hate it when dh has to travel.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

it's only tuesday and i feel broken, juste bone-tired. only getting 5-6 hrs of sleep a night. there are just not enough hours in the day to do what i have to do every day. after the kids get in bed i spend a good 1-2 hours getting stuff ready for the next day..cleaning kitchen, making their lunches for the next day..etc. last night i spend a solid hour decluttering and picking up toys just so the cleaning lady could actually clean. as it is i cannot even work a full 8 hours because of the commute. yet i'm exhausted. no we don't have any family in town to help.

this sucks. i want to be the one who travels for a week and gets a week "off" from real life. who doesn't have to do a single dish, put away toys, do a single chore, prepare any meals, or deal with screaming children. seriously.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sounds like a good week for take out and ready to eat meals for work and school! And paper plates! Then the kitchen won't get dirty and you can skip cooking. :) I hope you can get away on your own soon.

[egoldber]

I feel your pain. :hug:

DH was gone for 3 weeks earlier this spring and I thought I might die!

Can you hire an afternoon sitter for the weeks he is gone to pick up the kids so you don't have to run home? Not that I ever take my own advice.....

And I totally agree to dial everything wayyyyyyy back. Order pizza/chinese. Eat leftovers. Give the kids lunchables. Whatever it takes. Eventually you'll hit rhythm even when he's gone.

[cvanbrunt]

My kids love it when DH travels because they get to have "crazy dinner". They beg for it. Last crazy dinner was instant oatmeal, carrots with ranch dip, a couple of slices of salami, and a juice box. Seriously, sometimes your job is just to keep them alive and clean enough!

[hillview]

go easy on yourself and let some things slide if you can (I do!). Also I agree with OP saying to see if you can hire some help -- a once a week babysitter when DH is out of town is helpful!

[kep]

We actually look forward to when dh travels. I mean, we miss him, but it's kind of fun too. He travels an average of 1 week per month. We def have a much more relaxed routine and meals, and end up with hours of free time at the end of the day that would usually be spent cleaning up after dinner and having quality time with dh. Half the time I go to bed when the kids do, and lay in bed playing on my phone, sometimes I go to sleep right away and luxuriate in the bliss of extra sleep. The other half of the time I stay up late and get larger protects done around the house, such as a mega laundry night, organizing something, etc. Without dh "underfoot" I can get so much done. It's crazy.

My two rules for my own sanity are having the kids tidy the whole house before bed (with help...my kids are school age...I pay them $1-2 each to guarantee willing, cheerful help), AND I try really hard to have the sitter come at least once to give me some alone time. Makes a big mental difference to get that break in there.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks everyone

unfortuantely the only devliery options here - pizza and chinese food- i cannot eat bc i have to eat gluten-free to avoid bloating & migraines (which are bad enough to deal with when dh is here). :( luckily dh made some food for me to have for the week, but kids won't eat it so i have to make something else for thme. but dinner isnm't the only thing..it's giving them a baths, washing their lunch boxes and then making their lunches for the next day, packing stuff for thier swim class or splash day, making sure they have a t-shirt for tie-dye t-shirt day, etc.

i wish i could bribe my kids to clean up. ds actually helps but dd is 2 and just won't do it...my kids are at the age where doing it after they're in bed is easier tan them "helping". i don'[t know, i hear so much about how things are "easier" when their dh travels but that couldn't be further from the truth here. maybe i'm doing something wrong, but when my DH is gone it is just pure hell/chaos here..i feel ike i'm working 2 jobs and pulling 16 hr days and failing at both. my kids definitely feel the burn of DH not being here bc it means longer hours at school and less attention in general. i don't know, i just don't see how having a "relaxed routine" is an option as i work FT, have to be at work at a reasonable hour and put in decent # of hours which is so hard to do if dh is not here to pick the kids up and drop them off and to do some of the chores in the evenings. plus kids always needs certain things for school (their lunches ,water bottles, etc). dh is looking to change jobs that won't require travel and i can't wait bc it really sucks for me when he travels.


what's makign this week difficult is that dd's teacher (The one who is there in the mornings when i drop her off, and who dd is rather atached to) is on vacation ALL this week so there's a sub instead... dd has been super clingy/shy in the mornings, especially when i go to drop her off. dd is already shy/sensitive as it is :(

the crux of the problem is that dh's travel is very erratic. it's "only" one whol eweek of the month (Sunday - Friday) but it's totally random when it is. so i cannot really hire random people to pick them up from school...dh was totally uncomfortable with that idea of random ppl being home when none of us here. if i could know what weeks he'd be OOT, and hire someone more regular than we could trust, sure...but it's just not. sometimes he doesn't know he's traveling until a few days before.

today despite me waking at 6:15 (just so i'd have time to shower, get eveyrthing ready), i did not kids to school until 8:15, and did not get to work until a little after 9. i was totalyl yelling at the kids by the end bc they just would.not.listen and it's so hard to get a 2 and 3yo dressed and ready and in the car. i will have to leave right at 5:10 to pick them up. and then the cycle will begin again. i want to crawl in a hole and cry. :cry:

[egoldber]

I really, really get it. I didn't go back to work until my kids were older and that was hard enough! I can't imagine when they were younger. Between lunches and packing dance bags and swim bags and homework and practices, I can remember sitting at my desk crying a few times because I was just sooooo tired and it felt like there was no end in sight!


today despite me waking at 6:15 (just so i'd have time to shower, get eveyrthing ready), i did not kids to school until 8:15, and did not get to work until a little after 9.

Oh yes, I know the feeling of arriving at work and feeling like I'd already run a marathon!!!

My DH's travel is also erratic which is why we never hired an afternoon sitter. I could never guarantee anyone any amount of set hours, so we just muddled through. Can you hire a mother's helper (even a middle schooler or teenager) to come over in the evenings to keep your kids occupied while you do stuff around the house? They could take them outside to play and get them out of your hair.

I know and hate that feeling of being the slacker who slinks in at 9ish and slinks back out at 5ish. Do you have a mom friend who could pick your kids up in the afternoon? Even 1 or 2 days? Or maybe one of the daycare employees would sit for your kids after the day is over? Several of the daycare teachers did that at our daycare.

[Simon]

I hear you. WOTH with very young children and a long commute. BTDT. We ate a lot of frozen meals from Costco and made liberal use of their pre-packaged fruits and other lunch items.

How far is the day care from your home? Is there any chance you could drop them off and then return home? Its much faster for me to get ready without the kids around. I didn't do it every day but once in a while I'd drop them off early and head back home to take care of myself and the house. Maybe even drop off their lunches later on my way back to work.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I really, really get it. I didn't go back to work until my kids were older and that was hard enough! I can't imagine when they were younger. Between lunches and packing dance bags and swim bags and homework and practices, I can remember sitting at my desk crying a few times because I was just sooooo tired and it felt like there was no end in sight!



Oh yes, I know the feeling of arriving at work and feeling like I'd already run a marathon!!!

My DH's travel is also erratic which is why we never hired an afternoon sitter. I could never guarantee anyone any amount of set hours, so we just muddled through. Can you hire a mother's helper (even a middle schooler or teenager) to come over in the evenings to keep your kids occupied while you do stuff around the house? They could take them outside to play and get them out of your hair.

I know and hate that feeling of being the slacker who slinks in at 9ish and slinks back out at 5ish. Do you have a mom friend who could pick your kids up in the afternoon? Even 1 or 2 days? Or maybe one of the daycare employees would sit for your kids after the day is over? Several of the daycare teachers did that at our daycare.

omg, thank for saying this. you describe exactly how i feel. we talked about getting a mother's helper for the summer, now that school is out. should really look into it. i'd pay for someone to come and do dinner prep, kitchen clean up, even when dh is here so we can get more quality time with the kids. i don't think i can just wait till dh changes jobs to deal with this. it is all such a delicate balance that is ok when he is here, but then collapses when he is gone.

i've asked around and tried care.com, but no such luck. it is hard. and i don't have any mom friends who could pick up my dc..most don't live near enough.

i will definitely have to look into hiring a HS student or something over the summer, to just have an extra set of hands to help with everything in the evenings.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

How far is the day care from your home? Is there any chance you could drop them off and then return home? Its much faster for me to get ready without the kids around. I didn't do it every day but once in a while I'd drop them off early and head back home to take care of myself and the house. Maybe even drop off their lunches later on my way back to work.

daycare is only 5-7 minutes away, thankfully. dropping them off early is not an option though. they do open at 7am, but sadly, my kids are just not early risers ( to wake up early they'd have to go to bed early..we get home at 6pm, with just me handling everything it's just not possible). it takes a full HOUR for me (between the time they wake up and the time they're strapped in the car) just go get both of them ready (not including getting my stuff ready). this is how long it takes DH too...i think someone else had a thread on this issue last year...it's maddening but it really does often take an hour as it's just so hard with 2 little ones that require help getting dressed, pottying, and are prone to tantrums, etc.

they open at 7am, but there's no way my kids would wake up early enough. today i woke up at 6:15 showered and got my lunch, etc ready, did a ton of chores, decluttered more for the housecleaner, and my own kids did not wake up until 7:15. So i did have time to get my stuff ready, it's just that i have to devote another hour just to get THEM ready. And then drop off itself takes 10 minutes since i have to get each one of their carseats, walk with them across the parking lot..plus they are in different classrooms, on opposite sides of the hall, i have to sign them in and make sure this or that is stocked and that i know about this or that event..

when i first started working and dh traveled, i woudl wake up right at 6am, wake them at 6:45 and load them in the car at 7:10, so i drop them off at 7:20 with breakfast so i could be work at 8 (i literally would just wake them up, give them their cups of milk, change diapers, put on their clothes and strap them in the car..that alone took 20 minutes :banghead). that was ok, but the problem with that is i would have to make breakfast (in add'n to lunch) before hand..another thing to wash/prepare at the end of the day. also, now that my ds moved up a classroom, they no longer are in the same classroom in the mornings for breakfast, so it takes almost twice as long just to drop them off.

i am soo jealous of the daycares who have a line in the parking lot where you can literally just open the door and a teacher or helper get the kid out of the carseat and escorts the kid to their classroom. that would save me like 15 minutes every day!!!!

[Twoboos]

Seriously, sometimes your job is just to keep them alive and clean enough!

This! Hang in there OP!

Just wanted to say if you're looking for a sitter, maybe try the teachers especially if they are younger. Both my brother and Dh's sister have had great luck with using the daycare/preschool teachers as babysitters.

[Philly Mom]

My DH also has a random travel schedule that changes on a moments notice and next year we will have two DC (and possibly two different daycares for 2 months if DH will not agree to a nanny for the baby before there is room in DD's school). Here are things that have worked for me (right now DH is traveling every other week and right now we are on back to back weeks of him traveling). I wake up and get myself dressed, feed cats, put lunch box with breakfast in the car, put milk and shoes in the car. I shower at night. For DD's breakfast, which she eats at school, she gets a banana and cereal EVERY day. Other people clearly make bulk pancakes on the weekend and send them in, teachers throw in the microwave and kid eats them. The school provides the cereal but even if they didn't I would just pack it. I drop DD in her chair at the table and put the breakfast in front of her and try to get out quickly. As far as prep, DH and I (really DH) makes the first three days of lunches for DD on the weekend. We chop the fruit, roast vegtables, make whatever hot dish we are giving and dish it out, scoop out yogurt into individual containers, etc. All I have to do is put the containers in her lunch box at night after taking out the containers from the day before. All containers go in the dishwasher. As for cleaning the house, our cleaner comes once a week. When DH is traveling we clean on Sundays and put things away. I then limit what DD can take out. For the second half of the week, we cook in bulk when DH is here and I take food out of the freezer that I have packaged in individual portions (in ziplocks). I use some for lunch and some for dinner. I basically never cook from scratch, it is always heating up food that was made previously. Trader Joes is also my friend. We like their frozen mac and cheese, frozen sagg paneer, frozen chow mein, frozen coq au vin (ahh, there is a pattern). DD gets a lot of pasta type products with some sort of topping, mainly an assortment of vegatables. A favorite is gnocchi with cream spinach on top (we buy frozen cream spinach from the supermarket). With this process I am normally done with everything around 9, eat dinner and get to sleep around 10:30.

ETA: I think when there are two working parents (regardless of travel though it clearly makes it worse) survival is the key. Your commute sounds horrid and I know the feeling about not being able to get a kid up in the morning (DD is also a sleeper). Even though I would love to spend more time with DD at night, I essentially turn off her light by 8 EVERY night and sometimes earlier when DH is traveling and I know I have lots to do. I also find 30 minutes of Disney Junior is my friend when I am heating up dinner and unpacking her lunch box. Keeps my house cleaner. Oh, and I only sit down with DD for part of her meal, I clean the kitchen and pack her lunch for the next day before I sit down.

[egoldber]

I would do disposable breakfasts for the kids. Dry cereal, smoothie and a banana is a great breakfast. :) My kids have eaten that many times on the way to drop off and then finished at school.

[BabyBearsMom]

I would do disposable breakfasts for the kids. Dry cereal, smoothie and a banana is a great breakfast. :) My kids have eaten that many times on the way to drop off and then finished at school.

:yeahthat: When I get my girls up for the morning, I hand each of them a sippy of drinkable yogurt. Then I give them a french toast stick or a toaster waffle to eat in the car on the way to school. There is no way I could feed them a sit down breakfast in the morning, there just isn't time.

[BabbyO]

Me, too...and my kiddos are allergic to dairy so that cuts out lots of delivery and quick meal options. I only survive because we cook ahead of time and set out clothes/make lunches for the entire week on the weekend.

I just got back from a 5 day trip yesterday and DH leaves on Thursday....I immediately started cleaning and doing laundry when I got home yesterday. Thankfully, DH was able to cook, make lunches, and put the clothes out.

I definitely let things slip when DH is gone though...

[AngB]

I would do disposable breakfasts for the kids. Dry cereal, smoothie and a banana is a great breakfast. :) My kids have eaten that many times on the way to drop off and then finished at school.

:yeahthat:

Shoot, I don't even work and have given DS1 a yogurt smoothie pouch and breakfast bar/waffle in the car as breakfast on the way to somewhere.

I hope you can find a mother's helper, it sounds like that would help a lot!

[westwoodmom04]

it's only tuesday and i feel broken, juste bone-tired. only getting 5-6 hrs of sleep a night. there are just not enough hours in the day to do what i have to do every day. after the kids get in bed i spend a good 1-2 hours getting stuff ready for the next day..cleaning kitchen, making their lunches for the next day..etc. last night i spend a solid hour decluttering and picking up toys just so the cleaning lady could actually clean. as it is i cannot even work a full 8 hours because of the commute. yet i'm exhausted. no we don't have any family in town to help.

this sucks. i want to be the one who travels for a week and gets a week "off" from real life. who doesn't have to do a single dish, put away toys, do a single chore, prepare any meals, or deal with screaming children. seriously.

I know exactly how you are feeling, my dh is on his second week long trip of the month; and both have been to exotic, fun to visit place and conferences so he isn't eve?

[buttercup]

I have not done dishes in the three days my DH has been gone. :sulkoff:
AND, I cooked, so everything is dirty.
I am like a hamster in a wheel, and after a couple of years of this I've burned out. I recently went part time. I am not thinking of the implications of picking his career over mine, I am just tired of the running around and yet failing at everything.

[crayonblue]

it's only tuesday and i feel broken, juste bone-tired. only getting 5-6 hrs of sleep a night. there are just not enough hours in the day to do what i have to do every day. after the kids get in bed i spend a good 1-2 hours getting stuff ready for the next day..cleaning kitchen, making their lunches for the next day..etc. last night i spend a solid hour decluttering and picking up toys just so the cleaning lady could actually clean. as it is i cannot even work a full 8 hours because of the commute. yet i'm exhausted. no we don't have any family in town to help.

this sucks. i want to be the one who travels for a week and gets a week "off" from real life. who doesn't have to do a single dish, put away toys, do a single chore, prepare any meals, or deal with screaming children. seriously.

I completely, totally understand. By the end of the day, I just want to scream and throw things.

[Ms B]

I get it completely. When DH is out of town, I have to get up at 5:45 a.m. just to get a shower before The Biscuit is up, asking for milk, and tearing up the master. Then I have to load him up (thank heaven that his school handles breakfast, lunch and snack so at least I do not have to deal with that), do drop off and pickup myself, feed, entertain, bathe, put to bed . . . and then eat myself at 8:30 p.m., clean up and then sit down to work for an hour or so to catch up on what I did not get to because I handled both ends of school myself. It's exhausting.

FWIW, I found it helpful to get into the rhythm of having a sitter come one evening a week most weeks whether DH is travelling or not; one of the sitters we use even picks up (she is more a nanny that several families share and has a correctly installed car seat in her car; we are lucky she has a couple nights a month free). When he travels for more than a night or two, I book a sitter for Tuesday or Wednesday to handle the evening routine while I run errands or go back to work for another hour or two, grab dinner someplace with real napkins, or even (once or twice) go upstairs to hide and sleep. When he is home, we have Friday night date night. It took a lot of work to find sitters we liked and trusted (and it is not cheap), but our (my) sanity is well worth it.

In the meanwhile, hugs!