Adoption, anyone here ever adopt?

[light-castle]

I have always felt called to adoption. I have two boys, 10 & almost 4. I still feel called in many ways, but don't even know where/how to begin. I would love to adopt internationally, but again not sure where to begin.
Not sure I want to do the baby stage again, but worried if we adopt someone older, they could be so messed up. I would love to make a difference for a child that desperately needs a family or a chance. But not at the sacrifice of the children we have now. Does that make sense?

Any help would be so appreciated. Thanks!

Jennifer

[div_0305]

Have you looked at the Adoption subforum? I'm sure you would get lots of great advice there.

[zukeypur]

I'm in Texas and adopted through CPS, which is definitely the least costly way to adopt. DD was a foster that turned into an adoption. There are so many ways to go about adopting, both here and abroad. Just keep in mind that any child can have problems, even those adopted at birth. Kids are like a box of chocolates.....you never know what you're gonna get. Please feel free to ask questions.

[MmeSunny]

I'm in Texas and adopted through CPS, which is definitely the least costly way to adopt. DD was a foster that turned into an adoption. There are so many ways to go about adopting, both here and abroad. Just keep in mind that any child can have problems, even those adopted at birth. Kids are like a box of chocolates.....you never know what you're gonna get. Please feel free to ask questions.

Yes to the above. There are a couple of things that stood out to me in your post. The use of words like "messed up" is really hurtful to adopted children and their parents. Adopted children are not messed up. What has happened in their short lives is not their fault. They are dealing with situations children should not have to deal with and their parents need to accept that their needs will be different than bio kids but no less or more unpredictable.

Also, setting out with the intention to "give a kid a chance". How many chances are you willing to give? Did you plan your first two children with the intent of giving them "a chance" or because you knew your family wasn't complete? The most successful adoptive parents don't set out to save a child--we set out to parent. The good intentions of wanting to help a child fade in the daily drudgery of parenting. But just wanting to parent--no matter how, never fades.

Worrying whether your bio kids will suffer from having an adopted sibling puts a huge burden on that relationship. The fact is--they will. They will also benefit in a multiplicity of ways as well. What can't be known in advance is how much of each. There are no guarantees in adoption but there aren't any in bio kids either. Did you worry that your oldest would suffer having a younger sibling before having another?

I probably sound harsh. Interest in adoption is great. But I would strongly encourage you to visit the Creating a Family podcast and adoption.com forums for more information.

[zukeypur]

The above post is spot on. Adoption is hard. HARD. So is parenting your bio kids sometimes. If your intent is to save something, I would recommend starting with a puppy. If you want to parent another child, accept him into your family as your own, and love him unconditionally, adoption may be for you. I fully admit to taking credit for the good and blaming the bad on genetics, lol.