Choosing godparents and etiquette

[TxCat]

Could you ask one member of a married couple to be a godparent, and not the other? We have a female friend we want to ask, but all of our male friends that we are considering asking are married and DH worries that the female spouses might be offended at not being asked, when we are asking the husbands. I don't really know what the etiquette is. Is this a faux pas? Guaranteed to cause resentment down the line?

[AnnieW625]

I would hope that they would be okay with it. My brother's godmother is married and the godfather is not her husband. My mom is my cousin's godmother and my dad is not her godfather. I know that if my DH is asked to be our niece's godfather and I am not asked to be the godmother I won't be offended. I am not even sure that there is any etiquette as far as this goes.

[MamaMolly]

Both my DD's have mixed Godparents. My sister and DH's brother for one, my BIL (my sister's DH) and DH's sister for the other. If you are worried about how to ask you can say 'we are asking Mary Smith to be DC's Godmother and would be honored if you'd consider being DC's Godfather'.

[Momit]

I guess it would depend on how you are viewing the Godparents - as an honorary role or as the people who would raise your child if something happened to you. We chose a married couple as DS's Godparents, and have talked with them about the fact that they will become his legal guardians if we pass away when DS is still young. We named a second married couple as the alternate (in the legal sense, not the honorary title). But I know plenty of people who choose individuals rather than a couple.

[brittone2]

I guess it would depend on how you are viewing the Godparents - as an honorary role or as the people who would raise your child if something happened to you.
:yeahthat:

[Philly Mom]

My brother is the godfather for his best friend's kid. My SIL is not the godmother. It did not strange at all and I never thought otherwise until your post. Still don't think it is strange. Fwiw, my brother is definitely not the guardian. There is other family.

[mom2khj]

None of the Godparents in our families are married couples. But our Godparents aren't the guardians who would raise them if something terrible happened.

[Ceepa]

None of the Godparents in our families are married couples. But our Godparents aren't the guardians who would raise them if something terrible happened.

:yeahthat: I look at it this way, twice as many families involved in supporting a child's spiritual life is a good thing.

[swrc00]

Both of my DS's godparents are married, but not to each other. I actually don't like the godmother's husband. I am glad I followed my gut instinct, because they are now divorced.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm sure there are some women who would get upset, but they would be in the wrong. Hopefully your friends' wives are reasonable!

[BabbyO]

It is tradition in our family to have one Godparent from each side of the family - so none of our Godparents are married to one another.

My kids have a mixture - but my kids also each have 4 Godparents. 2 from the family and 2 from our faith community/family. We also don't necessarily have 1 male + 1 female Godparent. Stachio's Godparents consist of my sister, SIL (DH's sister), and a close couple from our church. Peanut's are my brother and his wife and our neighbors who also attend our church.

[janine]

If not, I have broken traditions a few time! In terms of the Church's guidelines (Catholic in my case), things are much looser these days. To me that is the ultimate defintion of etiquette/tradition so from there I assumed our choices were pretty much up to us.

I did not choose married couples, I just tried to choose one from each side and then secondly chose based on that person's involvement with my kids and actual desire to be a godparent. The second was something I learned after my first child. With my first I was very concscious of keeping the famliies happy but with my 2nd I went with who really wanted to be involved with my kids. I even chose my sister's then bf as godfather (!, unmarried AND not even family yet) and he has been amazing. They are now engaged (phew!).

[TxCat]

I guess it would depend on how you are viewing the Godparents - as an honorary role or as the people who would raise your child if something happened to you.

Definitely an honorary role, not guardians (we already have named and selected some family members in our wills who would be the legal and physical guardians if anything happened to myself and DH).

Thanks for all of the feedback. I would hope something like this wouldn't cause offense. I like the idea of sort of focusing on how we do the asking, to hopefully diffuse any hurt feelings or resentment.