DH and money

[elektra]

Sometimes the differences is how DH and I view money drive me absolutely batty!!!
Dh got a nice little $500 cash bonus this week. They did some kind of contest for the best idea in something and DH's idea won.
For me, I think "it's the 'Jerry Seinfeld, throw $20 out the window and find $20 in my pocket' moment and the $700 fridge we just had to buy last week to replace the broken one in our garage just got paid for!"
Or "awesome, we can put that towards a trip we are planning and buy a plane ticket"

For DH, he thinks, "awesome, I can buy the new charcoal BBQ I have been wanting"
The man already has a smoker, a Weber charcoal bbq and a built in gas BBQ.

We needed this $500. When I get bonuses, I maybe take a small amount and purchase something for myself, and put the rest towards our family funds.

But DH sort of "won" this money and I am sure he is not thinking of it as "ours". But I do.

Getting an extra $500 is not a bad thing of course, but I guess it's almost more frustrating to me that we still have bills to pay, want to refinance, etc. and even with extra money coming in we still cannot manage to do all of that.

[mommylamb]

That would really bother me too. Did he already buy the grill? How many grills does one man need?

I think it's totally cool to get a small something extra with bonus money, but when there are other financial priorities, that money needs to go into the general fund.

[elektra]

Oh and somehow my mother's day present turned into a new iPad mini for HIM.
The way it went down was that he wanted to buy me a mini. I feel like I did not need it and preferred something less expensive.
So the solution?
He gave me his old iPad for Mother's Day, and bought himself the mini. He said it could be his father's day gift.
I can't remember the last birthday/Christmas/whatever, where I have actually purchased him a big gift. He buys it for himself first every. single. time.

So seriously frustrating.

[abh5e8]

yikes. its really tough with you have different ideas on money!

[mommylamb]

Oh and somehow my mother's day present turned into a new iPad mini for HIM.
The way it went down was that he wanted to buy me a mini. I feel like I did not need it and preferred something less expensive.
So the solution?
He gave me his old iPad for Mother's Day, and bought himself the mini. He said it could be his father's day gift.
I can't remember the last birthday/Christmas/whatever, where I have actually purchased him a big gift. He buys it for himself first every. single. time.

So seriously frustrating.

OMG, that's like a sitcom! Though, DH shafted me similarly this mother's day. He is of the opinion that mother's day and father's day are just made up hallmark holidays and gifts aren't necessary (to be fair, he doesn't think I should get him anything for father's day either). So, back in March when he was visiting friends in Germany they had this indoor raclette grill thing (http://www.amazon.com/Swissmar-KF-77041-Gourmet-8-Person-Raclette/dp/B0000635XW given the grill, he is sounding even more like your DH!!) that he thought was fun, and he wanted it for our Friday night dinners that we have with friends each week. I decided to make it easy on him, and I told him he could get me the raclette grill for mother's day. Well, on mother's day I got nada. He just hadn't gotten around to ordering it yet. I told him it was a mother's day fail and I bought myself clothes. The next day, he calls me at work to tell me he's ordering the grill- that I didn't particularly want in the first place- so I told him that was fine, but he shouldn't consider it a mother's day present, and I certainly didn't. I love DH, and he's really awesome about most things, but he sucks at this stuff.

[larig]

Oh and somehow my mother's day present turned into a new iPad mini for HIM.
The way it went down was that he wanted to buy me a mini. I feel like I did not need it and preferred something less expensive.
So the solution?
He gave me his old iPad for Mother's Day, and bought himself the mini. He said it could be his father's day gift.
I can't remember the last birthday/Christmas/whatever, where I have actually purchased him a big gift. He buys it for himself first every. single. time.

So seriously frustrating.

I would so take that mini! NOT fair!

[BabyBearsMom]

I'm so sorry, that is really a PITA.

Our deal is that all money goes into the communal pot. You can buy whatever you want, so long as it is below $250. Any purchases over $250 must be discussed and agreed to with the other spouse.

As for mother's day, that is a total fail on his part. Last year, DH got me NOTHING for Mother's Day. He actually forgot. He only remembered when DD1 got up and ran into our bedroom shouting "Happy mother's day!" with her card and art project from school. Oh and did I mention that I had Given Birth to his second child 2 weeks earlier? Not a good year to forget. I think I would have been more mad with a hand me down, though.

[BabbyO]

Ummm...I think we are married to the same man! One year my birthday gift was a large flat screen TV - his reason, well you've been watching alot of TV lately (I was home on MA leave and nursing a newborn). He truly tries to get me "big" presents, too....but really, I'd rather have the extra cushion in case we have an emergency and need to replace/fix something at the house or on the car. And frankly the presents I appreciate the most are the things that affect my day to day...like replacing the cracked laundry baskets.

It is frustrating...I wish I could do more than commiserate!

[niccig]

You know I have the same situation here. I hate Father's Day, DH's birthday, Christmas as he's already gotten himself everything reasonable and what he wants is more expensive.

I'd tell him what you want for Mother's Day though. DH asked and I wanted a rolling briefcase for school. Lame, but it's what I need. Then 2 weeks later my kindle broke and he got me a replacement. He was talking about getting one for him and me getting his. Hell No!! That's happened far too often in this house. I did get smaller kindle than he was going for as fit better in my purse and it's cheaper.

DH is getting a bit better, I think it's the fear of retirement looming. We refied and taking DS out of private school so we'll have more to save....I need to get the financial planner to meet with us so $$ gets saved and not spent on things.

[wellyes]

Oh and somehow my mother's day present turned into a new iPad mini for HIM.
The way it went down was that he wanted to buy me a mini. I feel like I did not need it and preferred something less expensive.
So the solution?
He gave me his old iPad for Mother's Day, and bought himself the mini. He said it could be his father's day gift.
I can't remember the last birthday/Christmas/whatever, where I have actually purchased him a big gift. He buys it for himself first every. single. time.

So seriously frustrating.

That would be hilarious if it wasn't so angry-fying!

Maybe it is time for "his and hers" budgets in your house, since the communal pot is not being distributed fairly and you're unhappy about that. Which would also suck, because you'd probably spend your portion on family things while he would get "toys". But maybe it would help?

And I agree with the PP, that mini should be YOURS. Take it!!

[arivecchi]

Wait, explain again how he turned YOUR MD gift into a gift for him???! I think for FD, he will be getting a nice shirtdress or some nice new sandals. ;)

[elektra]

Wait, explain again how he turned YOUR MD gift into a gift for him???! I think for FD, he will be getting a nice shirtdress or some nice new sandals. ;)

Haha. I was thinking a maxi dress.

[AnnieW625]

That sucks. I mean I am one of those people who would prefer to spend the bonus money on something I would not likely get, and I even worked overtime last month and was going to put that towards a Vitamix, but we really needed the money this month so I gave up on that idea.

As far as grill talk goes we have a Weber Q200 (bought in 2003 for DH) and when we got it he thought I was insane for getting him a grill. We have both come to love the thing. I do most of the grilling though, and we would love one of those Traeger Pellet Grills, but seriously I am glad that my DH is happy with WeberQ200 because that is our grill until we have bought the Vitamix, a new TV, and then maybe we'll consider the Pellet Grill (all three are about $350-$650).

The iPad thing would piss me off too. Bummer.

[niccig]

Haha. I was thinking a maxi dress.

And a pair of strappy sandals.

[KrisM]

That stinks. It's got to be tough to have different views on money like that. Do you normally have separate money or joint money? If it's joint, then I'd be really angry that he was taking this extra as only his extra.

[MontrealMum]

Oh my goodness, that is crazy! My DH is pretty bad with money too and has done some boneheaded things, which is why I manage all our accounts now, but even he wouldn't pull that kind of c#$P! I agree with pp, buy him a cute new dress for FD :)

[gatorsmom]

OMG, that's like a sitcom! Though, DH shafted me similarly this mother's day. He is of the opinion that mother's day and father's day are just made up hallmark holidays and gifts aren't necessary (to be fair, he doesn't think I should get him anything for father's day either). So, back in March when he was visiting friends in Germany they had this indoor raclette grill thing (http://www.amazon.com/Swissmar-KF-77041-Gourmet-8-Person-Raclette/dp/B0000635XW given the grill, he is sounding even more like your DH!!) that he thought was fun, and he wanted it for our Friday night dinners that we have with friends each week. I decided to make it easy on him, and I told him he could get me the raclette grill for mother's day. Well, on mother's day I got nada. He just hadn't gotten around to ordering it yet. I told him it was a mother's day fail and I bought myself clothes. The next day, he calls me at work to tell me he's ordering the grill- that I didn't particularly want in the first place- so I told him that was fine, but he shouldn't consider it a mother's day present, and I certainly didn't. I love DH, and he's really awesome about most things, but he sucks at this stuff.

In all fairness, the raclette grills really are fun. We have one we used to use a ton with friends. Course, once we had kids I was afraid they would burn themselves on it. :(. So ite hasnt been used in several years.

Op, I'd say that $500 goes to you for Mothers day. It's only fair!