Advice needed

[scout123]

I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's business. Gossip is a pastime here! Anyway, I've been divorced over 3 years now and I'm still asked on a regular basis about my ex and when our DD visits him,etc. I've tried to be nice and answer all their nosy questions but I'm so tired of it. I dread going in public situations bc I know someone will bring it up. Any advice on how to handle the situation? I don't want to be rude but I don't understand why others don't realize that asking about my 3 year old divorce is rude on their part.
TIA
Scout

[crl]

I think as long as you continue to answer they will continue to ask. Maybe deflect, "oh isn't that old news by now? What are you doing this weekend?" Or give really vague answers and then deflect, "oh we have that all worked out. How is little Suzy liking kindergarten?"

Catherine

[ecofem]

Well, if everybody knows everybody's business how about asking in response...

"Has your cousin completed rehab yet?"

"How is your mom's plastic surgery healing?"

"Did your son graduate high school yet, or is he repeating his senior year the fourth time?"

[rlu]

making the assumption the questioner is truly interested in hearing about your DD relationship with her dad (ha!) I'd answer (if truthful) DD enjoys her time with her dad, how are you? (i.e. pass the bean dip, moving on)

[KLD313]

Rude! Say why do you ask? That should shut them up

[elektra]

That seems super annoying. I like the not engaging, deflecting approach.

I was just thinking about my neighbor though, and I can see myself totally asking her about how she is being single and stuff. I was honestly shocked when she posted on FB that it has now been a year since she split. It seems really recent to me, although I am sure it doesn't to her.
I will definitely keep your annoyance in mind next time we chat!
I can still see myself wanting to know how she is and such. How she's getting along with the boys, etc. She was pretty devastated when he left out of the blue.
I offered for her to drop her boys off if she was ever in a bind.
Maybe people are just wanting to be supportive in your case too, even though you are way past needing support???
If not, and they are just fishing for details of the life of a divorcee then they I agree, they need to butt out!

[wellyes]

"We are lucky to have an amicable divorce". Say it over and over til it bores everyone. No more details necessary.

[trales]

"Oh everything is great." " By the way, is everything all right, I could swear I saw you walking into the Colon and Rectal Health Center the other day."

[scout123]

Thank you for all of your responses!! I laughed out loud at some. I will be using those in the future. I am so glad I'm not the only one who thinks it is rude. You have no idea how much I appreciate your advice!
Scout

[elliput]

"Hey! You're not trying to pry some gossip material out of me, are you? And, really, how can my life be that interesting? Did you see the new line of socks at Walmart?"

[Giantbear]

I would look them in the eye and whisper 'ssshhhhhh, they still haven't found his body', and then slink away ....

[ArizonaGirl]

Well, if everybody knows everybody's business how about asking in response...

"Has your cousin completed rehab yet?"

"How is your mom's plastic surgery healing?"

"Did your son graduate high school yet, or is he repeating his senior year the fourth time?"

:yeahthat::yeahthat::yeahthat:

[ssand23]

These are all great responses. I'm sorry everyone is bugging you about this. You would think that one of them either has gone through a divorce themself or someone close to them has and they've seen how painful it is and that it's not something to chit chat about at the grocery store.

For the poster who is concerned about her newly single neighbor, I'd just say to the neighbor, "how are you doing?" and let her decide what she'd like to share or keep to herself. To directly mention the ex or bring up the divorce can be painful if she's having a hard time and trying to not think about it. I'd just offer to her something like "you're always in my thoughts, if you ever need anything, please know I'm here if you need me" So you aren't bringing up the divorce but you are letting her know that you are there for her and mean well. It sounds like your intentions really are good ones. I know it can be hard to know how to approach people going through a rough time.