. I'm 15 weeks now and still not feeling that great, but much better than before. Only our parents and few very close friends know about the pregnancy. I'm definitely showing now coz this is our 2nd. I had OB visit twice so far, and nothing alarming. I'm still contemplating about sharing yet or wait until my 3rd appt in 3 weeks time. I shared the news when I was 20 weeks with our 1st one.maybe will do the same this time.

[TwoBees]

With DD, DH spilled the beans to a friend waaay too early, he just couldn't help himself. This time, I'm trying to get him to stay quiet until 12 weeks, but we will probably tell our parents before then bc we will need to have a plan in case we need extra hands early on (which would primarily my parents, who live 3 hours away).

Congrats!

[KonzaPrairie]

We had been struggling with infertility for over two years and had a miscarriage in the middle, and most of my close circle of friends, a few co-workers, and my immediate family who knew our situation were my support system through that. They were informed almost immediately so they could begin praying for a healthy pregnancy. However I was very hesitant to make it public on facebook since I had several other friends still struggling with infertility and I knew that no matter how sensitive my announcement post was, it would still be painful for them to see. So I didn't make a 'public' facebook announcement until after 20 weeks.

This pregnancy seems to be zooming by. Again I told close friends and family almost immediately because I knew they would be really excited for us. I'm 15 weeks and I have yet to make it 'public'. I'm really not sure how to tell the friends who are still struggling with infertility two years later.

[queenmama]

With Henry we told right away, before the doctor's visit! I was maybe 6 weeks.

With Agnes, I didn't mean to tell so early. But I did see my midwife to confirm first, and by LMP I should've been 12 weeks but an ultrasound at my next appointment a week later determined I was only 8 weeks! Bummer! We were all super excited though since she was a giant surprise AND a rainbow baby.

Lara

[KpbS]

We told at 15 weeks, 13 weeks, and 14 weeks. I am a pretty private person so it wasn't too difficult to wait!

[essnce629]

I told everyone within a week of my positive test!!!! Both times.

[scrooks]

This time around lots of people still don't know (if they don't seem me regularly- I am huge). We waited until 16-19 weeks on a need to know basis. i made an announcement in a meeting at work at 20 weeks and many people still didn't know. We told our kids at 19 weeks. That being said we have experienced several losses in the past.

[TwoBees]

We were all super excited though since she was a giant surprise AND a rainbow baby.


Just curious, what's a rainbow baby?

[KLD313]

I didn't tell people until around 16 weeks with both, no idea why just felt like waiting. Immediate family new really early on with DD but we waited longer to tell them with DS, maybe 12 wks.

[marymoo86]

With DD1 I told at 14 weeks with friends and work at 18 weeks. Immediate family was 6 weeks.

With this pregnancy, I told my mom at 6 weeks, DH's immediate family at 8 weeks, work at 15 weeks and will tell the rest of family and friends next week at 19 weeks after our Level II ultrasound. With age and unexpected nature of this, I just more cautious as I just afraid of something going wrong in general and kind of like having a special secret!

[mommylamb]

We operated the same way for both pregnancies basically. My family (parents, sister) knew in both cases pretty much immediately. A few close friends also knew by the time I was about 7-8 weeks. And most of the rest found out after 12 weeks.

With DS1, my work colleagues found out at 12 weeks. With DS2, I ended up telling my boss when I was about 7 weeks because we were at an event and I wasn't drinking. And then the rest of my office found out a couple weeks later when my intern caught me puking in the bathroom. Let me just tell you, those toilets are self flushing toilets. They do not mix well with morning sickness.

[AnnieW625]

With DD1 we told everyone between 6 and 8 weeks. Facebook was a non issue then though. I could have easily made it to 15 weeks at work though, but it was kind of funny Hurricane Katrina had just happened and a group of women at work were collecting female supplies and I blurted out that I could donate a box of 30 or so tampons from the large box I had bought in July before I got pregnant with DD1 in mid July.

With baby 2 we told our families and co workers somewhere between 9-12 weeks, except I had told my parents a few weeks earlier because I had to go dress shopping for a wedding. I was showing by 9 weeks though. Absolutely nothing with that pregnancy made sense. I showed the quickest with a baby who didn't grow well due to a chromosome disorder. I also gained the most weight while pregnant based on the number of weeks I was pregnant.

With DD2 we waited until at least 11 weeks to tell people. I think I told my parents on their anniversary or it was right around then because my dad told his parents and my grandpa died a week or so later and he knew before he died. I started telling co workers at the same time because my lunch running group wanted to know why I had been walking so much when I had been running more in the prior months, but I told them I had to walk more because I had been spotting and the dr. said no running. Some of my co workers though didn't know until 15 weeks.

[okinawama]

DS1: we told family at the 10 week mark, friends at the 13 week mark
DS2: we told family at 8 weeks, friends at the 15 week mark

I think when you tell kind of depends on how you deal with grief. I'm very private in grief, and I knew that I'd want very few people to know so that I could go through the grieving process on my own (with DH of course). My sister however is very much a "rally the troops" and create a support system during her moments of grief, so she told people immediately so that they'd be there for her if something did happen (which her feelings were tested on that because she did go through a miscarriage, and she did draw strength from friends, so it did work for her).

[specialp]

Just curious, what's a rainbow baby?

A successful pregnancy/baby after a lost pregnancy/miscarriage/stillbirth.


DS1: we told family at the 10 week mark, friends at the 13 week mark
DS2: we told family at 8 weeks, friends at the 15 week mark

I think when you tell kind of depends on how you deal with grief. I'm very private in grief, and I knew that I'd want very few people to know so that I could go through the grieving process on my own (with DH of course). My sister however is very much a "rally the troops" and create a support system during her moments of grief, so she told people immediately so that they'd be there for her if something did happen (which her feelings were tested on that because she did go through a miscarriage, and she did draw strength from friends, so it did work for her).

:yeahthat: We told my mother at 16 weeks both times and everyone else a couple of weeks later.

[bostonsmama]

It seems like the magical gestation on FB is 14-16 weeks for reveals. Sometimes my mouth drops b/c I had NO IDEA...and I'd been seeing these women weekly.

We told my parents early b/c there were complications early and we wanted prayer. For FB, we waited to 14 weeks with our first living child...by then I'd had 6 or 7 ultrasounds and baby always measured perfectly on target.

With this last pregnancy, we told my parent again early (5.5 weeks) for prayer. After we saw the heartbeat, DH wanted to tell his parents, even though they were shocked we announced to them so early (they're more private & older...he doesn't understand why they wouldn't want to know about another loss). I told my BFF, an aunt, and 3 prayer warrior friends recently. We still have a long way to go, though.

[Momit]

I outed myself very early on when some friends we did a weekly dinner date with noticed that I was surreptitiously slipping my beers over to DH. We made them swear not to tell anyone. I was probably under 4 weeks at that time. I knew I was pregnant because of POS and very sore boobs but obviously had not yet had my first doctor's appointment.

Then we had kind of a perfect storm situation that pushed us into an early reveal with our parents as well. We had both sets together visiting us from across the country for the holidays. I knew I was pregnant because of POS and very sore boobs but had not yet had my first doctor's appointment. I want to say I was just 7 weeks or so.

Other than that, we told everyone else at 12 weeks, which seemed to be kind of the standard among people we know.

[lizzywednesday]

I was miserable with morning sickness, so I told early. Like 4 or so weeks. (Guess it never really occurred to me that I could be completely and utterly miserable with nausea & vomiting and still have a m/c, right?)

I didn't tell my mom until after the 8-week ultrasound, but I had already told my dad a few weeks ahead of that because of the nausea.

If we have another DC, DH would like to keep things under wraps 'til 12 weeks because that's what he's comfortable with.

[llama8]

I lost our first pregnancy at 17 weeks and found out at 20 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage with no heartbeat at the ultrasound even though everything was fine before. After that I waited until 22 weeks to announce my DD1 and 17 weeks to announce DD2. I basically waited until I was showing and couldn't hide it for fear of having to untell everyone after the first pregnancy. I actually never posted on Facebook until the day the babies were born. I think I was overly cautious, though because of my situation.

[flashy09]

My good friends....the day I found out, 3 weeks and 4 days! The rest of the world, 10 week. Not so good at secrets and was very excited!

[spannaz]

We told our parents at 6 weeks (but only because it was Christmas Day and we couldn't pass up including the surprise in amongst the gift opening), then we told close friends at 12 weeks and made the FB announcement at 15-16 weeks (can't recall exactly). I was very cautious at the beginning because we, unfortunately, found out after a weekend of heavy drinking over my birthday. I was preparing myself for the worst those first two months. But she's been completely fine, and was definitely the best birthday present ever!! :)


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