"I'm scared" - what do we do??

[BabbyO]

Stachio turned 4 yesterday and all of the sudden he's been complaining that he is scared in his room. His toy grill, fan and the light/fan remote/switch are scaring him. He can point out the specific items that are scary to him at night. We've taken the grill out of his room, but we can't take the fan out.

How do we handle this. He's been refusing to sleep in his room and DH and I are going crazy.

We typically let the kids sleep with us occasionally if they have a nightmare - but they usually get moved back to their bed after they fall asleep. But it has been 3 nights and Stachio just WON'T sleep in his bed. Please, help - what would you do.

Oh - we already have a night light and we've tried sleeping with it on and off (sometimes on I think makes it worse because it creates shadows).

TIA!

[Smillow]

We used a reward system to get DS to stay in his bed. I put a bunch of Dollar Tree & Dollar Spot stuff in a laundry basket & let him choose a prize to earn & put it up on a high shelf in his room where he could see it but not reach it. If he stayed in his own bed, he could claim it in the morning. It worked like a charm! It had been getting ridiculous, but now everyone sleeps better:)

[klwa]

We gave the kids their own flashlights to keep in bed with them when they went through that stage. That way they could shine it on anything that scared them.

[rin]

Can you do something to "de-scarify" the fan? Like tape a picture of a smiley face on it?

Or give him an empowering story so he can "protect" himself? DD has developed a fear of wolves (I think from reading too many fairy tales like the Three Little Pigs and Little Red Riding Hood), and went through a spell where she wouldn't stay in her room because the wolves were going to get her. We told her that she could send the wolves away, and taught her a "special" hand gesture (basically just pointing) and to call out "go away, you wolf!". She still talks about the wolves, but she hasn't come out of her room in weeks because of them (although occasionally I'll hear her banishing the wolves :)).

Another thing that could help is telling him that he's safe because of X (whatever you all want here). My family was Christian, and I remember my parents hanging a picture of an angel on the wall above my bed and telling me that the angel would protect me from anything scary. My mother also told me that scary things are afraid of prayers, and that I could say a prayer and the scary thing would go away. I remember this being very comforting.

[BabbyO]

We used a reward system to get DS to stay in his bed. I put a bunch of Dollar Tree & Dollar Spot stuff in a laundry basket & let him choose a prize to earn & put it up on a high shelf in his room where he could see it but not reach it. If he stayed in his own bed, he could claim it in the morning. It worked like a charm! It had been getting ridiculous, but now everyone sleeps better:)

My only concern is that I think he is actually scared by these things in his room. He actually ASKED us to take his grill out of his room so it wouldn't scare him....but now the fan is scaring him.


We gave the kids their own flashlights to keep in bed with them when they went through that stage. That way they could shine it on anything that scared them.

We could try this - though I'm afraid the flashlight will become more of a toy at bedtime.


Can you do something to "de-scarify" the fan? Like take a picture of a smiley face on it?

Or give him an empowering story so he can "protect" himself? DD has developed a fear of wolves (I think from reading too many fairy tales like the Three Little Pigs and Little Red Riding Hood), and went through a spell where she wouldn't stay in her room because the wolves were going to get her. We told her that she could send the wolves away, and taught her a "special" hand gesture (basically just pointing) and to call out "go away, you wolf!". She still talks about the wolves, but she hasn't come out of her room in weeks because of them (although occasionally I'll hear her banishing the wolves :)).

Another thing that could help is telling him that he's safe because of X (whatever you all want here). My family was Christian, and I remember my parents hanging a picture of an angel on the wall above my bed and telling me that the angel would protect me from anything scary. My mother also told me that scary things are afraid of prayers, and that I could say a prayer and the scary thing would go away. I remember this being very comforting.

We'll have to try more of this. He said his grill looked like a robot and I tried to tell him it was a good robot that would protect him....but maybe we'll just have to work a little harder. DH is GREAT with stories, so maybe he can come up with something. I know Stachio thinks the fan looks like it has a face (the light) so maybe we can tape construction paper on it so it looks like a smiley face! Great ideas - please keep them coming!

[BabyBearsMom]

We had an issue a few months ago with DD1 being afraid of bears coming into her room (I have no idea where this came from). We tried prizes, talking about it, everything no dice. Then one day she said "I hear a bear" and DH went into the hall and made a whole lot of noice as he "fought" the bear. He then opened the front door and yelled "You bear, get out of the house and don't you come back! And don't forget to wear your boots and jacket, it's cold out tonight" (our neighbors must think we are nuts). He came back in the room with his shirt untucked and his glasses askew, so he looked like he really was in a fight with the bear. DD1 thought this was hilarious and it made something scary into something silly and fun.

Now when she encounters something that scares her (a witch on Dora or the Big Bad Wolf on the 3 Little Pigs have all come up) she says "You can't come into our house. My daddy will kick you out and then you will be cold without your jacket!"

[BabbyO]

This is AWESOME!

[wellyes]

For fears like that, I use accommodation (nightlight and keep the door open) and a bit of fantasy (anti-monster spray).
It's hard to watch, but developmentally normal. Just do what you need to help them get through through it. And don't diminish their feelings in a dismissive way.

[BabbyO]

For fears like that, I use accommodation (nightlight and keep the door open) and a bit of fantasy (anti-monster spray).
It's hard to watch, but developmentally normal. Just do what you need to help them get through through it. And don't diminish their feelings in a dismissive way.

Unfortunately these are not working so far (we also have a night light and leave the door open. And we have a bad dream catcher....

I also need to talk to our DR. He's on Singulair (which I know can cause nightmares for some kids - but this seems to have started in the last month or two, and gotten significantly worse in the last week) and just started Qvar. I don't know if Qvar can cause nightmares - I'm not finding them as a listed symptom....

Oye!

[lkoala]

How about anything new that he's reading or seeing on tv? I would think even Doc McStuffins or Toy Story might cause this depending on the little one's imagination.

[BabbyO]

Hmm...he watched Doc McStuffins the other day. Why would you think Doc McS could cause nightmares? Isn't it just a show about a little girl who is a vet to her stuffed animals?? Are you thinking because they are portrayed as "coming alive?" Sorry, I've only seen the show 1x. Most screen time happens at the sitters or in the AM when I'm not there.

[Giantbear]

We had an issue a few months ago with DD1 being afraid of bears coming into her room (I have no idea where this came from). We tried prizes, talking about it, everything no dice. Then one day she said "I hear a bear" and DH went into the hall and made a whole lot of noice as he "fought" the bear. He then opened the front door and yelled "You bear, get out of the house and don't you come back! And don't forget to wear your boots and jacket, it's cold out tonight" (our neighbors must think we are nuts). He came back in the room with his shirt untucked and his glasses askew, so he looked like he really was in a fight with the bear. DD1 thought this was hilarious and it made something scary into something silly and fun.

Now when she encounters something that scares her (a witch on Dora or the Big Bad Wolf on the 3 Little Pigs have all come up) she says "You can't come into our house. My daddy will kick you out and then you will be cold without your jacket!"
Well, this beats my suggestion of a strobe light and Gregorian chants

I usually give my daughter a magical wand or sword that will ward off evil monsters, plus the teddy bears on her sheets are also magical and there to protect her. I think the game idea is very good

[Momit]

We went through this around that age as well. Didn't really have any special techniques, props or prizes. Just got several night lights he could choose to have off or on. And we talked about his fears for a few minutes and then said "that's enough. It's time for bed." I didn't want him to feel dismissed - however sometimes it can be a downward spiral of worry. It didn't last long but it was a rough few months sleep-wise.

[lkoala]

Hmm...he watched Doc McStuffins the other day. Why would you think Doc McS could cause nightmares? Isn't it just a show about a little girl who is a vet to her stuffed animals?? Are you thinking because they are portrayed as "coming alive?" Sorry, I've only seen the show 1x. Most screen time happens at the sitters or in the AM when I'm not there.


Yes, I think it is possible that he thinks his toys will come to life...

We've done the flashlight thing with DD. We also added the white noise of fans or ocean sounds. Both help but there are periods when she will come into our bedroom every night for a while and then stop.

[oneplustwo]

You'll probably have to try a few different things until you find something that works for your DS. For one of our kids who was worried that creatures would come through walls/windows/doors/etc. or that the curtains would "come alive," what worked was a sample Clinique Happy perfume spray bottle that became the anti-monster spray. I'd just go around the bedroom making a squirting noise with my mouth and pretending to spray everywhere. My kid would always ask for a few more sprays in certain places. A real squirt or two of the perfume went on the pillow or comforter.

[BabbyO]

Yes, I think it is possible that he thinks his toys will come to life...

We've done the flashlight thing with DD. We also added the white noise of fans or ocean sounds. Both help but there are periods when she will come into our bedroom every night for a while and then stop.

Hmm...I hadn't thought of that. We do have white noise too. We'll have to try some of the suggestions. I'm just trying to prevent the downward spiral!

[JanBaby]

We are going through this too. DD is 4 1/2 and she developed a fear maybe 6 months ago. First it was the dark so we put several night lights in her room and kept the bathroom light on outside her room. That helped for a while and then it was monsters. So we did monster spray in all the places she told us she was afraid of monsters (DH made up the solution - used food coloring and Febreeze because monsters HATE the smell of Febreeze and it needed to be pink, which I'm pretty sure will stain). Now it's back to the dark again. I think part of it isn't as much fear as being alone in the middle of the night. She comes into our room and we bring her back and lay with her until she falls asleep. I'm pretty much out of ideas so am hoping she just outgrows it at some point.

ETA we have done white noise since birth and also used a glow light (cool little flashlight guy) for a while and that really did work. Maybe I should pull him out.

[sandwish]

A recent episode of doc mcstuffins did have an usually brave toy be scared of the dark. I don't remember all the details but when the lights were out he would be scared of the shadows of different things in the room. I don't remember how they resolved it.

[BunnyBee]

Doc McStuffins is a hack! She's worse than Dr. House. ;)

Is drinking heavily an option?

I bought the Indigo Dreams and Indigo Ocean CDs based on recommendations here. Actually the mp3 download out of immediate need. Does he tend toward anxiety? If it's sudden and severe, I'd definitely check out the medication connection. We let DS sleep with all of his lights on for a long while. We played music CDs on repeat too. He really liked the Jack Johnson Curious George CD, but we would've played AC/DC if he chose that.

Good luck!

Edited: We did not go the monster spray route with DS when he was 4ish because it would have reinforced his belief in something being wrong and needing to be fixed. I have another child that responds to making a silly, lighthearted game, but it would've made it worse for DS.

[weech]

We used the flashlight technique, too. Got DS a Melissa and Doug flashlight that looks like a bee. Hah! Not the most intimidating, but he knew he could shine his bug light if he got scared so he could see that nothing was there!

[Nooknookmom]

Totally this! That said our kids slept/sleep with us so I'm no help really!

[newnana]

One thing we found with the flashlights was that the squeeze type worked better for DD. Or at least one with a timer to shut itself off. Doing a just before bed scramble for new batteries is frustrating and defeats the purpose. We had to try lots of things and different things worked at different times. Bathroom light left on. Flashlight. Dreamlight to give her something different to focus on, etc. The other thing that helped us was to talk to DD and have her help us come up with things that would help. Just brainstorming gave her power over it. Then being able to implement her ideas gave her more control and helped her feel like part of the solution. It helped us reinforce the idea that it's okay to try something and it not work but not give up, too ;) For us allergy meds were bad mojo. but sometimes you gotta.

[sunshine873]

You've gotten a lot of great suggestions. Like others, we went through this too. A lot of these things worked, kind of off and on. Flashlight, hall light on, discussing specifics, showing her there's nothing there, etc. one thing I have t seen...after an few nights of going to check on her before going to bed myself only to find her fast asleep with the light blaring in her room, we kind of rolled with it. If she felt she needed her light on, so be it. It only lasted for a few weeks and she was back to just a nightlight again.

[wendibird22]

We have DDs pick a toy who will keep watch while they sleep. They can pick any stuffy and we will put that one on their headboard. Works every time. W say how this stuffy will stay awake and keep watch and keep bad things away.

[mousemom]

I don't have much advice, but wanted to sympathize about DC being scared of fixtures in their room. Last year DS1 developed a serious fear about the smoke detector in his room, which has a light that sometimes flashes. No option to take that out of the room. We talked about how it was there to help protect us, but he was still scared. I think what finally helped was to let him switch the head of his bed to the other side and prop a pillow behind his head so that he couldn't see the smoke detector when he was lying down. Good luck finding something that works!

ETA: Thinking about this more - maybe something like a bed tent would help? That way he wouldn't be able to see the fan/switch.

[Naranjadia]

My DS is 6 and has been this way for years, though not as bad as when he was younger. He even sleeps in the same room as his twin sister, which you would think would help. I created a mythology around their Ikea Spoka nightlights (protecting his dreams) which worked for awhile. For him its the shadows, so it doesn't matter what objects look like in light, and the fact that nothing seems the same in the dark. He'll be scared even if we're in there.

We made a rule that he has to fall asleep once in his bed before he comes to ours. This cuts down on his trying to parlay his fear into a ticket into our bed.

He also has had night terrors since he was 2ish. I don't know if there is a correalation. My DD is scared of nothing.

[klwa]

We have DDs pick a toy who will keep watch while they sleep. They can pick any stuffy and we will put that one on their headboard. Works every time. W say how this stuffy will stay awake and keep watch and keep bad things away.

Ooh, Forgot about this one! With DD, we had her "guard pig" watch over her at night.

[BabbyO]

Thanks for all the suggestions. I feel like I have a few things in my back pocket to use when others aren't working!

[GvilleGirl]

My kids were just watching a Daniel Tiger thought of this thread. There is a Daniel Tiger that addresses this as part of a sleepover at Prince Wednesday's Castle and Camping.

http://schedule.wttw.com/episodes/258107/Daniel-Tigers-Neighborhood/Daniels-Sleepover/Backyard-Camping/


It is also on prime.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BOLFITW