How to handle sudden tantrums in a 12 month old?

[edurnemk]

DD has always been a sweet, patient, laid back baby. But recently when she gets upset she throws pretty bad tantrums, I really don't recall DS doing this at such a young age, it was a real surprise for her to have these meltdowns because it doesn't seem like her. What worries me the most is that she will hit herself, she'll scream and slap her face or head. I'm at a loss of how to stop that habit. The tantrums are the worst and most frequent when she's tired, so I avoid those circumstances as much as possible. Other triggers: taking something from her, not giving her something she wants, saying no to her (as in "no, DD, you can't play with that"). I'm dreading the terrible 2's and the effing 3's already!

So what do I do?

Some additional background that I think may be relevant: DD has mild hemiparesis due to a stroke in utero, which has caused her to have gross motor delays. In the cognitive, social and language areas, she's right on track and even a little ahead. Which is why I feel that her motor abilities don't match her maturity and cognitive level and that may be frustrating her (i.e. she's more than ready to cruise around but can't yet do so). She has PT and OT twice a week and we're currently working on crawling, but she can't yet, in fact she doesn't crawl, scoot or get around in any way. Standing and walking are a long way off. She also cannot perform bimanual tasks yet. She particularly has a hard time with one of her therapists, there's a lot of crying and protesting during those sessions, and it causes a lot of stress for the both of us. I must confess I also worry that all the challenges she faces and will continue to face will crush her sweet disposition, I'm afraid of "loosing" my little girl to this disability (but that's probably an issue for a separate post).

[MSWR0319]

DS1 was like this. He would bang his head on the floor and sometimes hit himself. It started right around 12 months and lasted until he was able to talk well. I think he was frustrated and couldn't express himself. I was terrified it was a sign he was autistic because the ped kept dismissing it when I'd bring it up and I was worried we were missing an opportunity to get him early therapy. Well, it turns out she was right. I will say he's still a bit emotional during tantrums and they are more frequent than most 4 year olds I think, but he does seem to have SPD of some sort.

DS2 is 3 months older than your DD and he has just started tantrums. They are much less severe than DS1's were but he does hit his head on the ground. It's very gentle though, almost like he's laying it down gently. He'll then roll over and kick and scream for a few minutes and then get up and move on. I just try to redirect and avoid triggers if possible.

[Philly Mom]

DD started them around 13-14 months. Transitions are her biggest trigger especially at school where she has no choice. Her teachers put a pillow on the ground for her and directed her to the pillow. She rolls around on the pillow for a bit, I may stroke her back if it happens at home and then she calms down and moves down. We keep a pillow in our living room we can throw on the ground for her. 99% of the time DD is a very happy kid with a great disposition.

[georgiegirl]

Tantrums are more likely when the child is hungry or tired. Also validate and verbalize her feelings..."sarah is MAD!!! MAD, MAD, MAD! She wants _____, but mama said no."

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can really do to prevent these things (other than the above), since they often stem from an inability to communicate and emotional immaturity. It's completely age appropriate to have tantrums. Age 12-24 months is so difficult because of the inability to communicate and/or the child wanting more or to be able to do something not physically possible.

[fedoragirl]

In addition to what other PPs have already written, I suggest scripting her dialogues since she has good communication skills. So, if she is frustrated about not getting what she wants just teach her to say that in simpler terms. She needs to express her emotions.
DS is a hitter. He usually targets his big sis the most. Now, I am teaching him to say things like, "I don't like that." or " Please stop" etc. and the hitting has reduced a lot. He is older than your DD but his sentences are more like a 16 month old.

[edurnemk]

I guess the hitting oneself is more common than I thought, DS never did it, so I was floored when DD started slapping herself. I try to avoid triggers (tiredness, hunger), I do script her feelings for her ("DD is sad! You can't have that thing and it makes you mad!"). She can't yet form sentences but uses single words and a lot of hand gestures. I guess I should also scale down my reactions to the hitting, so she doesn't do it solely for the reaction she gets.

Thanks everyone!

[georgiegirl]

I guess the hitting oneself is more common than I thought, DS never did it, so I was floored when DD started slapping herself. I try to avoid triggers (tiredness, hunger), I do script her feelings for her ("DD is sad! You can't have that thing and it makes you mad!"). She can't yet form sentences but uses single words and a lot of hand gestures. I guess I should also scale down my reactions to the hitting, so she doesn't do it solely for the reaction she gets.

Thanks everyone!

Well it sounds like you are doing everything "right." It's hard to be a toddler, especially if she has motor delays. I'm sure she gets very frustrated. At that age, they just have no clue now to handle their emotions.

[PZMommy]

My son is 22 months and has been in PT, OT, and child devlopment services since he was 10 months old. For PT, he screamed and cried from start to finish for the first 10 months. It was painful for me to watch. His PT said it wasn't unusual, as PT is hard for them, and they really have to work at things that are uncomfortable for them. Funny thing is now, he gives his physical therapist a big hug every time she comes, and he doesn't really cry or fuss.

[Philly Mom]

I guess the hitting oneself is more common than I thought, DS never did it, so I was floored when DD started slapping herself. I try to avoid triggers (tiredness, hunger), I do script her feelings for her ("DD is sad! You can't have that thing and it makes you mad!"). She can't yet form sentences but uses single words and a lot of hand gestures. I guess I should also scale down my reactions to the hitting, so she doesn't do it solely for the reaction she gets.

Thanks everyone!

Forgot to add that DH used to bang his head. Freaked his parents (really his mom) out, but he was always fine. He is very successful now so there were no long lasting affects. I agree you should not react to it though.

[crl]

I must confess I also worry that all the challenges she faces and will continue to face will crush her sweet disposition, I'm afraid of "loosing" my little girl to this disability (but that's probably an issue for a separate post).

I just wanted to address this part. My ds, now ten years old, also faced a lot of challenges: he was a premie and then in an orphanage for the first year of his life, he had to adjust to a family and a whole different language, culture, etc when we adopted him. He had language delays and fine motor skills issues severe enough to qualify for EI and then special education services that lasted until he was in first grade. He is a very sweet kid. His teacher this last year marveled at how helpful he was, other parents tell me about how sweet he is to younger kids (playing catch in ways that they can keep up and have fun too), etc. He's not perfect, but he really is a nice kid. I think his challenges have made him more aware that not everyone has the same abilities and more considerate about including and accepting everyone. I think they have also made him more persistent when he wants to master something.

I hope that's a little it reassuring on that point.

Catherine

[BabyBearsMom]

I guess the hitting oneself is more common than I thought, DS never did it, so I was floored when DD started slapping herself. I try to avoid triggers (tiredness, hunger), I do script her feelings for her ("DD is sad! You can't have that thing and it makes you mad!"). She can't yet form sentences but uses single words and a lot of hand gestures. I guess I should also scale down my reactions to the hitting, so she doesn't do it solely for the reaction she gets.

Thanks everyone!

Both my girls dd this around 1. I was shocked with DD1 as I thought I had another year before this happened but I think it is normal. DD2 is doing the same thing right now. I avoid triggers whenever possible and when I see one coming I script feelings with her and try to comfort. But once she goes into tantrum, I irgnore it. They rarely last more than 30 seconds when she is ignored and then she gets up and goes about her business.

[edurnemk]

My son is 22 months and has been in PT, OT, and child devlopment services since he was 10 months old. For PT, he screamed and cried from start to finish for the first 10 months. It was painful for me to watch. His PT said it wasn't unusual, as PT is hard for them, and they really have to work at things that are uncomfortable for them. Funny thing is now, he gives his physical therapist a big hug every time she comes, and he doesn't really cry or fuss.

DD is the same with PT, she cries the entire hour, and it's soooo hard for me to have to watch and not be able to run to her and hold her. I was also told they cry a lot at first. I've seen some of the slightly older kids that come in after us and they love her, so I'm hoping in a few months my DD will be one of those kids happily running in and hugging the PT.


I just wanted to address this part. My ds, now ten years old, also faced a lot of challenges: he was a premie and then in an orphanage for the first year of his life, he had to adjust to a family and a whole different language, culture, etc when we adopted him. He had language delays and fine motor skills issues severe enough to qualify for EI and then special education services that lasted until he was in first grade. He is a very sweet kid. His teacher this last year marveled at how helpful he was, other parents tell me about how sweet he is to younger kids (playing catch in ways that they can keep up and have fun too), etc. He's not perfect, but he really is a nice kid. I think his challenges have made him more aware that not everyone has the same abilities and more considerate about including and accepting everyone. I think they have also made him more persistent when he wants to master something.

I hope that's a little it reassuring on that point.

Catherine

Thanks you. There's so much uncertainty at this point with DD's development, I really need to hear that it's going to be OK.