WWYD: 45 min Commute with 2 year old?

[mjs64]

We finally found a place to live on the Bay Area (I posted about this awhile back), but my commute to work will be 45 minutes (at least) each day. We're moving for a job offer of mine; DH is looking and has some interviews lined up. My job is full time.

Long story short, we're trying to decide where to put my son in daycare. My workplace has an excellent childcare center, and we can get in there fairly quickly. But it would mean taking the 2 year old on the commute. It would also mean making the commute on days I work from home (approx 1/week). Finally, it would make me responsible for all the drop offs and pick ups.

The advantages are that he would be close to me if he were ill or if there were some kind of emergency. I would get to spend more time with him (in the car though). Plus, I like the center. DS has done well in a similar center here.

The other option is to find childcare closer to where we live. This would make it easier for DH and I to split duties, and it would mean DS spends much less time in the car. But if my DH gets a job with its own commute (likely), DS wouldn't be close to either of us.

What do you think? I've never had such a long commute, (lucky me), and I wonder about how other WOHFT parents have handled this. Advice and experiences would be helpful.

[wellyes]

Definitely near home.
-No way would I commute in and out (TWICE) on your weekly work from home day!
-It makes sense to split the duties. My husband did drop off, I did pickup, it was great because we both got to know the DCP and other families there a little.
-Good to have a place near home to send him on days when YOU don't feel well.
-I think it's also better to have him playing with his friends vs sitting in the car seat for that time.
-He might make some neighborhood friends in a local place.

[ray7694]

If you can find a reasonable place near home I would. I hated commuting with my dd. The last thing I want to do on my way to/from work is entertain someone every.single.day.

Can I have a snack, drink, toy etc

[♥ms.pacman♥]

hands down i'd pick daycare closer to home. i have a 30 minute commute and the daycare is 5 mins away from home. wouldn't have it any other way. yes dh works from home now so he does drop offs and pickup but he travels a ton so when he does i'ts up to me.

the being-close in case of emergency thing is just a non-issue and shouldn't really take priority IMO unless your dc has serious health issues or something. even still though - if you get called to come pick up your DC, she/he's been puking, has a fever...sure, you'd be able to get there ASAP..but then youl'd have to spend 45 minutes in the car with a sick, miserable puking kid. no fun for anyone and doesn't make anything easier. i've been working for about 7-8 months now and there's just never been a time where i thought, oh it would be easier if daycare was closer to my work. the other day the daycare called around 5 and said ds had low-grade fever..dh was home but sick and i left work immediately and got there as soon as i could. it was no big deal..he was happily playing and didn't want to leave.

right now dh works from home but that is short term..eventually he will have a job where he will have a 30 min commute or more. i still like the location of the school. and what about the instances where I'm sick but need childcare. i would hate to drive 30-45 minutes out of my way just to drop them off.

and yes getting 30 minutes ALONE in a car to zone out is awesome.

eta: the only scenario i can think of where it makes sense to have daycare closer to work vs. home is if you are breastfeeding (so you can easily go during lunch or whatever to nurse, instead of pump).

[wellyes]

even still though - if you get called to come pick up your DC, she/he's been puking, has a fever...sure, you'd be able to get there ASAP..but then youl'd have to spend 45 minutes in the car with a sick, miserable puking kid.

Good point.

[Cam&Clay]

Always ALWAYS choose daycare closer to home when there is a commute involved!

[sntm]

Only other issue: do you often work late? Will you potentially run up against closing time if it's at the end of commute? What about traffic issues?

[mjs64]

Man, I love it when there's a consensus! Daycare near home was my plan until I talked to someone today who urged me to "keep the little one close," meaning take him to work. This is such a relief--back to the plan! And yes, I do plan to enjoy-ish the commute. Thank you!!!

[Simon]

Always ALWAYS choose daycare closer to home when there is a commute involved!

:yeahthat: Dh and I have always been glad to have day care close to home. At times, he and I have commuted 1h20 min and 1h+ in opposite directions and with a kid who was sick *a lot*. Yes, it took us a while to arrive to pick up our sick kid (usually due to fever) but then we were close to the Dr and close to home. Plus, we were able to focus, during the drive, on wrapping up work (mentally) so we could be more relaxed and present with the kiddo who needed us. Dh did commute with our 4yo Ds for a while and was pulled over by a cop for distracted driving on a morning when Ds was having a tantrum in the car. Another day he slid off the road due to ice and had to deal with Ds while waiting for the tow truck, etc. After about 4 months we found a different preschool for Ds so he wasn't commuting with Dh anymore. I don't like to think about it often, but I do feel like the kids are safer not spending so much time in the car.

[AnnieW625]

I am going to play the devils advocate here.

Traffic in the Bay Area sucks big time especially based on my experience and much of that was 10-12 yrs. ago, but still my mom often complained of lots of random traffic in 2010-2012 when she randomly would have to go from Sacramento to Oakland to care for my grandma and she often had to still leave before 2:30 to hit no traffic at all any day of the week except the weekend. When DH was looking for jobs in 2003/2004 he deliberately didn't interview for much there because the traffic was so bad. We sometimes complain about LA traffic, but DH still thinks in general Bay Area traffic is worse. If you work and home are close to a train station I would contemplate using them as well. An hour on the train could be way better than an hour in the car IMHO, but that could be hard with toddler in tow, but it should at least be another option commute wise for you and would be a great one esp. if you are able to find a daycare near your house or the train station.

If you like the center at your work then take him there. While I do see that having him closer to home would be an advantage (and I advocated that in the last post about this topic a week or so ago) but you don't know where your DH would be commuting to. If in the future he gets a job in the same direction as you great, but it could be in the opposite direction and the commute could be equally worse and there could be no option for flex hours and avoiding bay area traffic in some areas between 3 and 6:30 is a must in some commutes based on my experience. If you have a center close to home you could be on a bind to get him on time unless your commute happens to be reverse in some areas (ex: live in Santa Clara, work in Fremont).

So my opinion is to take him with you to the center at your work and if your needs change once your DH has a job then reassess then. This also takes a whole lot of stress off of you and your DH trying to find a new place that matches your criteria while trying to move.

GO FOR IT!!!!!

[arivecchi]

Close to home for sure. I have an hour commute each way. My kids go to daycare 5 minutes away from the house.

[vonfirmath]

If you can find a reasonable place near home I would. I hated commuting with my dd. The last thing I want to do on my way to/from work is entertain someone every.single.day.

Can I have a snack, drink, toy etc

It wasn't quite the same. My husband did most of the drop off/pick up of my son at his original home daycare at that age. He would drop off at a play that was on his way to school and pick up on the way home. This location (Kyle, TX) was an hour away from my work, at least (close to two in end of day traffic so I had to leave at 4p to get there by 6p) and at least 45 minutes back to our house.

And then my husband started having evening classes, so I had to do the pickups! Yikes. That was NOT fun at all.

We managed. I took snacks for him to eat when picked up. We picked up mcDonald's an awful lot. But it was tiring and when I got pregnant, it was just too much. We switched to a place closer to home and it made things MUCH easier for everyone.

[psimpson3-5]

I guess I'm the odd woman out. I take DS to a DC near my job. My commute is 45-50 mins. We do this bc the DCs closer to home that we deemed appropriate were all about $80 more per week. Also, none of them have 4 days/wk as an option, but the DC near work does. On Fridays, ILs care for DS. They live closer to my work, so they meet me in the parking lot. Lastly, I wouldn't get to the DS near home until just before 6:00. We don't want to have to risk late pick up charges. Also, since DH is an outside sales manager, and travels all over place, sometimes including overnights, we decided to keep DS closer to my work.

I think I'd prefer to have DS at a DC near home, but due to cost and other issues as mentioned, it's just not feasible at this time.

[kara97210]

We have similar work situations (my commute is between 45 min - 1 hour depending on traffic, I work from home 2 times a week) and for all the reasons PP suggested I would do a daycare close to home. The daycare we use is 5 min from our house, but about 6 months ago I used the daycare that is at my office for back up care for my DD so I got to see what that would be like and I definitely really prefer closer to home.

Other posters have mentioned this, but to me the biggest reason to have kids close to home, if they are at the on-site daycare on the days you work from home you would be actually instead be doing a double commute to take DS in and then later pick him up. You'll be spending 2+ hours in the car, or the train, that you don't need to. My WFH days are so great, I get a lot more accomplished because I have no commute. I walk to pick up and drop off the kids. I can't imagine how much more chaotic that would be if I had to still drive out to the office twice and hit rush hour traffic both ways.

The other points above are important too, my commute was a lot tougher the week was taking DD in to the office, it definitely wasn't quality time together for us in the car. If possible I would have a back up plan for pick up if your hours, and traffic, might make it a tight pick up sometimes. We have a relative who is a college student and we have had her pick up the kids and walk them home when I was stuck in insane traffic and DH was traveling (once in 2+ years). Good luck! I know I really agonize over these types of decisions.

[janine]

I also say daycare near home, bringing your child on a commute since awful to me. Would you be driving? If so that's a bit better than train,etc. but with you working from home regularly, that elminates even the small benefit of having him near you during the week when you are at the office.

[twowhat?]

Adding to the chorus - if daycares near home are comparable to daycares near work I would most definitely choose one near home for all of the reasons PPs have listed!!

[FTMLuc]

Having BTDT, daycare close to home would be best if you and your DH can share drop-off / pickup duties. I work 34 miles from home and with average traffic it is 1 (in the mornings because I leave so early) to 1.5-2 hours commute each way!!! DD goes to daycare near work and commutes with me every single day. Our main consideration was that DH is away 5-6 days at the time every 3-4 days, which leaves me as a single parent. If DD was in daycare close to home I would never be able to pick her up in time. I absolutely hate my commute and the fact that DD spends so much of her day on the road. I also have no downtime to decompress from work, because as soon as I leave the office I pick her up and then have to entertain her in the car. Before DD came I did not mind the commute because it was my quiet time to leave work at work and get into home mood. Not so much now, when we are stuck in traffic and I am counting minutes that this traffic is eating up from our evening, stressing out. DD never truly sees, since as soon as we get home I rush to put dinner on the table and feed her and then its bedtime, I have no time to play with her. It is extremely hectic. We are actually moving to reduce my commute and put an offer on a house 9 miles away from work (yay! hoping everything goes well and we are able to close.) I have also not been able to take a true sick day b/c if I am driving that far to just drop her off in daycare, might as well go into the office, and you cannot rest with a 2 year old around. So if between your husband and you you can manage the time in daycare so you don't run into late pickups on regular basis, close to home would be best in my experience/opinion.

[BabyBearsMom]

At my last job, I had a similar situation to you. I could have the girls at an on site day care or keep them closer to home. I decided to keep them closer to home. These were my reasons
1) Commuting is stressful enough without 2 kids screaming in the car the whole time
2) We felt that we would live in our home longer than I would work at that job and I didn't want to be stuck at a job because I didn't want to switch the kids daycare
3) DH wasn't comfortable with the risk of me getting in accident while I had the girls in my car and was fighting heavy traffic into the city every day
4) If I was sick or telecommuting, it made it nearly impossible to get the kids in
5) If I had to work late, it would be very difficult for DH to get to the kids

In the end, I ended up leaving my old job after 3.5 years and getting a new job closer to home. Now I have the best of both worlds.

[A1icia]

I would find daycare close to home.

I work in a city and live in the burbs and have a daily commute of 45 minutes plus - only 10 mile but mostly in stop and go traffic. It can be brutal. But at least now I can just relax, listen to my favorite station on the radio or a book off my ipod. Or with built in hands free bluetooth, talk on the phone.

With DS in the car none of those lovely things are happening. Instead I may get to discover exactly how many times in a row we can listen to "Lollipop" before he actually gets sick of it. Or I might get to sing "Down By The Station" over and over and over. And *I* already know my ABCs and can count really high so don't need an hour of practice. Then there are snacks, and water and dropping things. No clue what you do when PTing. The mind reels at the thought of entertaining my beloved 3yo son for 1.5 - 2.5 hours in the car everyday.

Oh - and trying to make sure he doesn't fall asleep on the way home (and ruin bedtime). Plus all the requests to stop - my commute take me by the Zoo, among other places.

And as others have said:
- you are NOT going to want to have to do your commute on your telecomputing days, nor if you are home sick. What about is you have a doctors appt in the morning and ar going in late...
- it is much easier if uou and DH can split the pick up/drop off duties and the emergency pick-ups too

And the few time that I've had to go pick him up sick in the middle of the day it wasn't too bad. The traffic is lighter mid-day and ther centers understand. Also we found a center where late pick up is available at a reasonable cost if arranged ahead of time (you have to call by 4pm). Though in the almost 2.5 years he's been going I think I've been late only twice and DH only once. I have cut it close a few other times.

Oh - and as he has gotten older he's started making friends and it's nice to be close to his classmates for playdates and birthday parties.

[Philly Mom]

I will join the chorus and say close to home and if you can within your community. Our school is probably half way between work and home (I wish it was closer to home) but my total commute should only be 25 minutes so school is only 10 mins from home, 15 mins from my office and mid-day I can get to school in 10. The past two weeks have been a nightmare commute but that is for a BP about light timing and traffic :). What I love about having a school in our community is that I am meeting parents and kids who will be in our DD's life probably through high school, although they may all go to separate elementary schools. We were at a birthday party last weekend and all the kids from school will attend 1 of the 6 elementary schools in town and most are centralized around 3 of the elementary schools. They should all go to the same middle school and high school too assuming the zoning does not change. It is a really nice way to build a sense of community. I also like being able to pick DD up from school when she is sick and be at the peds in 5 mins or less or just get her home into her crib. I also second that I would not like having to keep my DD up in the car which would have been an issue when she was younger. My neighbor, on the other hand, commutes in every day with her DS. She just cannot guarantee to be out of her office and in the car by 5:30 every day to make a 6 pm pick up.

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

I work right by your new job (heck, maybe at the same place). My commute is 45 min also for 10 miles. Yikes. I have my kids right next to my house. It can be stressful because I tend to do both pickup & dropoff, but my DH is much closer so I call him if I am running late or he takes them if I need to be in early. I love having them by home because we make friends with neighbors. I never drive up by work on the weekend, it seems so far, so it would be annoying to be trucking around to birthday parties and what not. Now, everything we're invited to is close by.

Plus, if you are WFH one day a week, it will kill that whole deal if you have to go in to work to drop them off.