Apparently I have failed society.

[twotimesblue]

This issue is getting me down so badly. Ever since my beautiful DS2 arrived, I have been stunned by the number of rude comments that I have been subjected to with regards to my family make up. "Two boys? Poor you/Good luck, you'll need it/there's a special place in heaven for boy moms/your house must be a wreck/when are you going to get your girl' and the kicker, 'I'm SO GLAD I don't have boys!" At first I assumed that I was attuned to these hurtful barbs as I was postpartum and hormonal, but my beautiful DS2 is 8 months old now and the barrage is showing no sign of abating.

Yesterday, I went for a looooong awaited pedicure - my first bit of 'me time' in months. The lady doing my nails was chatting about kids so I pulled out my phone and proudly showed her a photo of my boys. She said - and I quote - "Oh no! The second one's a boy, too? I have a son and a daughter, boys are useless, they just eat all your food and play computer games all day etc etc". I was a bit taken aback, and said something like: "I love having two boys", to which she replied: "if you have no daughter you have no life! Who is going to go shopping with you when they're older? Who will spend time with you?' - rinse and repeat for 30 minutes. I was so upset I didn't know what to do - had my feet and legs not been smeared in some gross-looking minty unguent I may have stormed out in tears.

Fast forward to this morning. I took my boys to a 'meet the families' session with kids and parents from the preschool class my DS1 is joining in September. DS2 is in the Ergo, with a cute hat on, and one of the dads makes a beeline for him. 'Wow, isn't she beautiful? What a pretty little girl' (both my DSs have very full lips and long eyelashes, and are often mistaken for girls). I replied with a 'thank you, but he's all boy!' and you should have seen this dad's expression change, as though I'd told him something awful. 'Oh, you have TWO BOYS? Wow, you must have really wanted this one to be a girl. I'm sorry. Two boys. Maybe next time you'll get a precious girl?', and he slunk off!

Just as I was gathering my composure, one of the moms - who has one DS - told me she cried for 2 weeks after her gender scan, as she 'never wanted boys and didn't understand why anyone would'. Excuse me, WTF? Another mom - with 2 boys herself - then chimed in that she was still very sad that her infant DS2 was a boy, and that they'll HAVE to try for another, because she 'deserves' a daughter. Again, WTF WTF? My sons are a huge disappointment to society? I didn't 'deserve' a DD? I am ashamed to say I cried in the car on the way home.

A friend of mine recently told me: 'your boys are cute, but you'll never be the 'real' grandma! Think of how much women all hate their mother-in-laws', and it stung sooooo badly. I have honestly only had ONE positive comment when I've been out with my sons, as opposed to at least one negative remark daily, and it hurts. My boys are beautiful, sweet, precious, and while DS2 is too young to 'know', DS1 is 100% the opposite of almost every 'boy' stereotype (quiet, considered, sweet, polite, empathic, not an aggressive bone in his body). He usually gets pushed around by girls half his size in the park. But those girls - some of whom are downright bratty - are fawned over because they are the 'preferred' sex.

I know it isn't just me, as other 'boy moms' have told me they get the same treatment. Two of my best friends are 'girl moms', and they get nothing like it. DS1's best friend is a girl with a sister, and when we all go out to restaurants/playgrounds etc it is amazing to see how differently people react to the 2 DDs as opposed to my 2 DSs, even when her girls are being difficult. "Sisters for life!" "You're going to be well looked after when you're older", "two beautiful princesses, lucky you!"... you get the gist, and I've seen it all first hand. I'm royally sick of it, to be honest.

I'm sorry, society, for failing to produce a child with a vagina. I'm sorry to have 'failed' to produce a perfect 2 girl, or boy/girl family. I LOVE my boys with every fibre of my being, so PLEASE shut the hell up and stop upsetting our 'imperfect' family.

[ellies mom]

Wow! That is crazy. Boys are wonderful.

[Sweetum]

wow! that's just rude, insensitive and so wrong! It's wonderful to have boys. I have one and if we ever have another I would love to have another boy. they're fun, they're attached to moms (DH is attached to his mom, my bother is attached to my mom), and when they display love, they make you feel so special :) I'm sure it's the same with girls, but I am saying it's no different with boys. And I am a lazy, non-girly sort of mom. I barely get off my butt for my own shopping or "upkeep", and I doubt I'll buy all the wonderful clothes for a girl, so a boy suits my lifestyle just fine :D And guess what, you will be queen of the house when you are the only female in the house ;)

ETA: and about being MIL, well, you will be what you make yourself. Who knows, you may turn out to be the world's best MIL. I know plenty of people who don't get along with their moms, so, it's not in the title, it's in the person. and grandkids! goodness...you just had your second!

[StantonHyde]

wow!! After I had DS, I just assumed I was going to be a boy mom. I was fine with that. Yes, I was very happy to have my daughter as the second child--for all the girl centric reasons. But I LOVE my son. What do they want people to do? Treat their sons like crap?? I am fortunate as there were a number of 2 boy families in our daycare. (the next largest were 2 girls. the boy/girl family was a rarity!) So we never had to deal with any of the anti-boy crap. But I have seen some anti-boy stuff in other venues and it flabbergasts me. (especially since my DD could beat the crap out of her brother!)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

wow, i am shocked and incensed for you. that is SO wrong. i can't believe that many people said such insensitive things! somebody actually said "boys are useless?" wow.

it kind of gets me when i go out and a stranger would say "oh one boy and one girl? perfect family. now you can be done." i always thought "Um, what? you get to decide how many kids i have?" LOL.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: sometimes i hate people.

[ett]

Wow. I can't believe people would say such rude comments to you. We know many families with 2, 3, or 4 boys so have not really encountered any of the anti-boy comments here. Boys are awesome. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not having a girl. And I love shopping by myself when the boys get daddy time!

[petesgirl]

Wow, the nerve!! I'm so sorry, and I know I would have cried also. I am actually hoping for #2 to be a boy, I think 2 brothers would be awesome! And I have two brothers with children and my mom is their 'real' grandma because she has put in the time and effort to get to know them and shows interest in them. Those grandkids really do love my mom and prefer her.

[Still-in-Shock]

How WEIRD!!!!!!!!! I think it's a cultural thing. I know people who cried when they found out they were having GIRLS! Without a boy, how do your carry on the NAME!?? Eek. And people wonder why I don't want to know what our baby will be. I thought once the baby is here, people won't be able to beeeetch, but I was wrong.:irked:

((Hugs)) to you. I think that society is failing YOU.

[Mermanaid]

People are crazy ... don't let them get you down! They have no concept of how their comments can affect other people. Thought diarrhea?!

For the record ... when I found out DS was a boy I cried for a week. I WANTED another DD. But I quickly got over that and think back to how silly I was. I ADORE my boy.

[KpbS]

Wow, wow, wow. I CANNOT believe this has pretty much been the universal response to your sweet family. Unbelievable. I am so sorry. I never received these comments after DS2. People would occasionally ask if were would have another but even that was rare. Boys are wonderful!!! I love my boys!! Don't let the turkeys get you down! :grouphug:

[California]

Couldn't read and not send hugs your way. Some people can be so thoughtless in their words. Please vent away!! Sounds like the manicurist is stuck in stereotypes. There are plenty of close mom/son relationships out there. Aren't your glad your boys are with you, instead of stuck with someone like her?

[ahisma]

All of those people are off their rockers. And rude. And, well, jerks.

For what it's worth, I dare any one of them to tell my MIL that she's not my DS1 and DS2's "real" grandma. I'd pay to see that one go down.

:grouphug:

[mommyp]

I am so sorry this keeps happening, that is so so rude! And I can't help thinking how do they think their own kids are going to feel hearing this stuff? Awful on so many levels. And FWIW, I love my MIL!

[rin]

I'm so, so sorry that you've had so many run-ins with people who apparently need a major crash course in basic social appropriateness. How bizarre and rude!! People sometimes are very strange. (FWIW I have two girls, and have had multiple people tell me that I'll just have to try again to get my boy. And while I have no plans to "try again to get my boy", if we do ever decide to go for a third, I would be over the moon if we had a boy.)

As an aside, my two closest married girlfriends are both much closer to their MILs than to their own mothers, and their families spend much more time with their in-laws; one of my girlfriends regularly goes shopping/out to lunch/etc with her MIL, and her MIL is much, much closer to their son than her own mother is. I don't think it's at all true that the paternal grandmother is less close to the grandchildren!

[MMMommy]

I am flabbergasted by how people can be so tactless and rude like that. I happen to have two DDs, and I love them and appreciate them dearly. If I had two boys I would love them and want them just as much. People like that need to shut their traps. I do still get the occasional "Are you going to try for a boy?" I just reply with, "Frankly, I am too damn old to have another."

[citymama]

That's appalling. You have not failed anyone and are rightly proud of your two healthy, sweet boys. Don't let them get you down! I suggest you start working on some come back lines. ;)

People are stupid. I get asked often when we're going to "try for a boy." people ask whether my DH is disappointed the second wasn't a boy. I've been told things like "Every guy wants a son" - even when dd2 was a newborn. DH and I are perfectly thrilled with our girls and would have been thrilled no matter what their genders.

People also assume that the dream scenario is a boy and a girl. The dream scenario, in my mind, is healthy and happy kids, gender is irrelevant.

My DH is a lovely son to his parents, and so is my dad (or was, when my grandparents were alive). You know better than to listen to their ridiculous talk, although I know how irritating it can be.

[crayonblue]

How RUDE. I'm sorry, OP. People should just shut their mouths.

We get the opposite comments--we now have two girls--and wowzers, apparently that is quite bad! Who know! Certain family members were the worst. They only wanted boys. No girls for them, please! Which annoyed the ever living daylight out of me since I love my sweet girls!

[MMMommy]

People also assume that the dream scenario is a boy and a girl. The dream scenario, in my mind, is healthy and happy kids, gender is irrelevant.

Well said.

[sgmango]

I have two girls, and we recently found out that our third is a boy. When I posted on Facebook asking for advice on raising a boy after two girls, I was shocked at how many negative responses I got. I'm super excited to have a little boy, and it's disturbing that people would say negative things about the sex of someone's child. Ughh, I'm so sorry OP.

[lmwbasye]

I'm so so sorry you've had to deal with this. Some people are just not nice. :( FWIW...I have two boys and LOVE it! They are the best of friends and play so nicely together. I'm so so glad they will always have one another as we go through this crazy life of ours.

[JdrKuhnert]

Hugs. I have 4 boys and am constantly asked if we are still trying to have a girl. My response is always the same. "We could care less about gender. We are blessed to have healthy children." This usually shuts them up. It gets on my nerves too.

[Philly Mom]

How awful. I have a lot of friends with two boys. They love it especially when they get to school age, less drama, more fun. FWIW,I love my mil and my sils and my mom are very close. My mom was invited to my sil's ultrasounds. I did not invite her to mine even though we are close.

[georgiegirl]

I'm sorry that you've encountered such idiots lately. How horribly rude. I would have cried too. I'm expecting DS2 (I do have an older DD), and I'm excited to have two boys in a row. My DS is so affectionate and charming.

[hellokitty]

Op, I totally get your bitch. I got similarly nasty comments after I had ds2 and then the nasty comments kept on going, esp while I was pg with ds3. Mean ppl suck. I still struggle with random rude comments from ppl regarding our all boy status and have had to grow some thicker skin about it. I think it is great that you stick up for yourself and your boys! You're a great mom!

[mom2khj]

People can be so insensitive. Having two girls, initially, all I heard about was how hard girls were and how much easier boys were! Gender is irrelevant. Personality it what makes some children more challenging to raise!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I have 2 boys and have occasionally heard those sorts if comments but they don't bother me. I love having 2 boys- girls scare me! I'm secure in loving my guys and wouldn't want a different family. I think I project that clearly to anyone who says something about having 2 boys.

[waitingforgrace]

Don't let them get to you, people can be quite insensitive. We get those comments in reverse. Are we going to try for a boy? how could we not have a BOY? Doesn't DH want a BOY? Boys are easier than girls, you'll have your hands full when they're teenagers. Your house must be filled with nothing but drama with 2 girls. I'm even told that my life must be so easy with 2 girls now, so much easier than little boys, but I'll get my payback when they're teenagers. It's irritating but I just say I love my girls and change the conversation.

[BDKmom]

I am so sorry that people are being so rude to you. That really stinks. I have learned through life and through reading this board that some people are going to make rude and ignorant remarks, no matter the situation. Have two boys? Well, of course your greatest regret in life is not having a girl. Have two girls? Your husband must be so disappointed. Have one of each? That's the perfect family and you should have no problems ever...your family is done, don't dare consider having more children. Have only one? You have to give them a sibling. Have more than two? Don't you know what causes that? You get the drift. Basically, some people feel the need to put their two cents in on everything. I know it hurts. Sorry you are getting hit with it from all sides. I hope today you are surrounded by nice people who get the joy of children, no matter what their gender.

[JBaxter]

OP...

I have 4 boys and NONE of that crap is true. Boys are a delight I didn't have children for gender I had them because I WANTED children.

Now my oldest is 21 and is entering his senior year of college. He has met a lovely girl who is also 21. I was helping him move into an off campus house this past weekend and took all 4 of the boys 21 18 ( who also lives at college with his brother) 9 & 4 to a trampoline park while we were there. Mere < son's girlfriend> joined us. We sat and talked for a while and she said..... I wanted to thank you for raising such a nice and respectful son. He has never been anything but sweet to me and respects me as an equal. He goes out of his way not only to help me but any of my Sorority sisters who need help. Ive never even caught him staring at other girls at the beach even when I stare at them. My dad even likes him and he's never liked anyone I have dated. I just wanted to say you did a good job with both Logan and Connor.
I ALMOST cried. This is the mom of boys mission to raise productive caring young men. I'm proud to be the mom of boys. I love soccer football LAX computer games scooters bikes rollerblades etc. I won't diss on girls but they can have a LOT of drama. Hang in there its a blast.

[georgiegirl]

OP...

I have 4 boys and NONE of that crap is true. Boys are a delight I didn't have children for gender I had them because I WANTED children.

Now my oldest is 21 and is entering his senior year of college. He has met a lovely girl who is also 21. I was helping him move into an off campus house this past weekend and took all 4 of the boys 21 18 ( who also lives at college with his brother) 9 & 4 to a trampoline park while we were there. Mere < son's girlfriend> joined us. We sat and talked for a while and she said..... I wanted to thank you for raising such a nice and respectful son. He has never been anything but sweet to me and respects me as an equal. He goes out of his way not only to help me but any of my Sorority sisters who need help. Ive never even caught him staring at other girls at the beach even when I stare at them. My dad even likes him and he's never liked anyone I have dated. I just wanted to say you did a good job with both Logan and Connor.
I ALMOST cried. This is the mom of boys mission to raise productive caring young men. I'm proud to be the mom of boys. I love soccer football LAX computer games scooters bikes rollerblades etc. I won't diss on girls but they can have a LOT of drama. Hang in there its a blast.

How sweet! What a wonderful compliment. I would have cried. I think that teaching a boy how to me a sensitive, thoughtful, respectful man is so important these days.

[hellokitty]

OP...

I have 4 boys and NONE of that crap is true. Boys are a delight I didn't have children for gender I had them because I WANTED children.

Now my oldest is 21 and is entering his senior year of college. He has met a lovely girl who is also 21. I was helping him move into an off campus house this past weekend and took all 4 of the boys 21 18 ( who also lives at college with his brother) 9 & 4 to a trampoline park while we were there. Mere < son's girlfriend> joined us. We sat and talked for a while and she said..... I wanted to thank you for raising such a nice and respectful son. He has never been anything but sweet to me and respects me as an equal. He goes out of his way not only to help me but any of my Sorority sisters who need help. Ive never even caught him staring at other girls at the beach even when I stare at them. My dad even likes him and he's never liked anyone I have dated. I just wanted to say you did a good job with both Logan and Connor.
I ALMOST cried. This is the mom of boys mission to raise productive caring young men. I'm proud to be the mom of boys. I love soccer football LAX computer games scooters bikes rollerblades etc. I won't diss on girls but they can have a LOT of drama. Hang in there its a blast.

Awesome post, thanks for sharing! :)

[elizabethkott]

I have two boys, and couldn't be happier with them!!! Frankly, I wouldn't know what to do with a girl. I've always been somewhat of a tomboy (at least growing up) and I love being able to roughhouse with my guys. I love that I'm the one who went on all the roller coasters with J at Disney. I love that they still want to cuddle me. And I hope that I earn the same type of compliment that JBaxter earned above one day. That's my goal. (They both already put their dishes in the dishwasher, clothes in the hamper, hang up their towels, put the seat down, and know how to change the toilet paper roll, which is more than I can say for their father!!! You're welcome, future spouses of my children!)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[athompson]

Here's the thing. People don't know what to say so they just talk. Sometimes what they say makes sense. Sometimes it doesn't. I have all girls and you should hear some of the things people say to me. I know it's hard, but don't don't let it bother you. I firmly believe that most people mean well, but sometimes nervous energy takes over and they just don't know what to say.

[lmh2402]

oh my word. that is horrific!

I love my DD to pieces, but cried for weeks when I inadvertently learned I was having a girl. I was praying for a second boy - I would have loved for my kids to have had same-sex siblings. Your sons have built-in best friends and IMO, that is such an amazing, wonderful thing!! (not to say that brothers and sisters can't be best friends too...I'm just coming from a biased position being so much closer to my sister than to my brothers)

[123LuckyMom]

I'm so sorry you've been beaten over the head with such stupidity! I was terrified when I found out my first would be a boy, because I didn't have much child care experience or expertise about boys. DS is an awesome love bug, and I'm sooooo lucky to have him. Then I was terrified when I found out I was having a girl next, because I had no parenting experience with girls, and I had learned that you can be an incredibly experienced child care professional, but parenting is a whole new ball game! DD is amazing, too, but I'm still concerned. I have a TERRIBLE relationship with my mother, but I've never met a man that didn't love his mom to pieces. What you've experienced is soooo hurtful, but it's nothing to do with you and your wonderful boys and everything to do with those odd people! I hope you can swap your hurt to pity for such small minded (and wrong) people! Hugs to you!!

[Clarity]

Wow! That is crazy. Boys are wonderful.

:yeahthat: And I'm a mom of girls. These people are just RUDE. I'm sorry that you've had to put up with them.

[almostmom]

I'm shocked - I can't believe people say that! I never cared about the gender of my kids. And actually, when DD came out, DH actually announced that she was a boy (!!!) (swollen genitalia...) and I was thrilled DS would have a brother! A few seconds later I of course learned this wasn't true, and was happy with a girl too.

And in my house, no question DS is the WAY easier, less drama child in pretty much every way.

So sorry you're experiencing this. I would never dream of saying that to anyone.

[ECUPirateMom]

Here's the thing. People don't know what to say so they just talk. Sometimes what they say makes sense. Sometimes it doesn't. I have all girls and you should hear some of the things people say to me. I know it's hard, but don't don't let it bother you. I firmly believe that most people mean well, but sometimes nervous energy takes over and they just don't know what to say.

I agree with this completely! I've got 2 girls and another on the way and I hear the same exact type of comments about having girls ALL THE TIME ("wait til they're teenagers, lets hope you have a boy next to carry your name, you must be so disappointed" blah blah blah). Its been hard but I've learned to let it slide and ignore it for the most part. Just wanted you to know that it goes both ways...you're damned if you have just boys and you're damned if you have just girls!

Sent from my SGH-T989

[BabyBearsMom]

:grouphug: That sucks mama. Of course your boys are precious and people are so rude. If it helps, those of us with 2 girls get similar treatment. I hear "Oh your poor husband!" and this was a doozy:
Lady: When are you going to try for a boy
Me: Never. We are done having kids.
Lady: Well, we will just see what your husband has to say about that!
Me: My husband agrees, but really he doesn't have a say about it. At.ALL.

and I hear "You better buy a house with lots of bathrooms with all those girls." ANd a million other rude, ridiculous comments. I actually had someone say "Good thing parents of girls don't have to pay dowries anymore! You would be broke." Um really, as if this is a recent change in marriage etiquette and a remotely relevant comment?

Your boys are awesome! Don't listen to the nail lady. The lady at my nail place asks me, every.single.time, when my baby is due even though I am not pregnant. Sometimes, I want to kick her in the face

[khalloc]

I have one of each. My DD came first and I have to say that if I ever had a 3rd I would want another boy. Boys are so sweet and fun. I love my DD with all of my heart and she is fun in other ways, but the girl drama and whining really gets me down.

[Giantbear]

I get it on the other side with my dd.
rule one: people are idiots
rule two: I try and ignore idiots
rule three: boys rock
rule four: girls rock
rule five: pet rocks rock :hysterical:

[Globetrotter]

Don't let them get you down, OP!
I have one of each and I have to say they are both wonderful in their own way. I find that people make assumptions about boys being rowdy and hard to manage and uncaring, but my ds hasn't fit the stereotype at all. He is a joy! I love being around ds and his adorable friends, and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

[BabbyO]

Ok, seriously, people are STUPID!!!

I'll be honest, I have two boys and I was TOTALLY RELIEVED when I found out Peanut was a boy! Girls are great, but man, I'm SO glad to be a boy mom. I always (secretly) am relieved when I see little girls acting like princesses...that would drive me batty - unless of course they were my girls I'm sure! :D

People just don't think.

[AnnieW625]

I have 2 boys and have occasionally heard those sorts if comments but they don't bother me. I love having 2 boys- girls scare me! I'm secure in loving my guys and wouldn't want a different family. I think I project that clearly to anyone who says something about having 2 boys.

My MIL has always said the same thing and her boys are 5 yrs. apart. On the flip side we have gotten "don't you want a boy now?" from people as we have two girls.

People are stupid, you are not one of them. Enjoy your boys!

[swissair81]

I have a cousin who had 4 girls and wanted a boy so badly and then she had twin girls (and then the long awaited boy).

As for me, my sonny boy is the most sensitive of all my kids. I love him (and my girls, obviously).

[citymama]

Ok, seriously, people are STUPID!!!

I'll be honest, I have two boys and I was TOTALLY RELIEVED when I found out Peanut was a boy! Girls are great, but man, I'm SO glad to be a boy mom. I always (secretly) am relieved when I see little girls acting like princesses...that would drive me batty - unless of course they were my girls I'm sure! :D

People just don't think.

Please, don't say stuff like this and be part of that group of people. Some of us have girls, ya know?

[citymama]

OP...

I have 4 boys and NONE of that crap is true. Boys are a delight I didn't have children for gender I had them because I WANTED children.

Now my oldest is 21 and is entering his senior year of college. He has met a lovely girl who is also 21. I was helping him move into an off campus house this past weekend and took all 4 of the boys 21 18 ( who also lives at college with his brother) 9 & 4 to a trampoline park while we were there. Mere < son's girlfriend> joined us. We sat and talked for a while and she said..... I wanted to thank you for raising such a nice and respectful son. He has never been anything but sweet to me and respects me as an equal. He goes out of his way not only to help me but any of my Sorority sisters who need help. Ive never even caught him staring at other girls at the beach even when I stare at them. My dad even likes him and he's never liked anyone I have dated. I just wanted to say you did a good job with both Logan and Connor.
I ALMOST cried. This is the mom of boys mission to raise productive caring young men. I'm proud to be the mom of boys. I love soccer football LAX computer games scooters bikes rollerblades etc. I won't diss on girls but they can have a LOT of drama. Hang in there its a blast.

How wonderful. Good job, mama!:bighand:

[cookiemonster80]

For what it's worth my 'real' grandma was my day's mom- She was my most favorite person and i even named dd1 after her.

[BunnyBee]

People are jackasses. Seriously you need to look them dead in the eye and ask, "What is wrong with you? Why would you say something so negative about my children?" Maybe it will keep them from repeating such stupidity to another mother. Imagine if you'd had a daughter who passed away? I mean, really, people need to use their brains more.

[BabbyO]

Please, don't say stuff like this and be part of that group of people. Some of us have girls, ya know?

I'm sorry, that didn't come out the way it was intended....I've always been a tomboy so I've always been less comfortable with girls - I meant it to be a comment on ME not on girls. I see how it read differently and I truly apologize.

And I guess that illustrates how a comment can be intended one way and come out another. :(

[BabbyO]

Citymama I tried to PM you, but can't so I'll just share this here and I'll say it to all parents of girls:

I want to apologize for my comment above...it just came out wrong. I truly did not mean to offend anyone - and was trying to comment on ME, not girls in general. I see how it read, and really am sorry.

Please accept my most sincere apology.

[scrooks]

Those comments are horrible! Enjoy your boys! I admit to being freaked out both times I found out boys were coming but that is coming from knowing nothing about boys being raised with just a sister ( and with ds2 i was a little diappointed to find out all of my cute girls clothes were not coming out of storage). Ds is an awesome little guy and I think ds2 will be as well! Healthy kids are really the only goal!

[queenmama]

Citymama I tried to PM you, but can't so I'll just share this here and I'll say it to all parents of girls:

I want to apologize for my comment above...it just came out wrong. I truly did not mean to offend anyone - and was trying to comment on ME, not girls in general. I see how it read, and really am sorry.

Please accept my most sincere apology.

I didn't find it offensive because you acknowledged that you'd likely feel differently if you had girls.

Granted, I've been a girl mom for a very short time, and I'm not into the prissy princess thing. We don't own a single hair bow, for example. :D So I guess my feelings might be hurt if we were more girly-girl around here.

I adore my DS. He is, as you describe (OP), atypical. Mild mannered, not rambunctious at all, more brains than brawn, etc. Maybe I wouldn't enjoy having a boy as much if he behaved as boys usually do? I can't say. I'm very thankful for Henry, though. He's been my best buddy for 13 years!


Lara

[boolady]

I didn't find it offensive because you acknowledged that you'd likely feel differently if you had girls.

I didn't find it offensive either. I come from a family of all sisters, all female cousins, except one, and sometimes think I wouldn't have a clue how to deal with a boy on a regular basis. Doesn't mean I'm bad mouthing them.

[BabyBearsMom]

I didn't find it offensive either. I come from a family of all sisters, all female cousins, except one, and sometimes think I wouldn't have a clue how to deal with a boy on a regular basis. Doesn't mean I'm bad mouthing them.

:yeahthat: Not offended. TBH, when I had DD1 I vowed that my DDs would never do the princess thing blah blah blah. DD1 ended up being the prissiest, girliest child ever put on the face of the earth. I don't know where it came from because I'm not very girly. But you want to know the secret about it? I love every pink, puffy, princess, bow covered minute of it. :rotflmao: Once it is your princess, you learn to love it.

[kaharris83]

Your boys rock and you are an awesome mom!! Congrats on having two healthy, beautiful boys who will dote on you endlessly as they age. :)

I have 2 amazing boys too and I've never wanted it any other way. I don't get nearly as many negative comments as it sounds like you do, but when I get negative comments I just smile and say I'm nothing but blessed and never wanted anything but healthy children after having 3 miscarriages and trying for DS1 for 3 years. Usually shuts people up quickly.

[Philly Mom]

:yeahthat: Not offended. TBH, when I had DD1 I vowed that my DDs would never do the princess thing blah blah blah. DD1 ended up being the prissiest, girliest child ever put on the face of the earth. I don't know where it came from because I'm not very girly. But you want to know the secret about it? I love every pink, puffy, princess, bow covered minute of it. :rotflmao: Once it is your princess, you learn to love it.

I agree with this. I was a tomboy and was convinced my daughter would be the same. As a child I hated dolls, barbies, dresses, etc. and for the longest time refused to buy DD a doll for that reason. Well, she LOVES dolls, and will reject shorts and a tshirt some days because she wants to wear a dress. Obviously, this makes my parents laugh since they tried for years to get me to wear dresses. She also loves princesses. At school, if I pick up during dress up time, she is wearing a crown, heals, and necklaces. Thankfully, she loves balls and swimming but she is prissy about getting dirty (I really cannot relate). I have to admit it is all a lot of fun and I have a huge smile seeing her dressed as a princess even if it is NMS. I hope she likes to watch organized sports because that is definitely a must with both of our families, but if not, I am sure we will cope :). Two boys, two girls, one of each, 5 of one, it doesn't really matter, kids are fun to have around (most of the time) even if they are completely different than we imagined they would be. I agree with what someone else said, I think people are often just looking for a way to make conversation and don't know what they are saying.

[citymama]

Citymama I tried to PM you, but can't so I'll just share this here and I'll say it to all parents of girls:

I want to apologize for my comment above...it just came out wrong. I truly did not mean to offend anyone - and was trying to comment on ME, not girls in general. I see how it read, and really am sorry.

Please accept my most sincere apology.

Thanks BabbyO - I am not offended, and appreciate your nice words. I know how easy it is to say stuff like that, more as a way of saying how happy you are with your own kids. I've said things like that too in the reverse, but I know that sweeping generalizations about gender are rarely accurate!

As a girl mama x 2, I tell you it's so much about who the *kid* is rather than their gender. DD1 has a lot of "girl" traits - some that I love more than others. ;) She is super compassionate, caring, dreamy, imaginative, but also, yes, we have drama. She loves girly stuff (it was more evident when she was around 3-5) despite having a mama who has almost never worn a bit of make-up in her life. DD2 on the other hand is all about cars, trucks, trains, legos, lives in t-shirts and sneakers, hates dresses and any time someone tries to give her something princessy says "I don't like fairies! I like cars!" They were raised very similarly, except I probably tried to raise DD1 more gender neutral and gave in to the pink by the time DD2 came around. Obviously I had very little to do with either of those scenarios!

ETA Is my PM box full? Why oh why does the new user interface not tell me this?

[twowhat?]

How WEIRD!!!!!!!!! I think it's a cultural thing. I know people who cried when they found out they were having GIRLS! Without a boy, how do your carry on the NAME!?? Eek. And people wonder why I don't want to know what our baby will be. I thought once the baby is here, people won't be able to beeeetch, but I was wrong.:irked:

((Hugs)) to you. I think that society is failing YOU.

Me too, I know of people who have cried when their second girl was born. When mine were babies and obviously twins, I got a lot of "So you're going to try for a boy, aren't you?" As if a family can't be complete with just girls.

People are SO weird about the sex of children (I am purposefully not using "gender" here because I recently learned that it doesn't mean the same thing as "sex"!)

[oneplustwo]

O.M.G. Where in the world do you live where people think like this? I mean it, that's a real question. I. Cannot. Fathom. this mind frame.

I have two boys and a girl. I do love having both genders because they give me great joy, and the kinds of joy they give me are different at times. But BOTH genders give me pure joy. (There are times when I wish I could just sell them on ebay when they drive me crazy, but that's not related to their gender!)

I also know many families who have only boys (or a single child who is a boy) and they are all happy and well-adjusted families. They are not missing out on anything by not having a girl!

The kind of talk you are subjected to would drive me crazy. Maybe you could move to China where your sons will be cherished! Barring that, move to my area where people don't think girls are the end all and be all of life!

[scriptkitten]

FWIW, i LOVE my mother in law dearly and she is 100% a real grandma. in fact she is 150% a real grandma... and so is my mom.

[twotimesblue]

O.M.G. Where in the world do you live where people think like this? I mean it, that's a real question. I. Cannot. Fathom. this mind frame.


We live in a very HCOL part of SoCal (we wouldn't be here if mine and DH's work didn't necessitate it). The moms around here are hyper competitive, the types who send their daughters to gym class in full-on tutus and fussy braids. It's VERY materialistic here, and let's face it, girls are far more gratifying in that regard (it scares me a little, seeing how these tiny girls are trussed up like Christmas turkeys, and I worry for their mental health down the line if they are taught to worry about their appearance/consumerism at such an early age, but that's for another thread. And I have no daughters, so perhaps my opinion there is invalid!)

It is most definitely not just a location thing, though. In the UK, the preference for girls is now so prevalent that there is a commonly-used term - 'SMOGs' - which stands for Smug Mums Of Girls (the reverse is 'DMOBs', an acronym for 'Defensive Mums of Boys'). The fact that girl mums there are 'smug' vs 'defensive' for boy mums tells you all you need to know about that cultural preference.

On this board recently, an overwhelming majority of posters said they wanted the new royal baby to be a girl. Why is that? Why is the desire for a girl baby so much stronger?

I called a friend of mine who lives several states away today. She recently had her third son, and she told me she was very sad about all the negativity she has faced. She said that she looked up 'being a boy mom' on Google, and most of the sites that came up were 'gender disappointment' forums. After reading a couple, she found that 95% of the 'disappointed' moms were devastated about having boys, and some of these women were even talking about aborting their babies based on gender. One woman - pregnant with twin boys, when she already had an older DS - tried to throw herself out of a moving car, as she dislikes boys so much and doesn't want two more! My friend was, naturally, horrified, as was I when she told me about it.

It makes me so very sad that my kids are seen as second-class citizens, when they are so tiny and innocent. Even my sister (who I am no longer speaking to, on account of her general evil-ness) told me, the very first time she met DS1: 'I was SO SAD when my DC3 was a boy. Even my husband wanted another girl. Boys are just boring, they suck the life out of you while they're young, and then they leave'. I was devastated that she could say this to me, a first-time mum besotted with my newborn DS! It is everywhere, and boy moms do get it far worse (a cursory internet search confirms it). The worst thing is other 'boy moms' are usually all too open with their 'disappointment' at having boys. At parties I usually make a beeline for them, hoping to avoid the comments, but 9 times out of 10 they will ask when we're going to try for a girl, state how hard it is being a 'boy mom', or even state that they cried for weeks after ultrasounds (in front of their DSs).

At an open house yesterday, the realtor did the common... 'I have two sons, too. But thank God I finally got my girl!' On an 11-hour flight to Europe last month, the 70-something woman that sat next to me opened her conversation with: 'Were you OK with having a second son? I have two boys, and I am so jealous of my friends with DDs. My sons never call, or spend holidays with me...' this carried on for several hours, despite my regular protestations that I LOVED my sons to bits. She kept saying: 'Well, they're sweet now, but mark my words you'll wish you had a daughter when you get to my age'. I wanted to Duct tape her mouth shut, it was like a repeated slap in the face when I was SO PROUD of my boys who behaved beautifully on the flight and should have been getting nothing but praise from people like her.

I hate it so much, I am like a lioness with my boys, and it just feels like everyone is determined to suck the joy out of my life with them by telling me how awful my situation is/will become when they're older. They put fears into my mind that were never there before, and never should be. Someone even told me that having multiple sons was like playing 'Russian roulette', as they are so much more likely to have behavioral issues than girls. And this was a father with three boys, who also couldn't help himself by commenting that he and his wife will 'never feel complete' without a 'princess to spoil'. Yup, that was a fun visit to the park.

As a PP said, sometimes I just hate people.

[Tondi G]

The next time someone says something you should blurt out "Wow, your Mother failed to teach you basic manners huh!"

I am a Mommy of 2 boys ... a 12 yr old and an 8 year old. I always got the "what, you're not gonna try for a girl?" or "you don't want a girl?" ... I always said "well if someone could promise me it would be a girl for sure then maybe, but chances are I will end up with a 3rd son ... and then what? Go for #4? Ain't gonna happen!" I LOVE being a Mommy to boys. I am not a girly girl at all so I think having boys works out well. Just the other day my DS2 told me "Mommy, I'm gonna live with you and Daddy forever!" I told him "what about when you fall in love and decide to get married?" He said "Oh well I'll just move her in to our house!" LOL :) He loves his Mama!

Don't even let peoples rude comments get you down ... being a Mommy to boys is awesome! Everyone can take their comments and shove em where the sun don't shine!!!

[Momma2boys]

I wanted to chime in with a quick I wanted sons! I got them! A girl would have been fine but I really wanted boys! I'm the eldest of three girls, so was nervous about raising boys correctly LOL! I find people don't know what to say to me, my friend has two girls and gets the same response "now you have to try for a -insert opposite here." I assume you're dealing with women such as your manicurist who have been raised in the cultural world where women do all the work (which is why you need a daughter so she can help you), while boys sit on but and wait for dinner. My usual response for am I going to try again is "Are you going to carry it for me?" Or "It's Dh's turn" or "Why!"

[wellyes]

On this board recently, an overwhelming majority of posters said they wanted the new royal baby to be a girl. Why is that? Why is the desire for a girl baby so much stronger?

I think it was a prediction, not a preference, and there are tons of rumors that they know it is a girl.

[specialp]

I'm sorry, OP. That's terrible.

My sister's kids are older and she has 2 boys, but from the time we were little she always said she only wanted boys. She only got one comment. The rude woman had a ds & dd and her ds was in the same class & sporting event as my older nephew. Once my sister confirmed she wouldn't be having anymore, the rude mom said she would be so disappointed if she only had boys and no girls. My sister replied, "You'd feel differently if you had sons as wonderful as mine." My sister rarely "talks back" to rude comments and is somewhat shy which I feel makes her a target for them w/ competitive moms, but I was so proud of her, especially b/c her younger son was right there with her listening to what a disappointment he was for being a boy.

I adore my son and wish I had more like him.

[lizzywednesday]

WTF is wrong with people! While we've gotten the "so, maybe you'll get your boy next time" comments with DD, and I've smiled and said ridiculous things to tell them off gently but firmly, the things you've reported are so mindless and hurtful that I can't even begin to tell you how ridiculous they are.

As a "girl-mom" I am offended for you!!! As a proud aunt of loving nephews, I am offended for you!!!! Hell, as a HUMAN BEING, I am offended for you!

Not that I would trade my DD for anything, but, you know, I was all geared up to be a "boy-mom" because I love my darling, adorable, and fun nephews so much!

Oh, and for the record, I love my mom, but I get along much better with my MIL, so she's had a lot of full-on grandparenting time with my DD. (And DD adores her and FIL like you wouldn't believe!) We also enjoy shopping together, so if you feel like you're missing out on that when your boys hit teenager-hood, you can think about a future daughter-in-law as a shopping tag-team. If that's something you want, that is. You may not care one way or the other and that's fine, too.

If you build the relationship with your sons' fiancees early, you'll have gained two lovely daughters rather than feeling like you've lost your sons. In a real family, there's always room for one more, right?

Sending many hugs to you!!

[tabegle]

"You'd feel differently if you had sons as wonderful as mine."

I love this quote and think it's completely adaptable! sons/daughters/children.

I am so sorry, OP, that you've had to deal with this. And everyone else that has had to deal with this. I usually get that "perfect family" comment to which I say, "why wouldn't I want more?" Though, I wonder if I can handle more. :)

[BabbyO]

Thanks BabbyO - I am not offended, and appreciate your nice words. I know how easy it is to say stuff like that, more as a way of saying how happy you are with your own kids. I've said things like that too in the reverse, but I know that sweeping generalizations about gender are rarely accurate!

As a girl mama x 2, I tell you it's so much about who the *kid* is rather than their gender. DD1 has a lot of "girl" traits - some that I love more than others. ;) She is super compassionate, caring, dreamy, imaginative, but also, yes, we have drama. She loves girly stuff (it was more evident when she was around 3-5) despite having a mama who has almost never worn a bit of make-up in her life. DD2 on the other hand is all about cars, trucks, trains, legos, lives in t-shirts and sneakers, hates dresses and any time someone tries to give her something princessy says "I don't like fairies! I like cars!" They were raised very similarly, except I probably tried to raise DD1 more gender neutral and gave in to the pink by the time DD2 came around. Obviously I had very little to do with either of those scenarios!

ETA Is my PM box full? Why oh why does the new user interface not tell me this?

Citymama - you are right, it is about each kiddo. Yes - your PM box is full. :)

[mommylamb]

Count me as another boy mom who is happy with her boys. I won't lie. I did want a girl originally. But I don't have any gender disappointment at this point at all. And I'm not worried about my boys deserting me at some point or that I won't be a real grandmother. I think that's bogus. Those are things that depend on the individual, not the gender. There are plenty of girls who aren't good to their mamas too, and plenty who are wonderful daughters, just as there are wonderful sons and those that aren't as close with their moms.

Trust me, there is nothing on earth that could compel me to have a third child unless I could look into the future and know for certain that that child (boy or girl) would bring about world peace. Even then, I'd be resentful of having to go through pregnancy, labor and infancy a third time. I am D.O.N.E.

[crl]

I think it was a prediction, not a preference, and there are tons of rumors that they know it is a girl.

I said girl because I think it is awesome that the monarchy has finally changed to allow girls to take the throne on the same footing as boys. That was my sole reason.

I am sorry you have run into so many people who have been so rude (and so wrong) about boys. I am frankly stunned at the sheer numbers you are reporting. I never had that experience when we were waiting to adopt a second time.

Catherine

[citymama]

I think it was a prediction, not a preference, and there are tons of rumors that they know it is a girl.

Yes, exactly. I don't think the royal baby poll is any indicator of how society feels about baby girls v. boys.

Remember that girl children are still unwanted in many parts of the world (South Asia, China, many parts of Africa). Female babies are so undesired that female infanticide is common, or girl children are deprived of health care, nutrition, education, etc. Celebrating girls is relatively recent in more "developed" societies as well. "May you be the mother of 100 sons" is a common Indian blessing (and the name of a book I read some years ago.) Just to put it in perspective - many moms the world over would kill to be in your shoes!

I like the comeback that specialp suggests!

[KLD313]

I wonder if this is a cyclical type thing. I always used to think years ago everyone wanted boy's. Unless that was just in my family and it's coloring my memory.

People really should just be quiet. I don't understand why everyone thinks they can say whatever they want and it doesn't matter.

When I found out the sex when I was pg with DS my mother told me not to tell her if it was a boy. Wow! Apparently she thought DD should have a sister and a boy was a disappointment. Now she says she wishes she had a son (gee thanks).

[todzwife]

Weird...I really wanted another boy but I've been blessed with 3 girls! I'm hearing the same crap. I'm thrilled for another girl, not disappointed like everyone seems to think I should be.

[janine]

As the mom of 2 DD's, I got my fair share of comments in the other direction ("oh another girl?your husband probably wants to try for a boy, right? all men do!" "Girls are SO much harder than boys...easy in the beginning, emotional messes later." to "guess your DH won't have anyone to help him out!").

Seriously people in general project too much..saying crap like this makes them feel better about themselves ("oh so glad I have one of each!" really? didn't know this was a game of bingo!).

Same sex siblings are awesome, it's a different kind of close.

[Jacksmommy2b]

*hugs*

My first two are boys and I hear you 100%!

In fact, it is ten times worse now that we have DD, I can't tell you how many times I hear some variation of "you must be so happy to finally have your girl!"

It is ironic as I was really hoping for another boy as I just adore the first two so much!

It really grates on me, like poor DS2 ever needs to feel like a spare son or flat out unwanted.

I usually make some sort of lame comment like "yes, I am so lucky to have three beautiful healthy children." But I swear I have been tempted to smack the crap out of someone more than once.

[Multimama]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You definitely get more comments than I do, but it's true that only *once* have I ever heard anyone say anything positive to me about having two boys. It's crazy! You hear so many negative comments and never a positive one.

But I love having two boys. As they get older and start to be able to play together more I bet you are just going to love it more and more. Those moms are missing out, especially the ones who had two boys and never saw the joy that it is.

[Green22]

That is so silly. Boys are awesome!!

Also just wanted to let you know that you should move to my neck of the woods. It is the exact opposite. Everyone wants boys and lots of them.

[sarahsthreads]

Late to the thread, but I have to say I got the complete opposite stuff about having two girls, and all the drama they must bring, and how poor DH must wish he had a son. Right after DD2 was born, people were asking if we were going to try for a boy next. Or telling me it was OK, there was always the possibility for a son next time.

And now? When people discover that DC3 is a boy? They are "relieved" for me that I "finally got my boy", and exclaim over how thrilled DH must be. When I say, "well, he'd have been thrilled either way", they answer back "they say that, but men aren't complete without a son."

Um, OK. Thanks for saying that in front of his two beloved daughters. I'm sure they feel so good about themselves knowing that his life would have been incomplete if they had been his only children. Idiots.

But then, I've also gotten "boy are you in for a rude awakening - boys are so much harder than girls, you've had it so easy until now" as well as "you're so lucky, boys are so much easier than girls - you're going to love having a mama's boy". I think people just can't think before opening their mouths, in general, and say the first bit of drivel that pops into their heads just to try to sound friendly.

I'm much less worried about what bits the baby comes with, then how I am going to take care of everyone's needs and be a good mom to all of them! Every kid has different parenting requirements, boy or girl, and unfortunately none of them come with a manual...

Sarah :)

[Sweetum]

I already replied to this thread, but wanted to add some more.
I always thought I would be a girl mom, I am not a girly-girl, but the type of person who felt confident that I would raise a good, confident girl who will know what is important in life, will value herself etc.
And then I found out it was a boy :) I was firstly surprised. I was NOT disappointed for one nano second. I was surprised and then I was happy - I was happy because I was looking at my child (us). And then DS arrived, and I continued to look at my child.
And all this while I was pondering over why I thought I was a girl mom when I am discovering all the way that I am a boy mom - I realized I was projecting my beliefs and aspirations for myself. I realized that I was also thinking of the "side" I know best - being a girl! And having a boy just made me realize how much of an opportunity I have to make him this person who values everyone else, not just himself, since society is set up for men to succeed and feel empowered. I LOVE being a boy's mom. I LOVE being MY boy's mom. And if I ever have a girl, I would love her just as much and will mold myself into a girl's mom too.

Just as a side, I also think that people feel the need to say something when they hear a pregnant woman is having one or other. They also feel the unnecessary and unwarranted need to say something when they see a bunch of kids, regardless of gender. I somewhat agree with Citymama's reference to western society now moving towards favoring girls and I just feel that it is an awkward overcompensation for having "revered" boys for the "glory" they bring. So, I doubt it's you (or your boys), it's them - they want to seem progressive by being part of the overcompensating society. They are thinking about themselves, their values/views and how they want to seem and not how it affects you.

So, please do not google what it means to be a boy's mom. Trust me, the other moms on this board and yourself - it's wonderful to be a mom. period.