Drop off birthday parties - at what age?

[ang79]

So far the only kid birthday parties my girls have been invited too have been with family friends and we attend as a whole family, or have been class parties where I have gone with the girls and stayed (both in home and at a play place). DD1 is 6.5 and finishes kindergarten next week. She got an invite yesterday to a classmate's birthday party at the girl's house next week and is very excited. I'm assuming that all kids in the class were invited, as she came home with the invite from school, and school policy is if you hand out invites in school you have to invite the whole class. I'm also assuming its a drop-off party, as the mom wrote on the invite that kids could ride the bus to the girl's house after school, but she mixed up her dates, as school ends the day before. She is also fairly new to the school (so mom didn't know that the school frowns on kids riding home w/ friends on the bus). I "think" I know the girl and have seen her mom at school events, but I've never talked to them, and don't know the family at all. The party is from 2:30-5:30. DH thinks I'm being over protective about worry about sending her to someone's home where I don't know them at all for a short birthday party. He said he would draw the line if it was a sleepover, but is not concerned for the 3 hour party. At what age are you OK with your kids doing playdates or birthday parties at a friend's house when you don't know the family or friend at all?

FWIW, I live in a very safe, somewhat rural area in central PA. The girl lives about 5-10 min. from my house, in a nice family oriented development where a few other friends live (but none of them know this family as they just moved here in the past few months). DD1 has no food allergies, etc. to worry about and we've had the talk about her special parts and no one should touch there. She knows my cell phone number and has a very strict conscience about what is right and wrong. Her best friend is going to the party (and lives in the same development where the party is).

[daisysmom]

I am in central Virginia. Every single one of our kindergarten birthday parties this year were drop offs... and none of the invites said that. We first learned about drop off parties when my DD was turning 4 and those parents with older kids assumed our party (at the children's museum) was a drop off party! I was aghast. But since that party, honestly, every single party we have been to was drop off, and peope ususally stated it on the invites for 4 and 5, but not now. We had 3 "end of school" parties in my DD's class and they were all places I had never been. I will admit that I felt a little weird kind of wondering how they were going (versus the weekend birthday parties when I would drop her off at them, and generally see the place). But all turned out fine. I think this is a regional thing - some of my good friends of kids with the same age (but not in the same location) are very surprised how common drop off parties are in my area.

[citymama]

Our first that we hosted was DD1's 7th, and also that we were invited to. I honestly think it was too soon, or we had too many kids - my head is still spinning from it!

[KrisM]

At age 4, mine were drop-off parties mostly. Definitely by kindergarten they were. I always give the parent the option to stay if they'd like, but rarely do they. This year, we did a combo party at a gym for DS1 and DD and only 1 of 11 parents stayed.

I'm considerably less worried about a drop-off for a party than a one-on-one playdate with someone I don't know. If you want to stay at the party, the parents probably won't mind.

[ang79]

Our first that we hosted was DD1's 7th, and also that we were invited to. I honestly think it was too soon, or we had too many kids - my head is still spinning from it!

When I got the invite I was wondering who in their right mind would invite a class of 23 kindergartners to their house?!!! The only other whole class party she went to this year was at a place like Chucky Cheese, so there was staff on hand to serve food, etc., and most of the parents stayed.

[ett]

Drop off parties start at a very early age compared to other's experiences on the BBB. Preety much all of the parties for kids turning 4 or older were drop offs. A few parents do stay, but the majority leave. It's pretty much assumed as I've never seen it stated on any invite.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I like to go to parties with my kids and don't drop till about 8yo most of the time. But, I play it by ear and base it on the party. I wouldn't start till around 6-7yo though no matter.

[nfowife]

Depends on the place here. We had some at 4.

[elephantmeg]

for us, just this year in 1st grade. DS is invited to 2 parties this weekend. I assume they are both drop off. But 1 is at a church and it is scheduled from 3-8! I think a 5 hour drop off party is toooooooo long! And I'm not going to a 5 hour kid party either!

[waitingforgrace]

Kindergarten is most common here

[ZeeBaby]

DD1 just finished prek. No drop of parties here. I can't imagine dropping off before 7/8. Maybe it is regional. All the parents stay at the parties. One dad left his daughter for about an hour, but that is unusual.

[hillview]

DS2 is in kindergarten and sometimes we drop off and sometimes we hang out and talk to the parents. DS2 still likes to check in on some occasions. DS2 is 5.5.

[mypa]

I'm surprised by the responses. It must be regional as around here most parents stay at parties and socialize, sometimes there is even adult food. In kindy I would say at least 90% stayed, in first grade 80%. Any younger than kindy 100% parents stayed (and it was expected they'd stay to look after their kid). Most times siblings also attend so it ends up being a family party. I imagine as kids get older it will be mostly drop offs.

[edurnemk]

We haven't had any drop off parties.... Until now. We just got an invite for one of DS's friend's party, but we will be decining because the plan is for his parents to pick them up from school, drive them to a popular play place and us parents to pick them up at 5:30. DH and I are not comfortable with it at all (we don't know the parents well, I'm sure they don't have 9 car seats or boosters for all the kids and they may not even worry about having them unrestrained, it's in a public place, DS has never gone out without us, etc). But for a regular drop off party at someones's house, I'd say 7 if I know the family, at least 8 if I don't.

Everyone at DS's class still does parties where the parents stay and siblings are welcome. We all enjoy them because most of the parents get along well and enjoy each other's company.

[jammytoast]

DS is finishing 1st grade and we've yet to have one yet...maybe it's the area or the fact that we're friends with most of the parents

[mom2binsd]

We started at about age 4-5, definitely at K age, I wouldn't expect to stay unless I knew the mom and was going to help out/she asked me to stay as an extra adult can add extra stress for parents who are busy entertaining kids and then worry about entertaining adults.

My kids were always happy to see me wave goodbye.

[daisysmom]

I really think it is regional. I know a lit of the parents and we are certainly friendly with them - at our dd's school, there are tons of parents only social events, fundraisers, moms nights out, and volunteer requirements in the schools. And while kids were in diapers at birthday parties, parents all stayed and shared wine and fun too. But once the kids were 4, parents all used the birthday party times to grocery shop or workout... Especially since almost everyone has a few kids (but us) and they are balancing a ton of kids sporting obligations throughout the weekend where parents always stay and are super involved.

Interesting- where we live, parents always stay at the sporting practices and games, but not the birthday parties. And I don't think that's a safety decision--- I think they all genuinely love the sports stuff more than a classmates birthday party. Even at 4 or 5 pm practices, there are always a lot of dad's there watching the sporting practice. But they all do drop offs for birthday parties ;).

[teresah00]

I'm surprised at drop off parties at 4. My 7 yo is in 1st. I would say 30-50% stay now. In K, I would say 50-75% stayed.
I remember the first party she was invited to and worrying I would be the only one staying. I wasn't. I emailed the mom and made sure it was ok to stay and offered to help.
My son is 5 and was at three parties from preschool. Parents all stayed.
At 5 I would be comfortable leaving them at a friends house for a party. I've left my 7yo at parties at play places.

[westwoodmom04]

Drop off parties start at a very early age compared to other's experiences on the BBB. Preety much all of the parties for kids turning 4 or older were drop offs. A few parents do stay, but the majority leave. It's pretty much assumed as I've never seen it stated on any invite.

Same here, for both kids.

[ett]

I also wanted to add that the majority of the parties are not at home. They're at party places with a structured program and then time at the end for food. The staff pretty much run the party so there isn't much work for the host to do. (The last party DS2 was at the staff even served the food; at others they let the host handle that part.) So it's almost like dropping your child off at a class and then picking them up 1.5 hours later.

[wellyes]

We held DD's 5th birthday party about a month ago, 18 guests, all parents stayed.

[squimp]

Ours started at age 4 for some parents, 5 for most and 6 for the rest.

[daisysmom]

I was talking with another mother about this this morning - she went to a different preschool so we did not meet her until this past year at kindergarten. She said all her dd's friends did drop off parties at 4 too. And drop off playdates even earlier (post diapers). I was never for a minute uncomfortable or nervous- even though this year I really didn't know the parents so well at the start of school and many times, didn't know the party places. It is just the custom here. My dd doesn't like to have me leave her with a babysitter who she didn't know, but has never once been clingy to have me stay at a party. Then again, she's been in preschool since 18 months. I never thought twice about it - other than to make sure than when I was hosting the party at a play place, we had enough staff to keep an eye on all kids!

[ang79]

Thanks for the input. Guess I'm just a bit nervous as this is the first that she is branching out to want to do things with friends that I don't know the families. But it was bound to happen.....

Since it is an afternoon weekday party, I can't attend, even if I wanted to, as I have my younger daughter and the little boy that I baby-sit here and its right during naptime. Actually, even taking her to it at 2:30 screws up naptime for the boy I baby-sit, he's usually ready to nap by 1-1:30 and will sleep til 3:30-4:00. I'm guessing not a ton of kids will be there, as most of the parents in her class work I think (there were very few parent volunteers in her classroom this year), and a 2:30 afternoon party would be hard to get the kids to.

[Kindra178]

100 percent drop off in first grade. 50/50 for my twins. The parents with older kids all expect drop off for my twins' schoolmates' parties, while if my twins' friend is oldest, no drop off. I went through that same evolution.

[Melaine]

We have a slightly different situation as our "school" peer group is small since we are homeschooling and classes are only two days a week (and 15 kids per class). We also tend to know the families pretty well or know of them through others because homeschool parents are, by necessity, very hands-on.

On the other hand, I am very protective and paranoid so drop-offs are a little out of my comfort zone in general. That being said, we have done two drop-offs this year and both went fine. (My girls are 6.5 but in 5K). One was at a gym and so I felt comfortable since there was staff. The other time it was kind of unplanned. I wanted to stay but one of our cars broke down so my husband took them and dropped them off. There were plenty of families we knew there so I felt ok with it.

[ilfaith]

I would say most people dropped off in 1st grade. Although I took DS1 (who just finished 3rd grade) to a party a few weeks ago and nearly all the parents stayed (it was a pool party).

I am having two parties this weekend...for my 9YO and 4YO. For the 9YO we are taking the boys to a local amusement park (go karts/mini golf/arcade), then I invited parents and sibs to come back to the house for cake and swimming. For the 4YO we are having a pool party at the house and I expect parents to stay.

[khalloc]

My daughter started attending drop off parties when she was in Kindergarten. She turned 6 in November of Kindergarten. I still stayed at parties if it was out of my way to leave and come back, but if it was close to home or I could run a quick errand, I left.

[daisysmom]

I would stay at a pool party in someone's yard even though I am really comfortable with drop offs and have been for years. I just think it is a lot for one set of parents to watch lots of kids in the water, so extra eyes are helpful. Pool parties at our club or other clubs in our area have lifeguards, but home parties ususally don't have those IME. We did swim team last year and another 5 year old girl in my DD's class was swimming her event and halfway across the lane just ran out of steam and started to sink. The child's parents were not watching (they have 4 kids, 2 of them are still toddlers). Luckily, the timer on her lane saw it happen and he jumped in (in his clothes) as did a few other parents on the other side and the coach (so all in all, probably 5 kids jumped in and swim toward the child) and she was fine (she was back to swimteam the next day!). My kid was scared having watched it all though. So even though I am 100% comfortable in my DD's swimming abilities, I think that having extra eyes on other kids at a pool party is in everyone's best interest!