Accessory and babysitter at the dinner table

[fedoragirl]

...Yup! That's what I always end up being whenever we go out to eat with DH's family. They talk to each other (in a language I barely comprehend) and make inside family jokes that I have no clue about. One of the other married brother's wife sits there too but she actually enjoys not conversing. She is painfully shy and is a great listener. And they also seat us (ILs get there first) so we are all sitting with our immediate families so I can't even talk to SIL.
I don't even know why I go to these things anymore. All I do is feed the kids, prevent them from throwing a tantrum, let my dinner get cold, and watch DH and his family have a ball while ignoring everyone else. DH doesn't get it.
Oh, did I mention that they work together every. single. day so what could they have to talk about at one evening at a restaurant? I am so miffed and really hurt.
We did Thanksgiving dinner last year where I slaved in the kitchen for 3 days and his family comes in, eats, talks to each other, leaves. Yeah, no Thanksgiving dinner for you all this year.

[georgiegirl]

I'm sorry. That's so rude and inconsiderate. My ILs also speak a different language, and that used to be a huge problem with them speaking a language I didn't understand and feeling left out and hearing my name. But now, my kids are 7 and 3.5, and they only speak English and DD will get annoyed if the ILs insist on speaking their native language.

[BunnyBee]

That is incredibly rude! I'm so sorry.

[Still-in-Shock]

I'm sorry this happened to you on YOUR MOther's Day. Why not ask your husband to take you somewhere just your family, and he gets to cut the kid's food?

[StantonHyde]

Sing it! MIL just goes on and on about how amazing DH was as a child and brags about him. He laps it up!!!!!! She just wants to sit there and let him pontificate while I do all the work. That sh!t does not play in my house!!!! So now I try to let DH take the kids to see her and I stay home.

Sorry this happened to you on your day!!

[niccig]

We don't have the language barrier, but this happened to me when DS was similar age. We were out at a fancy restaurant way past DS's bedtime with ILs and friends of theirs. I interrupted the conversation to get DH to help me, and he told me I was rude. I told him in front of everyone that as DS's father he was also responsible for keeping him quiet during dinner, so everyone else could enjoy their meal. And as it was 2 hours past his bedtime, through no fault of my own (ILs had delayed dinner), DS was being difficult and I needed help.

Stunned silence from other adults. But DH pitched in, and MIL took DS for a walk. Next night, dinner was super early and at family friendly place ;). I did resolve that from then on, I would stay in hotel with room service over taking DS out to a late meal.

It does get better...your DC will get better at being in restaurants. That doesn't help with the language barrier though.

[rin]

That's super frustrating. I hate going out to eat with young kids, especially for those big family to-dos. We're spending a week with my DH's extended family this summer, and I'm dreading the mealtimes since both our girls get completely overstimulated by having lots of people around at mealtimes, and they eat horribly and then have low blood sugar and . . . Ugh.

Would your DH be at all understanding if you said that meals out with the kids were not working for you right now, and that you'd be happy to do dinner at home with the kids while he went out with his family?

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

as one who's father in laws first language is not english I totally understand your frustration. I'll also tell you that your frustration is not unreasonable.

We've had hundreds of dinners with fil and many his friends and collegues and it has always been considered rude to speak expressly spanish at the table when there were people at the table who didn't speak it.

Now once I leave the table all bets are off of course but as long as I'm there fil,dh and anyone else who's fluent speak english.

I've never had to ask,it was just courtesy.

Bad manners and shame on your husband and in laws. they should know better.

[KpbS]

I'm sorry! What a miserable experience! I could understand it happening once, but any more than that is unexcusable--it's just plain rude!! May I suggest you moving across the table to sit near your SIL or inviting her over to sit near you? You deserve some adult conversation and interaction too!