Can we talk doulas?

[sarahsthreads]

Very long story short, I had a doula for DD2's birth, and not DD1's. I was far, far happier with the way things went with DD2. But my doula from that birth does not work as a doula anymore. :(

I've been putting off calling around to find someone else for several weeks because I feel overwhelmed by the idea of trying to find someone I'd "click" with as well. However, I'm 34 weeks...it's find someone now or go without. If you've hired a doula recently, can you tell me what kinds of questions you asked (beyond the obvious - availability & fees) to try to gauge whether a doula was a good fit?

I have a list from both DONA and a local birth network, and some of them I can cross off because I have notes about not feeling like they'd be a good fit from last time (as odd as it is, I just found the list from last time cleaning out a bookcase!) but that still leaves a good dozen names...and of course my notes don't include whatever questions I might have asked back then.

Help me stop being paralyzed with phone shyness and come up with a script of sorts? Or at least some questions?

Thanks!
Sarah :)

[lizzywednesday]

No tips, but I have the same phone paralysis issue that you do and love that you're suggesting a script to get around it.

I do not do well in cold-call situations.

[nupe]

Did you ask your prior Doula for recs foir a new doula? How about asking the lactation consultants at the hospital? I just popped into the bra fitting shop there in the hospital and asked for some names. I remember using the DONA list of questions to interview doulas.

I had a doula for #2 and not for #1. LOVED having her there!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think step 1 is figuring out what you want/ need from a doula and what you want/ need/ expect from dh. My dh was super involved and, in hindsight, I could have done without the doula for physical and emotional support. I did like having her b/c she gave us new ideas of coping techniques and was great to ask, "is this normal?". With ds2 we didn't use a doula. I just used techniques I learned in yoga and dh was great again. So, I think I'd find out how a doula would work with your dh and if she would be there to make up any short comings he might have or just be there to support both of you. Have you had a baby at the hospital you plan to have this one at? If not, maybe find a doula who knows that place well. Mine was able to get me a good nurse that "got" birth without pain meds. she also knew what stuff they had on hand that would be helpful- balls, snacks...

Good luck!

[BabyBearsMom]

I would want to make sure that she is someone whose beliefs mesh with your birth plan. For example, if you want an epidural, you wouldn't want a Doula who is opposed to pain intervention. But if you don't want an epidural, you might want a Doula who is going to advocate hard for you about that. Also, I would probably want a Doula who has experience at the hospital where I was giving birth. It is nice if they have a positive relationship with the doctors and nurses there.

[Katigre]

Can you email them with preliminary questions?

Sent from my Android phone using Swype

[sarahsthreads]

Actually...DH is the one pushing for us to hire a doula again. :)

He's good at many things, but labor support is not one of those things. He was (a little) better with DD2 than DD1, but I think part of that was knowing he wasn't 100% responsible for supporting me. Switching to a midwife group and the fact that I was the only person on the L&D floor that night (so the nurse and my midwife never left the room) probably didn't hurt either. But I swear my doula could read my mind - before I could even say I was hot she had cold washcloths on my neck, and so on...

Sarah :)

[sarahsthreads]

Can you email them with preliminary questions?

Sent from my Android phone using Swype

I *could*, but I feel like I'd have an easier time knowing whether I wanted to meet for an in-person interview if I spoke with them over the phone. It's so hard to read tone in an email.

Sarah :)

[Nemesia]

I'm not at my computer right now, but I googled "doula questions" or something like that, and found several lists of questions to ask our doula. I agree with Nupe - can you ask your former doula for recommendations? Good luck!

[waitingforgrace]

I think you can narrow it down quite a bit with that first phone call. I had a doula for both girls and each doula was great. We lived in different states so couldn't have the same one.

Just start with the preliminary "I'm looking for a doula, est due date is X, are you available? This is my second child so I don't need much prenatal support, I'm primarily looking for labor support at home and then at the hospital. I'm delivery at X hospital with X group. Have you worked with these midwives before? What are your thoughts on pain meds...."

I found conversation moved along well and with most I could tell just from the call whether I would like them. I also had no problem saying "thank you for speaking with me I'll be in touch if I want to see up an in-person meeting." (Meaning-we're not a good fit, I'll never call you)

[Simon]

I think you can narrow it down quite a bit with that first phone call. I had a doula for both girls and each doula was great. We lived in different states so couldn't have the same one.

Just start with the preliminary "I'm looking for a doula, est due date is X, are you available? This is my second child so I don't need much prenatal support, I'm primarily looking for labor support at home and then at the hospital. I'm delivery at X hospital with X group. Have you worked with these midwives before? What are your thoughts on pain meds...."

I found conversation moved along well and with most I could tell just from the call whether I would like them. I also had no problem saying "thank you for speaking with me I'll be in touch if I want to see up an in-person meeting." (Meaning-we're not a good fit, I'll never call you)

I feel just like you about cold calling so I would use the script above.
I think your list will shrink quickly just by asking who is available for the dates. You might also ask your MW or OB if they have a specific recommendation since they might be able to name someone who would be a good match for you. Now, tbh, I never used a dobla myself although I thought about it. I was lucky to deliver with MW and felt they were excellent labor support.

[bostonsmama]

I came upon my doula b/c she was the most affordable. Everyone else wanted $1200-1400 (some were 700), but by asking around, I found one who charged $500. That sounds like a bad idea, I guess, but what it really meant is that she loved it so much she'd do it for free. Turns out she studied with Dr. Bradley himself (in the 70s), had experience birthing 3 children without pain medication (what I was going for), was a certified nurse midwife--so not only did she know how to "massage" me, but she also knew the medical process of birth (and what can go wrong) intricately. She has attended over 10,000 births! She teaches natural birth classes at a local hospital that's attached to a midwifery center, so that's how I came about her name. I honestly felt so comfortable and safe in her hands. She has such a knowing/wise way about her (a confidence?), that my DOCTOR stepped aside and let my doula do everything except for catch the baby and hand her to me, clamp the cord, etc. She did advocate for me when I was delirious or out of it or in the throws of pain. She knew when to be honest, and she knew when to withold information that might make me frustrated or scared. I love her to pieces! I don't think I could have had a natural childbirth without her, esp when DD started having decels during pushing (cord around neck). She told me to "dig deep," and I trusted her that I could get the baby out quickly if I did what she said. For transition, I literally just grabbed her hand and held it, moaning, "out." She was also a certified LC, so she set me up with breastfeeding for about 30 min before she left to get much-needed rest.

Questions I would ask--and you're going to have slim pickings at this point (the good ones book up and don't usually take on new mothers this late unless a mom delivers early):

Why did you become a doula?
What do you feel your role is in the labor process?
How many births have you attended? If less than 12, who did they study with?
Do you have any neat techniques you've learned that moms absolutely love while laboring?
Have you ever attended a birth at X hospital?
If another mother and I go into labor at the same time, do you have a backup? Who do I wind up paying then/is it the same fee?
If I end up with a scheduled C-section and can't have you attend the birth (or I birth at home unexpectedly), is there a partial fee/refund? (This is a hard question to ask...but my doula was so awesome about it. Once, an expectant mother's husband came home from Iraq just in the nick of time to attend the birth, and she wanted to share the experience with just her husband. My doula ripped up the check and then went to see her postpartum and help her out with breastfeeding for free.)

[sarahsthreads]

Just wanted to update...

I was all set to use a script along the lines of what waitingforgrace posted, but then had to leave a message with the very first doula I tried calling. And then DD2 needed something and I got distracted and didn't get a chance to call anyone else. But! When she called me back, the doula I called first *is* available - just barely, she has a mom due a few weeks on either side of me - and seemed really wonderfully nice. She's worked a lot with the midwife group I go to, and most of the deliveries she's attended are at the hospital I'd be delivering at. I picked her to call first because according to her bio she's had a C/S and then a VBAC just like me, and I find that comforting. :)

We're meeting her in-person tomorrow, so as long as I don't get any "um, this person is actually totally crazy despite how she sounded on the phone" vibes from her I don't actually think I'll need to call anyone else. I'm comfortable with the (very slim) chance that one of her other moms and I will be in labor on the same day (the due dates are far enough apart that this is not likely) leaving me with just DH and my midwife for support - after all, this is not my first and I know I can survive this - and she's got a reasonable policy for fast labors that prevent her from getting there in time to help in that she provides postpartum help instead. With DD2 it was only 3.5 hours from when I woke up thinking I *might* be in labor to when she was born, and I was only actually at the hospital for 1.5 of those hours, so there's a real possibility that this could happen. Or this little guy could be stubborn and take his sweet time. Who knows?

So, wish me luck tomorrow afternoon!

Sarah :)

[Nemesia]

Good luck, Sarah! I hope she is a good fit!

[Tondi G]

Oh I hope she is a perfect fit! Sometimes things are just meant to be!

[Nemesia]

How did it go, Sarah?

[sarahsthreads]

Really well, thanks! We pretty much decided on the spot to hire her. She was so, so nice and we had a great conversation about my goals for this birth. (1. A healthy baby. 2. Preferably a second unmedicated VBAC, but whatever it takes to meet goal 1.) DH felt comfortable with her too, which is (obviously) also important.

And through a stroke of luck, the kids wound up hanging out in the pool with my brothers and SIL while we met with the doula, so we could actually talk and not have a parade of "look at this toy/project/costume", "listen to me play this song on the piano", etc. ;) At first I was completely panicked when I got home from my baby sprinkle and found my brothers in my pool, just a half hour before the doula was going to arrive, but they were willing to hang out for a while longer and supervise the girls while we met with her so it worked out wonderfully!

Sarah :)

[Nemesia]

Yeah! So happy for you that it worked out. :)

[bostonsmama]

Sweetness!

[shawnandangel]

So happy it worked out for you! I had an OB appointment today and asked her for a recommendation. She said "Well my favorite doula is probably not available but I love working with ---- because she is also a midwife and I like the way she works with moms." Well I contacted her just in case and she said she "may" be available and will get me an info packet tomorrow - she wasn't near a computer today.

She's been a doula since the 70's and a midwife since the early 90s.

So I'm cautiously optimistic that we will click and that she will be available.

[georgiegirl]

Great news!