First Tantrum

[flashy09]

Well, I thought she had tantrums in the past, but this morning she had a TANTRUM! We did a Gymboree class and that was great, but on the car ride home she started crying. Normally I bring juice and snacks, but forgot this time so pulled into a Panera drive through and got her a mango smoothie. Seemed to work for about 3 minutes and then she flung it in the air, screamed UH OH UH OH UH OH like a raging lunatic and starting screaming bloody murder. Got home and it was no better. Screamed and kicked and laid down on the porch while I unlocked the door. Got inside and threw the dog's food bowl across the room and started banging her head on the door, which made her scream worse (she had a bruise now). Anything in her path was destroyed, not joking. I literally can't hold her as she is head banging and and writhing around too much and I was trying to make her a bottle. Throws the bottle. I take her upstairs to her room, put her in my lap, and keep trying with the bottle. She finally accepts it and takes sips in between trying to bang her head on the floor. By the end she is calmer and we read books and rocked for 20 minutes and she went down easily for her nap in the crib.

OMG, I am terrified to take her out ever again! I know she was hungry/tired, but she seemed to cross a line and just couldn't control herself. How do I keep her from head banging on the floor or against the door? That was so weird and even after she hurt herself she went back for more. I don't want to leave her alone, but I seemed to just make her mad! What if this happens in public?? I am totally lost what to do besides having snacks and juice at all times.

[BunnyBee]

Get some protein and fat in her before anything active. The Panera smoothie was all sugar, which can spike blood sugar and make it worse.

How were you trying to hold her? With her back against your stomach and arms crossed over hers in front? My DC who went through this hated being held and I only did it when it was to prevent injury.

You're right to think she was out of control. It's not a disciplinary issue. You learn to watch for triggers, keep them on schedule, fed, and to run for the car when one starts. It gets better as they get more verbal, IME. And as you get better anticipating things.

[BabyBearsMom]

IME, the only thing you can do during a tantrum is ignore them. Trying to reason with them or placate them during a tantrum usually doesn't work as they are beyond reason at that point and placating them encourages them to repeat the tantrum. If DD1 is hurting herself, I do prevent her from doing so. So in your example, if she were hitting her head on the floor, I would put her in a carpeted room. Generally if DD1 is having a tantrum, I pick her up and put her in her bed and then walk out the door. Once she realizes that her show is for nothing, she calms down and comes downstairs. In our house, you don't get attention again until you apologize, so DD1 will come down, say sorry, we hug and sometimes, depending on the cause of the tantrum, we will discuss her behavior (that is recent, as she is now getting old enough to start to understandmore) and then I make sure that I get her snack and a drink and usually I will do some hands on play with her to make her feel better. For a while, I was hugging her during tantrums, and it made her so much worse especially after DD2 was born and she wanted more attention. So now I am back to ignoring them, and the frequency has gone down dramatically.

If she has a tantrum in a public place, I pick her up, fling her over my shoulder and walk out. She has only done this once at a play place at the mall. She was so shocked that I did it that she stopped crying and asked "Where are we going?" I told her that she was not using good manners and she does not get to do fun things when she doesn't use good manners. And that was it. Now, all I have to say to her is "you need to use your good manners" when she is starting to tantrum while we are out and the water works stop.

[ArizonaGirl]

My DS has had tantrums like this from as little as I can remember and we always just let them run their course and tried to ignore it because the more attention you give it the more they will do it. We would try to put him in a safe place (maybe someplace with carpet). We would only intervene if it was becoming dangerous.

:hug:, it is tough and frightening when you watch this because it is like an alternate person takes over and your child is not themselves.

[flashy09]

Get some protein and fat in her before anything active. The Panera smoothie was all sugar, which can spike blood sugar and make it worse.

How were you trying to hold her? With her back against your stomach and arms crossed over hers in front? My DC who went through this hated being held and I only did it when it was to prevent injury.

You're right to think she was out of control. It's not a disciplinary issue. You learn to watch for triggers, keep them on schedule, fed, and to run for the car when one starts. It gets better as they get more verbal, IME. And as you get better anticipating things.


I will definitely be more on the ball about not letting her get hungry. I only did the smoothie because she was already upset and I didn't think she would actually eat anything and she was also rear facing in the carseat so I didn't want to choke while crying and eating. But that being said, I did try a roll (I know, not fat or protein, but it was my only option since I knew she was most likely going to throw it!) and that didn't work either. She was beyond eating/drinking unfortunately.

I picked her up out of the carseat and she was stiff and kicking all the way to the door. Then I had to unlock the door so I put her on the ground. When I got inside, I tried the ignoring while I made a bottle and she banged her head on the door with raised window grids and threw the dog food! So I took her upstairs and held her like you described, but didn't hold down her arms. I could have ignored then, but I was desperate to give her the milk. Plus she was banging her head (on a rug with a rug pad, but still unnerving!).

She is normally very sweet and easy to placate so this was a shock. I am about to leave on a trip and now am terrified for the plane and restaurants knowing the dramatics she can produce!

[Momit]

It will be hard when you're traveling, but it's good to have a safe/childproof place she can be while she's having a tantrum. My DS also just wanted to be ALONE when he was upset. It was hard for us, especially DH who is a problem solver by nature, to not chase after DS "do you want a hug? A drink? A cracker? A toy?" Etc. but he truly would calm down after a few minutes by himself. Definitely do a pre-emptive snack - cheese and crackers, yogurt with fruit or something before an activity. I agree with PP, it will get better as she becomes verbal and as you better understand the warning signs. Anything offered during the tantrum will likely just be thrown across the room.

[flashy09]

Anything offered during the tantrum will likely just be thrown across the room.

Learned this lesson well today! Hopefully yellow spotted interior will be the new black when it comes time to sell the car!

[amom526]

In this case, the best thing you can do is like you said, have snacks and drinks at all time. Thirst is a big trigger for tantrums in my DS. His huge meltdowns are generally triggered by being hungry/thirsty or overtired.

DS1 also rarely has tantrums, but when he gets so worked up like you describe, all you can do is put them down somewhere safe and leave. They often just need to be alone to calm down.

I think it is important to remember not to get angry in these situations, and to remember that the child really does not have control. Reasoning will not work, and I find that once my child has reached the point of no return, there is nothing I could say or do that will calm him. Do what you need to do to keep your child safe, but beyond that, there is not much you can do.

Hugs!! It is normal for kids to bang their heads etc. on the floor or crib during tantrums I think, but I'm sure it is not pleasant to watch.