What the F can I say anymore?!

[Mopey]

I am really starting to be insulted by how other mothers and caregivers act about Mopey being a "good" baby. I just don't know what to say anymore when it always seems accusatory or incredulous that she could be so precocious, etc and so very adaptable. It's not like I am not grateful up and down every day for such a good kid! I'm in shock much of the time!! (I still cannot believe how easily she gave up the pacifier and that was over two weeks ago!)

I just have never known what to say and now the competition is so !(*&^!*&%&^% batty! ICK.

And she's not so freaking perfect: she's just like I was, starting to get into lots of physical trouble, and the couple times I have actually screamed "No!" because I was frightened for her safety she has just given me this hugedimpledsmileandkeptongoing. I actually had a rum last night after her two hour assault up and down the couch.

:dizzy: Phew.

Thanks for letting me vent!

[hellokitty]

I understand that you are frustrated, but let me show you the flip side. Today, I was at Office Max with my 3 boys. They were ok, not perfectly behaved, but not monsters. The cashier told me a minimum of FIVE times, that I must be a very patient person, b/c she doesn't know how I do it, blah, blah, blah. I just didn't respond to her weird comments. Also, your dd is only a little over a yr old. At that age, they are usually pretty manageable. Wait until they are 2-4 and ALLLL over the place and you may have another child or two by then to add to the chaos, it can snowball very quickly. Plus, one child could be perfectly behaved, while the other ones is a daredevil. Then you may think back to these days and realize why ppl seem incredulous that she is well behaved. :) Or, she may continue to be perfectly behaved, but even my friends with perfectly behave dd's, they all went through a phase around 4-6 that was rough and it shocked many of us that some of these girls who were normally so, "good" went though a phase too.

[Mopey]

Totally - I get it. I just think in my neighborhood there is an attitude about, a tone to their voices, and all the while it's true that she's not perfect and I'm completely aware how it all will change over the years, etc. People are competitive about their children around here and I don't really care about that so it just feels weird sometimes.

:)

[janine]

Totally - I get it. I just think in my neighborhood there is an attitude about, a tone to their voices, and all the while it's true that she's not perfect and I'm completely aware how it all will change over the years, etc. People are competitive about their children around here and I don't really care about that so it just feels weird sometimes.

:)

I hear you - I am also in a ridiculously competitive area (competitive over the wrong things in many cases). People strain their necks to see what the others are doing so they can do the same thing a bit better.
It is the same with the kids. I am a very 'tell it like it' person, a bit sarcastic and never dealt with Joneses before so it's been a challenge!! In a way I'm glad I have girly girls so I can avoid the whole sport scene.

At least they are saying good things to you (outloud at least)...the negatively laced comments are worse. See it on FB too btw.

[Simon]

Ds1 was received many of those comments in public and Ds2 gets it from nurses and Drs sometimes. In each case, I always responded for his benefit, not the random stranger making a comment. I would say things like, "Yes, we appreciate how flexible Ds is today. Its a big help." Or, "Yes, Ds does have good manners. He has been so patient while we eat/shop/wait in line." Other times we might say simply, "yes, we've very lucky/blessed/happy to have him." There is no real reason to engage with the person further, but I felt it was an appropriate time to acknowledge and comliment Ds.

[rin]

I'd just try to ignore it. We get things like that too, which is often hard because it's in front of DD1 (who has pretty much never been praised by strangers for being easy-going.) My responses to things like that are to give a big smile and say something like "Oh, she has her moments!" or "Yep, we've decided to keep her."

[megs4413]

I don't know in what way you mean 'good baby' (mine had lovely dispositions but didn't STTN early if that's what you mean) but i have gotten these comments on my kids for years and you really do have to learn how to deal with it. i feel like the way that has worked best for me is to JOKE like, "oh yes, it's the regular beatings. j/k" or "yes, I am terrified of their teen years....it's the quiet before the storm." or something to that effect. my kids were just born compliant. I don't know why. They're sweet, quiet, and well-behaved. AND BE ADVISED: if anyone asks for your advice, they don't really want it! they just want to see if you will take credit! I always say something like, "They came pre-programmed to me this way. If I had another one, s/he could be a total terror and I wouldn't know what to do about it!"

Just act baffled and say Thanks! I got super lucky!

and hey, congrats on your awesome kid! I think it's great!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I understand that you are frustrated, but let me show you the flip side. Today, I was at Office Max with my 3 boys. They were ok, not perfectly behaved, but not monsters. The cashier told me a minimum of FIVE times, that I must be a very patient person, b/c she doesn't know how I do it, blah, blah, blah. I just didn't respond to her weird comments. Also, your dd is only a little over a yr old. At that age, they are usually pretty manageable. Wait until they are 2-4 and ALLLL over the place and you may have another child or two by then to add to the chaos, it can snowball very quickly. Plus, one child could be perfectly behaved, while the other ones is a daredevil. Then you may think back to these days and realize why ppl seem incredulous that she is well behaved. :) Or, she may continue to be perfectly behaved, but even my friends with perfectly behave dd's, they all went through a phase around 4-6 that was rough and it shocked many of us that some of these girls who were normally so, "good" went though a phase too.

:yeahthat: Word. My first was so incredibly easy and well-behaved that i wanted to have another one ASAP. :) he didn't cry much as baby, rarely wanted to be held, napped very well during the day and at night, and was just an easy baby. didn't even use a pacifier. things got a lot harder the more mobile he got, but then as he got older that part got easier.

then i had dd and wow, what a difference. she gave us a run for our money from day one. :) and then the lovely dynamic of two kids fighting. nothing was easy anymore. then going out with them i got comments like "wow, you must have your hands full." Nowadays the most popular comment is "oh wow, they both suck their thumbs still?" I am thinknig people just feel the need to make some sort of comment.

and that stinks about the competitiveness..i am, lucky that i feel a bit removed from that i guess bc my kids are like the opposite ends and are so different i know i can't "take credit" for anything. so i just automatically try to focus less on those things. also in our moms group i was lucky that most of the other mamas were not into the "mompetition" thing. i don't think i could deal with all that!

[BabyBearsMom]

I would just respond with a "thank you" and disregard any perceived accusation or incredulity.

[Giantbear]

I would turn to them and say "sure, now she is good, you should have seen her last night when she was doing 100mph on her tricycle with three cops behind her. And all the while on her cell phone"

You have to have fun with these moments

[lizzywednesday]

I would turn to them and say "sure, now she is good, you should have seen her last night when she was doing 100mph on her tricycle with three cops behind her. And all the while on her cell phone"

You have to have fun with these moments

:jammin:

I am totally stealing this, GB.

[crayonblue]

I get lots of jealous comments over DD3's wonderful nap schedule. She's three and a half and still sleeps 2-3 hours per day. What they don't know is that she is screaming, throwing things, eating inedible things, getting into things, and running in circles at warp speed from the moment her eyes pop open till the moment they close. If she didn't nap, I would lose my ever lovin' mind.

[Mopey]

Oh my lord I love you guys!!

Firstly GB, my hubby is still chuckling in the kitchen. We could completely picture our girl! :ROTFLMAO:

And I do and say a lot of the things you guys have mentioned - totally joke and all that for sure. I'm not at all insulted really (and would never take credit - Mopey is totally herself!) I just don't know what to say - the eating and sleeping things are big (she's a 3 -4 hr napper on top of a 12 hour night Crayon!!) that people mention and I feel like none of it is my accomplishment (though I really do believe in sleep, and apparently good sleep can be genetic, which means she has it in spades on both sides) and am usually just shrugging my shoulders and saying things like, "Oh every child is their own, it doesn't really matter when they start walking/talking/crawling/etc. blah blah blah." I am NOT the smug mom standing there self-satisfied. I am loony blonde who can't believe she hit the forthemoment jackpot. And I'm usually trying to make friends! I never want to make someone feel they need to have their back up. I want to bond! I just think most of the moms in this hood are not for me. Or I'm not for them. I do look forward to making more good mommy friends as the Miss grows up.

Meanwhile, I'm filing some of these hysterical responses for future use :-) Thanks you guys!!

[Mopey]

I get lots of jealous comments over DD3's wonderful nap schedule. She's three and a half and still sleeps 2-3 hours per day. What they don't know is that she is screaming, throwing things, eating inedible things, getting into things, and running in circles at warp speed from the moment her eyes pop open till the moment they close. If she didn't nap, I would lose my ever lovin' mind.

And also this exactly. I work from home in a time-consuming job and I do almost everything myself. My workdays are mostly 19 hours long! Those naps are a godsend!!!

[mom2binsd]

DD was the worlds' easiest baby, she STTN early, took long naps whenever and wherever we took her, she traveled a ton, spent many nights at professional hockey games going from person to person, everyone always asked what my secret was...I often responded "must have been the wine I had during pregnancy"....now that DD is 10, going through puberty and using words like "hideous" to describe the outfit I suggest...enjoy these moments with Miss Mopey....and who cares what the others say!

Also, I found being a parent of one child life's greatest time....then along comes another...how parents of more than two do it....

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I get lots of jealous comments over DD3's wonderful nap schedule. She's three and a half and still sleeps 2-3 hours per day. What they don't know is that she is screaming, throwing things, eating inedible things, getting into things, and running in circles at warp speed from the moment her eyes pop open till the moment they close. If she didn't nap, I would lose my ever lovin' mind.

:yeahthat: my DS is also 3.5 and naps 2 hours MINIMUM per day (2 hrs at daycare and 3-3.5 hrs on weekends). he loves his sleep!! but when he's awake, he's not just sitting there quietly, LOL. he's running around, jumping on my back, talking non-stop, asking us to play with him, etc. he is very active and doesn't seem to stop moving. so yeah, I live for these naps on the weekends bc theyr'e the only time i can hear myself think!

[TwinFoxes]

I would just respond with a "thank you" and disregard any perceived accusation or incredulity.
:yeahthat: Moms are going to very little to talk about if kids' behavior off the table! (Along with BF vs FF, SAH vs WOH, politics...) My DDs were (are) super sweet and cute, and the whole twin thing upped the ante. I lapped up the compliments like milk! I never took credit, but I loved hearing how charming and sweet and good they are. I said "I'm a lucky Mama!" Now they are five and not as compliant. I see pictures of them as little ones and I get wistful for those days. How did I get Kindergartners????

[Melaine]

We get a lot of comments and it does bug me when people say my kids are so "good" because they come across as very compliant but we have a lot of other issues as a result. On the other hand, it actually bugs me when people say a baby is "good" because it implies that my baby is "bad" by being unhappy and a terrible sleeper. I realize that folks just can't win with me...and that is why I keep any comments about other children very positive and character-based ie "she is so polite" v. "she is such a good girl" or "he is precious" v. "he is cute"....may not mean anything to anyone else but there is a distinction in my mind.

[Giantbear]

:yeahthat: my DS is also 3.5 and naps 2 hours MINIMUM per day (2 hrs at daycare and 3-3.5 hrs on weekends). he loves his sleep!! but when he's awake, he's not just sitting there quietly, LOL. he's running around, jumping on my back, talking non-stop, asking us to play with him, etc. he is very active and doesn't seem to stop moving. so yeah, I live for these naps on the weekends bc theyr'e the only time i can hear myself think!
I am torn on this one, when dd naps at school, it takes forever to get her down at night, when she doesn't nap at school, or at home, i get her down much more quickly

[Mopey]

We get a lot of comments and it does bug me when people say my kids are so "good" because they come across as very compliant but we have a lot of other issues as a result. On the other hand, it actually bugs me when people say a baby is "good" because it implies that my baby is "bad" by being unhappy and a terrible sleeper. I realize that folks just can't win with me...and that is why I keep any comments about other children very positive and character-based ie "she is so polite" v. "she is such a good girl" or "he is precious" v. "he is cute"....may not mean anything to anyone else but there is a distinction in my mind.

I could not agree with you more!! It is temperament a lot of the time, and those things can be hardwired.

ETA: If one more person uses the phrase "Precious princess"..... I am always polite but it makes my skin crawl. I donated every baby item that I could not exchange or return that had anything like "princess" etc on it. Really. Mopey wears Superman and Hendrix t shirts (and a lot of pink!) :o

[twowhat?]

We get a lot of comments and it does bug me when people say my kids are so "good" because they come across as very compliant but we have a lot of other issues as a result.

Oh, my YES!!! My DD's are always described as so "good" and "quiet" and "well-behaved". These people don't have shy kids and don't understand the challenges that come with that. Yes, it's nice to be out in public with kids who don't run around non-stop because they are too shy/cautious to do so. But it's NOT so nice when every daycare class transition results in months of crying. It's not so nice to sit on a park bench or a couch at a birthday party trying to hold back tears because everyone else's kids are having the time of their lives and my kids won't experience it because they are too timid. It's not so nice to have a child who can throw 1+ hour tantrums at home (and who, from ages 3-4.5ish, did exactly that, often multiple times a day on the weekends, and practically every weekday evening. It's not so nice to have a kid who screams bloody murder through an entire 5 weeks of daily swim lessons while everyone else's kid stopped crying after 2 weeks. Etc, etc!!! Every kid is HARD WORK in different ways!!

[TwinFoxes]

If someone used the phrase "precious princess" I'd hurl.

[Mopey]

If someone used the phrase "precious princess" I'd hurl.

OMG thank you. This feels like a virtual hug right now :)

And yes, what everyone said - it feels like people are forgetting there are other things (like the Tasmanian Toddler in between those great naps! :ROTFLMAO:)

[kellij]

I am torn on this one, when dd naps at school, it takes forever to get her down at night, when she doesn't nap at school, or at home, i get her down much more quickly

This is exactly the same for us with our DS, who is the same age as your dd. His bday is 3/17/10. What frustrates me the most is that it seems like a short little nap even makes it impossible at night. I usually just try to gut through the fussiness of the end of the day and try for an earlier bed time!