Um, 'Scuse Me?

[lizzywednesday]

YOU are pissed?

Eff you.

I have been LATE TO WORK for the past 2 weeks because YOU cannot be bothered to get OUR daughter ready for school TWO DAYS A WEEK because you have your "own ****" to do.

Well, I do too.

And calling what I did this morning (not wake you up, because in addition to being your wife and the mother of your daughter, I am apparently an alarm clock and YOUR mother as well) a "stunt" is bull****.

You are 38 years old. Last I checked, that makes you an ADULT.

(1) It is not MY fault that YOU switched off your alarm this morning.
(2) It is not MY fault that YOU fail to get out of bed when the alarm rings, rather than hitting "snooze" seven times.
(3) It is not MY fault that YOU were late this morning.

I do freely admit that it WAS my fault that DD was up 'til 9pm watching Disney Jr. I will work on that, fine, but you also have to take an interest in her when you come home, let us eat dinner at a reasonable time, and stop watching TV at a billion decibels.

I was angry with you for the last 2 weeks but didn't tell you why. I apologize for not telling you I find it EXTREMELY frustrating that you feel taking YOUR daughter to daycare drop off in the same direction as your office is a "favor" to me so that I don't have to sit in traffic and get to the office late the two stinking days I go into work ... and subsequently have to STAY LONGER (and sit in MORE TRAFFIC on the way home) because I didn't leave at my preferred time of 6:30am. (Seriously. 5 minutes late and my whole schedule is shot.)

That I find it unfair that not only do I have to rise at 5:30am to get myself ready but I also need to wake, dress, and schlep our 3-year-old downstairs in the mornings because you have your own **** to do.

And, no, I will not adjust MY schedule. I have already made adjustments, cut deals, and sacrificed time & effort into making THIS ONE work.

[oneplustwo]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. Anyone in the family available to whack some sense into his head?

[bisous]

I'm so sorry. That is really, really frustrating. I would be angry too. I don't have an answer but I hope it gets better.

[Pennylane]

So frustrating! Hope he comes to his senses soon.

Ann

[twowhat?]

Um, wow. I'd get up and get yourself ready and get OUT THE DOOR without lifting a finger to get your 3yo ready. Ideally, get out the door before she wakes up! Let him deal with the consequences of not getting up on time.

It's not clear if he works or not but if not, or he can get into work later than you need to, there is no reason why you need to help him in the mornings!!!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Um, wow. I'd get up and get yourself ready and get OUT THE DOOR without lifting a finger to get your 3yo ready. Ideally, get out the door before she wakes up! Let him deal with the consequences of not getting up on time.


:yeahthat:

i actually do this sometimes (not to punish him, but bc i have a 30 min commute and DH does not). i sometimes leave before dh wakes up. if he sleeps in and gets them to school late, it's on him.

sorry you have to deal with this..i'd be infuriated too!!

[lizzywednesday]

Um, wow. I'd get up and get yourself ready and get OUT THE DOOR without lifting a finger to get your 3yo ready. Ideally, get out the door before she wakes up! Let him deal with the consequences of not getting up on time.

It's not clear if he works or not but if not, or he can get into work later than you need to, there is no reason why you need to help him in the mornings!!!

That's actually what I did that pissed him off in the first place. He does work, but he keeps more of a 9a-5p schedule than I do. I prefer 7:30a-3:30p, which allows me to bypass most of the heaviest volume of rush hour.

I do admit that it was fairly passive-aggressive, but I really REALLY needed to leave so I could sort stuff out at the office without having to come down from a road-ragey post-traffic anxiety haze.

He called it a "stunt."

Well, yeah, maybe it was, but seriously? I've been scratched, hit, bitten, kicked, peed on, pooped on, screamed at, and criticized while trying to get DD up & dressed and he continued to tell me what I was doing wrong. Now he got a sample of how frustrating it is to deal with her and get myself up & out ... and I'm the bad guy.

[twowhat?]

That's actually what I did that pissed him off in the first place. He does work, but he keeps more of a 9a-5p schedule than I do. I prefer 7:30a-3:30p, which allows me to bypass most of the heaviest volume of rush hour.

I do admit that it was fairly passive-aggressive, but I really REALLY needed to leave so I could sort stuff out at the office without having to come down from a road-ragey post-traffic anxiety haze.

He called it a "stunt."

Well, yeah, maybe it was, but seriously? I've been scratched, hit, bitten, kicked, peed on, pooped on, screamed at, and criticized while trying to get DD up & dressed and he continued to tell me what I was doing wrong. Now he got a sample of how frustrating it is to deal with her and get myself up & out ... and I'm the bad guy.

If you had already agreed with him that he be the one to get your DD ready and off to daycare on the days that you work, then what you did was absolutely NOT a stunt and he's being the jerk for not holding up his end of the bargain.

[BunnyBee]

Maybe he'd prefer a shared parenting arrangement...

Sorry he's being an asshat.

[happymom]

How frustrating! It sounds perfectly fair to me that your DH should be fully responsible for your DD's on the mornings that you go to work. Make that clear to your DH and then like PP's said, don't get at all involved with your DD. Just get yourself ready and out the door.

MY DH is self employed so he has some flexibility in the mornings. DD needs to be at playgroup by 9 (around the corner from out house). I need to be at work by 8:30.

I pick out clothes for DD the night before. If I have time in the morning, I will quickly pour her cereal or make her oatmeal- that's if I have time. Otherwise, its DH's "job" to get her dressed, her lunch made, breakfast fed, and out the door to playgroup.

:hug: I don't blame you for being annoyed!

[lizzywednesday]

If you had already agreed with him that he be the one to get your DD ready and off to daycare on the days that you work, then what you did was absolutely NOT a stunt and he's being the jerk for not holding up his end of the bargain.

No, to be fair to DH, we actually don't have any kind of an agreement about who would get DD up and dressed; I think he just assumed that I would do it, but now that DD is very willful and quite independent, it's becoming more and more time-consuming to get her up, dressed, and out to his car in the mornings. So, yes, I will give him that it was rather stunt-y and I was being immature about doing it, but, dang it, it was REALLY nice to not get stuck in any stupid volume backup.

All he's agreed to was to do drop off because I was doing all drop-off and pick-up ... and it was just too much for me to get to the office at my preferred 7:30am if I also did drop-off because daycare doesn't open until 6:30am (which is when I need to be on the road northbound, not southwest bound.)

But I still disagree that I should have woken him up after his alarm was accidentally switched off ... or that I should have woken him up when I got up (at 5:50am because I don't set an alarm, seeing as how I automatically wake up at around 5:30am if I get to bed early enough) It's only 2 days a week; the other 3, I telecommute, so I can wait until DD wakes on her own if I so choose. (Sometimes I get her up to get her out the door in time to have breakfast at daycare so I don't have to supervise breakfast at home with a sparse pantry.)

He is still an adult and should be responsible enough to get his arse out of bed without me prodding him.

It's hard enough doing it for our DD, I do not need an extra layer of baloney from the other grownup in the house.

[sunnyside]

I'm sorry, I know how tough it is to get a 2.5 year old ready and get to work on time.

[niccig]

We had a similar fight over getting things done in the morning.

I can't get DS's breakfast, lunch, he can dress himself (8 yrs old, but you have to be on him to not dawdle), feed the dog and put her outside and get myself ready too. Well, I could but I'd need to get up earlier than DH, and how is that fair when he only got himself ready, and drives DS to school. He did help at times with above things, but it wasn't consistent.

One day we had a bust up over it. I told him outright it was unfair, and he need to take on some of the load. I gave him a choice, he could do breakfast or lunch or take care of the dog/make sure DS is ready. He chose dog/staying on DS to get ready. Occasionally, he'll make breakfast. I don't mind doing lunch/breakfast as I do my own at same time. Sometimes DH needs me to drive DS to school, but he has to tell me day before and not last minute "oh, you have to drive as I need to get to work early."

You two need to divide up the work so it's more balanced.

[OKKiddo]

Sounds like your husband has hit the "snooze" button on your life as parents and hefted the majority of the parent load on you. It must have come as quite a surprise to him when he rolled over to find he was the only one on deck for taking care of his child. And I don't find that stunty at all unless you snuck a pregnancy and the last few years by him and he suddenly woke up a dad? ;)

[twowhat?]

No, to be fair to DH, we actually don't have any kind of an agreement about who would get DD up and dressed; I think he just assumed that I would do it,

Oh, OK I can see how he'd be peeved...but still. Let this be a lesson to him on how important it is that you get out the door on time and make an agreement that HE (your DD's DAD, after all) be responsible for getting your DD (HIS daughter) ready and off to daycare on the TWO freakin' days that you need to get to work so that you can get home ON TIME to take care of HIS CHILD. Sheesh.

[BabbyO]

Tell him how lucky he is to have YOU as a wife and not me! For the last 4 years DH has gotten our kid(s) ready for daycare and dropped them off on his own. I put out clothes for the kids and make sure their lunches are packed...but since Stachio was 3 mo old, DH has done ALL the AM care. I don't wake him up, I don't help with the kids (unless I'm actually still home). Most of the time I'm gone before they wake up or just as their waking up. Of course I do more of the PM care most of the time.

Just thought I'd give you that in your back pocket when he tells you that most of the guys he knows don't do anything! :)

I totally agree, though, you should not have to do any of those things...especially waking him up! I used to wake DH (pre-kids) then I learned it is not my responsibility. Once he realized I wasn't going to do it anymore...he started getting up on his own.

[scrooks]

Tell him how lucky he is to have YOU as a wife and not me! For the last 4 years DH has gotten our kid(s) ready for daycare and dropped them off on his own. I put out clothes for the kids and make sure their lunches are packed...but since Stachio was 3 mo old, DH has done ALL the AM care. I don't wake him up, I don't help with the kids (unless I'm actually still home). Most of the time I'm gone before they wake up or just as their waking up. Of course I do more of the PM care most of the time.

Just thought I'd give you that in your back pocket when he tells you that most of the guys he knows don't do anything! :)



Ditto this exactly...over the past 5 year I have worked either 2 or 3 days a week. On those days I leave before anyone else is up and DH gets them to the sitter. I actually think even i make it too easy for him...I leave out clothes and make sure lunches and backpacks are in the car.

[Kestrel]

Is he a night owl?

I agree that you need more of a balance here... but perhaps it would work better if he was responsible for laundry/daycare pick-up/dinner on the days that you work? It sounds like he's unreliable in the morning. If that works for you, of course.

It is completely unfair for you to be expected to do it all.

(I told my DH that as soon as he figured out how to make enough money to cover my salary & benefits packet, I'd be glad to stay home and do it all. Other wise, pitch in!)