I hate my FIL.

[boolady]

No, I don't think hate is too strong a word. I realize you're not supposed to say things like that, but I do. He is an out of control narcissist, he has damaged his children, and his hold on them impacts their relationships with their own families. I have no idea how this man (and man is only a technical term, since he acts like nothing but a petulant child) has gone through his entire life manipulating everyone around him into doing exactly what he wants and no one has ever realized that you don't do things for someone just because they berate, belittle and badger you until you do it. It is psychological abuse, pure and simple, and I hate him.

So here's the other thing you don't say, but I would like someone to explain to me why he is still walking this earth, making trouble for his sons and being a miserable, miserable person when both my MIL and my mother, two of the kindest, nicest people you'd ever meet, are gone. I know it doesn't work like that, and I'm a terrible person for even thinking that, because he is my husband's father and my daughter's grandfather, but I can't help it.

DH often comments that he knows that life would be better if he just didn't deal with him, but he has a large, close extended family, and that would be virtually impossible, and would include never seeing his brother, SIL, their kids, DH's aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. I would never ask him to do that. And he has a decent relationship with DD, when he bothers with her, so I'm not going to take that away from her now. But oh my stars, I hate him.

[arivecchi]

I am so sorry. You are not horrible for reacting to his mean behavior - only human. Vent away. :hug:

[BDKmom]

So sorry that you have to deal with him. You are not awful...I think those feelings are completely normal and natural. Not something you probably would say out loud IRL, but scream it out here. It stinks when you know your life would be better without someone, but you can't make a clean break because it affects so many other aspects of life.

[crl]

I am so sorry. That sounds awful. :hug:

Catherine

[elektra]

So unfair. That sucks boolady!
I get worked up about my FIL too. And then I get angry at myself for even giving him any of my mental energy, because I know he does not spend one iota of brainpower thinking about me or my kids. But sometimes you have to just get it out there and steam for a bit!
Hopefully you can release all that soon and move on because he does not sound like he is worth giving any thought to either.
Hugs!

[egoldber]

I'm very sorry. My own father was like this. As an adult, I did stand up to him. Fortunately (how awful is that?), he died when my kids were still little. But he did pretty irreparable damage to my siblings and my sister's kids with his emotionally abusive behavior.

[MamaMolly]

Oh mama, I'm really sorry. My FIL can be awful but MIL had tried to rein him in since my DDs were born. How sad is that? A grown man's horrible hurtful rude behavior has to be reined in.

PATHETIC.

I'm glad you can come here and vent in a safe place. It is ok to feel those things, and to even say those things since you are doing it here where it really doesn't hurt anyone, you get support :grouphug: and it gets some of the bad out for you.

[hellokitty]

:hug: I empathize with you. Your description of your FIL is basically a description of my dad. It is really horrible dealing with a family member who is that toxic and knowing that if you try to limit contact, you end up isolating yourself from the rest of the extended family.