dealing w my emotions re timeouts

[eagle]

ds, 3 years old, 4 years in a few months, has been attending half day "camps", which are really just like his half day preschool, but at another facility.

he seems to like his camps. when i ask him if he wants to go, he eagerly replies "yes! i want to go!" he says he likes to play with the trains there.

hes been going now for 2+ weeks. after his first day there, one of the two ladies taking care of the kids (3-4 yos) asked me to bring along "something to occupy him". a toy or two, since he has trouble staying occupied.

i first had the attitude that "thats what im paying for, for 3 hours of you to occupy him" but i sent him there anyway with some toys every day for that first week. i asked every day how he was and i was told various things like "oh, hes such a boy boy, but we did fine" or "we had our rough moments, but we did alright".

i never got these kind of comments from the 3x / week preschool i sent him to this past school year.

i asked the counselors if maybe the camp wasnt a good fit. i had 3 more weeks signed up between then and the beg of august. i wasnt obsessed with keeping him there. i could, reluctantly, just have him in the mornings. but the lady said "oh, no, no. we are doing fine."

i should really just cut to the chase. i know that they are putting him in time outs. he mentions time outs when im with him in the afternoons.

i feel bad about this. but maybe im just overreacting. i dont know how i feel i should feel. he seems to enjoy the mornings. and the counselors say that hes alright, but hes spending a lot of time in time outs.

another thing that is bothering me is that i rarely ever put him in time out. in his 3+ years of life, maybe ive done it 4 times. i wonder if im too lax with him. maybe he is too wild. maybe time outs are fine. lots of kids have them. its normal to give kids a chance to cool off if they dont want to behave.

i dont feel like theyre abusive at this camp. i dont have any weird gut feelings. i just feel sort of sad. and i wonder if i just need to get over it. maybe i need to be stricter. or maybe not. or maybe its just the way it is with this mix of kids and these ladies at this particular time and place. maybe at the preschool we were lucky. or maybe he was given timeouts there too. ive even thought about sending a mesg on fb to the preschool teacher, asking if she ever put my kid in a time out. but i wondered what would i do with that information? so i havent.

for these three years, i really feel ive had things pretty easy. nothing too heavy to deal with. even this issue isnt that big of a deal. but i know that as kids get older, you can deal with heavier and heavier things, like bullying, sex, etc etc etc. i sometimes wonder why i wanted to be a parent so badly. i do get a lot of joy from watching my son grow. he has a sense of humor and he cracks me up every day. but i know theres heavy stuff coming up too. i dont feel like dealing with it now.

maybe im also slightly depressed. other issues on my plate, too. i just wanted to let this out here.

thanks for listening.

[wellyes]

Aw.
Some places just aren't great at dealing with boys. If they need him to bring a toy to occupy himself - that is ridiculous. If a 3 year old is getting BORED at half day camp, they're doing something really wrong I think. Especially if he is more prone to wildness than shyness.


If he is enjoying it, no harm in continuing, but I wouldn't use this camp experience to question yourself or worry.

[Tondi G]

I don't understand how a half day camp doesn't have enough supplies and activities to keep your son busy and engaged. You shouldn't have to bring toys to keep him "busy". They should be entertaining your son. Do you have an idea of what their daily schedule looks like?

[pinkmomagain]

I agree that keeping your son "busy" is why you are paying for him to go there. The toy thing is odd to me. Maybe they are giving him those toys in time out to keep him sitting there? I think it's time you had a talk with the teacher and/or director. Just try to get an understanding of what is going on. Especially since this is something that doesn't seem to be an issue at school. I'm not talking about stomping in there, but I would try to get your questions answered. He seems happy so that is good. And perhaps your insight that it just may be the dynamic of this particular classroom this summer may be on target.

It sounds like you recognize that this a minor bump, but it shouldn't send you spiraling into worries about teen angst, etc. If you are feeling that maybe you are not quite feeling yourself, or feeling a bit overwhelmed, maybe you should talk with a therapist or doctor. Just to make sure you are in a good frame of mind, particularly if you are dealing with other challenges right now.

[llama8]

I do use time outs with my kids and I am ok with time outs, but I find it disturbing that he is in time out frequently at a 1/2 day camp. They are doing something very wrong if he is that bored that he is getting into trouble, especially if he was fine in preschool. You are paying them to occupy him and time out should be used very infrequently or it loses its value. If he is only going for a few hours, he may spend more time in time out than playing. I would reconsider sending him there. I also fine the toy request very odd. Do they not have toys there??

[carolinacool]

I also fine the toy request very odd. Do they not have toys there??

Good question, what are they doing at camp? My son is also 3.5, and truthfully, if it was a lot of craft-type stuff (drawing, cutting), he would be bored, too. He's much more interested in the play areas at his day care and at home. I have a hard time getting him to color, draw, use Playdough, etc., for more than a few minutes. If he's bored with the activities, he could be acting out more.